Her name is Alyssa Barbara.

I’ve been following her on her INSTAGRAM because she’s pretty fucking amazing.

She’s from Canada, and lives in Canada, all while Canada is the worst. I know this because I live here, and I know people from here, and none of those people look anything like this, but if they did, and apparently they do, I wouldn’t be so miserable…not that they would talk to me when they do look like this…because I am repulsive…but you know what I mean…and that is that I’d like to suck the maple syrup out of her ass with my tongue…because one thing I do know about Canadians in Canada is that they all shit maple syrup.

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I can’t figure out why Alyssa Barbara isn’t more famous than she is, because if it was up to me, I would take this Canadian busty babe, and turn her into the next Pamela Anderson, I’m talking get her into the Baywatch remake, they did one with 90210, they can do one with lifeguards, only maybe they should switch it up and make them lifeguards in my bathroom, so that I don’t drown when taking a bath, and when I’m not bathing they can hose down the whale that is my wife….you know so she doesn’t dry out and die…even though that could be a good thing…

That said, Alyssa Barbara is amazing, and I’m not just saying that because of Canada pride, I don’t have Canada pride, I don’t think Canadians are great, but when they look like this, I mean they could be Nazi’s in Nazi Germany out to ethnic cleanse my Mexican ass , and I’d be totally eager, hoping they administer the poison us via her breast milk I need to suck out…that may be a weird fetish to some, but when dealing with something that looks like this…there is no such thing as weird…it’s all glorious and sent from heaven.

Pics are by someone named Torrey West….

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Her name is ALYSSA BARBARA. She is from Canada. I am from Canada. That’s enough of a reason to want to get her pregnant, you know to keep the passports consistent, because only Canadians really understand the importance of the Queen, Maple Syrup and Tim Hortons….and igloos…other cultures just wouldn’t get it.

That said, she has some of the most outrageous breasts I’ve ever seen, on an amazing body, making me wonder, why I haven’t hidden in a tree outside her apartment to watch her live…you know like I do with all the girls I follow home from the bar that I LIKE…right.

Photos by KINGSTON PHOTO

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In the wake of all the nonsense going on in Canada, where innocent soldiers are being killed by insane French Canadians who are converting to ISIS because it appeals to their misinformed anarchist beliefs…because I guess they never grew the fuck up from being 15 and full of angst….I figure we should stare at this ALyssa Barbarad photoshoot with someone named Torrey West, because clearly she is the best thing to come out of Canada since me…not that I have come out yet, despite how homo a grown man talking about celebrities is…but she’s got what it takes to feed the nation…and I may or may not be in love with everything going on here and now…..

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Alyssa Barbara is a Canadian who I think you should all give thanks for on this Canadian Thanksgiving – because it is my legal responsibility to target one amazing Canadian as part of my daily programming, it’s part this socialist regime, and I figure it was a toss up between Avril Lavigne and Alyssa Baraba and well clearly you see who has won…everything…including my heart…with her beautiful body that on this thanksgiving I’d like to think needs stuffing and I’ve got 2 inches I’m willing to lend her…like I’m at Homeless Shelter feeding the homeless instead of being homeless…

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I generally hate Black and White pictures…not because I hate black and white pictures but I find them “Phony” art…you know someone trying to get some vibe like “soft focus” because it is high concept – even when it is absolutely not…

You see unless they are shot on black and white film, some photographer decided to turn a perfectly good color picture into Black and White in photoshop, and I just find that lame. There is no point!!

But then there is this model….Her name is Alyssa Barbara and she’s fucking amazing in color, black and white, pixelated, from afar, on CC TV cameras, on anything that let’s me into her life to stare, even for just a minute..

The pics are shot by GREGORIO CAMPOS and I’m not hating him for doing this. I’m not mad at him for it. I just hate digital black and white – because it makes no sense…but I guess despite always thinking I am right, by lifestyle and how things have worked out – pretty much make it clear I’m pretty fucking wrong.

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Alyssa Barbara is one of the better things that happens in my instagram feed and I am not just saying that because I show favouritism to my Canadian countrymen you Americans like to laugh at, even though we have infiltrated your borders and work in all aspects of your society because we blend in with your people. The only difference between us and you is our ability built an igloo in the middle of summer to avoid being eaten by rabid polar bears…but I’m sure some of your Alaskans can handle that shit too…

I am just saying that because these pictures of her by JAI PHOTO broke my penis…in a rubbed it out into a clit..if it wasn’t already the size of a clit…in a pencil eraser from when people used pencils…breaking mid-exam kind of way…rubbed down to the fucking metal…not that I ever make mistakes…because when your whole life is a mistake and kinda cancels out making mistakes…it suddenly just becomes life. Live.

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Her name is Alyssa Barbara ….

She is from Canada and I am from Canada, so I find it weird that we haven’t crossed paths, seeing as all Canadians know each other, I think there are only 12 of us, and we are forced to get together every year at the ice Moose hunt…you know where we all compare igloos, watch hockey and eat beaver….but not the good kind…the kind that Alyssa Barbara has that I would like to eat…

All this to say, the communist regime has let me down, because I’m not snow shoeing into Alyssa Barbara’s comforting and comfortable looking arms…but she doesn’t let me down, because she made these pics that are circulating…hot, edgy but with so many curves… stuff.

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Her name is Alyssa Barbara , she’s a bit of a newcomer to the internet game, at least to me, because I’ve only just heard of her this week, but I am pretty hopeful that she is going to be sticking around for a while, because these pictures of her by photographer MVISION_LA…are pretty fucking noticeable, as are her nipples…something that I am sure you would all want to suck on, probably because your mom was too disgusted by you to let you near her tits when you were a baby, or because you’ve never actually seen tits before, and the whole idea of them is like this scientific mystery that your inquisitive eager mind just can’t get enough of…

I FOLLOW HER NOW and will be sure to keep you updated on all she does…because that’s what love and romance that may be confused as stalking…is all about…

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