Carrie Underwood is squatting…I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing…I just know that the only time I see my wife squat it is when she has to take a huge shit that I usually have to clean up after….so the whole squatting thing doesn’t really speak to my soul, however I can see how it would work in fitness setting on a fit ass doing fit things…like squats..is probably more appealing…you know more a “I really want that bouncing on my dick and/or face”…kind of situation, rather than needing a hazmat suit to clean up what squatting left behind…or more importantly what the dignity squatting took from you…
I don’t know if seeing a recently married bitch who is fresh off her honeymoon in shorts and ridiculous high heels performing on TV will turn anyone on, I mean I’m desensitized from doing this shit everyday unless the bitch is inserting her heel in her vagina or her friend’s vagina after spending a day walking around dirty downtown piss filled alleys, I’m not too interested, but I figure some people are easier to please, especially the backwoods, religious country folk who can’t get enough Carrie Underwood, and pretend her pussy didn’t just spend 10 days of romance doing circus tricks for her hockey cock….so here are legs doing nothin’ special in some heels for those of you who aren’t so depraved and who still have good old American values.
I guess it is only natural that when a bitch is on her honeymoon with some Hockey player that has years of gang rape, broom in ass, team initiation in his bag of tricks, it’s only natural that she steps out and gives her pussy a rest…you know some time to dry the fuck off..so here she is in a bikini
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The only thing exciting about these pictures of Carrie Underwood and her new husband at the airport is that they are about to leave on their honeymoon…and the hot thing about honeymoon’s is the amount of dick her pussy is going to get over the next week or two when she’s knee deep in romance and smitten with the fact that some dude just locked into her and promised to never leave her..Seriously, if you want to see a pussy at her best level of performing, it happens when you marry them, or when you break their heart and they want you to realize what you are missing….she may even give him anal for the first time cuz she figures it’s gotta happen sometime since they are married even though all it really takes is a lenghty divorce process to get out of the shit, one that she’ll finance with all her singer money, and he can just move onto the next pussy willing cuz there’s a lot of it out there…cuz that’s just how life works..and her legs in these shorts look pretty alright too….especially for someone about to allow herself to be treated like a fucking whore only instead of paying her by the hour he just made false promises…and made her feel secure enough to show her best…Goodtimes…
Carrie Underwood landed a free trip to the Bahamas and all she had to do was swim with the Dolphins. It’s like the marketing campaign at the Atlantis, because year after year, I’ve seen second tier celebrities spend weekends at the resort in exchange for some photo shoot with the dolphins and her whale of a friend.
In a lot of ways, I wish they were a little more creative about generating buzz about their shit, because I don’t give a fuck about swimming with dolphins, I care about naked fucking girls, and the real easy way to get that hustle under control would be spy cams in her suite. That shit would get a hell of a lot more airtime than her ill fitting wet suit pictures. Maybe a career in tourism and hotel management is in my fucking cards….and until then here’s the boring shit we’re forced to deal with until that happens…
But at least Carrie Underwood has shown us our fat manager so that we can fantasize about being in a club and seeing her across the bar, where we proceed to hustle her and get into her pants by joining her party, only to get bombarded by her ugly pig friend who is jealous of all the attention she gets, only to decide that we’re the guy she wants, and that she’ll make sure the thin blonde won’t go for us, because it’s their fat turn for male attention for a change and you just happen to be the sucker who has to give it to her…..
Carrie Underwood must have a heavy flow and these stockings save her from the embarassment of having period drip down her leg on national TV, because it kinda just cammoflages and absorbs the shit like it never happened and and saves her from big scale disgusting that would otherwise happen provided she was bare skinned or in light colors.
This is a little fashion tip for girls everywhere to take note of, because getting your period in white pants, shorts or bathing suits, although erotic for people who like fertile women and who find periods sexy, espeially if you’re in high school…because that’s the time of your life that getting your period will get you a nickname that follows you forever, you like “Bloody Pussy Legs” or “murder scene jean” or something more creative and funnier that the rest of the “more talented than me” class comes up with.
Here’s some shitty angles of Carrie Underwood’s ass in some pink sweatpants at the airport. She was on American Idol last night and I guess this was her working her way back to where it all started…I didn’t watch the bullshit because I don’t have a TV, but I can assume it was safe, boring, uneventful and that she was dressed pretty much the same, as to not piss off her hockey boyfriend who has broken her wholesome country girl act, despite being beat to her by Tony Romo, by making her lick his ass more than once.
At least that’s what someone close to the couple told me. It all stems back from when he was playing in the minor league.
No one actually told me that, I made it up because I had nothing to say about these pictures.
I am tired and hungry and uninspired.
I am sure you don’t care to read me whining.
How about I tell you a story about the time I banged a multi platinum talented recording artist.
I just found out about this, but apparently Carrie Underwood is dating some Ottawa Senators player named Mike Fisher. Now Ottawa is in Canada, it is a 2 hour drive from where I am and I’m not going to go try to kidnap this bitch because I just don’t care. What I do care about is how funny it is when the jumbotron/tv spot her and she tries to duck and hide in some sort of panic. I haven’t seen that kind of panic since getting caught jerking off to some unsuspecting college girl and her boyfriend fucking when I slipped on the fire esacpe and fell through the window screen with erection in hand. Talk about a bad scene.
I don’t know why these popstar celebrities like hockey players, it’s a fucking fad though. I live in Canada and everyone’s a fucking hockey player and they all look toothless and beat the fuck up, short, bald and seem to do too much coke, stage gangbangs, fuck teenagers, have tons of money and like to be tough guys especially in lockeroom hazings when sodomizing each other with hockeysticks and by hockey sticks I mean their tongues and dicks….not to mention they all speak like fucking backwoods inbred retards from Ontario who have fart parties while hunting caribou or some shit. I’d demonstrate for you, but I don’t have a mic.
If you are wonder what shit shoveling, tobacco chewin’, guitar strummin’, whiskey drinking cowboys who suffer from a broken heart and who’s dog died last month jerk off to while they cry, Carrie Underwood is it. Here she is in a bikini, which would help those fuckers reach orgasms if they knew how to turn on a computer, but are too busy herding cattle instead, but at least they have their old transmittor radio to learn every lyric of her heart warming songs. The truth is that Carrie Underwood shows us that American Idol can make you very fucking rich, if you use it to get into country music, because country fans are loyal as fuck and will always support one of their own for their entire career, making Underwood a cash cow you’d want to saddle up and ride into the sunset.
I was contacted by a retried runway Model from New England. She told me some stories of doing coke, having an eating disorder and retiring from her career when she 24 or some shit. She wanted to write for the site and this is what she came up with for these Carrie Underwood pics….
Here is Carrie Underwood, continuing to milk Idol fame by wearing a hot outfit and pretending to play softball. Bitch is working it for softball/baseball season to promote her shitty country song about some guy cheating on her ass.
Personally, I love the song because itâ€™s a good chick song to scream when youâ€™re driving but Iâ€™m a hypocrite because I am dating a married man. Anyway. Iâ€™d work that shit, too, if I had such a crappy song on the radio
I think it is pretty fucking boring. I guess she’s fired too. She could written about getting fucked or loving dick or masturbating instead she talks about screaming along to a chick song. If I wrote this post I don’t know what angle I would have taken because I am feeling fucking stupid with a serious lack of sleep, but I am sure it would have been better than this trash…Maybe about when I used to watch the girls in my highschool practice soccer in shorts like this so that I could watch their tits bounce, or maybe talk about how girls who play sports scare me because they are more man that I’ll ever be, but I didn’t write this post and that’s why it sucks.Thanks for nothing asshole.