I like to bring the news to you first thing in my morning cuz I’ve got this weird fantasy where I’m the shit colored bi-product of Merridith Vierra and Al Roker’s dirty morning show fuck….

It was always a dream of mine to have a morning show of my own…but no one picked up my pilot since TV wasn’t ready for my morning masturbation to start your day tips, or my how to peep on your stepdaughters getting ready for school segment.

I was a man before my time….

Here’s the latest news:

Ice Cream Leads to Rape Suspect Identification

Rodeo Bull in Canada Jumps into Stands. No it wasn’t my wife. That bitch can’t jump.

FL Teacher Accused of Sex with Students…Isn’t that the whole point of being a teacher?

Ohio Forrest Fire Started by Burning Adult Magazines- Fucking Christians…

OH woman startled by man in clown mask breaks into her bathroom

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