Here’s the Keeley Hazell Full Sex Tape, if you don’t know who Keeley Hazell is, don’t worry, either do I, but I do know that she has huge tits and I’ve seen her in various photoshoots cuz she’s big breasted in the UK and is in every magazine ever, which isn’t saying much cuz I’ve never seen many hot British chicks, so it’s kinda like being outrunning an amputee.

I kinda wish a professional was behind the camera in this one, because I watch a lot of amateur porn and some of the shit I’ve seen with fat 45 year old moms is better than this, like today I was watching a dude fuck his fat gf when she was half asleep and I got a lot more excited that this shit….

I was always told by people that pretty girls were shit in bed because they were pretty and didn’t need to impress. I was always told that nasty fat chicks were amazing in bed because they felt like they had something to prove. I used to have a friend growing up who’s mother would lecture me on how I should never sleep with whores or pay for sex because the world is filled with sluts if you talk to them the right way. She used to tell me that she was a slut and that’s how she got knocked up with my friend. She’d go on to tell me about how good fat chicks are at sucking dick cuz they are good eaters and how they take it up the ass cuz they are used to taking huge shits and no dick is too big after you’ve spent 2 nights in a row at an all you can eat buffet.

I sometimes think that she was trying to get a piece of me and that she was only telling me fat chicks are good in bed because she was about 100 pounds overweight, I probably should have taken her for a round, but at the time I had standards.

I’ve never really found out if that lady was right about fat chicks and hot chicks and paying for sex because anytime I got laid I was always so fucked up I don’t remember what happened or I paid for it.

I do know that this sex tape fucking sucks and that Keeley Hazell is hot. I guess what it all comes down to is that all celebrities seem to suck in bed and none of them use condoms and all of us would be slammin them if our lives had taken a better route.

I didn’t bother posting the clip, but I am linking you to it, so that almost counts as working. I figure my intro is better than any other intro you’ll read ever. Enjoy.

PS – Girls Don’t Let Your Boyfriends Tape You Fuck, Unless You Want the World To See…..Which you Probably Do, Because We All Want to Be Famous…Especially me. Cuddles.

Watch the Full Sex Tape Here (link is dead, read the comments for updates, ignore the people commenting cuz they are cunts.)

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