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Archive for the Alessandra Ambrosio Category

2015

13

Jan

Alessandra Ambrosio Tight Pants of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio is a mom of two, who is born tall and freakishly skinny, and who has a million dollar contract with an evil corporate brand, that is enough money for a modest Brazilian to make sure she maintains her fitness levels, even if it requires starvation, because it pays so fucking well to not be fat…even when she’s probably too old to still be a lingerie model, the public like her, they are comfortable with her, and figure if she’s not spilling out of her thong from every angle thanks to saggy old lady mom ass and saggy old lady mom pussy…keep her working…and here is her skinny little mom ass…that’s hardly even there…in a pair of leggings…confusing me…because Brazilians have big scale booty contests…and this is the era of the ass…and she’s a mom…it’s like there’s nothing here…when there’s supposed to be so much here…and I guess that’s tragic…unless you like millionaire skinny mom ass…then it’s a win…something for everyone or some shit…


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2014

31

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio for Vogue Brazil of the Day

It’s New Years Eve…why the fuck are you on the internet…looking at bullshit to either distract you from your shitty life…instead of living your shitty life or trying to make your shitty life better…it’s like just filler noise you pollute your brain with before you die…looking at girls like Alessandra Ambrosio in Vogue Brazil..dressed half naked with her nipples photoshopped out because either she’s a Barbie Doll created in a lap, or one of her lecherous, parasitic children chewed it off while robbing her of her sex appeal…even if she still looks good, you know that vagina has seen better years and is forever destroyed….

Happy New Year!

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2014

26

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio Has No Nipples for Vogue Brazil of the Day

The real miracle on Boxing day that is Alessandra Ambrosio, is the fact that she has two kids and still manages to look this good…I like to call her fitness program million dollar modeling contracts she wouldn’t let little lecherous parasite children get in the way of…just because she wanted to have kids early on because she’s brazilian and they don’t do abortions..but I wouldn’t say she’s come out of these pregnancies unscathed, I’m sure her vagina has taken serious abuse, and according to this Vogue Brazil feature for January…it looks like her nipples did to…possibly chewed right off breast feeding…or maybe she never had nipples to begin with…or maybe…just maybe…the fashion magazine felt that nipples were too pornographic to show off a bathing suit…like they were Victoria’s Secret so they played got and erased the shit, leaving her a barbie doll of a woman…and like all Barbie dolls…I’d totally put my ass while I jerk off…

Merry Christmas to all…and to all a good night…even though christmas was yesterday…I’m slow…it happens…

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2014

18

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio in Christmas Advent Calendar Porn of the Day

Here’s a little Alessandra Ambrosio, who is actually pretty big, as all these models are, being used to celebrate Christmas…for THE LOVE MAGAZINE Advent Calendar I’ve Been Promoting for Years , not because everyday is Christmas, or because she’s a Christmas miracle, but because any press is good press, especially for Love Magazine who are owning this Christmas season with their silly videos, like this one that is not very exciting, not that I would know if it was exciting, I didn’t actually watch it, because I have better things to do with my time, like uploading it to the internet for you to watch instead because old mom models who worked for an evil billion dollar brand dancing around for Christmas not dressed for Christmas..is your fetish…not mine.

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2014

12

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Bikini for Instagram of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio posted a picture of her tits that I assume are small implants, not because she’s a brazilian and therefore a man, but because she’s a model and models usually have small implants to fill their bikinis better..

She’s pushing 40, has been modelling forever, and I find her boring…but not as boring as Gisele…who probably is a Brazilian tranny, but I only say that because a pro football player is married to her, and well after all those lockerroom showers, and team initiations…you know..being a wide receiver has a couple meanings…especially when you’re a quarterback…right…

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2014

11

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio is Good on the Red Carpet of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio tranny porn is the reason what AIDS penetrated the American porno industry a few years ago….because AIDS is a serious problem for trannies, and the hub for Trannies is Brazil, so it would only makes sense that Brazilian Alessandra would be up on that…not because she’s a tranny, even though she technically could be, a lot of trannies look as good as this and you’d never know, but because it affects her people…but more importantly, she gets to go to a fabulous million dollar charity event, dressed slutty, to inspire lonely assholes to go out there and hire a hooker to possibly get aids from, in efforts to bust the blue ball load she gave them,….and to show us that she cares…it works for me

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2014

08

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio Amazing For Glamour of the Day

I guess Alessandra Ambrosio’s still got it. I generally get bored of “supermodels” who work for Victoria’s Secret for the last decade taking the exact same picture year after year, while having babies in between, but every once in a while, I guess, they pull off something good, and the fact that it’s for Glamour makes me think they are stepping up their game and starting to produce shit I am more interested in looking at, you know to compete with the sluts on instagram…all this to say mom’s shouldn’t look this good…wanting to be a stepfather is nothing we should wish upon ourselves…seriously…

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2014

27

Nov

ALessandra Ambrosio On the Beach of the Day

I am thankful for bikini models, who despite having great bodies, are old and moms and not really meant to be bikini models but who still make so many women in the world insecure about their bodies, while telling so many young girls that they only matter if they have bikini bodies, otherwise men won’t like them, and they will be forced to a lonely life of hell….

