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Archive for the Anastasia Ashley Category




Anastasia Ashley and Jiff Pom Longboarding is the Highlight of the Day

In a crazy, money and fame obsessed world, where everyone is out trying to fuck each other, or fuck each other over, for their own personal gain, every once in a while, a sweet video of a pomeranian and a pro surfer who you know for her hot ass in a bikini, comes out to remind you that the world’s not all that bad…even if it’s fuelled by fame whoring dogs and social media sites worth billions, it’s the #selfie generation, embrace it, have sex with it, because it is our reality, and sometimes things like this happen, and you realize, that it’s not all bad, in fact some of it is all kinds of amazing….

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Anastasia Ashley is hanging with the enemy….of the Day

In the event you don’t read the site…Anastasia Ashley, a girl I am a fan of….is hanging with the enemy of the site…pug faced Chrissy Teigen…

You see, Anastasia Ashley is a pro surfer/butt model who I praise on the regular…even though I generally hate on everything…because she’s managed to be one of the few things that has polluted my dead heart with her amazingness…She is something that I don’t hate and will never hate…but rather that I love and celebrate. Maybe I just like surfing…#beachlyfe…butts…Lymonada…or traitors…who hang with the enemy…

Chrissy Teigen…is the enemy of the site because she’s an unstable, drunk, internet comedian…who one year tells me she loves the site and this year next goes on a rampage hating me on her blog, turning her creepy fans on me…all for calling her out for what she is…or what she appears to be…a desperate hollywood housewife, who has gold dug herself into an ideal situation…where she doesn’t have to work, so she has plenty of time to play “pretend model”.. which is convenient, since no one has ever paid her to model… they are like “John Legend’s wife is eager and will do it for free, she has 300,000 followers, let’s use her, it’s a good ROI, she’s eager”… she begs, John Legend’s people beg… Everyone famous wants to be linked a babe with some level of babe association…like a modeling agency or published pictures…

I mean, I don’t know her finances, maybe she made 1000 dollars here or there, but her real income is 50% of everything John Legend has cuz she met him early on….and moved in on that hard…

The funny thing with her is that even with the praise of the idiots who believe that she’s awesome from everything they read and see, thanks to the media making her relevant..she’s still just a pug face who knows she’s pulling a scam. She knows in her soul she’s unworthy and she knows that she’s only relevant due to the man she chose to lockdown…

Even with the fans, people saying she’s hot, all the ego boosting her self esteem gets on the daily from witty jokes and her with free modelling …She is angry and miserable, drunk…who pretends she’s a bikini model because SI says she is one…when all I see is something old, boring, played out, even a little fat, tired and in need of throwin in that beach towel once and for all…

I don’t like her…but ultimately, I don’t care and she barely exists to me, even when she’s tainting one of my favorite things…but shots were fired by her…and I would have been nicer if she had a better attitude…she brought it on herself and I won’t hold it against Anastasia Ashley, because she’s still lovely, perfect, despite the shitty company she keeps, especially when that shitty company is the enemy….and that’s all I have to say about that…Here’s some Anastasia Ashley Instagram pics..to cleanse my soul…and to teach me how to love her again after this glitch in judgement.

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Anastasia Ashley in my Hotel Room in a Bikini of the Day

Anastasia Ashley is a lovely delicate flower sent from heaven to make your life a happier place, she’s also a pro surfer, who lives an amazing life and has an amazingly fit body…that is currently being celebrated in SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT

She’s also a friend…who works hard at what she does…and who I try to support and endorse whenever I get the chance…because she is inspirational to people like me who don’t like getting off the couch…who fear dying or being eaten by sharks…and who don’t really want to post pics of my ass on instagram, but who I am happy to know, and who I am happy does it, because I get to watch from the sidelines…

To say I am her number 1 fan, probably an understatement…I am all about her hustle, fuck I’d carry her purse to set if she let me and it was nice to see her nipples…get a little harder…for the rest of the world…

Long before the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit happened…we did a fun photoshoot with STEVEN MEIERS (THE BEST PHOTOGRAPHER KNOWN TO MAN – SERIOUSLY HE WILL BE THE NEXT TERRY RICHARDSON) on the balcony in my hotel room in LA and I should have masturbated in the corner…but instead I did it on the on the balcony while sniffing the railing after she left…sometimes being a pathetic loser…is pretty alright.

