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Archive for the Boyfriend Category

2010

04

Feb

Eliza Dushku Wears Boyfriend Jeans of the Day

I hear this Boyfriend term all the fucking time lately. Every magazine, every TV show, every shitty website mentions the fukcing shit, and all I see is over-sized, ill-fitting, not so hot clothes. Sure, it’s nice to pretend the whore is wearing the jeans to prevent her from being judged when doing the walk of shame, cuz she had a bit too much to drink the night before and let her vagina go on a little adventure, but the truth is shit’s just ugly and fantasies take too much work, I like shit given to me in the form of pictures, so that I don’t have to use my imagination for shit….plus if these were actually her boyfriend’s jeans, they’d be a hell of a lot more ridiculous looking, see Rick Fox is a big black man, and she’s a little white girl who likes having her vagina destroyed by massive athlete cock, so it’s safe to say she needs to wear these baggy jeans, cuz her mangled cunt is all bandaged up and meaty as fuck and doesn’t fit into her regular skinny jeans….and who really cares…she looks like shit.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Boyfriend|Eliza Dushku

2009

28

Oct

Kristen Bell’s Boyfriend Hangs With Pussy While She Fantasizes About Being a Mom of the Day

I guess when you spend your career “acting” in horrible relationship comedies, you eventually start bringing your work home with you, because here is a scene you’d expect to be pulled right out of a Kristen Bell movie, where the boyfriend hustles some bitch with a fat ass, but an ass that is appealing to fuck because his girlfriend’s ass is repetitive and annoying since it thinks it is famous, while Kristen Bell is off lookin at a baby, holding her womb, wishing that fucking thing came out of her, but she’s been too vain and career oriented to let it happen, but figures she might as well take the plunge because she’s not getting any younger and figures Dax Sheppard, despite how pathetic he is to the rest of the world, has put up with her bullshit all this time and might as well be the donor, since finding a new boyfriend may come easy for her, but building to the level of starting a family with a motherfucker will just take too long and she wants a baby now…..but I’m just speculating….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Boyfriend|Kristen Bell|Mom

2009

09

Sep

Khloe Kardashian and Her Big Black Boyfriend of the Day

Apparently the 6 foot 5 monster Kardashian, weighing in a 200 lbs, has finally found her match, and by match someone who’s penis she can actually feel inside of her who is no too picky about the pussy he sticks it inside, because up until now she’s only been able to attract real desperate losers, none of whom were 7 foot 2 with penis that even the biggest girls they got with couldn’t take, which really sucked for her, not that she deserved any better, considering she’s fucking vile to look at, but now that she’s on TV she’s been able to get her message out there and I guess someone came knocking’.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Boyfriend|Khloe Kardashian

2009

28

Jul

Audrina and Her New Boyfriend of the Day

I love seeing Audrina in a relationship because it gives me hope that something goes wrong with her birth control pill, cuz you know people in Hollywood don’t use condoms, and she gets knocked up, forced to make the decision of whether to keep the baby or not, as her doctor has warned her one more abortion will leave her sterile like the sex offender theym castrated down the street from me, or maybe her drug addiction, loneliness and dillusions of being this huge star will make her think that a baby is a hot accessory, that people like her for more than just her tits, and that they are interested in actually watching her struggle with pregnancy all while lockin’ this motherfucker down to her like she was Jessica Alba, you know the vagina that traps you in for life.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Boyfriend

2009

11

Jun

Some Britney Spears Pictures with her Agent Boyfriend Re-Release of the Day

These are some old pictures of Britney and her agent boyfriend. A story that hit yesterday and is being used to cover up something, but I’m not sure what. Maybe the fact she had an abortion, or maybe it’s some conspiracy organized by her over-bearing control freak alcoholic father cuz he needs her money to keep his shitty businesses afloat.

I’ve probably already posted them. But I guess any excuse for bikini pictures is good enough for me, even if the pictures are of Britney, a piece of ass a lot more weathered than the prime teenage chainsmoker in American Apparel I was sitting next to 5 minutes ago.

