I saw that Sarah Marshall shit and I use the term shit loosely because I can’t thing of something more representative of what I experienced for that hour and a half at cheap movie night. Instead of watching the equivalent of watching AIDS fester in the blood stream of a poor unsuspecting 5 year old who just got molested by her AIDS positive uncle on screen and set in Hawaii, I used the opportunity of having the time away from my wife to fantasize about the group of college girls sitting in front of me who thought they were coming to a good movie. I ran different scenarios through my head of what they would do to each other provided they just let down that front and accepted that all girls are dykes. I was trying to think of how they go to yoga class in yoga pants together and when they get home the more liberal one of the group who is more open about fucking her roommates decides to show off her moves like it ain’t a thing only she does it after getting out of the shower while wearing nothing but a towel, leading to the others to get naked in some sort of yoga experimental 20 something all girl orgy that I am watching from a tree outside their dorm room window.
The reason I hated this shit movie was because it was a fucking mess that didn’t make me laugh. I admit I am a joke snob and I never laugh because I don’t believe in it, but I think objectively it was not funny for anyone in the theatre except for the drunk guy who was trying to get his money’s worth, but based on his twitching, I think he could have been laughing at the voices in his head.
The writer was the main character who milked the fact that he sold a script and decided now was his chance to make himself famous in some ego-project that he casted himself for but should have never been cast for at all because the movie should have never been made. To make things worse the dude, who was ridiculously weird looking wrote in scenes of him showing his dick as many times as possible and I think it all stems back from the constant encouragement of his mother.
Either way, Kristen Bell wasn’t hot or interesting in it and compared to Mila Kunis was more on par with the ridiculously fat Hawaiian dude who worked on the resort but to be fair to Kristen Bell, here are pictures of her ass and I guess when she’s standing alone she’s worth a round.