Nothing says “I’m a fat chick who hates my body” like going to the waterpark in a pair of shorts and a T-Shirt. I don’t really know what the fuck Beyonce is doin’ in the water with all her clothes on, but I know the story didn’t end the way I wanted it to and she didn’t get eaten by a shark, I guess she wasn’t on her period.
I am hungover again. Not sure why I do this to myself, but I always seem to manage to.
Beyonce’s a cunt. There’s nothing really more I can say about her. It’s just that when I see the faces she’s making when she performs, with such intensity that reminds me of the drama kids I used to beat the fuck out of who thought what they were doin’ actually mattered, like it actually had purpose and was art and not some pile of shit waste of fuckin’ time that even their parents laughed at, I mean until they were able to leverage shit and take it to a bigger scale where they made millions doing it, givin’ them the last laugh, unfortunately without their pants on, because seriously no one wants to see this bitch with her pants off, no homo….except maybe her husband, but even he fucks other pussy to forget what he’s locked himself into, while she forces us to only blame ourselves and each other for buyin her records and creating this monster….
A really overweight, unattractice, annoying supermodel. I hate that the world has made this cunt and her cunt behavior and her cunt attitude famous. It’s like you know when she’s prancing down the fuckin’ airport in her desiger clothes, with everyone lookin’ and pointing at her, wondering how those ankles support that body, she is thinking to herself how amazing she is. You know thinking she’s some kind of Diva, because the public and media say she is, without actually taking a minute to hate her fuckin’ self. The whole thing offends me and that’s all I have to say about that.
I don’t know what kind of publicity stunt this is, but Beyonce took a break from eating and sitting on her fucking ass all day throwing darts at pictures of Rihanna and Jennifer Hudson for stealing the glory she truly feels belongs to her, but I heard a report on the radio that she works out with a picture of an Oscar taped to her treadmill, based on her previous acting performances, she may want to try hanging a chicken wing on a string out of reach, cuz i hear that shit makes this whore run.
It’s kind of the same strategy I use to get my wife to suck my dick. I just hit up KFC on 2 dollar tuesday and lube up with the chicken grease, bitch can’t resist the smell and licks off every last drop, shit is gross, but affordable. True Story.
If Beyonce was a boy she wouldn’t be wearing a fuckin’ one piece bathing suit, unless of course she was a cross dressing boy. If Beyonce had any fucking respect for others and wasn’t and self-loving bitch who thinks she’s better than the rest of the fuckin world, she wouldn’t be wearing a fucking one piece bathing suit, she’d cover her fat ass up.
Maybe this women’s liberation, independent woman, all the single ladies bullshit kick should take a fucking time out and stand in the fuckin’ corner where it belongs, because her fashion sense on stage may influence other fat girls to dress like this, thinking they are loving themselves, while alienating the men who would possibly consider fuckin’ them when drunk, because being face to face with their fat pantless crotch when not alone at their apartment, will usually make us walk the other fuckin’ way.
Here’s a song by Beyonce singing about loving a guy’s “Big Ego” because shit is the only thing she can physically feel because of her “Big Pussy” and I don’t mean her family pet, unless they all take turns petting the fluffy mess in her unitard, I mean her fat genitals because she’s fat.
Here’s her new digitally remastered video with her pants off, it’s the theme of female performers everywhere and I like to document it’s slow move into the mainstream. I’m no fashion expert but this is the summer of no pants and I guess that’s a good thing for an old pervert like me.
Beyonce is on some vacation with her mom because her husband is back home going on dates with Rihanna and when he’s not jerking off on her tits, he’s jerking off to the pictures of them that were leaked last week, mainly because he likes the dollar signs them shits come with, but also because anything is better than his cunt of a wife.
The good news is that she’s covered her fat ass up in a men’s shirt so that we don’t have to see it. Maybe it’s to give us the illusion that Jay-Z is her man and he owns her, like the cheerleader with the quarterback’s team jacket in those highschool movies, but the reality is that the rocks on the shoreline are the only hard thing in these pictures. She Sloppy.
Here she is at the airport in heels that can’t be any higher in a last attempt to look tall and lean….
This is amazing but I don’t really believe it. They say that this is her performing on the TODAY show and that this audio feed is actually what is being fed through the mic before going through some board that adjusts her pitch or some shit. I mean I’m not a record producer and it seems like it’d be possible. I am an asshole though and think this is hysterical. I watched it four times, it’s like someone clowning on singing, you know so bad you’d expect it to be coming out of a crazy person who just drank daino and is roaming the streets beeping at random people…it is so bad that it is fucking amazing…AMAZING.
There was a time when my wife and I did various activities. You know in the Honeymoon phase where I was going along with the whole marriage thing because I had accepted that I just sold my soul to the fucking devil and that the rest of my life was going to be hell, so I might as well rock out before I am too bitter and resentful to enjoy. So we’d do stupid things, like one afternoon we went to a little bar that had this trapeze set set-up outside, and my wife insisted we try the shit. I wasn’t into it, but she had been a gymnast when she was 150 pounds lighter and I guess thought she still had it in her. I remember the look on the staff’s face when they were trying to help her up the ladder to the top, before she fell into the strained safety net because she couldn’t support her own weight. It was a lot like the look on the horses face the time we decided to go horseback riding. Which is probably the look on whoever the fuck is responsible for rigging up Beyonce and her dumpy, fat, pantless ass, because you know if she goes down, some motherfucker is going to get executed….
