I am already considered a misogynist asshole who is highly negative, maybe even a hater…when really I just poke fun at overrated girls who I feel don’t deserve all the fame and attention they get because they are talentless hacks who are just polarizing a situation that involves them fucking the right people, and in turn the right people giving them jobs. It’s a series of who you know, who you fuck, who your family knows and all of a sudden the media goes along with it, making them a lot of money, even considered stars in their own right, feeding their egos, and I just come in to say “hey, what’s up, you look like a short, stalky, dumpy Lea Michele the second you aren’t being photoshopped in nude photoshoots that show off your tits…”…it’s like this is a “top model”…or someone worth celebrating, when she looks more like someone I wouldn’t even look twice at on the street, because she’s not beautiful, she’s bird-faced, weak chinned, and shitty bodied…

Yet…people celebrate her all because she got into a nude music video and now she’s a fucking hollywood star…that’s pulling some serious fucking scams…and for that reason alone I break her down and point out her obvious flaws that I know you all see, but would still fuck, because you’ve seen her naked…

I just think there are way hotter, more interesting girls out there doing great things that deserve the attention this bratty Hollywood trash is getting…they just aren’t getting naked and photoshopped for the right people.

We call her Emily Rat Cow – because she’s got the face of a rat, the personality of a cow and her first name is Emily…

She’s not as hot as you think she is, she’s not as hot as she thinks she is, and I even think she may have cankles…

So dissecting girls, breaking them down, highlighting their flaws doesn’t make me feel good about myself, I just don’t like seeing people celebrate something they shouldn’t…false idols motherfuckers, I think there’s something in the bible about that….

Now, let’s focus on the real babes of the world, like the girl at the coffee shop who held my dog for me while I stared down her shirt….she was lovely.

Here’s lots of hype, little substance…and inspiration to all the talentless girls willing to get naked that there is hope for them…

Posted in:Emily Ratajkowski