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Anastasia Ashley and the Rest of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit of the Day

It’s no secret that the hottest thing in women’s sports right now is Anastasia Ashley or at least her bikini clad surfer ass…

So it is no shock to anyone, or at least me, who as far as I’m concerned is everyone, since none of you exists, that her amazing bikini clad ass was featured in Sports Illustrated…

I guess Sports Illustrated figured we’ve already seen her in a bikini 1000 times before, why not show off her fit as fuck body…by showing us her NIPPLES…I like their logic…because I like nipples…

It’s like Sports Illustrated was some kind of soft core porn mag…yet people still advertise with them…

Point of the story is that Anastasia has never looked better, except when she wakes up after a night of drinking, and is, as far as I’m concerned, the show stopper of the entire issue…

I am surprised she hasn’t been in every one of their issues before, since she’s be surfing professionally for years, and I hope this gets her recognized by the masses so that she can continue to produce more show stopping surfing and more importantly more show stopping bikini pics…

There are few people in the world who I can say I love. She’s one of them….Good job. Let’s cuddles. FINAL LIMONADA.


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Anastasia Ashley’s Doing the Rihanna Paddleboard Pic of the DAy

Anastasia Ashley keeps instagram fun. Whether it’s with her surfer ass or her doing parodies of celebrity bikini pics….I always get a good laugh…then a good cry….because I always cry when I want to masturbate but can’t because all my hard living broke my clit sized buried in fat penis…now to be clear, that wasn’t a crying when masturbating joke, I hate those….but rather just a sad glimpse into my horrible life…a life that Anastasia Ashley’s instagram consistently reminds me is flawed, failed…

Here she is doing the RIHANNA Paddle Board Erotica…which is the only kind of erotica anyone should know!

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Anastasia Ashley Amazing Surf Butt at a Budweiser Commercial of the Day

Anastasia Ashley is the single best thing to happen to female surfing since the invention of the surfboard…and maybe the bikini…and if you don’t know that, then you don’t pay attention…because I’ve been reminding you consistently the last 6 months….and I am going to assume you have probably already masturbated to her surfing abilities at least once…because I cater to virgin weirdos…and that’s what you people do…

That said, with surfing comes a great round ass, and I love great round asses, and this one is probably the best there is, maybe they best there ever was, maybe the best there ever will be…and it is shooting a commercial…all wet and lovely…attached to it’s lovely and amazing host body Anastasia Ashley…she’s my favorite.


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Anastasia Ashley for PopDat Culture of the Day

Pro surfer Anastasia Ashley is pretty okay to look at, but way more interesting to jerk off to, whether in bikini bottoms or shorts, surfing, or just posing, I am down to lick the sea salt off her entire body…

She’s rocking’ her POPDAT CULTURE TRILL CLINTON SHIRT and I may or may not be in love…but you sure as hell should be…


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Anastasia Ashley’s Surfer Butt on the Beach in her Bikini of the Day

2013 has been the year of the surf girl butt…and Anastasia Ashley, has been the single more important surf girl butt. She’s been the most relevant and the most spectacular surf girl butt and in a lot of way she’s been the leader, even the ambassador, even the fucking governor or president, up on some commander in chief of the surf girl…who all the other surf girl butts look up to and aspire to be…

She has been dominating the surf girl butt movement, something that she has been part of since she was 5…but the rest of us only cared about this past year…because I guess surfing is making a comeback, it is one of those aspirational sports that we all wish, even the obese canadians, that we could be a part of it, because you spend your life on the fucking beach with hot women…and seeing girls living that life, with their amazing surf girl butt bodies…is just fucking erotic…enough to want to marry, get pregnant, and start a family with…or inside…ideally with my mouth…

Anastasia Ashley is pretty fucking perfect, I am her number 1 fan and I want her to give my face surf lessons with her vagina… and she’s rocking’ her POPDAT CULTURE SHIRT that you all need.