Posted in:Agent|Boyfriend|Britney Spears

2009

02

Mar

Leanne Rimes and Her Gay Boyfriend of the Day

I hate Leanne Rimes and her husband. The are the obnoxious fitness couple who go to the gym, and for bike rides, jogs and weight lifting sessions before stopping for lunch at the gym to pick up a protein shake….while frowning on the rest of the world who eat fast food and enjoy sitting. You know the kind of girl who slowly morphs into a dude as her new found muscles turn her tits into a solid pec, her booty in a man’s ass and her clit into the size of a grown man’s thumb, a piece of information my little league coach used to tell me before making me jerk him off, but that’s not the point, the point is how her husband decides it’s just too hot to wear a t-shirt and just conveniently need to take it off to show the world my abs like I was a faggot in a gay bath house or some shit.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Gay|Leanne Rimes

2008

07

Nov

Ryan Seacrest is My Boyfriend of the Day

So I was I somehow managed to get on this Ryan Seacrest email list that his radio sends out to and for some reason they didn’t BCC the shit…and it went like this:

Ryan Seacrest exclusively revealed Thursday that Madonna, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake will still hit the stage together despite a major section of the stage being damaged.
 
Cordially,

ST

So I responded to all:

If you knew how much I jerked off to Ryan Seacrest and his amazing hair, you’d be sending me restraining orders and not links to his site, but since I appreciate all things Ryan Seacrest, I am totally hard over this email. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone.

Cordially and With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

I am posting it because I got a kick out of it, but the this girl didn’t, I guess she’s a real fan of Seacrest.

You’re fat and shy in real life.  And your website is the biggest piece of misogynistic shit on the Internet. 

Shame they haven’t come up with such a thing as retroactive abortions. 

And my response:

I am shy and fat on the internet too. Don’t hate me, I didn’t invite fat chicks.

Love

Jesus

ps -Good retroactive abortion joke, did you get that at your rape victims survivor class, you penis hating cunt.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Ryan Seacrest

2008

23

Oct

Miley Cyrus’ Male Model Boyfriend is a Sister of the Day

Since I first heard about Miley dating some 20 year old underwear model, I assumed the obvious and that was that the dude was gay, lookin’ for exposure like he was Chris Crocker, only more innovative than Chris Crocker because he actally got hooked in with the biggest thing in entertainment right now, at least I hear that’s why Miley calls herself to her parents when they ground her for being in passed her curfew.

There was never a doubt in my mind that this dude actually liked penis, I knew he was a flaming based on his job as an underwear model and the ripple of his abs, that only a gay man would care enough to create, by spending a ton of time at the gym, because the gym is the best place to go see cock in the showers, and I figure that it was important to get it out there, because I’ve been slamming Miley for being a whore all this time, when in reality the only dick she’s been sucking has been in her sexual fantasies, as this motherfucker’s consistently been turning her down, and to think it was because he liked cock and not because he was scared of your really bad fucking teeth and inexperience damaging his money maker.

I don’t want to spend too much time on this, because who really cares….unless of course you’re like me and spend a good part of your day trying to figure out if Miley still has her cherry or if shit’s been popped.


To see the rest of his gay escapade and read the story….
GO

Posted in:Boyfriend|Gay|Miley Cyrus

2008

16

Oct

Miley Cyrus’ Boyfriends Gives Her a Little Ice Cream of the Day

Tuesday night, Miley Cyrus went to do a staged candid photoshoot at a Milkshake joint owned by a Paparazzi and I posted the video of Billy Ray Cyrus feeding Miley her ice cream yesterday.

What I didn’t realize is that she was there with her 20 year old boyfriend, doing normal 16 year old girl things like going to the ice cream parlor getting some milkshakes, before she can bring her milkshake, that she’s been practicing on all the suits over at Disney, to the backseat and to good use on 20 year old fame fuckers. So as he feeds her like she is his little baby, and she takes it in, not realizing he’s got other plans for her to take things in later that night, but the statutory rape only starts after they sit around talking about boys, music and shopping while doing each other’s hair for a couple hours, so it’s not as predatorial as you may think. I hear next week, he’s going to teach her how to drive stick, if you know what I mean and in his defense, I am still trying to have sex with sixteen year old girls, that’s why I applied for a job at a driving school a few months ago, but I didn’t get it because having sex with sixteen year old girls is the wrong answer when they ask you why you want the job.

Update: Here’s a Video of Annoyingly Useless and Far Too Rich and Relevant Miley Cyrus Watching Her Model Boyfriend at the Ed Hardy Fashion Show, It turns out they were eating Non-Fat Frozen Yogurt, because they are both little girls…Just look how smitten Miley gets when he prances around on stage, if you listen hard enough, you can hear her ovary drop, I think she’s primed and ready….

