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Archive for the Candice Swanepoel Category

2013

08

May

Candice Swanepoel’s Cowgirl Pic of the Day

Candice Swanepoel gave Utah a shout out, because either she shot this pic there, or she feels as though Utah is just a Cowboy filled land of polygamous relationships, that I would like to hope she is planning on retiring to, because it feels like South Africa, but more importantly, because it feels good to have multiple dick on call….not that she’s a man in a mormom home, but she’s Candice Swanepoel, fit and hot enough to make anything she want happen…like turn me on dressed like a cowgirl leading to impure thoughts of her in the barn, covered in manure, getting fucked up the ass with a rake while sucking me off….not that that is something she wants to have happen, but this is the internet, let’s pretend.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

01

May

Candice Swanepoel’s Mom Sets Off Some Red Flags of the Day

Candice Swanepoel’s mom celebrated her birthday yesterday, so everyone wish the uterus that built Candice Swanepoel, instead of aborting her, a happy birthday. Her vagina was ravaged in the making of a vagina you all masturbate to, and she should be celebrated for that.

That said, looking at her picture and using my scientifically backed “Looked at the bitch you’re fucking’s mom before getting too serious, because the chances are she’ll end up looking like her, acting like her and aging like her because mom, although fat and scary now, was once young and vibrant, like the pussy you are sticking your dick in”…..leading me to think Candice Swanepoel may not be what she is now, in 20 years, but the good news is the world will probably blow up by then and we’ll never have to see it, so until then, Candice is toned and not muff gutted, her gunt is glorious not menopausal, so whatever she’s gonna age into doen’t really matter, because what she is today is all we care about.


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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

24

Apr

Never Too Much Candice Swanepoel for Victoria’s Secret of the DAy

I can never have too much Candice Swanepoel, even if the pictures of her are fucking boring, staged the same as every other pic, with a little black background to add some flavor to an otherwise identical shoot to every other shoot she has done, because adding the black background is as far as those Victoria’s Secret organized assholes go, and even that probably took a year of planning and pitching from an eager new employee with a vision that finally came true, when really this Candice babe is a puppet, willing to put her legs over her head while naked, if the photographer told her to.

What a waste, but the kind of waste I don’t mind trying to masturbate to.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

24

Apr

Candice Swanepoel’s Bikini Ass on a Cop Car in Miami of the Day

Candice Swanepoel is pretty alright. especially when half naked and up against a cop car like she’s some kind of terrorist from South Africa here to drop bombs on the beach in her bikini. You know, or a blood diamond smuggler that uses her vagina as her hiding spot. I mean seeing her bent over any car, in this position, would be worth staring at, the fact that it’s a cop car doesn’t make it any more interesting, because you know she’s just being silly, and really who cares what she’s up against, when all you gotta do is stare at that gap. She’s good at this booty thing…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

17

Apr

Candice Swanepoel Seducing Me On Instagram of the Day

Ever get that feeling where you’d rather be in a sexual relationship with a picture than your actual wife, because your actual wife is fat, annoying, disgusting, smells and complains all the fucking time. You know nags like she was a hot chick, when she is a vile pig who should learn how to play it fucking cool because otherwise no one will want anything to do with her, because if we wanted to put up with bullshit, we’d do it from hot bitches who other guys can’t handle, but we don’t mind cuz they look good.

Well that’s what’s happening to me right now, thanks to her instagram.

This Candice Swanepoel character is good.


TO SEE SOME PICS OF HER HARD NIPPLE WALKING ON THE STREET
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TO SEE HER PANTYLINE IN LEGGINGS AT THE AIRPORT CUZ SHE’S ON HER PERIOD
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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

15

Apr

Candice Swanepoel’s Bikini for Agua de Coco of the Day

At least this isn’t Victoria’s Secret, but I am going to assume that it is probably owned by Victoria’s Secret, because Candice Swanepoel is modeling it, and she’ pretty much is owned by the billion dollar brand, because I hate Victoria’s Secret pictures. They are all the fucking same, they lack creativity, and they edit out the good parts of the girls, like their stubble on their inner thigh bikini line, and their hard nipples they’d totally expose if they were allowed or told to,, because that’s life as a fucking puppet…a puppet a want to fuck…but in all seriousness, what puppet wouldn’t I fuck….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

10

Apr

Candice Swanepoel for MUSE last Year of the Day

Last summer, CANDICE SWANEPOEL DID A NUDE PHOTOSHOOT FOR MUSE MAGAZINE and it was pretty fantastic.

5 Days Ago, the guy who shot the video of the shoot put up the video to his VIMEO Page.

Just Now, I posted it, because I think Candice Swanepoel, at least in pictures, is a delicate and beautiful flower I want to care for and water with my dick, because in person, she’s probably 6 foot 6, with a clit the size of my dick, but in front of the camera, this bitch has good features.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

25

Mar

Doutzen Kroes and Candice Swanepoel Together in Bikinis in Miami of the Day

Doutzen Kroes and Candice Swanepoel in bikinis…together….like this was a Victoria’s Secret shoot, but really it is on their spare time, and they are doing it for free, is like a doctor on Doctors Without Borders, or a lawyer doing pro-bono work in the ghetto, or a fucking pornstar fucking you for free. It almost doesn’t make sense, but it is a glorious experience, that feels like you may have won the fucking lottery to make it happen. I mean shit, to book these girls to do this in front of you is probably 10k each…and here they are doing it for free….amazing….especially Candice ass…my god, this is the best pic ever.


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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Doutzen Kroes

2013

22

Mar

Candice Swanepoel Boxing of the Day

Sure I prefer Candice Swanepoel half naked in standardized Victoria’s Secret pics….or topless for fashion pics….or showing her tight little booty in magazines….because she’s got a body that’s incredible, at least in pictures….making me appreciate all things that she does…including posting pics of her boxing….and not just because I like hot girls who can beat the fuck out of me while I get to punch them in the face in the process….knowing she’s 4 inches taller than me and probably is 140 lbs of solid muscle, you know spread out over her 6 foot 2 frame….no wait that is the only reason I like this pic.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

21

Mar

Candice Swanepoel for Vogue Spain of the Day

Candice Swanepoel…..I mean…she’s fuckin aswesome. She’s got this fucking body that blows my fucking mind. Thin, fit and despite being statistically at risk for HIV thanks to South Africa statistics, I want to taste her without a condom, not that I’d ever use a condom, that shit just gets in the way of all the gynecological exams I give with my penis…

Either way, she’s showing off her body, pretty clothed, but still looking good for Vogue Spain,


To See The Video That I Couldn’t Figure Out How To Embed
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Here are some shitty screen caps and the actual pics all mixed together

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

13

Mar

Candice, Karlie and Alessandra are Together in Bikinis of the Day

Those who model underwear and bikinis together…stay together…because they are paid too much to really relate to other people…but more importantly…they make up an exclusive secret society…that is corporately owned….up on some stepford wife shit…where these robots that are awesome to look at…go where they are told…either solo or as a group….in efforts to take over whatever room and peddle cheap, ill-fitting, padded bras on the unsuspecting lower-middle class suburban woman hoping she’ll look as good as these girls….and as good as they look, posing their typical pose…these girls are tall as fuck, and should start up a basketball or volleyball team….that I’d like to coach and by coach I mean masturbate in the corner while they are warming up…cuz robots or not, they are total babes…

Here’s the video:


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Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|Candice Swanepoel|Karlie Kloss

2013

12

Mar

Candice Swanepoel’s Topless for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

Today has been very Candice Swanepoel heavy….but the reality is that life is Candice Swanepoel heavy…because the people at Victoria’s Secret have implanted her in my brain…with all the muscle they’ve put behind her…making me follow her on Instagram and other social media like she matters or like she has more to offer the world than a rockin’ body…which as it turns out doesn’t need to offer the world anything more than a rockin’ body…cuz a rockin’ body…is all it takes to matter in this superficial world….

I am brainwashed by the billion dollar empire….and so are you….and I don’t even mind…as long as they keep pumping these Candice pics down my throat…hard enough…that I can taste her…


TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

12

Mar

Candice Swanepoel – Thanks for This Workout Pic – of the Day

I love fit girls…..whether they are supermodels or not…I just think girls who take care of themselves are fucking babes….whether they are thick and muscular or just fucking perfect like this….you know that whole lean and lovely in tight pants with a brazilian butt from brazilian butt lifts…..or whatever the trendy workout is….

Fit girls are the reason I’ve been banned from at least 4-5 gyms for either trying to hide in the lockeroom – or attending fitness classes fully clothed for masturbation purposes….uninvited…to waiting outside to watch the babes leave the class for a little too long….even though most girls in the gym I see aren’t fit…but are fat trying to be fit…but in those outfits…all spandex and sprots bra it’s good enough for me…..

Especially when it looks like this….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

12

Mar

Victoria’s Secret March Mega Post of the Day

The same gang of rejects…and by rejects I mean hot fucking babes who are overpaid and likely have egos that reflect their bank accounts…as down to earth as you’d expect a life of luxury and being sucked up to to be…including but not limited to….

-Erin Heatherton
-Karlie Kloss
-Magdelena Frackowiak
-Candice Swanepoel
-Cameron Russell
-Behati Prinsloo….

In the catalog we all used to jerk off to before the internet…cuz I guess hicks still like to do mail order like it was 1992 more than they like to online shop..

Who cares…cuz that way the half naked pics keep on comin’….even if they are boring…

Here’s pretty much their entire catalog…cuz I have nothing better to do with my time than to download and re-upload this shit…unfortunately…

Posted in:Behati Prinsloo|Cameron Russell|Candice Swanepoel|Erin Heatherton|Karlie Kloss|Madelena Frackowiak|Victoria's Secret

2013

08

Mar

Candice Swanepoel in Lingerie Pics We’ve Probably Already Seen Before of the Day

Victoria’s Secret pics are like sex with your wife…or long term girlfriend…who you aren’t even really attracted to anymore…not because they aren’t decent looking….but because they have been drained of all excitement and sex appeal over the years of seeing them at their worst….from shitting…to being the same ass you fuck day after day…when all you really want to do is fuck new pussy…but feel torn because you’re not an asshole who would go behind your trusting girl’s back…but shit…you’d love new pussy…even if it wasn’t as hot….just the fact that it was new makes it hot….

You know…the familiar, comfortable, predictable, feels like home kinda pussy you don’t really appreciate as much as you should, but know that you don’t want to lose it….

Because these Victoria’s Secret pics are the fucking same as always..which makes them boring as shit….but the girls in them are hot enough….to make us want to look at them…even if we know what to fucking expect…and even if they don’t give us boners like they did when we were 15 in catalog form before the internet…

It’s familiar….comfortable…predictable…boring…like white people, they all look the same….but shit…this Candice bitch…is pretty spectacular in any setting….

Here are the pics…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel