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Archive for the Dita Von Tease Category

2007

18

Jul

I am – Dita Von Tease Goes Shopping of the Day

Dita Von Tease Shopping
Julien, our token gay blogger, sent me this email this morning. And since I think Dita Von Tease is just a whole bunch of (hot) hype, I thought I would post it. It’s so gay I can almost hear his lisp when I read it.

Ok, just because I’m gay doesnt mean I’m going to redecorate your house and take you to Ikea to pick out new plates for your dining room. Choosing paint colors that match your new bedspread is not my idea of a fun Saturday afternoon. I like to spend my Saturdays lying in bed recovering from the fact that I came home at 8am all sketchy from some loft party that I went to after last call at the bar.

Like last night, some ex-fag hag of mine calls me up because the loser that she was dating realized that he could do better than her. She called me up all weepy and shit, wanting me to come over and talk about her failed relationship. She probably wanted me to hold her for awhile and then take a bubble bath with her to make her feel better.

Look, that was what I did when I was fat in high school and no guys to fuck me. But now I’ m hot and have better things to do with my life. So I made up some lie about being sick and instead went to a strip club where I got a contact lap dance from a hot guy with his initials tattooed on his ass. He was uncut but didn’t have too much foreskin. Hot.

Anyway here are a few pics of Dita Von Teese. Now, like I said, I’m not you the kind of fag who is going to help you with all your clothing issues. But even this is too much. I know she’ s supposed to be some fashion maven but her dress looks like a needlepoint picture that my grandmother had in her kitchen where she and I used to have teaparties. Girl, what the hell you were thinking?

Smooch!

Julien


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Posted in:Dita Von Tease|Unsorted

2007

21

Jun

I am – Dita Von Tease Doing Her Routine in Tokyo of the Day

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Here are pictures of a half naked Dita Von Tease doing her stupid Burlesque show. It always involves her in a champagne class with nipple covers and a thong and as good as that sounds on paper, shit looks pretty fucking boring, not because she does the same routine over and fucking over like bitch is in Groundhog Day, but because she doesn’t show the world her box that Marilyn Manson shot his satan seed up inside.

I don’t really get the whole pinup girl craze that’s been going on the last couple years. It seems like only fat chicks really respond to the whole movement, because it gives them a false sense of sexiness and they wear corsets and show off their fat tits everywhere they go to celebrate that sexiness they never knew existed while they emotionally ate their ugly fat hearts out through high school when no one would slam them.

I also don’t understand the whole alternative model movement that is a lot like this 1950′s burlesque pinup shit, because these fat chicks in corsets get tattooed and pierced decide that they can be models and people will get off to their naked inked fat asses. The way I see it, they shouldn’t be allowed out of their ratty homes and jobs working as a cashier at the pharmacy and into the photo studio where they get naked, but guys like you, who aren’t into hot chicks, buy memberships to these Suicide Girls sites, fueling this whole fucking industry and making more and more ugly girls get tattooed to feel wanted. I guess you’re a fucking charitable organization and you at least get off because of it, which is more than I can say about people who donate to AIDS Babies in Africa Charities.

Posted in:Ass|Burlesque|Dita Von Tease|Striptease|Thong|Tits|Unsorted

2007

18

Apr

I am – Dita Von Tease Performing of the Day

dita_von_tease_performstop.jpg

I did a post on Dita Von Tease performing at some point last week that you can find HERE . I don’t really have much to say about this, other than the fact that her shit is dull, burlesque is dull, and her lame nipple tassels are dull. I just thought that it was funny that she did a performance a couple of days ago that was pretty much exactly the same as the one from 2 weeks ago and the pictures are pretty much the exact same as they were 2 weeks ago, which makes this post as dull as Dita Von Tease.

It makes me realize that if I could come up with one post that I could re-use with every set of pictures I post, I’d have a much easier life, especially since you don’t actually read this and come for the pictures.

Bonus: Dita Von Tease Nude Photoshoot
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2007

09

Apr

I am – Dita Von Tease Does a Strip Show of the Day

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I don’t like burlesque, if I got to strip clubs I want to see no panties and no nipple covers, because nipple covers are pretty much the same fucking thing as wearing a fucking shirt in my perverted world. If I can’t see the color and size of a bitch’s nipples or the hang of her cooch, then I know that I’ve been ripped off. What I do know is that she makes more money doing this artsy faggot dances than the strippers I know who suck dick for 50 dollars in the booth, but she’s way less authentic. She’s like the candy coated stripper who still does Penthouse pictorials and is officially more of a pornstar than any of the girls I know, but pretends she’s an artist.

These pictures may or may not be old and I really don’t give a fuck because I am sick and my flu killed my weekend, even though everyday is a fuckin’ weekend.

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