Alessandra Ambrosio was out in her bikini. I don’t really give a fuck, because this is like watching a postal clerk applying a stamp, or like watching a janitor take out the trash, or like watching a chamber maid getting an abortion after getting a little too close to a vaccuum salesman, a nurse changing bed pans, an orderly raping the patients in comas, a retail store clerk pocketing money from the till, an executive sleep her way up the corporate ladder, a chef spitting in food, a stripper rubbing on your dick in a booth, or greasing up a pole with her skank ass, and a prostitute suckin’ dick. Watching a bitch at work and getting paid for it just is’t as inspiring or interesting as when she does it from the bottom of her slut heart….that’s all I feel like saying about this….
I just realized I am late for something – so I decided to throw up some pictures to tide you over….who cares what I have to say anyway…because I am just going to tell fat chicks to take this girl’s lead, she’s defied all odds of being pregnant.
Update: At least 25 men have sent these pictures to their wives they married and started a family with, who look a solid 40 pounds heavier than they did on their wedding night, letting them know that they are onto them, and know that just because they got knocked the fuck up, doesn’t mean they have to eat a bag of chips or pint of ice cream, every fucking night of their lives, leading them to become the fucking mess that they are today, because if Ambrosio can snap right back with a little dedication, their lazy asses can to, so stop fucking slacking and making excuses you fat dirty whore who lied to me, tricked me, and ruined my life but who I still call my family….
The Victoria’s Secret cult strikes again with their distracting hot bitches in bikinis that they pretty much own like this dude I know who bough a Russian in some Mail Order bride service. Bitch did everything he told her and it was always funny seeing this tall hot blonde chick holding hands with a short, old fat guy, but she was just happy to be there until he pushed too hard and his posters of war-torn Russia that he would point to everytime she was out of line stopped working, leading to her taking the driving seat and eventually leaving him for some younger, richer dude. I just tell him he’s lucky he got out alive, because anyone from a war-torn country is dangerous and reverts back to survival mode when they really lose it but poor fucker is just broken hearted about it. I guess that just proves you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy pussy.
Alessandra Ambrosio is part of the reason I want to get a model pregnant, even though that dream is not possible for me since my good years are far behind me and because my good years weren’t all that good, I was just a little more put together and about 10 years farther away from my impending death. I know that if I made other life choices I could have ended up with a model’s baby, like if I never got fired from that old folks home, maybe one of the girls coming to see their dying grandmother was hot, or even if I became addicted to dance instead of addicted to drinking, I could have found myself performing at some model conference. The truth is you just never know, but I do know that it wasn’t written in my cards.
The reason I would want to get a model pregnant, is that despite having a disgusting little parasite eating off her and growing inside her, she is still hot enough to fuck and not worry about how gross the experience actually is and just follow your balls direction in cumming inside her again. It’s like give something worth eating as my load showers it’s little developing head.
I love how all these fuckin’ virgins get all excited when a pregnant chick shows up with her cleavage exposed because her tits are miraculously bigger. It’s like seeing a teenage kid who just hit puberty on the beach amongst girls in bikinis. Their excitement makes no fuckin’ sense to me, maybe it’s because I know the condition her pussy will be in in 9 months, or maybe it’s cuz I don’t like lookin’ at fat chicks with big tits because I don’t like fat tits or maybe it’s because big tits usually mean sloppy asses. The truth is that getting off to a pregnant chick is some twisted shit and a losers sport. I have a hard enough time fucking a hooker knowing she slammed a guy an hour before me so thinking about a dude beating me to the prize and the proof is showing in her fat uterus that I am trying to cum inside really messes with my head.
The good news is that despite how twisted I am and how much I enjoy watching girls breast feed their babies in public, I can die knowing that I am not as sexually fucked up as I am accused of while all these other sick seemingly normal virgins fucks are jerking off to knocked up Brazilian bitches and I’m at home watching Brazilian tranny porn, because there’s nothing more normal than watching a hot chick with a dick getting sucked off by another hot chick.
I guess the best thing about the Victoria’s Secret Angels flying Virgin Airlines, is how many virgins jerk off to their pictures everyday. Yes, I am talking to you.
Speaking of talking, I was trying to seduce some model who is in Tampax commercials that I came across on the internet, because I feel like despite having the shittiest website on the internet, models in Tampax commercials should try to get all the free publicity they can get, even if it means letting me watch them shower on webcam to reachout to 6 masturbating dudes, so I figured I’d ask her on a date, not that I’d ever leave my house, but it felt like she’d respond better than asking for nude pics, as I often do and never get. When she rejected me I wrote this:
You weren’t going on a date with me regardless, because I don’t do dates, they are a waste of time, and I don’t leave my house, but I used to fuck wannabe models and they were also a waste of time, but at least I get to see them doing things they wouldn’t want their father seeing, unless they were from a dirty family….which sometimes happens because I met them at the bus stop and they were teenage runaways, who weren’t really wannabe models, but didn’t seem to mind the camera when they were sleeping….
She never responded. Either way, marrying a lingerie or bikini model’s always been a dream of mine that I kind of fell short on, like I have with most of my dreams. I never thought I’d end up with someone you’d think would be a good spokesperson for Dunkin’ Donuts, until we got our rejection letter from them because despite bitch being a great customer, her morbid obesity takes away from the message they are trying to get out to young mother’s on the go. Apparently fat doesn’t sell, but it does kill, just not fast enough, not that I want her dead, but it’d be a nice vacation….but not as nice as one on a plane with these bitches, because I hear there are no laws once you’re off the ground….and exposing myself vagina shaped penis, because I am an inny not an outty and that would be the best way to convince them that I am one of them and that they can trust me enough to show me their vaginas and let me watch them pee. When I do it in the park, I always seem to get in trouble.
So I gave up on the staying locked down shit, it wasn’t working for me and figured if people actually want to kill me, I should just let them try and see what happens. I’m gangster like the suburban kid who shot himself in the leg to tell all his boys that he was shot in a drug war.
This whole daylight’s saving shit is freaking me the fuck out. I went out for my coffee and it was dark outside. I realize that I live in a freezing cold hell and all that shit, but it’s never this dark at 4 pm. But then I realized that Daylight’s Saving time hit and that it wasn’t the apocalypse or anything Will Smith would be trying to save me from in a movie, which was kinda disappointing.
Since my memory is so shot from drinking, I decided to relive last week in this post by throwin’ up these Alessandra Ambrosio pics like all you college kids were throwing up all over your stupid costumes last week. The funniest thing Halloween is how everyone thinks they are so creative with their costumes and when I go through people’s Halloween pictures, everyone wears the same fucking costumes. I guess there’s only 20 concepts people have to choose from and run with, so you see a lot of repeats, like Halloween is Seinfeld and the Playboy bunny is a popular one, so Alessandra may not be all that creative but at least she’s hot and got legs while doing shit a lot better than the 200 pound girl I saw trying to get away with the same fucking costume a couple of days ago. I guess Halloween is a day for dreamin’.
So these are some more pictures form the Ambrosio day at the beach that I didn’t bother posting because I figure you’ve all seen this bitch half naked and every other site beat me to it. Since I haven’t bothered checkin any other sites today because I was too busy getting a lunch at a place I always go on Monday’s because they have a $2 spaghetti special that I can’t pass up on because I love spaghetti it makes me feel so cultured and at $2 I can afford it because my wife doesn’t notice when I steal change….
Either way, one of the girls who works there an knows me started telling me how I scared off one of her waitress friends because I added her to facebook and asked her what she was wearing. For the last 2 months bitch has been running in the bathroom hiding when I get in and refuses to take my order or even make eye contact with me. Reality is I ask every girl what she is wearing whether she is hot or not, it’s just my way of communicating, I can’t get it up so any sexual harassment should be non-threatening, and people need to stop taking themselves so fucking seriously, they need to stop thinking that they are so fucking important and they should think I am out to get them because this is what I do all day, I don’t even remember half the shit I spew. Your life isn’t the O.C. and sometimes when you look at things as a joke it makes life a little more fun, instead of hiding in bathrooms you should just get on webcam and show me your fuckin’ tits.
That said, we should all take a little cue from Alessandra Ambrosio and how she isn’t taking life too seriously as she gets herpes in public.
Here are some pictures of Victoria’s Secret Models, Ana Beatriz Barron and Alessandra Ambrosio at that stupid restaurant every fucking celebrity goes to called Mr Chow. They are wearing more clothes than you’re used to and I guess that goes against what you are used to on this site. I like to keep you on your toes. I also like to look at these people who little girls aspire to be in their natural state, without the filters and photoshop touch ups and lighting and professional photographers because these paparazzi are just scummy immigrants with a camera .
I am not going to say these bitches are busted because it’s pretty obvious that they aren’t, but I will say that I would never make a good model scout. They don’t look any better than the girls I see out when I go out, I probably wouldn’t even notice them in a club, but the second these whores take off their clothes and rock a catalog every 14 year old dude and married man with no internet or porn in the house can jerk off to you know they got it in them….what they will never have in them though is you, because no one likes you, even the 400 pound Wal Mart cashier wants nothing to do with you.
I was having a bit of a religious experience earlier today. I was sitting on a bench and some crazy christian lady started to chat me up. She asked me if I had accepted Jesus in my life. She told me that no matter how low I got, he would be there for me. She went off on how he died for our sins and that there’s some group that meets every friday night at the local church and how I should attend because there was pizza. I told her that Friday night was my night for drinking my sins away and she didn’t laugh. Then I asked her if she asked everybody to join her cult and she said that she only spoke to people she felt could use some help from above. I told her that I guess her church was hurting if she was recruiting homeless people and bribing them with food. I asked her if there were any barely legal people in her clergy or whatever the fuck you call it, and she said that they had more girls than guys. I always work on ratio so tomorrow I may be going to get some free food and easily influenced lonely virgin eighteen year old. Fuck, I’ll accept anyone in my life it introduces me to fresh tail.
To celebrate my new found journey to sainthood, here are some pictures of some Catholic Brazilian piece of ass who models lingerie and bikinis like a good christian who strayed. Cuddles.