Posted in:Boyfriend|Ice Cream|Miley Cyrus|Slut

2008

13

Aug

Who’s Gayer, Mischa Barton’s Dog or Her Boyfriend? of the Day

I haven’t quite figured out what’s gayer, Mischa Barton’s Dog or her Boyfriend. I’d write more, but why bother, no one reads the site anyway, except for assholes that threaten to sue me for illegally using their boring pictures of useless people like Micha Barton walking her fucking dog with her ladder-climbing opportunist boyfriend who thought fake dating Barton would lead to something bigger for him, before finding out the hard reality that her career is pretty much over, that’s what you get for being ambitious buttfucker.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Dog|Gay|Mischa Barton

2007

11

Oct

I am – Penelope Cruz Sluttin Out in a Bikini of the Day

penelope_cruz_bikini8.jpg

I am all about spanish chicks. I don’t know why but I think it’s gotta do with fear. They are passionate people and when you wrong them they go fucking crazy and I guess the whole getting stabbed in my sleep for trying to get another girl to show me her tits makes me feel really loved because I would never kill anyone for anyone, I just don’t care enough about anyone to bother, but knowing that a girl is willing to go psycho for me is makes my heart go pitter-patter.

I met a hot Spanish girl last night who knew about the site. It was a bit of an ego boost because I didn’t realize anyone actually read this shit and I was right, she landed on it by accident and never re-visited, but she still remembered the name and that kinda gives me a boner because it means more hot girls are out there and hopefully they are a little sluttier than this one because she was too busy being hot to let me convince her to show me her vagina. In all reality I was scared to ask because she’s Spanish and I didn’t want to get stabbed…..but I did make her whisper sweet nothings in her native tongue, unfortunately not the kind of tonguing I’m into….

Here are some Penelope Cruz using her tongue in her bikini with some boyfriend.


Related Posts:

Penelope Cruz in a Bikini on the Beach
Penelope Cruz Yellow Bikini
Penelope Cruz’s Cousin Topless
Monica Cruz in a Bikini

Posted in:Bikini|Boyfriend|Penelope Cruz|Slut|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Megan Fox isn’t that Hot and is Banging David from 90210 of the Day

megan_fox_boyfriend.jpg

Here are some pictures of Megan Fox at some airport with her lame fucking boyfriend from the other day. The reason I am posting these is because I often think a girl is hot until realizing who they are banging and then I get totally turned the fuck off of them. This bitch is all the rage lately and everyone wants a piece of her and all I can see in this pictures is a half decent girl with shitty fucking tattoos that match her useless boyfriend’s shitty fucking tattoos together making a couple that is not so hot and desirable but wealthy in shitty tattoos.

It seems like girls who all the guys find hot and worth around consistently go out and find the biggest fucking cunt out there as a way to make us all feel like bigger losers than we already are. I remember meeting this girl when I was in my 20s who had everything going for her, a job, money, looks, an education and was probably the best lap dance the city had to fucking offer, but one day while smoking a cigarette outside the club she worked at, I saw her get into the car with some asshole in a tracksuit. At first I thought that dude was just her driver but a month later I saw her at a club with him and a few weeks after that I saw them holding hands walking downtown together and I realized that this bundle of hair gel and muscles and a tattoo that said “Italia # 1″ was actually her boyfriend. It made getting a lap dance from her a struggle, because no matter how bad I loved her naked and grinding on me for 10 dollars a song, I couldn’t get over that she was involved with that dude. Eventually, I would only get dances from her out of spite, it was like a “Hate Fuck” but a little more expensive and a little less naked on my part.

Either way, I know that I am not as popular as David from 90210. I know that he’s been banging pretty decent lookin’ bitches since his last role as David on 90210, 10 years ago, but the only reason for that is because girls in their mid 20s grew up wanting his cock and now they are living out that dream while he is a hell of a lot more accessible. Megan Fox was a nobody up until this Transformers shit hit, so hopefully this new role as the hottest bitch in movies of the summer will open her up to some new cock that is a little easier for people like me to stomach. Until then she’s not a hot slut I want to see more of, she’s just wasted pussy on some useless f-lister, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see her get stuffed like a Turkey on Thanksgiving….let’s just hope this Brian Austin Green asshole isn’t giving her acting tips.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Brian Austin Green|Candids|Megan Fox|Unsorted

2007

09

Jul

I am – Megan Fox isn't that Hot and is Banging David from 90210 of the Day

megan_fox_boyfriend.jpg

Here are some pictures of Megan Fox at some airport with her lame fucking boyfriend from the other day. The reason I am posting these is because I often think a girl is hot until realizing who they are banging and then I get totally turned the fuck off of them. This bitch is all the rage lately and everyone wants a piece of her and all I can see in this pictures is a half decent girl with shitty fucking tattoos that match her useless boyfriend’s shitty fucking tattoos together making a couple that is not so hot and desirable but wealthy in shitty tattoos.

