Have I ever told you about the time I had sex with Cindy Crawford? Well it wasn’t exactly sex. I just happened to be on the sidewalk near the hotel she was staying at when she pulled up in some massive SUV and got out with 4 or 5 security guards. I had no idea who this tall, well dressed, hot 40 year old was, but the homeless dude next to me freaked the fuck out and was like “that’s Cindy Crawford” making me think that before he was homeless and didn’t care about anything, he may have cared about her.
She made enough eye contact with me for me to pretend that she was inviting me up to her hotel room so that I could crawl up her thigh like it was some kind of jungle gym, because she’s fuckin’ tall and when next to her I felt like some kind of Pigmy circus freak who went up to her nipple, making me think she was a little too much woman to be a woman, but remembered that it was Cindy Crawford, mainly because I have a short attention span and I was drunk.
Unfortunately, I think she was only making eye contact with me to take a mental photograph in the event she happened to bump into me again so she’d know I was a fuckin’ stalker or some shit, but all I really wanted was for her to throw a couple bucks my way, but she didn’t.
Here she is in a bikini.