I got a thing for watching useless d-list celebrities shopping, mainly because it reminds me that a lot of people who suck at life are doing a lot better than I am, and that is the kind of re-affirmation I need to continue hating myself.
While leaving the bar last night, I ended up seeing one really hot chick and her ugly friend walking down the other side of the street with bikes in one hand and the front tire in the other. I have a thing for girls who steal bikes , that shit is like porn to me, so I decided to run up to them and see what the deal was, hoping I’d have a better outcome than the last time.
The hot girl was decent with me and joking around about how they stole bikes, but her friend went fucking crazy on me for being english. She was telling me how fat and ugly I am and how I lack culture because I don’t speak their fuckin’ language. She went on about how French is Montreal and how I have no business being there, so when I asked it that meant she wouldn’t let me watch her masturbate she fuckin’ lost it and tried to have a fight with me. I was fucking wasted and felt like punching a bitch in the face woulda made for a good end to my night, so I tried to convince her to hit me first, but she just got in her cab, with her stolen bikes and drove out of my life.
Reality is, I don’t hit girls but I woulda used to opportunity to just tried to wrestle her to the ground and start makin’ out with her, because fighting with girls is embarrassing, because I know she would have won.
Speaking of winning, it looks like Nick Lachey didn’t win the lottery with this slut after spending a couple years slammin’ Jessica Simpson, this is a step down, but she’s still better lookin’ than I am and even if that isn’t saying much, it’s sayin’ something…like I’d still watch her touch her toes, over and over and over….