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Anastasia Ashley Wearing The Best T-Shirt Ever of the Day

Anastasia Ashley, surf babe you’ve probably already heard of…assuming you read the internet…or watch WHITE GIRL SURF TWERK VIDEO …or if you’ve been to this site before because I track her every move…at least that’s what I tell her telepathically…over twitter…and every once in a while write about it…because I just can’t hold it in…and hope that maybe one day she’ll notice me and decide to be my friend and lover and wife til death do us part…by sitting on my face…and choking me the fuck out.…and by friend and lover and wife I mean whisper romantic words like “security, get this creep out of here” when I run into her at a public event I know she is at because she tagged herself there on the internet…and introduce myself…hey, it’s better than a restraining order…

Well, today the internet brought me this ridiculous, obnoxious, hand job emoji shirt that I love…some people hate…but that is amazing and inspires me to do what it’s telling me to do all over my belly..while staring at this pic…thanks to it being worn with bikini bottoms…and being hot hot hot…unfortunately…I don’t rock an eggplant, but I do rock a baby carrot..and I don’t squirt..I kinda just feel pain…but at least I can live vicariously through this shirt…it’s aspirational…


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Anastasia Ashley in the Best Surf Video Ever of the Day

I have been trying to marry Anastasia Ashley…for the last 3 months. She’s a fucking star on all levels and I love her for more than just her fearless approach to life, her surfing and what one may consider shameless or even exhibitionism on her instagram…

I think is amazing…even if it’s not smeared up against my face…which it should be and the fact that it isn’t makes me sad.

That said, She’s been getting all kinds of shit today on the internet because she posted this video of her ass being amazing before catching a wave, if that’s even surf talk, I’m not really in that world, and I don’t know what’s up in general…maybe that’s why Anastasia won’t marry me…but what I do know is is fit round asses when I see them and it seems like this ass is fit and round and I want to chip my tooth on it…

You see surf girls, even the fat, ugly, troll-like ones all have rocking’ asses…but some get more hate than others and since I want to be her superman…I am here to defend her…

The fact is simple, she’s in a bikini all fucking day, so being in a bikini isn’t a thing for her, it’s like her posing in pants would be more unnatural for her, she’s got a great fit body, that she’s spent her life working on, that she’s clearly comfortable with, and just living, is not exploiting it just cuz she’s showing it….

No one hates on a nurse for posing in her blood and semen covered scrubs…you see this is her fucking uniform…

People can choose to watch her or ignore her, they can even hate on her, even though that’s kinda homosexual, but shitting on her for having a great shitter that happens to go everywhere she goes, because if it didn’t, that would be weird.

Girl surfers, no matter how good they are, are second rate to the men. Their prize money is shit, they need to work their asses off for sponsors who pay them whatever is left from their budget that isn’t spent on dudes, and their entire existence and ability to surf full-time depends on being spokesmodels to their brands…All surfers do this….

So the reality is, this Anastasia angel sent from heaven to ruin my life bitch can surf, she wins, she’s insane, she’s got a bigger personality than the waves she kills herself on, she works hard on surfing daily, and her ass is just her fucking ass…but here she is being hated for what is probably the best video ever, but I may just be saying that cuz I am smitten with her.

You see the industry treats these girls like models, people want these pictures and videos, their livelihood depends on it, but when they happen, everyone takes a “Higher than thou” stance, and hate on it, when really they are all the reason for it….and really what’s the big fucking deal…she’s in a fucking bathing suit surfing yo….chill the fuck out.

