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Archive for the Candice Swanepoel Category

2013

27

May

Candice Swanepoel’s Amazing Bikini Body of the Day

Candice Swanepoel has a great fucking body. Long, lean, fit…I got no complaints while seeing her in a bikini on her downtime, you know not getting paid to be in her bikini, giving us a free meal like a top chef at the homeless shelter, but unlike a top chef, her charity work doesn’t take much effort, which is convenient, because either does her day job.

She gets paid millions to not even get dressed. I mean she’s won some lottery, and because it’s free for us to view, I guess we have too.

She’s great, or at least good enough for me, even if her winning at life frustrates all us losers, her body inspires!!


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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

24

May

Candice Swanepoel and Doutzen Kroes for Victoria’s Secret of the Day

In case you didn’t know Candice Swanepoel and Doutzen Kroes are models who were abducted by the evil corporation called Limited Brands.

Limited Brands had sales of 4 billion or more dollars last year, their biggest revenue producer – Victoria’s Secret.

Based in the midwest, the company has been catering to “middle american women” through catalog pictures of hot bodied girls they try to make into celebrities, by owning them, and promoting the hell out of them, setting them up with A-Listers, getting them gigs in other magazines….in what is all one huge evil ad telling below average chicks they too can be sexy for their husbands, give him something to fantasize about, even if they can’t…..

That’s why they must abduct girls from the third world, not that South Africa is necessarily the third world, unless you’re living in a tribe with HIV….or that the Netherlands are the third world unless you’re a strung out person on the street…..but they give these girls a stamp of approval, a green card to America, and the chance to become celebrities, in a job all girls everywhere want to have, because that’s the fucking power of marketing….

14 year old high school girls are not telling their teachers they want to be doctors or the first president….they are saying they want to be Victoria’s Secret models….and that’s some serious fucking brain washing….at 14, already committed to a brand, just because of the push they put in catalogs….pussy that I’d like to get pregnant, or at least mail jars of my sperm to, hoping they get themselves pregnant with it, in some freak accident….but pussy that probably shouldn’t be a source of inspiration for kids to idolize….unless you’re a superficial fuck like me who is happy that girls look up to lingerie models and not fat chicks…cuz maybe that’ll help the obesity crisis, increase fitness, and give me a new generation of chick to jerk off to on instagram in a few years….cuz I’m tired of all the fat….and want more girls to be flawless….and not Flawless like this hypocritical campaign, telling all chicks they are flawless while using chicks who are actually flawless….I mean if they really want to speak to fat trash, they should replace these ethnic babes with something more relatable….like Walmart Clerks….

Here’s the video….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Doutzen Kroes

2013

23

May

Candice Swanepoel Nude Instagram Pic of the Day

Candice Swanepoel posted this picture of her totally naked on the beach in some tropical and luxurious place that she probably flew private to get to….you know on Vacation from her really hard vacation of a life….stripping down to her soul like some kind of hippie nudist who knows she’s got the hottest body around…unlike the nudists I see who think they have the hottest bodies around, but who are 60 plus in age and number of pounds overweight.

It’s a lovely, artistic picture that would only be better if I was in it, mounting her, or at least masturbating to her, posed a little more spread assed. But I’ll take what I can get. You see Instagram has rules and she can’t afford to get deleted. We can’t afford for her to get deleted. We need her and her handlers filling our lives with her life…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

22

May

A Few More Candice Swanepoel for Vogue Australia of the DAy

This body blows me the fuck away….I posted a bunch of these Vogue Australia PICS the other day, but more have been leaked, and they involve her pantsless, and despite not being spread opened wide enough that I can see her soul, is still fucking hot to me, because these legs, that fit stomach, and that little model booty is just fucking glorious…it makes me want to go mining in her womb for some South African blood diamonds…with my penis…

I’m a fan.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

21

May

Candice Swanepoel’s Alright for Instagram of the Day

Candice Swanepoel posted these pics to instagram and they are lovely, even if totally expected, because her body makes her millions, it is totally fucking fit, and why the fuck wouldn’t she be showing it off to people, since it is all we want or expect of her….I mean seeing her fully clothed would be like a chef feeding a dinner party a fucking can of beans for dinner….

