I look at this picture of Jessica Lowndes and so many things come rushing through my head…like how did I not know her, since we are both Canadian, and I pride myself on knowing every Canadian girl I want to have sex with, and if I don’t know them, that means they don’t exist, or maybe they escaped Canada to be low level famous in California, skipping all our Maple Syrup / Moose / Figure Skating / Igloo Parties…

I’m like thinking to myself, that ass is great, even if it is an instagram cry for attention, as we are in the generation of Hormones in the food, fat asses, made round with squats by girls with nothing better to do with their time…

I don’t care if it is a cry for attention, or a “Hey, I’m here”…I get to stare at it..like she wants us to do…

But then…I watch her “Boat Party Video”

And I realize she’s a fucking loser…I’m talking lame, boring, cheesy even with bad taste in music…loser who I wouldn’t want to be next to…unless she was sitting on my face…

The life lesson we can learn from Jessica Lowndes’ ass is that great ass doesn’t make great people…

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