I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Beach Category

2010

02

Jun

Anna Paquin’s Shitty Bisexual Nipple in the Ocean of the Day

I hate bitches who swim in their shorts and t-shirts…I see it at the beach, the public pool, the waterpark, pretty much everywhere and I drives me fucking crazy no matter how ugly or gross or scared of the sun the body of the bitch is….

I understand it’s some insecurity shit that bitches with horrible bodies think make them look better than wearing an actual bikini, but the ill fitting wetness of swimming in your clothes like a fucking Muslim woman who isn’t allowed to show skin, makes she worse….Not to mention it isn’t feminine and I guess I should expect that from a closet Lesbian/openly bisexual cuz that’s step one to accepting your a fucking lesbian…who is built like a dude…and now swimming like a dude who doesn’t want to get a sunburn…

I have went swimming with an uptight, sloppy bodied, lesbian once years ago….she didn’t want to wear a bathing suit, because it went against her lesbian grain….and she jumped in with shorts and a t-shirt that ended up turning see through…like Anna Paquin’s top…showing the whole group her nipples and bush…only to run off crying when I pointed out that her strategy to cover up by not wearing a bathing suit like a normal person was a backfire for her but win for all of us….

Either way, here’s her nipple, cuz ugly tit and horrible body or not, nipple is nipple…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Anna Paquin|Beach|Nipple|See Through

2010

21

May

Kate Hudson Whores Out on the Beach cuz She’s a Whore of the Day

Kate Hudson uses any excuse to whore out that she can find. I guess it has to do with her having serious daddy issues from never having a relationship with her biological father…that lead to her having a kid young with some older man, to dating Owen Wilson until he tried to kill himself, to fucking A-Rod after that dick had ventured into many other pussies, but so has her mom pussy, because she’s filling some void, that I assume is partially caused by being ripped open by a baby, but also cuz she never had a dad.

Either way, she’s horny, constantly lookin’ for cock, and here she is on the beach in some shitty new movie she’s filming that I can only assume has to do with getting married, cuz it is called “Something Borrowed”….that she can thank her mom for getting her into…and I’m not all that interested, sure her ass is good, but I don’t really think there’s much else to her, even if those rumors of fake tits are truth…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Beach|Kate Hudson|Whore

2010

10

May

Phoebe Price Hits the Beach in Her Old Lady Bikini of the Day

This act seriously fucking bores me….we get it…you put on a bikini and ask the paparazzi to follow you and idiots like me post the pictures and hopefully get you in the tabloids as the hottest 40 year old clown of a fucking person who does nothing in her bikini. That’s what Phoebe Price aspires to acheive in life, and really it’s a good, attainable, not overly ambitious or hard dream, all it takes is a phone call and a bikini and very little shame…I’m not quite sure how it pays your rent, or your baby formula, but I guess if you’re daddy is rich, money isn’t really a factor in your decisions, like the rich kid I knew who decided to become an artist because his trust fund made it easy for him to no starve to fucking death, but at least what he tried to be creative….this bikini shit is not impressive and I kinda hate bitches who sell themselves short…like if you’re going to try to get noticed on the beach…at least make the shit topless, every slut gets into a bikini, even fat chicks on resorts, so if you wanna stand out, step it the fuck up you useless cunt, but I guess we should give her some credit, cuz clearly she knows she’s a useless clown. Here are the pics of her trying to seduce me and failing….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Phoebe Price

2010

21

Apr

Brooklyn Decker Doin’ It Wrong on the Beach of the Day

This is the SI Swimsuit Covergirl on the beach….and she’s dressed to go on a brisk fall hike, or maybe to go join the lumber industry in the north to cut fucking trees, or to even build a fucking snowman on the year’s first snowfall….It’s disappointing, especially since her tennis husband is running around topless, something she should probably take his fucking lead on, but unfortunately, she seems like the kind of model who looks good when she models, with all her hair and make-up done, but like shit in everyday life, leading me to believe that maybe someone was paid off by the tennis champ because he wanted the disappointing pussy he accidentally locked into to be a covergirl at least once in her life….it makes him feel better about himself….and here are the pics of this cunt mocking us….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Beach|Brooklyn Decker|Off-Duty Model

2010

22

Mar

Phoebe Price in Some Staged Beach Photoshoot of the Day

I still don’t know who the fuck this Phoebe Price is. I just know she took her old lady body to the beach to have some staged pictures of her in some stripper gear taken…This gold dress is straight from the sex shop Phoebe probably buys her very large dildos at, as most 50 year old lookin’ women, especially the slutty ones in their animal print one-piece porno bathing suit can only be her mating call for attention….It’s like she’s is Blanche from the Golden Girls, craving to get her big southern box filled with whatever Kentucky Fried phallus she can find…including black dudes…to live out slave fantasies she’s had since she was a little horny teenager back home on the platation that finances her ridiculous California life….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Bathing Suit|Beach|Phoebe Price

2010

22

Mar

Kate Moss Nude for Vogue Homme of the Day

The Fashion World has pulled through again…sure she’s older now and seeing her naked may not be exciting to all of you, but I’m a huge fan of this girl and the bush she uses to cover up the scabs her pussy has been stuck with thanks to dirty unprotected sex with a variety of rockstars and celebrities….and I wouldn’t let that shit stop me for a fucking second…her potential high risk for being HIV positive really wouldn’t get in the way of burrying myself inside her like an old tampon she forgot about during one of her drug binges where she didn’t shower for a week or remember that she was a mother…thank god for the hired help…if you know what I mean…

Either way, here she is naked and I love when fashion does “artistic” nudes…because “artistic nudes” are still fucking nudes….

Posted in:Beach|Kate Moss|Nude|Vogue Homme

2010

10

Mar

Tracey P. Keaton’s Mom Body in a Bikini of the Day

I’m so hungover, I can’t stop shaking…no wait…I’m not shaking…I’m just looking at pictures of Michael J. Fox and I think that I am cuz he is, I’m sure he gets that all the time…you know people who are talking to him who don’t know he’s the youngest man in history to have parkinsons, and as he vibrates like a human sex toy that has kept his wife around the last 15 years he’s had the disease, because she realized a disability, if looked at in the right way can be a serious ability, or maybe this is just one of Hollywood’s great love stories, of a couple who dated on set of an 80s sitcom, who haven’t left each other’s side since, because they are soul mates, or because his wife is maternal and can’t leave a motherfucker just cuz he got sick and has been progressively getting worse like some kind of saint who really just doesn’t want to look evil, like his disease has her trapped, kinda like when I used to want to get AIDS to give to this hot girl so she would never leave my side, but a little less psycho…

See, I’ve got nothing but love for Michael J. Fox. I feel for him for being so fucked up at such a young age, like an 80 year old in a 40 year old’s body or some shit but at least he’s living the good life on the beach in St Barth, but more importantly, at least his wife has maintained a pretty fucking good body into her forties, despite being a mom and having stopped acting to be a mom. It always impresses me when women with kids and husbands aren’t disgusting and fat. Maybe it’s cuz I’m not used to it….

As a bonus, here’s a little clip of Michael J. Fox scoring Tracey on Family Ties, this is where the love all started and like all great romantic moments, this song seems to come to mind whenever I’m thinking about rape. Inspiring.

Either way, here is the happy couple on the beach…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Micheal J. Fox|Tracey|wife

2010

09

Mar

Big Island, Little Woman in a Bathing Suit of the Day

They make midget porn for a reason, and that reason is that people do have midget fetishes. I don’t really get what people find hot about midgets, I guess it could have to do with their little dicks lookin’ huge in a midget hand, or maybe it’s like fucking an awkwardly shaped kid without the legal issues, or maybe they have really tight pussies, and really the whole thing isn’t that big of a deal, because despite popular belief, midgets are humans to, so it’s not like fucking a farm animal, or a squrrel at the park, or random rotting food you’ve pulled out of the garbage. Sure, I’m not entirely a fan of the midget body, I kinda like my girls long, lean and not retarded looking, but there are far worse things a person could be rubbing their dicks off to, so I figure we should celebrate it, because like black people, amputees, Mexicans, retards and homeless, the midgets are human too, and shouldn’t be ignored when they prance around in bikinis, no matter how much it feels like a fuckin’ circus act.

Her name is Amy Roloff, she is a little person in a big world, she exploits her midget stature more than the hooker I knew exploited the scar on her leg that could be used as a second pussy, so I don’t feel bad pointing and laughing at this freaky image.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Amy Roloff|Bathing Suit|Beach

2010

09

Mar

Sarah Hyland on the Beach of the Day

Sarah Hyland is some 19 year old who is on Modern Family. She started out her career playing Howard Stern’s daughter on Private Parts, making me wonder if he’d make her ride the sybian like she was an actress he didn’t know when she was 7, or if he’s been waiting to make that happen since she was 7 and I guess it doesn’t matter since I don’t have satelite radio and haven’t heard Howard Stern in over a decade, not that I didn’t think he was funny or worth listening to, but because he got banned in Canada and I am to lazy to bother.

She is in her bikini top with her boyfriend, possibly the guy who took her virginity, because at 19 you have two types of girls, the sluts at a young age, or the girls who only give it up to the guy they trust enough and end up dating for 3 years before becoming sluts, even today, when most girls are sucking dick at 14 at blowjob parties and letting dudes fuck them up the ass cuz they learned from the Jonas brother’s that keeps you a “virgin”, there are still the semi-wholesome ones…

Not that it matters…just look at the pics….cuz at 19…whether the girl is hot or not…is always hot cuz the age factor outweighs genetics and natural beauty…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Sarah Hyland

2010

16

Feb

Gerard Butler on the Beach with Nicole Scherzinger of the Day

Gerard Butler, also known as the guy who plays Jennifer Aniston’s boyfriend in the tabloids, because he made the bad drunken decision to fuck her one night, making her attach herself to him and forced the producers of their recent movie to make him pretend to be her boyfriend, otherwise she wouldn’t attend publicity events, making them lose out on millions of dollars, was on the beaches of Rio with Nicole Scherzinger, because like all British sex addicted rich people weirdos, he can never say no to trannies…..and Brazil is the new Thailand for UK tranny lovers….and Nicole Scherzinger is the new Rupaul when it comes to trannies. This dude really is at the top of his game.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Beach|Gerard Butler|Nicole Scherzinger|Rio|Tranny

2010

15

Feb

Mariska Hargitay’s Boring Beach Pictures of the Day

Here’s the ethnic-named born and raised in America, but you’d think you were calling a mail order bride if you were randoming looking for easter european mail-order brides in the phonebook when bored and drunk. She’s from Law & Order and now she’s in a “shitting in the woods” stance on the beach in what I guess is a bikini….she’s 46, I guess I should give her a break…because my wife is around this age and she can’t even support her own weight when she squats to shit, so I guess this makes Mariska a fuckin’ hero….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Beach|Mariska Hargitay

2010

08

Feb

Brooklyn Decker and Her Beach Shoes of the Day

Tennis pro Andy Roddick’s wife is some bikini model named Brooklyn Decker who you’ve probably all heard of since she was in SI and Victoria’s Secret and other related shit.

She was on the beach in a pair of heels because you can’t put a price on making your legs look as good as they possibly can since you depend on the shit to get more work…so comfort and not looking like an idiot doesn’t really come into play…and here are the pics…

I’ve tried to befriend this bitch on Twitter, but she just ignores me, so I should really try to be a lot more evil in this post, but why fuckin’ bother….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Beach|Brooklyn Decker|Legs

2010

08

Feb

Marisa Miller Dressed Like an Angry 15 Year Old of the Day

Comments Off

There’s something funny about seeing grown women dress like teenage girls. Sure most of my sexual fantasies involve a barely 18 year old and her cotton panties, but whenever I try to get my wife to play that shit out, it always turns into a disaster, mainly because I know it takes years of hard eating to get as fat as she is, and my whole excitement level goes out the window with harsh reality…

I don’t know why Marisa Miller isn’t wearing her bikini, or her lingerie and I don’t know why she looks like she’s going to the mall to flirt with boys and listen to CDs at the music store but I do know it isn’t as hot as it could be….but you’ll probably like it cuz she’s a girl and girls have vaginas and vagina is something you never get to lick, touch or fuck.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Marisa Miller

2010

08

Feb

Jordan Sparks is Covered Up on the Beach cuz She’s Fat of the Day

It’s nice to see Jordan Sparks wrapped up and covering her disgusting body on the beach of Miami. I am sure it’s a hell of a lot more fun than when her sister’s baby daddy murdered her entire family, oh wait, that was Jennifer Hudson, the other black American Idol…they all look the fucking same….

Yes. I did just make that joke.

I hope that’s her brother and not her boyfriend, cuz I don’t think beds or hotel room neighbor’s can handle that kind of abuse. I mean other than me, because whenever I hear two people fucking, I always get excited, especially if it is a fat American Idol….yes Ruben, I’m talking to you big boy….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Beach|Jordan Sparks

2010

01

Feb

Victoria Beckham on the Beach of the Day

Victoria Beckham was on the beach and she did what any mother of 3 should do and that was stay the fuck out of a bikini. Sure this bitch is skinny and has fake tits and in theory would be decent to see half naked like any stripper, but the truth is that any girl is good to see half naked no matter how meaty, destroyed, plastic or cold and dead their pussy is, or no matter how fat they are….because in the best case situation we can jerk off to them and best case we can laugh at them…

God knows why she’s rockin an Independent Truck Company hat, but can only assume it is because she’s taken up skateboarding and that’s all I have to say about that….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Beach|Victoria Beckham