Last night I got wrecked, because that is what i do (something Jesus and I founded our brief relationship upon, that and raw-dogging, because he could still get it up in those days and my wadge was excited to be a free bird now). So I went to the rooftop bar of this very expensive NYC hotel, chic but a step down from the place where Lohan likes to do a coked-out, writhing on the floor with no panties freak-out fest in, but I am an ex-hooker so i will settle for celebries’ sloppy seconds hot spots (i will even settle for a port-a-potty as long as there is booze). I either got 5 guys to buy me two drinks a piece, or 2 guys to buy me 5 drinks–it’s all a haze, so go figure. Point is I haven’t seen a penis-in-the-flesh in a while (a girl needs a break every now and then), so I stumbled back to this fairly decent banker-type’s apartment, knowing it was nicer than my converted store-front shithole, and he looked pretty clean, and not like a serial killer. Most of it is a blur from there, but I remember him whipping out his cock and asking if I would eat a graham cracker if he came on it. I said yes, but only if he did it first. He came on the graham cracker, took a bite of his homegrown butter, then handed it to me. I threw it on the floor, ground it into his plush white carpet with my heel, then ran outa there. All in all, it was a good night for me, a bad night for his carpet.
As for Michelle Rodriguez, she has a hardcore S&M boot condom on. Why? I think her lipstick girlfriend (who could do better) likes Michelle to give her the foot version of fisting, and makes her wear the wrapper because she suspects Mich contracted something during her 3 hour stay in prison (and i don’t mean splinters from being broomstick-banged). It is nice to know she wears the boot condom all the time for whenever the mood strikes, like probably in the bathroom of the starbucks they just came out of.
I am â€“ Brtiney Spears is Fucking Crazy of the Day GO
I am â€“ Nicole Richie Hiking to Stay Fit of the Day