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Archive for the Candice Swanepoel Category

2013

18

Jan

Candice Swanepoel’s Dog is the Enemy of the Day

Candice-Swanepoel-On-Set-With-Dog

Two funny things…

The first is that Candice Swanepoel, my favorite of the Victoria’s Secret models, who my one reader gets mad at me for proclaiming my love, because I guess he never felt love before…not even for some tall, South African farm girl he’s never met…but would still be willing to sing love songs to her outside her bedroom….or chase her to the gate at the airport to say “don’t go”….brought her dog on set and he stole the show…but hiding her tits…in what makes him as bad as when you bang a girl with a dog at her house and the dog doesn’t like what you’re doing to her…..

The second funny thing is that her caption read something like “Milo Stealing all the attention at work”….making me assume she actually considers this life a job and not a meal ticket…like she legitimately thinks this is fucking working….because she’s getting paid to stand around in her underwear…and I guess it gives her purpose…or whatever…but seriously I think the definition of work..is far different than being paid to play….but I’ll still forgive her…since we’re connected at the soul and all.

For those wondering, I’m talking to you guy on twitter, Victoria’s Secret doesn’t pay my to promote their bullshit…but the should…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

15

Jan

Candice Swanepoel’s Puppy Pussy of the Day

The other day I did a post on Miley Cyrus Puppy Erotica because seeing a young girl with such a deep love for a puppy is the cutest thing ever….and I like to take cute things….chew them up and shit them out….by suggesting they are anything but innocent fun….it’s my thing…not to mention…you’re all a gang of perverts…and jerking off to a girl and her puppy is hardly the weirdest thing you’ve ever fucking done….

So I felt it was only natural to take two of my favorite things…things that remind me I have a soul….puppies…and Candice Swanepoel’s crotch…the crotch I would commit to for eternity…even though we already are commited….her crotch just doesn’t know it yet….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

14

Jan

Victoria’s Secret Babes Half Naked of the Day

Someone told me that I need to get over my love for Candice Swanepoel…because it is boring, repetitive, not funny…but is love supposed to be comedic…it love a joke….isn’t love supposed to be a beautiful and romantic thing that changes our life….and makes it a better place worth living…I’m talking about what Disney stories are made of…what makes us cry when it ends…and cry when it happens and cry all the fucking time…cuz it’s just that good for our souls…it’s not a joke…people…it’s not a joke….

That said…here’s Karlie Kloss, Cameron Russell, Candice Swanepoel, Miranda Kerr, …half naked…good times….

Posted in:Cameron Russell|Candice Swanepoel|Erin Heatherton|Karlie Kloss|Miranda Kerr|Victoria's Secret

2013

11

Jan

Candice Swanepoel and Natasha Poly for Juicy of the Day


ps. I love Candice Swanepoel. Natasha Poly isn’t so bad either…but shit…that Candice Swanepoel…she’s going places…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Natasha Poly

2013

11

Jan

Candice Swanepoel’s Hot Ass for Instagram of the Day

It is hard not to fall in love with Candice Swanepoel….I saw this picture yesterday when she posted them….and it took me 24 fucking hours to get them on the site because I was too busy staring at the amazing ass that is Candice Swanepoel in her bikini for Social Media…but not just any bikini…one that is low cut, or high cut, or whatever the fuck this borderline thong shit is…that so many girls are wearing on the beach these days…making the world a brighter, shinier, more amazing place to live…

I love Candice Swanepoel, and I’ve never met her, but I know that if there is one thing out there I need to consider myself a success..it is to hold her hand….even just for a second…and I never get this way over anything…except maybe pugs…but shit people…do you see this ass…it’s so friendly and inviting, like an old comfy sweater, the hot fit ass version…that I want to slip inside and die…after singing it love poetry I wrote it….starving to death cuz it is all I’ll eat..

Next level performance on her part…it speaks to me at my soul….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

07

Jan

Candice Swanepoel for Victoria’s Secret Swim of the Day


Candice Swanepoel is pretty perfect as far as I am concerned and I guess as far as Victoria’s Secret is concerned too…because they’ve turned her into their poster girl…and without them…she’d probably still be a fit model…trying on clothes for old lady dress manufacturers…but instead she’s the tall, lean, hot body…half naked and incredible to look at…with a rockin’ accent who seems like a pretty lovely person…based on my extensive research of looking at her half naked.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

04

Jan

Candice Swanepoel in Jeans for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

Candice Swanepoel may be owned by Victoria’s Secret..you know since they pretty much found her, locked her into a contract, and made her a celebrity….but I think I may be owned by Candice Swanepoel and I have never even met her, even though I know she’s probably 6 foot 10 and freakish as fuck, but in pictures…in pictures she’s gold…South African Gold….which I guess is actually diamonds…or the AIDS virus…..and whatever else they export besides models with awesome accents….

Here she is for Victoria’s Secret.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2012

31

Dec

Candice Swanepoel’s Bikini Instagram of the Day

Happy New Year…this sparking wine tastes like piss and is giving me a head ache and I am not sure I’ll make it til midnight but I never really do…cuz I live in Canada and it is the one day I like to stay in…cuz all the assholes are out…cabs are impossible…and really do we need to be celebrating this kind of shit just cuz the media wants us to….

What we should be celebrating is Candice Swanepoel posted some bikinis pics…cuz bitch is at her prime and one of the hottest and fittest in the game and I think…if there is anything worth celebrating this 2012…it is her…and her amazing accent.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2012

20

Dec

Candice Swanepoel’s Ass Washer of the Day

I’ll tell you one job better than washing Candice Swanepoel’s ass off before she does a Victoria’s Secret shoot…you know so that the sand in her South African pussy doesn’t ruin the bikinis they are selling….and that’s writing drunkenstepfather.com….true story…just ask anyone who writes drunkenstepfather.com…they’ll tell you the same thing…and that’s only because washing Candice Swanepoel’s ass would get me arrested…she makes me want to do criminal things to that ass…you know…from stabbing it with my tongue in a romantic way…to shooting my load all over it…you know to give her real reason to wash…I’m helpful like that….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2012

18

Dec

Candice Swanepoel’s Modeling Lingerie Like It’s Her Job of the Day


Cuz it is her job bro….

I have probably posted these pics before, they all kinda look the same, but that could just be that there is one constant, one commont thread, the incredible Candice Swanepoel, who people try to hate on, but who’s hate just rolls off her pure, innocent, loving curves…..

She’s good at what she does, and I think I may have to have sex with her get her out of my system….but since she doesnt return my calls, emails, faxes, or love songs I mail her….I guess I’ll just jerk off to her half naked body…..it’s easier and more legal than that whole kidnapping strategy I’d have to take to taste this ass.

She’s good.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2012

17

Dec

Candice Swanepoel’s in Bikini of the Day

OH MY GOD CANDICE SWANEPOEL IS MODELING BIKINIS…..SHOCKING BECAUSE THAT’S ALL THIS BITCH DOES…..Seriously, she needs to tattoo Property of Victoria’s Secret on her fucking forhead, asssuming she doesn’t already have that around her asshole, which happens to be where they extendable plug of her robot ass comes out for charging…you see cuz after much investigation, it has been decided, that there is no way this bitch is real…..

Here are the pics – cuz 40 Victoria’s Secret posts today wasn’t enough….it’s Christmas people and we need to brain wash you into shopping there…even they they only pay us in half naked bitch pics and not a portion of their billions.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2012

17

Dec

Victoria’s Secret Holiday Campaign of the Day

Victoria’s Secret have got me from the fucking balls….they have made their models celebrities…so that everytime one of them tweets some cleavage, I jump like it is news….they have set themselves up that every photoshoot they go on has paparazzi there to cover it….and that every catalog they put out….the pics get released to…all in efforts to make all of us continuously talk about them…and the international pussy they recruit….and everytime I post on these evil corporate assholes…I know exactly what I am doing…I am buying into their strategy like a mindless idiot…but the tits…and the girls…is just too good to ignore…

Here’s their holiday push….

Posted in:Barbara Palvin|Candice Swanepoel|Miranda Kerr

2012

14

Dec

Candice Swanepoel and Maryna Linchuk are Bikini Models of the Day

Candice Swanepoe and Maryna Linchuk are modeling for Victoria’s Secret, because they are both probably owned by Victoria’s Secret, you know third world babes who signed their life away for the dream, and I am okay with that, cuz I dig their tall, fit, half nakedness….and that’s why I follow them on instagram…where I leave comments like

Wow, you should look into becoming a model

Cuz their fans get so angry that I don’t know who they are…when in fact I do know who they are…as I have had sex with both of them…at the same time…in my mind…thanks to these pics they’ve posted to social media….and by “they”…i mean the marketing staff at Victoria’s Secret…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Maryna Linchuk

2012

13

Dec

Candice Swanepoel Ass in a Bikini of the Day

Guess who’s on the beach of St Barts shooting for Victoria’s Secret….Candice Swanepoel…cuz Victoria’s Secret fucking own her…and may have even made her in an African lap somewhere…you know like some kind of billion dollar robot that won’t age and that will never leave them…and investment that helps them make 30 billion dollars a year in sales….which is totally fucking ridiculous if you think about it…that’s like 2 billion pairs of underwear a fucking year….do people really need that many pairs of underwear…..I mean I’m not complaining cuz the evil empire that is Victoria’s Secret has given me this lovely angel to make love to myself / my screen / my MONKEY SPANKER to….which is enough distraction for me to furhter investigate their criminal human traffic robot making practices….


TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2012

11

Dec

Candice Swanepoel’s Victoria’s Secret Holiday Lingerie of the Day

I ran into an old friend who I guess visits the site every once in a while, because he asked me why the fuck I always post on Candice Swanepoel, and that before my site he had no idea who she was, and that even now that he knows who she is, he doesn’t really get why I bother posting her catalog pics, he finds it weird and a little excessive…to whice I say…this is only my second Candice Swanepoel post today, and if I do 20 posts a day, that’s only 10 percent of my content devoted to her, which is practically nothing, I mean sure, I could have done posts on the countless other twats who ignore me on social media, you know giving this bitch no play at all, but have you seen her half naked body? This shit is legendary….and that’s all the justifying I’m gonna do about Candice Swanepoel posts til the end of time…cuz if I had my way this site would be the offical Candice Swanepoel fan club…you know the kind of site that gets me arrested when I start following her around the world for exclusive content…you know passion that is misunderstood as stalking….

Here are the hot body pics….for the evil Victoria’s Secret corporation….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel