Johnny Carson was a talk show host, a legend, but anyone who passes off the mic to Jay Leno will clearly be missed, coveted and appreciated. Because Leno sucks.

It is the same logic used when girls always hang out with other girls who are uglier than them, they do it because they want to be the prettiest in the crew. We call the ugly girls the fat managers, because to get to the hot chick, you have to go through the fatties.

If you don’t get what I am saying, I am drunk, and while drunk, I have trouble bringing the point home, but I have no problem bringing a hooker home, even though it really pisses off my wife.

Anyway the point of this post is to honor a man who died from smoking too much, who married too many times, who met and made fun of too many celebrities and to a man who made a lot of people laugh everynight of the week. For that we commend you dear soldier of tobacco and women….to a career in television that will never be duplicated mainly due to the vast selection we have with satelite TV…..and partially due to a lack of natural talent and sincerity….

Some Carson Quotes After the Jump

On his final show:
“I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.”

On Death:
“For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.”

On Elvis:
“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

On Life:
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”

On Marriage:
“If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.”

On Curiosity:
“Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.”

On Obesity:
“He’s so fat, he can be his own running mate.”

On Christmas Toys:
“The price of Christmas toys is outrageous — a hundred dollars, two hundred dollars for video games for the youngsters. I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid. I bought him a tank. It was about a hundred dollars, a lot of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could actually get inside and ride in.
He played in the box it came in. It taught me a very valuable lesson. Next year he got a box. And I got a hundred dollars’ worth of scotch.”

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