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Archive for the Alana Blanchard Category

2016

07

Jan

Alana Blanchard in Lingerie for Stab of the Day

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Alana Blanchard is some surf chick from the 1990s, who I guess used to get noticed because her best friend was eaten by a shark, and when you’re the bikini next to the one-armed Jesus freak, the spotlight catches a bit of you and people say “who’s the chick with two arms, she’d be way better at giving double handjobs than one arm, plus she won’t always talk about having one arm, and the story, and the fear, in the most annoying way you know one-arm does”….and instead she’ll probably talk about how she’s using a handicapped girl for her personal gain…which is awesome…HANDICAPPED USERS HAVE NO SOULS….

Apparently they get half naked for photoshoots in lingerie, on some low level Glamour model shoot, with their Fiance or boyfriend or husband, giving it the cheesy Sears portrait, even low grade “I’m pregnant in love’ tackiness people do…

But there’s something about the winter that fucking sucks and I call it the freezing cold, being snowed in, hibernating with my shitty fat wife who has been stocking up on food for the last decade to make her fatter than a pile of shit to insulate her in our damp basement apartment…

A wife that I should shoot a romantic glamour shoot like this with…because it’d be hysterical…where this is just fucking weird.

Nice fake tits though, better surf ass…these are from 6 months ago…

Posted in:Alana Blanchard|SFW

2013

20

Dec

Alana Blanchard’s Surfer Butt of the Day

There’s something about the winter that fucking sucks and I call it the freezing cold, being snowed in, hibernating with my shitty fat wife who has been stocking up on food to make her fatter than a pile of shit to I guess keep her warm in our damp unheated apartment…

Sure, girls everywhere want to buddy-up and wife you, even just for the night, because everyone is lonely and miserable, but the whole having a wife thing makes that perk more of a hell than anything…

So I like to look at the amazing surf girl asses because surf girls just live a better life and have better asses that 98 percent of people..thanks to surf fitness…because there are people in their bikinis right now…even if those people aren’t being creeped on by you in person, we have the internet for that.

Posted in:Alana Blanchard

2013

27

Nov

Alana Blanchard’s Bullshit Video To Promote Her Pretty Dope Ass of the Day

The nice thing about the pro surf industry is that the girls involved, even when they are average at best looking, are fit and have great asses…the other nice thing about the pro surf industry is that those fit girls with great asses are in their bikinis every fucking day with a valid excuse to be in their bikinis…so that they don’t look like daddy issue, attention seeking whores, which is a nice change of pace from every single girl I’ve ever slept with, or even met…even though I know that this bitch is an attention seeking daddy issue whore…and not just because I know her dad took these creepy pics of her…he’s her manager…but because she has a vagina and that’s all part of being a girl, like getting your period…

Either way, here’s her ass.

Posted in:Alana Blanchard

2013

12

Nov

Alana Blanchard on Set at Women’s Health of the DAy

Alana Blanchard is a pro surfer…ranked in the top 17 girl surfer’s in the world and her ass…like most surfers…is a pretty next level fit ass…which would explain why she’s doing a shoot for women’s health….

Her ass is all round and lovely like it was a black woman…without being a black woman…on a little blonde white girl who is probably annoying and into going to the mall and signing along to Miley songs and shit…

Because surf girls are athletes all fit all balancing on a wave in a half squat for 5 hours a day…shit does magic…

Not to mention, their sport involves them in a bikini all day…all while fighting off sharks…making us look like pussies…while trying to look at their pussies….

Living that beauty and the beach lifestyle …now if only surfer life made their faces better…but I guess there’s no bad face when it’s being shoved into a pillow…on all fours…the way this ass wants you to treat it…

Follow her on Instagram …it’s worth it…

Posted in:Alana Blanchard|SFW