I am glad this video happened, because it gives us all something to compare our wife’s shitty, lazy, boring asses to…it gives me hope of one day shoving my tongue up in this….

It’s not like she’s released a sex tape to get a reality show like Kim Kardashian and all the other fame whores…she’s a suffer and this is a surf video…It’s not like she posted this and emailed all the blogs asking for it to be posted…she’s just a fucking surfer and you’re all just a bunch of perverts for thinking it’s just a strategic gratuitous ass video…and even if it was…I’ll take two more…

People just like to hate…and the only thing I hate is that Anastasia Ashley won’t be my Valentine for the rest of time…til death do us part….like we were Final Destionada….

All this to say, I wish I was her wet suit…just for a day…all covered in her pee…it would be magical…we’re all allowed to have dreams….

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Anastasia Ashley Does the Kim Kardashian Fake Selfie of the Day

Yesterday, Kim Kardashian posted a photoshopped picture that she pretended was a selfie, but that was clearly a picture taken by a photographer, and edited by a photographer, because Kim Kardashian is a lying famewhore pig who doesn’t fuck around with her “social media”…because you have a team of people who do it for you…and when they do…they try to get as much buzz as possible…because the Kardashians are finally falling off, unfortunately not a dying breed, but still irrelevance is looking and that excites me…but not as much as if OJ took them out instead of his actual wife back in the 90s.

Last night, the lovely pro surfer Anastasia Ashley, who clearly has a “good sense of humor”…decided to show the world that “sense of humor”…with a pic of how a white one piece is meant to look on a bitch taking a selfie in front of a room divider…it’s like what can’t this babe do…from big wave surfing during the day, to taking bikini selfies that make fun of the lowest pile of shit in the corner of pop culture…and I guess we shouldn’t look too much into it, but rather we should look in her soul, by way of her fit, round, surfer ass I would, and have tried to chip a tooth on at least once…

The whole thing was so well played and I am not just saying that because she is the love of my life, my favorite person, my soul mate who just doesn’t know it yet, the girl I write love songs and love poetry about locking in my basement after drugging her and abducting her in my van because it shows how much I care even when she doesn’t cooperate or give back…and I just hope her next play is a sex tape starring me, that we film tonight…after we get married…like I was lyonsada….connected at the soul like it soul like it was Final Destination 5….

All this to say, she’s so silly and I got a kick out of this pic…post more….and by post more I mean…let me get you pregnant.

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Anastasia Ashley Rockin’ her stepSHIRT of the Day

Anastasia Ashley may not be your conventional babe. She’s athletic not anorexic. She’s got real tits not implants, and the only eating shit that we know of is on the wave when she’s surfing professionally, and not in the bathroom of some Beverly Hills Mansion for some rich dude who is paying for her, like all these other hookers I talk about.

She is perfection, maybe even a dream girl sent from heaven to win my heart…like a trip to Disneyworld brings joy to a kid dying of cancer….she is the make a wish foundation for my cold dead heart…and I am not just saying that because she’s wearing a Drunkenstefather stepSHIRT …I am saying that because it is true.

She’s goin’ places, unfortunately none of those places are into my anal sex dungeon in may basement, where I’d feed her twice a day in the cage she’s held captive in, if you know what I mean, because you can’t spell true love or real passion without forced imprisonment…I am just a romantic like that…cages in basements are no different than actual marriage…other than less cheating on each other with the neighbors…because there are no neighbors in cages in the basement…and sometimes cages in basements are the only way to get your point across and or anal sex….

I don’t know what I’m saying, but I do know I would love to get this girl pregnant…and never leave her side…even if this is as good as it gets…her wearing one of my shirts…never to be heard from again…at least we’ve had this moment…which is okay cuz I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life…

I’ve peaked.

