Bar Refaeli makes me want to convert to judaism and move to Tel Aviv for a new life surrounded by hot pussy, you know in hopes of meeting some of her tag along friends and ideally following them around to the beach in their bikinis, or even into their homes to see them naked..thanks to spy tactics my pervert ass has developed over the years…..cuz if a nation can make this hotness, I can only assume there are a ton of other hotness that’s not quite as hot, but still better than fat American shit, wandering the fucking streets ready to be stalked. She’s spectacular. L’Chaim.
I have some insider Israeli spies who read my site and constantly send me Bar Rafaeli gossip that I never bother posting because I don’t care all that much about her day to day life and I barely even care about her bikini body, it doesn’t change my miserable life in anyway, other than by reminding me that my wife doesn’t look like this, but does look like this, but instead looks like one of Bar Rafaeli’s tits if it weighed 250 lbs and had an broken down face that never shut the fuck up….but that’s not the point.
The point is that last week, Bar Rafaeli left a hotel called the Carlton at 6 am totally messed the fuck up in a party dress and she was either up all night railin’ coke, or railin’ cock or both. At another party, she was seen in the bathroom doing coke while a woman was washing her baby in the sink which I know sounds weird, but the paparazzi don’t bother going to Israel as she’s really the only famous person there and I guess that kind of behavior is what all models do anyway.
That’s all the gossip I have on her and here are some behind the scenes SI pictures some editor posted on twitter.
It’s girls like Bar Rafaeli, the guy who owns the Jewish deli down the street from me who gives me free coffee, the lawyer I had who got me out of some bullshit and the doctor I had that cured my bleeding stomach and I am sure there are others out there, who all make me happy that Hilter didn’t wipe out all of the Jews, but I’m sure in his genocide he got a few bad ones…
These GQ pictures remind me a some 1970’s erotic film kick only not very erotic at all.
A bunch of years ago I was working in construction with a friend of mine and we were doing demo on a house. We got the plaster off one wall and noticed a metal tin. We opened it up and found a handful of love letters than I guess were sent to this guy over the course of a decade from some girl and in those erotic love letters about missing each other, and classy sexual references because it was the 60s and they didn’t say shit like “Rape your gaping asshole while choking you out with a rubber cock as my friend pissed on your face”, you know like we do today when we are trying to express our love to our long lost mistresses, girlfriends, or whatever this “secret” love affair was.
The highlight of the tin was a series of topless photos of the chick and at least 4 or 5 tufts of her pubic hair in various letters, mainly because I had never seen pubic hair from the 60s, and it as nice to see how little it has changed over the years, but also because sniffing it made me cum pretty fast when jerking off to it, I just hope the pubic hair once belonged to a woman, cuz otherwise that’d make me gay, right?
So I guess with being the cover girl of the classiest magazine out there for their classiest issue of the year not only comes with many beer belly pigs jerking off on the toilet while shitting because it’s the only private time your blue collar ass gets, but it also comes with your face gracing the beautiful Southwest Airline, because they’re so ghetto they sell ads on their shit like your local city bus to make ends meet and offer you the best fare from Tampa Florida to Orlando or some shit.
I guess I shouldn’t talk since I’ve never flown this shit, but even I know it’s for poor people on a budget trying to get home for the fucking holidays, so I guess it’s good to know Sports Illustrated knows their target market.
On the surface Bar Rafaeli is a good looking, bikini ready and bikini wearing model with a pretty hot body, but that’s all white wash because under this pink bikini lives a Jew. I love how everyone thinks I am an anti-semite because I say that Jewish girls aren’t hot 99% of the fucking time. Even Jewish guys I know agree with me and their own mother’s are Jewish so I don’t really get what the big deal is.
Speaking of Jews, a Jewish friend of mine, yeah I know, no Jew is a friend to anyone, told me today that he just got out of the Hospital for mennigitis, which is a pretty serious thing to come out of the hospital for. I went on to tell him that he didn’t get that shit from drinking out of puddles or sleeping with dirty girls, but because it’s God’s wrath for being a Jew. He didn’t find it funny and went on to call me an anti-semite too. You just can’t win with these people, one minute they are trying to rip you off and the next are crying about the holocaust, get over it people, if it wasn’t for the Holocaust, Israeli Bar Rafaeli wouldn’t exist so you can thank Hitler for these titties…
I don’t know when these Bar Rafaeli lingerie pictures were taken, but I figured they were worth posting because she’s Israeli and she proves that some Jewish girls are actually decent looking and not the product of inbreeding with their droopy dog faces that only daddy’s big bank account can fix with plastic surgery.
I am not trying to be an anti-semite or anything, I am just saying that Jewish guys always run after non-Jewish girls for a reason. At first I thought it was a power trip, like having the power to lock a hot non-Jew down and making her convert for you and your lifestyle, because I hear converting to that shit takes at least a year, but then I realized that Jewish girls just don’t really have it going on for the most part. Sure they are all good at giving blowjobs because of their teenage years at summer camp trained them right, and usually the Jews who are good looking are just smoke and mirrors, you know the right clothes and make-up and constant maintenance and hair salon appointments. But they are just as high maintenance as their Jew hair and Jewish guys realize that if they just run after some poor non-Jew that they don’t respect, they can get what they want because they give them a taste of the “Good Life” all while being dicks to them, because in their mind they are never going to marry the bitch because she’s not one of them, until they prove that they are worthy.
The whole thing is weirder that David Copperfields elaborate pick up strategy and I guess none of that really matters, because they are getting the bitches and you aren’t, but these pictures of Bar Rafaeli prove that their is still hope for the Jews…..
Since I have been drinking pretty heavily (expensive) lately, my lunch break consists of walking around for 30 minutes and maybe stealing ketchup packets from a Deli. Yesterday I decided to bum a smoke off some suit outside Starbucks, and was enjoying the buzz when this borderline-obese dogwalker yells at me, “Disgusting!” Now I am rarely called disgusting in broad daylight (and mostly only the internet). Well, yeah I find smoking disgusting too, but I actually quit a year ago and I just felt like a drag today. So I said, “Excuse me?” And this old fat chick with 12 dogs says, “Your shirt, it’s disgusting.” I look down, and i was wearing my “Mary is my homegirl” virgin shirt. “What?” I say. Fat dogwalker goes, “No respect, you kids…” or something.
And that’s when I got pissed and said, “We have freedom of speech in this country, and I have the right to wear anything that celebrates my Catholicism,” which was total bullshit. I bought the shirt in 2003 and now realized it was douchey but hadn’t done laundry and I wasn’t about to let some old bitch point out my shirt was retarded, whatever her reasoning.
That’s when fat dogwalker starts apologizing over and over, saying she was sorry, then goes on for 5 minutes about Jesus (not the beloved drunkenStepfather) while her 12 dogs are pissing everywhere, and she won’t let me get away. I finally lost it and said, “Sorry, i have to go, I am late for my abortion.”
That dogwalker would never have harassed Bar Rafaeli, mostly because she is a rich model and wouldn’t wear stupid ratty shirts, and she is Israeli and everyone knows Israelis can kick the shit out of you (they are like all commandos, seriously). She dated Leonardo DeCaprio and looks exactly like Giselle, which makes sense. Here she is wearing shorts and a teet-friendly tank in NYC yesterday. It’s your party now.