It seems like girls who all the guys find hot and worth around consistently go out and find the biggest fucking cunt out there as a way to make us all feel like bigger losers than we already are. I remember meeting this girl when I was in my 20s who had everything going for her, a job, money, looks, an education and was probably the best lap dance the city had to fucking offer, but one day while smoking a cigarette outside the club she worked at, I saw her get into the car with some asshole in a tracksuit. At first I thought that dude was just her driver but a month later I saw her at a club with him and a few weeks after that I saw them holding hands walking downtown together and I realized that this bundle of hair gel and muscles and a tattoo that said “Italia # 1″ was actually her boyfriend. It made getting a lap dance from her a struggle, because no matter how bad I loved her naked and grinding on me for 10 dollars a song, I couldn’t get over that she was involved with that dude. Eventually, I would only get dances from her out of spite, it was like a “Hate Fuck” but a little more expensive and a little less naked on my part.

Either way, I know that I am not as popular as David from 90210. I know that he’s been banging pretty decent lookin’ bitches since his last role as David on 90210, 10 years ago, but the only reason for that is because girls in their mid 20s grew up wanting his cock and now they are living out that dream while he is a hell of a lot more accessible. Megan Fox was a nobody up until this Transformers shit hit, so hopefully this new role as the hottest bitch in movies of the summer will open her up to some new cock that is a little easier for people like me to stomach. Until then she’s not a hot slut I want to see more of, she’s just wasted pussy on some useless f-lister, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to see her get stuffed like a Turkey on Thanksgiving….let’s just hope this Brian Austin Green asshole isn’t giving her acting tips.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Brian Austin Green|Candids|Megan Fox|Unsorted

2006

07

Feb

Evangeline Lilly's Boyfriend's Shirt

I like british people, because they always stand out like a coldsore at beaches around the world. When I was a little younger, I worked as a janitor at a Club Med. I know it doesn’t sound that glamourous, but I figured if I am gonna be a janitor anywhere, it might as well be on a beach somewhere. I guess the benefit of the experience was that the single women thought the “Maintenance” crew were there to act out porno fantasies with them. You know, these crazy bitches with a little money, who run off with their kids on a family vacation, with hopes of giving a serious pooning to someone with brown skin. Anyway, I only did it for a season, but the point of this post is that British travellers on the beach don’t fit in. They are pastey and usually wearing a fuckin’ snowsuit as to not get a sun burn. Evangeline Lily’s boyfriend is no acception to the rule, even though he lives in Hawaii, motherfucker stills swims with his shirt on, unless it’s a way to cover up some deformity, like a third nipple, or no nipples, or anything that involves the nipple.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Evangeline Lilly|Sex|Shirt|Slut|Unsorted

2006

07

Feb

Evangeline Lilly’s Boyfriend’s Shirt

I like british people, because they always stand out like a coldsore at beaches around the world. When I was a little younger, I worked as a janitor at a Club Med. I know it doesn’t sound that glamourous, but I figured if I am gonna be a janitor anywhere, it might as well be on a beach somewhere. I guess the benefit of the experience was that the single women thought the “Maintenance” crew were there to act out porno fantasies with them. You know, these crazy bitches with a little money, who run off with their kids on a family vacation, with hopes of giving a serious pooning to someone with brown skin. Anyway, I only did it for a season, but the point of this post is that British travellers on the beach don’t fit in. They are pastey and usually wearing a fuckin’ snowsuit as to not get a sun burn. Evangeline Lily’s boyfriend is no acception to the rule, even though he lives in Hawaii, motherfucker stills swims with his shirt on, unless it’s a way to cover up some deformity, like a third nipple, or no nipples, or anything that involves the nipple.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Evangeline Lilly|Sex|Shirt|Slut|Unsorted