Get your own stepSHIRT to slaughter at Drunkensweatshop.com

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Anastasia Ashley’s Best Ass Instagram Video cuz I Shot It of the Day

Surfer Anastasia Ashley, who as far as I’m concerned not because of her surfing, even though she’s been competing for the last 20 years, because let’s face girls can’t be athletes, we only allow that because lesbians complain when girls aren’t allowed in the country clubs, taverns, etc, so to shut them up, we gave them their own league….

The benefit of their own league, at least in sports that don’t require a dick sized clot, like pro body building, or WNBA, or really anything that a bitch needs to be large as fuck….I am talking sports like tennis, figure skating, even gymnastics and Beach volleyball, and I guess now surfing, if that’s even really a sport, rather than just an excuse to hang on the beach all day and tan….is that the girls are fit..and a fit body, especially booty, is the one thing that everyone can appreciate…and the only thing that really counts when it comes to female athletes….I mean how can you get excited when a bitch breaks a record, when that record doesn’t even come close to records dude broke 5 decades earlier…even just saying “female athlete” makes me laugh…I prefer hot body that does sports and gets paid because we’re equal opportunity…

That said, since I don’t care about surfing, Anastasia is best known for her warm-up twerk video and she’s got fans because she’s got a round ass that someone has told her one too many times is amazing….because she keeps posting it…she is always in a bikini…a skimpy bikini…but not in a slutty way…but in a “I’m just going to work” way…and as far as I’m concerned…that’s hotter than all the obvious attention seeking sluts who don’t have any real skill, or ability to really do much more than duck face in selfies….

This video is probably some of her best work, and I’m not just saying that because I am the one who shot it…because I am the one who shot it…oh wait..that’s exactly why I think it’s her best video…because good ass or not…it is all about me….and my iPhone cameraman pervert skills….

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Anastasia Ashley in a Bikini for Purple of the Day

Anastasia Ashley is some accomplished pro-surfer, whatever the fuck that means, who apparently has been told by enough dudes that she’s got a above average fit ass while in her bikini…an ass that she obviously thinks is awesome because she seems to do more ass than surfing….from twerking at surf events to posting tons of ass pics on her instagram

Luckily, I don’t give a fuck about surfing, unless it is on my dick and/or face…but I do care about ass…so it works for me…unfortunately she doesn’t…because if she did, her first job would be letting me try to get her pregnant…with my mouth….

Either way, she did a bikini fashion shoot for Purple that was shot by the amazing and beautiful Andi Elloway …who should have also been in this shoot in her bikini, turning this fashion porn into some lesbian themed porn….

But instead it was all Anastasia…fuck her for taking all the attention..no wait just fuck her…literally…but romantically and passionately with her all locked in a cage in my basement, as I stare in her starving cuz I haven’t fed her eyes, before spitting in her face and choking her out, as my dick slides in and out of her ass during a herpes outbreak…you know my kind of romance the real kind…

Let’s just hope when she’s googles herself and sees this post about her…and gets turned on instead of a restraining order…

Cuz I am in love with this bitch and pretty much ready to marry this bitch…and start a family with this bitch…or at least try to start a family with this bitch…over and over and over and over and over again…

I feel so alone.

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Anastasia Ashley for Relapse Magazine of the Day

Anastasia Ashley is that whore twerker surf chick who got famous with her 5 million views pre-contest twerk some pervert who doesn’t understand the importance of twerking warm-up. I mean I think that is how Patrick Swayze warmed up on set of Point Break, but only Keanu really knows and he’d never tell his homo secrets…

Either way, people seem to care about her, she’s on all the sites, like she’s the next Miley Cyrus with a better ass…

She did some photoshoot for some magazine I’ve never heard of, she didn’t show her titties for fashion, I’m positing it cuz I’m riding that Anastasia Ashley wave, and I’m sure her 4 fans will actually care….

I’d rather be sniffing her wet bikini bottoms that gave her a yeast infection…

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