I missed out on the greatest day in Montreal History this weekend, while I was in the gutter drunk because it is my birthday, Paris Hilton was doing some launch for her new shoe collection and partying at some club. I guess she forgot to call me to let me know she’d be around but it seems like it was a big fucking deal, which is both a testament to how pathetic this city is and to the impact this bitch has on the youth. Shit was on the news and in the newspaper and teenage girls everywhere were cumming all over their Hannah Montana underwear as they waited in line for up to 8 hours to get a chance to shake her dirty little hand. The longest I’ve ever waited to get with an std ridden bitch was about 15 minutes while she was using rubbing alcohol to disinfect as I ran to the bank machine to get cash.
I probably should have sucked up my hatred and disinterest for the bitch and channeled it into something funny or creative. I could have dressed up like a crazed teenage girl fan and made her sign my ass, or maybe even get to interviewing her about whether she uses condoms or not, or even dress up in my neighbors suit and claim to be some kind of big record exec here and set up a meeting with her because she’s on some mission to get ahead but I suck at life so the best I can do is rip off these pictures for you.
The bad news is that there wasn’t a random shooting in the club she partied at this weekend. You know one of those drug deals gone bad situation where a motherfucker comes in a shoots the place up. I don’t wish death upon Paris, but a stray bullet to her leg or arm would probably do bitch some good.
She’s Been Here Before and We Have Video From That Glorious Night
GO
Posted in:Montreal|Paris Hilton
This site is beyond great. The fiction is even better then Tolstoy in his best days. Keep up the good work.
Comparing the likes of Jesus Martinez to Tolstoy…priceless. I nearly choked on my lunch.
LOL how come you didnt go and try and get into the event like the last time she was up there?
it was funny listening to you sound like a 13 year old jewish boy…
Yeah, aint it awful ….. and to think that she only gets $100,000 (and up) for a
personal appearance fee.
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AAaaaaah! You’re from Montreal.
All becomes clear.
le Pepsi
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Her dress is wonderful! like alwayzzzzzzzz!!!She’s always so fierce, i love her. It’s reported from NewY0rk times that She created an account at myinterracialmatch.com to date with a young boy in a coffee shop last week.
Are you as sick of the dating site spam as I am? Well, it’s time to fight back. Go google this phone number: 1-416-628-1072. Those are the assholes who own all of the fucking dating sites.
1) Prank call them endlessly. Make their number unusable.
2) Sign up for their sites. It’s quick, easy, and doesn’t require a valid email.
3) Fill their mailboxes with hate mail and garbage posts.
4) Troll their users with evil, hateful, racist messages. The more offensive, the better.
5) Go to whois.godaddy.com to get the registration info for their sites. They’re all run by the same guy. Phone-spam him until his head explodes.
6) COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE WHEREVER YOU SEE THEIR FUCKING SPAM!