Emily Ratakowski is a model who is on the cusp of being a porn slut, in a good way, not in an actual porn slut who is broken, with daddy issues and drug addiction, trying to get ahead, because she doesn’t actually fuck on camera, she just gets naked all the fucking time, I’ve seen her vagina more than I’ve seen my mom’s vagina and my mom was a hooker and we had a studio apartment…sure my mom died when I was a kid, but in those 5 years her vagina was exposed 90 percent of the time, okay maybe my mom vagina reference wasn’t a good one, and maybe I’ve seen Emity RATATATATATTATAATKOWSKI’s vagina because I tattooed in on my brain, you know printed up pictures of it and wall papered my bedroom with it…you know maybe cuz I’m staring at it right now, because it is perfect…and so is Emily, that is why I have fallen in love with her, and can’t look at any other girl, at least not right now, when staring this twitter pic, because she’s got me trapped, sucked in and willing to sign my life over to her. Seriously. I’d do more than just write love songs for her, I’d even hide in her basement to surprise her when she’s sleeping, to sing them to her. She’s that good.

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