These pictures of Adriana Lima are doing the rounds and no one seems to know when they are from and I guess who really cares. They are Adriana Lima’s fucking nipples and she’s probably the hottest thing out of Victoria’s Secret since that bra and pantyset I bought myself for “halloween” last July. What used to make Lima even hotter than being hot was the fact that she was a good catholic virgin, unfortunately that fantasy’s been destroyed because she’s supposed to be married and pregnant, but that’s okay, because virginity just means blood, discomfort and bad sex. The only real good thing about virgins is that you can’t get Aids from them, unless they’ve had blood transfusions or done anal with faggots or blacks.
Speaking of Aids, I was talking to this girl the other night who asked me what my parents did, since I don’t have parents, I had to be creative about the lie, something I’ve been doing for a long time and I am good at, so I told her that my family invented the condom and I come from a long line of condom people and she made some comment about how I have no excuse but to have safe sex or something implying that I use condoms and I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea and think I was one of those prudes, because I’m not.
So I went on a rant about being a self-hating heir to the condom empire and everytime I fuck I make sure to not use condoms while screaming “Fuck you dad for ruining my life” like some kind of spoiled brat, only to proudly disply my herpes scab at Christmas fucking dinner so that he fucking knows.
She thought I was weird. So it may be a bad approach, but here’s Lima nipple to forget my story and move on with your life…