Which brings me to my point. Why the fuck do rockstars/musicians/singers/performers insist on flying around the fuckin stage like some kind of fucking bird. Do the fans really find it that exciting to see an idiot strapped up and floating around the stage? Don’t they realize if the audience is there, 55% of them are fans and want to see them sing, 40% are asshole dudes dragged along for the ride by a girl they hope to fuck, 3% are media or got free tickets and 2% are there hoping all that fried chicken takes her out and she has a massive heart attack on stage. You know, to witness a historical event. But none of them want to see a fat slut do silly stunts that aren’t even impressive.
Step it the fuck up, I mean, if you can manage lifting your own legs, you fat pig.
I posted this shitty Beyonce, Jackman, High School Musical performance from the Oscars yesterday because I had slept in and I knew that the best way to annoy people was to post more Oscar bullshit.
I didn’t take the time to watch it and the part that I did see was spent avoiding Beyonce’s Fried Chicken things by trying to spot a Zac Effron vagina slip, so I didn’t notice that Beyonce’s nipple popped out, but luckily, someone with a lot of time on his hands, took the time to capture the moment for people like me to share with the world. Thanks economic crisis and job layoffs for letting us distract our unemployed selves with the things that really fucking matter….
If you’re wondering why I haven’t updated the site, it’s because I am running of West Coast time and I’ve been out hoping from Oscar party to Oscar party all night long. Sure, I’m not actually in California and I wasn’t invited to a single Oscar party because I am irrelevant, and sure I only watched a few minutes of the Oscars because that shit depresses me, and I didn’t actually go to any Oscar parties, not even themed shit at my local bar.
I just got drunk and passed out at four in the morning and feel like I should have watched this segment of the Oscars where Beyonce rocks out while I was drunk because that way I’d be able to focus on Vanessa Hudgens cleavage and one piece vagina hugging outfit, but instead can’t see past Beyonce and her huge thighs trying to steal the fucking spotlight. So if you’re into something pretty shitty while I get my posts together, watch this garbage.
Here are some pictures from the Oscars because I’ve decided to not really cover the shit because my opinion doesn’t matter especially when it comes to how predictable, political and drawn out this jerk off fest is. I did like Jackman’s intro and the set design, I was happy to see Wall-E win but hated pretty much everything else.
Some Penelope Cruz Before Her Inspirational Acceptance Speech….
Miley Cyrus Brought Her Wonky Teeth as a Date….
Anne Hathaway Needs Sun, This Casper Shit Makes Her Look Like She’s Dying…
Some Vanessa Hudgens Because She had No Business Being There….
There’s a lot more of this shit in the stepFORUM GO
So I have this theory that Beyonce held off sex with her husband and gave him the silent treatment because she her whining and bitching wasn’t getting through to him, at first he took it well because it was a much needed vacation from his pain in the ass partner in life, but eventually, like all husbands he had to listen to her demands. First she went off about how she doesn’t like that he’s created a bigger star than her in Rihanna and that if he wants to stay happily married he better do something about it, he refused because he pulled the “it’s business” and “she makes me lots of money” angle, but it wasn’t good enough for Beyonce, she wanted Rihanna fired, she was jealous, she was fed up with her taking the glory and no money in the world could justify why her husband would choose another woman over her. But Jay-Z wasn’t budging, so she paid Chris Brown to mangle her face and make her disappear, so while Rihanna is out in Barbados recovering, Beyonce’s not wasting any fucking time recording videos to get out before Rihanna can get back to work….all while being close with some black guy to let Jay-Z know she’s not fucking around…but it’s just a theory.
This is not going to interest you, but it interests me because I feel like I am alone in hating this Beyonce bitch. Every time I rip into her for being a waste of space, annoying, a brat, uninteresting and trying to hard to stay in the spotlight, some cunt emails me with fucking essays about how she’s a diva and a talent and the queen of the fucking world because I know she thinks she is.
So it’s nice to see that Etta James isn’t down with her either and has some sense in her and that’s all I have to say about that.
If you’re wondering why Jay Z cheated on Beyonce with Rihanna inspiring her “if I was a boy” song, here’s your answer…She’s got a pretty shitty body. Now, for those of you who like thick women, don’t get mad at me, because even she knows that Popeye Chicken lifetime supply sponsorship from 5 years ago was a bad idea, otherwise she wouldn’t be swimming in her fucking dress and prancing around with something covering her dumpy ass, like the fat teenage girls in my high school did when we had an activity day at the water park and they insisted on wearing their T-Shirts. Their reasoning was to protect their fragile pasty white skin from the sun it never saw because they were too busy spending the summer inside eating, but we all knew they were just trying to avoid the shame from our pointing, laughing and disgust.
Sure, the only rippling my body has going for it is when I jump and shit jiggles, but I’m not the one getting paparazzi pictures taken of me, so maybe this bitch should try out an eating disorder in 2009, despite the low blood sugar fits of rage, the possible heart failure and the weakness and discomfort, it could be good for her marriage and more importantly, in her quest to take on Rihanna in the fight for her husband’s penis and the public’s acceptance.
Bonus – here she is getting a tan, even though I already thought she had one of those….
Katy Perry is a victim of positive reinforcement. Someone forgot to tell her that she fucking sucks and instead was surrounded by people who suck her big fucking dick all day long, making her think what she’s doing is relevant because of the paychecks, radio play, and crowds aplauding for you, without realizing the people who are paying to see her are just fucking idiots who eat up anything the radio feeds them.
So she can’t sing, she can’t dance and to make shit worse, she’s not even good looking or worth a fuck. She’s just a fat chick who isn’t fat right now, and her novelty act needs to fucking die, because if it doesn’t I probably will. I am easily affected by things, especially when I can’t escape them everywhere I fucking go.
Here’s a video of her doing the Beyonce dance, because she’s an annoying cunt, and a photoshoot where she looks hideous, because even with make-up, photoshop and good lighting, she can’t escape her fate…….