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Kate Bosworth is pretty skinny for an American and should be given more credit for it, instead of abuse for being an anorexic. This is the kind of thinspiration all you fat fucks need so that you stop eating. Now, I don’t find her all that hot to look at and I never did because she pretty much has no sex appeal, but it’s nicer to look at than the shit I’ve seen sitting by the pool on my trips to the USA.
Now, I don’t travel all that much, or ever for that matter but I got a call on Sunday morning from this 18 year old girl who doesn’t have her driver’s license and who wanted to go to Vermont for the afternoon to shop and she needed a driver. Now, I don’t know why she called me to take her because I barely know her and I could have raped and killed her for all she knew, but since I had nothing better to do, I decided to go for the road trip. I showed up at her house, only to find that I’d be driving her dad’s BMW across the border and got nervous knowing that I am a Mexican with a sketchy past, that I was driving an expensive car despite being unemployed, that I was with an 18 year old girl who was 20 years younger than me and most importantly that I was only driving into Burlington for about 3 hours before turning around and coming back, but went anyway, because we all need adventure in our lives….
For the first hour, I kept telling the girl my concern about the border and that Americans will not like this whole situation and she kept telling me to tell the Border dude we were going to a confirmation or wedding and when I got to the border I felt like I was going to get arrested, I hate authority and I hate being in these situations and I panicked. I pulled up to the wicket window and these tough guy who though he was in the Iraq war and liked his power position and used it to intimidate my already nervous self asked me why I was going to the USA. I told him that I had dinner plans and instead of ending it there, decided to add “with friends” to make it more believable despite the smart side of my brain telling me not to. Now, the terminator found driving to the States to have dinner with friends a little strange, especially coming from a Mexican with an 18 year old in a BMW and as I was beating myself up for saying that I was meeting friends, he decided to ask me what my friend’s names were. I froze. I didn’t have an answer and I just stared at him blankly, while he got more and more aggressive, and started asking me about my job, why the car had damage on it, how much I make a month and then he got out and searched the fuckin’ car, asked me to pull over and brought me inside to search me. They asked me what my site was, there was no way in hell I was telling them that it was DrunkenStepfather because I feel like some of the shit I do on here is illegal and ended up spending 2 hours at the border before they agreed to let me in after jumpin through all the hoops and leading them to believe that I am not a drug dealer or terrorist, which I am not.
I guess the point of this story is really that there is no point, but once in Burlington, I walked into a store that was selling 12 packs of M&Ms for $2 and all kinds of other disgusting junk food that would make my wife cum more than I ever have, which in all honesty isn’t that hard because I was never one for worrying about making my woman cum and more into making myself cum. I also saw some fat bitches who made my wife look skinny sitting by an above ground pool at some trailer park campground and I felt like I was in heaven, a miserable heaven but heaven nonetheless.
Either way, here’s Bosworth in her bikini….
UPDATE – I forgot to mention that there was chicken breast, a bottle of wine and a box of sex toys in the car to make the whole border experience even more awkward than me hearing myself tell the border guard that I was meeting up with friends like an idiot. Not that you care, but since this is a blog I want to make sure I keep my diary in order so that when I look back on it in 20 years, to remind myself why I should never be a criminal, I’ll have all my facts in order….