They represent all evil, while making huge corporations money to exploit asian sweatshop workers…all while making girls insecure and giving everyone unrealistic expectations, while diverting us from what is actually important in life…

What’s not the be thankful for…right?!

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2014

21

Nov

Alessandra Ambrosio Has Tits of the Day

Wanna know what I find so fucking fun. I mean like the most fun ever.

Starring at a picture of a model at an event…fully clothed…showing off some cleavage…because she has spent the last decade and a half modeling half naked…in lingerie…and bikinis…because she was part of the most hyped underwear cartel of our generation’s marketing team….before having a bunch of kids…not quite ruining her body, but probably ruining her vagina….

Because my life is pathetic. I mean seriously…if I was actually into Alessandra Ambrosio…I’d probably go through her backlog of content…and not bother with her Brazilian ass doing shitty press…because cleavage…isn’t spread asshole…and I am about the spread assholes…not to mention – she’s old.

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2014

11

Nov

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Ass in Jeans Gets Coffee of the Day

A multi million dollar a year model looks far less valuable or interesting when walking around in sloppy jeans – getting coffee…because she’s feeling warn out and on her period…because this Alessandra Ambrosio is not great to look at, it’s normal, how can that be, she’s a multi million dollar model…who is about to walk the biggest sham fashion show in the history of fashion….MEANING…this ass is going to be jerked off by many – and it’s not even that great…no wonder we are failing as a people, our standards are too low…

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2014

10

Nov

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Fat Belly Takes a Selfie of the Day

I guess even models are caught up on the social media thing, you’d think that they’d have enough of cameras now that they’ve made millions, but I guess they feel the need to keep up their social media for those people who care about them, because an active social media, is another way to charge more money for a job that is totally redundant, if not useless, because I don’t think anyone really gives a fuck if Alessandro Ambrosio is endorsing a product, knowing she got paid a million dollars for said endorsement, it kind of takes any and all authenticity out of her promoting something, when you know she was just bought, but then again people are idiots….and they may fall for it, making this girl more money than she deserves…

All this to say, I like her belly, fatty with 2 kids needs to retire.

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2014

04

Nov

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Fantasy Bra of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio is wearing the stupid Victoria’s Secret publicity stunt to show the world just how much of your money they are stealing from you in their mark-ups thanks to exploiting Third World Countries…

My friend put up a Top 10 of the Fantasy bras to get you a first hand perspective of the Ohio based brand’s ridiculousness….from 1 million to 8 million dollar bras…that no one would ever wear, that look cheap and show girl like…and that ultimately are tacky as fuck…but maybe in the middle of white trash America….where Victoria’s Secret represents luxury…lives women who want this much ice on their tits….you know to really help their stripper stage show…

The whole thing is pretty fucking tacky, but not as tacky as their informercial america flocks to like it matters…dumb.

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2014

30

Oct

Alessandra Ambrosio for LUI Magazine of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio is on the cover of LUI this month…and she’s naked.

Sure it’s not traditional naked…where you can actually see the things that define being naked…like nipples and vagina and gaping asshole…which in this internet porn generation is barely even naked…or inappropriate..you need close up penetration for that…

Instead strategic naked, because she’s a good Catholic mother who has made millions off being half naked, that full naked will come at a premium price…and not for some editorial, no matter how good it is…but instead for a brand or movie that will pay out proper…she knows how this shit works…and I guess half naked, or strategic naked, is better than not naked at all, even if moms in their 30s are a gross concept…when they aren’t Victoria’s Secret underwear models….and here are the pics…

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2014

30

Oct

Alessandra Ambrosio for AIDS of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio wore a dress that I would like to think will inspire at least one person to get AIDS in hopes of having her come to their bedside wearing something similar, only to tell themselves “looks like I made it…I did this life thing right”…I mean that or they will get AIDS by flying to Brazil to fuck some tranny faced hooker who very likely is a tranny, rocking a similar body to Alessandra Ambrosio…without a condom because condoms are for pussies…only to bring back AIDS to America and have the whole porno industry on lockdown…because of it…

It’s happened before..just ask Lara Roxx…

That said…I am a fan of her dress…

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2014

22

Oct

Alessandra Ambrosio Takes a Selfie of the Day

There’s something magical about seeing people taking selfies shamelessly in public. It’s just part of our culture and it happens almost everywhere you go. It’s the internet turning you into the inner narcissist you’ve always been. Forcing you to think people care about where you are, what you are doing, or every little bullshit thing you see….or think…it’s like a 24/7 reality show starring you..and I totally find it boring – until it ends in nudes and sex tapes…in which case…I find it amazing…

So here’s Alessandra, bikini model, taking a selfie, because she doesn’t do enough photoshoots, she isn’t on camera enough, and she needs to turn the camera on herself…you see because the people of instagram are just sitting there waiting to like the shit.

The world is fucking crazy….

Feeling the elements ?????????? #glamz @justinpurdue @kaylamichelehair #aunaturel #beautybythebeach #fashion

A photo posted by alessandraambrosio (@alessandraambrosio) on

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