I am a fan, it is just unfortunate she’s not the farmer’s daughter in South Africa fucking the hired hands, because when she was, she was probably a hell of a lot easier to have sex with, but also a hell of a lot more at risk for HIV….thanks South Africa AIDS statistics for that….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

20

May

Candice Swanepoel Hot for Vogue Australia of the Day

Her body is ridiculous….and seeing her walk around with a whip isn’t all that bad either….which reminds me that fashion is softcore porn…touchin on some fetish shit…that I am totally into…because let’s face it…my life is pretty boring and this gives me something to do while I’m waiting for drinks….

You know hoping that this becomes fashion, and that the future is filled with women in one piece bathing suits and whips….because isn’t vogue all about style…and so am I….

Just the other day I asked a girl what she was wearing and if I could take it off with my mouth….she freaked out calling me a pervert…even though I just wanted to know her style…I also just want Candice Swanepoel and her tight body to teach me a lesson….even if it involves being fisted. She’s that good.


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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

16

May

Candice Swanepoel’s Nipple in Interview Germany of the Day

From Miranda Kerr’s Titties On Set to these Candice Swanepeol titties in a magazine….it’s been a good day for nipples that are usually Angelina Jolied by the evil corporation they work for. It’s like you can own us because you made us celebrities, but you can’t take our nipples, Victoria’s Secret….

I’m a fan of Candice Swanepoel, she’s got a tight fit body, I’ve written her at least one love song that I’m working on the choreographed dance to before taking it to youtube, you know to win her heart….and in the meantime….I’ll be staring at these….but I don’t think you should…because she’s not some public domain slut….or maybe she is…that doesn’t stop my love….

These pics are alright…Thanks Interview Germany, you’re way better than other things Germany has brought us, like the Holocaust. It only took them 70 years to get to this point…

All this to say, I’d like her to breast feed me….

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|NSFW

2013

15

May

Candice Swanepoel Bikini in St Barts of the Day

Candice Swanepoel posted this bikini pic of her working her ass off in St Barts shooting for Victoria’s Secret for her million dollar a year contract that I assume involves being in a 5 star luxury villa, with staff catering to her every need, unlimited drinks and food and entertainment, to occupy her time that she’s not working, which I assume is probably most of the day, because models are slackers, virtually unemployed, but making bank, all because they look good in pictures…what a joke…..at least for the rest of us, myself not included, because this is barely a job…

Candice Swanepoel is lovely as fuck.

Here’s Victoria’s Secret Models and their “What is Sexy” list that I think is trying to take a cue from DOVE to empower things that are so not sexy….hearing these bitches talk is way less interesting that seeing them half naked…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

13

May

Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge Model Bikinis of the Day


You know what….Victoria’s Secret models have pretty good bodies.

You should print this up, tape it to your fridge, and tell your wife how you expect her to look like this in the next 3 to 8 months, and everytime you see her snacking, show her what girls are supposed to look like….the subtle approach will either land you a hotter wife, or better, she’ll leave you for reasons of emotional abuse, take half of everything you have, and leave you free to masturbate to girls like this, cuz we all know there’s no way any of these girls are fucking you….

All this to say, I’m a fan of staring at them…


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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Lily Aldridge

2013

10

May

Miranda Kerr, Candice Swanepoel, Behati Prinsloo Half Naked Pics for Social Media of the Day

Miranda Kerr and Candice Swanepoel posted these pics to their instagram and the world liked the shit out of them because Miranda Kerr and Candice Swanepoel are big fucking bikini and lingerie model stars….that all the 17 year old girls and white trash women who shop at Victoria’s Secret look up to as idols….”look there it’s the girl in the store in the bra i’m wearing paw”….you know real important idols because the world needs more bitches trying to get fit and half naked…rather than wanting to achieve other things in life that actual matter….and that works for me…because I like half nakedness on babes…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Miranda Kerr

2013

08

May

Candice Swanepoel’s Cowgirl Pic of the Day

Candice Swanepoel gave Utah a shout out, because either she shot this pic there, or she feels as though Utah is just a Cowboy filled land of polygamous relationships, that I would like to hope she is planning on retiring to, because it feels like South Africa, but more importantly, because it feels good to have multiple dick on call….not that she’s a man in a mormom home, but she’s Candice Swanepoel, fit and hot enough to make anything she want happen…like turn me on dressed like a cowgirl leading to impure thoughts of her in the barn, covered in manure, getting fucked up the ass with a rake while sucking me off….not that that is something she wants to have happen, but this is the internet, let’s pretend.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

01

May

Candice Swanepoel’s Mom Sets Off Some Red Flags of the Day

Candice Swanepoel’s mom celebrated her birthday yesterday, so everyone wish the uterus that built Candice Swanepoel, instead of aborting her, a happy birthday. Her vagina was ravaged in the making of a vagina you all masturbate to, and she should be celebrated for that.

That said, looking at her picture and using my scientifically backed “Looked at the bitch you’re fucking’s mom before getting too serious, because the chances are she’ll end up looking like her, acting like her and aging like her because mom, although fat and scary now, was once young and vibrant, like the pussy you are sticking your dick in”…..leading me to think Candice Swanepoel may not be what she is now, in 20 years, but the good news is the world will probably blow up by then and we’ll never have to see it, so until then, Candice is toned and not muff gutted, her gunt is glorious not menopausal, so whatever she’s gonna age into doen’t really matter, because what she is today is all we care about.


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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

24

Apr

Never Too Much Candice Swanepoel for Victoria’s Secret of the DAy

I can never have too much Candice Swanepoel, even if the pictures of her are fucking boring, staged the same as every other pic, with a little black background to add some flavor to an otherwise identical shoot to every other shoot she has done, because adding the black background is as far as those Victoria’s Secret organized assholes go, and even that probably took a year of planning and pitching from an eager new employee with a vision that finally came true, when really this Candice babe is a puppet, willing to put her legs over her head while naked, if the photographer told her to.

What a waste, but the kind of waste I don’t mind trying to masturbate to.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

24

Apr

Candice Swanepoel’s Bikini Ass on a Cop Car in Miami of the Day

Candice Swanepoel is pretty alright. especially when half naked and up against a cop car like she’s some kind of terrorist from South Africa here to drop bombs on the beach in her bikini. You know, or a blood diamond smuggler that uses her vagina as her hiding spot. I mean seeing her bent over any car, in this position, would be worth staring at, the fact that it’s a cop car doesn’t make it any more interesting, because you know she’s just being silly, and really who cares what she’s up against, when all you gotta do is stare at that gap. She’s good at this booty thing…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

17

Apr

Candice Swanepoel Seducing Me On Instagram of the Day

Ever get that feeling where you’d rather be in a sexual relationship with a picture than your actual wife, because your actual wife is fat, annoying, disgusting, smells and complains all the fucking time. You know nags like she was a hot chick, when she is a vile pig who should learn how to play it fucking cool because otherwise no one will want anything to do with her, because if we wanted to put up with bullshit, we’d do it from hot bitches who other guys can’t handle, but we don’t mind cuz they look good.

Well that’s what’s happening to me right now, thanks to her instagram.

This Candice Swanepoel character is good.


TO SEE SOME PICS OF HER HARD NIPPLE WALKING ON THE STREET
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TO SEE HER PANTYLINE IN LEGGINGS AT THE AIRPORT CUZ SHE’S ON HER PERIOD
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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel