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Archive for the DJ AM Category

2009

28

Aug

RIP Motherfucker the DJ AM Edition of the Day

So DJ AM is dead. For those of you who read the site, he’s been someone I constantly rag on. I’ve met the dude a handful of times and he was always surprisingly cool with me, except for maybe twice where he pretty much told me to fuck myself and told people I know he hated me, but overall, it’s understandable. I always pulled stupid stunts on him over the internet.

Just last week I was ripping into his ugly girlfriend on Facebook who he reportedly broke up with and spiraled into a depression over and now he’s gone and killed himself or at least allegedly killed himself, even after survivng a plane crash, a drug adiction, obesity and an attempted suicide, making millions along the way.

On a sidenote, DJ AM was filming his own intervention type show, so the fact that this is drug related is so fucked up…..

My DJ AM relationship started back in 2004 when I first started the site and he did this interview with me:

Stepfather: So what’s the deal with DJs, why does every girl want a piece of the DJ?

DJ AM: DJs rule… Every girl wants to bone us cause we are the center of attention… And that’s what every girl wants to be.

Stepfather: You used to be fat, I am fat, is life really that much better being thin? Do girls appreciate a fat man, or is your life that much better now that you aren’t fat?

DJ AM: I hated being fat. I miss knocking back a rack of ribs and bakers dozen of Krispie Kremes for a snack but I like being thin for once…

Stepfather: Rumor is that when you lose a lot of weight, your penis gets bigger, is that true?

DJ AM: Yes, my penis has gotten bigger.

Stepfather: I am a fat man and I am scared to sleep with fat women for 2 main reasons, first because fat is disgusting and second because fat gets in the way of sex and I am scared I won’t be able to penetrate fully, how do you feel about sex with fat chicks?

DJ AM: I have a friend who is skinny and he only fucks fat girls. I think he likes the padding and feeling like hes doing some kinky shit. Thing is, your right. If the chick is THAT fat you can’t dig it all the way in cause there are rolls blocking you.

Stepfather: When it comes to sex, what’s the craziest thing you have done, what do you brad to your boys about?

DJ AM: I used to slap the shit out of this one girl who LOVED to be smacked in the face. I’m not much of a bragger anymore though. I grew old and just like it normal.

Stepfather: How much drugs funnel through the clubs you play at, because I once hung out with a stripper, we were sitting next to each other on the bus and she was telling me that clubs have so many drugs…I once did an 8-ball of crystal in a trailer park in Dallas, that’s actually where my blog started. How do you feel about drugs and what is your drug of choice.

DJ AM: Drugs RULE! I used to be a crack head for about 2 years. Nothing is more fun then being so wasted you throw up on yourself at 9:45am on your way to downtown LA to buy crack rocks from the mouth of a 12 year old Mexican kid. Drugs are all over the clubs I DJ. I just like sitting back and watching people learn the hard way.

Stepfather: Would you sleep with your stepdaughter/stepsister if she was really hot? If you said no, would you rethink it if you only met her when she was legal or if she was only in your life for a couple of years?

DJ AM: I would not bone my step ANYTHING. That’s just too damn funky and close to home… Well, if she was Adriana Lima then yes.. but only in the ass.

Stepfather: Do you feel that your music is being overshadowed by your celebrity acquaintances, friends, and lovers?
DJ AM: No.

Stepfather: How do you feel about providing us with some random gossip that no one will read, but you feel you need to get off your chest and what’s the deal with celebrity obsession, I like to pretend I care about celebrity, but I only do it for traffic to the site.

DJ AM: Hmmmmmm… gotta think about that…

Stepfather: I am an alcoholic, and I like to drink everything, including rubbing alcohol and tang, what is your drink of choice?

DJ AM: I am a sober recovering alkie… I aint had a drink in 7 years.

Stepfather: What are the chances that you would put me on permanent guestlist to all your events?

DJ AM: Slim to none cause there is no permanent guest list. But, if you give me a reach around in the booth I may get you in to 1 club.

Stepfather: Could you hook me up with naked pics of celebrities, it seems to really drive a lot of traffic to my site and I would really appreciate it, no one would know it is from you.I am thinking a DJ AM sex tape or something, is that likely?

DJ AM: Not a good look for you, got no pics

Stepfather: Who are your musical influences? What kind of music do you dig? What type of music do you play? What gets your dancefloor bumping?

DJ AM: I am strongly influnced by the music of David Hasselhoff. What a voice on that stunning man.
Stepfather: Are you going to pimp the expression that’s porno in LA, I think you have the visibility to make this the next big expression, you down?

DJ AM: It could be… but my girl is not feeling that word. I gotta break it in slowly.

Stepfather: I once saw a picture of you in high-end streetwear, have you always supported streetwear? How do you feel about the popularity of the homeless look, I remember when it was limited to people like me, who actually used food stamps while the hottest thing was Brandon Walsh from 90210…

When his Nicole Richie relationship broke and my site was the top result for DJ AM, he hit me up asking me to remove the shit. I went along with it and as he got more and more famous, he started answering me less and less, but when he came to Montreal invited me to come out to his party where I was carted around with Nicole Richie drinking free booze all night.

Then a few months later, I emailed him saying Nicole Richie is a whore who cheated on him with Steve-O and that’s when he stopped acknowledging me completely.

So being the internet asshole I am, I spent the next 4 years busting his balls, teasing him, sending him stupid emails, being an overall pain in the ass and he just constantly ignored me. He’d come to Montreal, I’d go to the events, he’d tell people he hated my site and then this year, on Twitter, I finally got him to laugh at a few of my jokes and I hope that he got the whole thing was just fuckin’ jokes and didn’t stem from actual hatred…I figure if you’re out there, you’re a target or some shit and I know people out there are expecting me to have a field day with this, but I won’t, because he was an easy target in life for what he did with his DJ talent, but not really into continuing it now that he’s dead.

Either way, I do feel sad for the dude, he’s been through a lot and accomplished a lot and is really well respected and loved. I feel sad that the DJ AM jokes have to end and aren’t funny anymore, but I can honestly say I was glad to have met the dude the times that I did and despite deserving to get shanked for some of the shit I pulled, he would always shake my hand while shaking his head in disappointment and I always got a kick out of that shit.

So RIP Motherfucker.

Here’s a video of him celebrating his bday this year….

Posted in:DJ AM|RIP Motherfucker

2009

31

Mar

DJ AM and His American Apparel Model Girlfriend Celebrate his Birthday of the Day

It was DJ AM’s birthday the other day and he went out for dinner with his girlfriend, American Apparel model I make fun of, because the only thing my wife ever modeled was a shit stained mattress for some art project I did when I took an adult ed course for my Welfare program. So everyone go wish him a happy birthday, I hit him up on Twitter, just to say “hey man, let’s laugh about all that mean shit I say about you, cuz it’s just jokes, and happy birthday, send me nudes of Jessica Stam, Cuz I know you have them”, and he just ignored me and I take that shit personal. I was trying to reach out, make good and use his birthday as a jump-off to a long lasting friendship, and he just shunned me and that would hurt if I had emotions.

I know, there’s no pussy in this post, but I am just wakin’ up and working on it. Relax you fucking pigs.

Posted in:Birthday|DJ AM|Girlfriend

2009

26

Feb

DJ AM’s Ugly Girlfriend Plays it Up For the Paparazzi of the Day

I am over making fun of DJ AM, he does his thing, people like him, he makes lot lots money and I don’t really care anymore, and never really did, it was just an easy thing to make fun of but now I’m bored of it, so instead of focusing on him, calling him Gayer than Bicycle Shorts, calling him a Bar Mitzvah Dj and all the other shit I’ve done so many times before, I’d like take my focus onto his new girlfriend.

She is an American Apparel model, that means she is not a real model. For the most part the girls in American Apparel ads are just American Apparel store workers who crave attention and think they are hotter than they actually are and take the billboards and ads that get published to heart, giving them actual proof of how hot they already thought they are.

What they don’t know is the Dov Charney, the guy who takes the pictures of the girls in the ads and the founder of the company is just a pervert who likes all girls, especially when they are young and free, and willing to do whatever it takes to be in the next campaign.

Now, I’ve got nothing against any of that, girl wants attention, gets naked for her boss, he gives her the exposure her ego wants and everyone’s happy, but I do get annoyed when these kinds of girls think they are anything more than attention whores who can’t be real models.

So seeing this girl pretend to hate that the paparazzi are interrupting her life, that they are annoying and that they don’t deserve to see her face after a quiet night standing next to her celebrity DJ boyfriend as he worked, pisses me off, because it’s a lie.

She is dating AM because he is willing to date her. She is dating him because she wants the good life, the escape from being an American Apparel cashier and maybe, just maybe, people will notice her and give her work that feels as gratifying as the free photoshoot she did half naked for her boss last year. Whore.

Posted in:DJ AM|Paparazzi|Ugly Girlfriend

2009

21

Jan

DJ AM’s New Girlfriend of the Day

DJ AM, Hayley Wood, Girlfriend
DJ AM’s New Girlfriend of the Day

If you are wondering who Gayer Than Bicycle Shorts and richer than he should be DJ AM is fucking now that he and Mandy Moore have broken up, and I know you are, it’s some American Apparel model named Hayley Wood.

I emailed Dov Charney, the guy behind American Apparel to tell me stories about this whore, because I know from some of the girls who have modeled for him for free over the years, that he normally gets them naked, sometimes makes them use sex toys and often times jerks off with them. I was looking for some exclusive Hayley Wood smut and stories, because I figure if DJ AM gets to see her pussy, so should we. He didn’t answer me.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think she’s worth bringing home to your parents, I don’t even think she’s worth dating or admitting to your friends that you know her, but she’s definitely the kind of hipster girl who is so hungry to get ahead and seen, that you could easily make her take it up the ass for promises of a legitmate career or some recognition. All so that she can get out of the retail world and into the celebrity world she’s tried so hard to get into…so hard that she’s even lowered herself to fuck DJ AM and that is some fucked up shit.

If you’re wondering why I am writing about DJ AM, it is because I have a long running hatred for this cocksucker even though he’s a fucking joke he can’t seem to take one.

Here are some straight from Facebook pics….

If you want to see this slut in American Apparel glory, follow this link and scroll down until you find “Hayley”. Their shit is ghetto and you can’t zoom in to see the real goods, but it’s good enough for you to get the idea of what’s going on…
GO

If you want to add her to myspace and send her hate mail, I assume this is her profile, I mean unless some kind of loser faked a nobody’s myspace…
GO

Posted in:DJ AM|Girlfriend|Hayley Wood

2008

19

Nov

DJ AM Wants Nicole Richie’s Pussy Exclusive of the Day

He announces that on Thanksgiving he plans on going down on Nicole Richie like the old days…Shit’s so crazy…She’s got a baby and shit….I guess if plane crashes, suicide and blood clots can’t stop this guy, either can dudes who suck off their twin brothers before getting suburban tattoos to make them look like real life rockstars….but maybe I am reading his code for Nicole Richie’s loose skinned vagina wrong and he’s really just talking about his girlfriend Mandy Moore’s fat ass , maybe I am just reading into it too much and the truth is, who really cares, this is DJ AM we’re talking about, dude’s pretty much a fuckin’ nobody no matter how many clubs he’s DJed at, or how much money he’s made doin’ it….On a side note, I think this whole joke totally bombed…it happens at least 5 times a day….I am so misunderstood.

Posted in:DJ AM

2008

17

Oct

DJ AM is the Messiah of the Day

I am not sure if you heard this story, but it was on the radio this morning so I assume you have. I never was one for breaking stories, I am more into being late on shit and announcing it to a room full of people like it’s the hottest thing ever, only to have everyone turn to me and tell me that it’s old news. I don’t know why but I find it exhilerating.

Anyway, the report is that after the plane crash DJ AM was getting skin grafts, the doctors found a potentially fatal blood clot in his leg, which happens when you fly too much, I think it’s called deep vein thrombosis but I only think that because I used it as a reason I was late for work a few years back at the canning plant. So if the plane hadn’t crashed, DJ AM could have potentially died as the clot moved to his heart, so instead God crashed the fucking thing, let him walk away with some burns, killing 5 people, just to save AM from death. Something doesn’t sound right, he’s gotta be the Messiah.

If you look at his history, he survived being molested as a child, emotionally eating himself to 360 pounds, smoking crack, an attempted suicide when the bullet jammed in the gun he had to his head, unprotected sex with lots of shady girls and the lead singer of Crazy Town, a one hit wonder band DJ AM was part of, gastric bypass surgery, dating Nicole Richie and pretending to like it, being a glorified Top 40 bar mitzvah DJ and not getting shot by the hip hop gangsters when he claimed to be hip hop, a plane crash, a blood clot (boh boh), dating Jessica Stam and her mental capacity of a hamster. This motherfucker is unstoppable. He must be fuckin’ Jesus, seriously, I heard they were spotted together at Avalon the other night and AM was eating his asshole….only he wasn’t the real Jesus, he was just one of the Mexicans AM pulled in off the street and carries everywhere, because he’s his special lucky charm. I don’t know what I am saying, but I do know this dude’s got more than just a massive butt plug in his ass, he’s also got a horseshoe, because that kind of luck just isn’t normal….maybe he is Satan…which would explain his DJ sets and chachi fan base….and I guess who really cares….

Posted in:DJ AM|Messsiah

2008

16

Oct

DJ AM Benefit Concert Speech of the Day

Here’s a little video of DJ AM giving a speech at his benefit concert that was thrown from him in LA at a bar called Avalon. I know that throwing a benefit concert or a dude who has already won the fucking lottery is like buying your retarded kid a birthday present, even though you know he won’t remember it, or like trying to infect someone you hate with HIV when they’ve already got it. Shit’s redundant and makes no sense to me and seeing this cocksucker thank people for coming out just reminds me how he’s milking this whole plane crash thing, leading me to believe he may have been the one who specifically asked for faulty tires or some shit to remind people he’s still around, since he’s already milked those celebrity cows like Mandy Moore and Nicole Richie and the whole dating celebrity thing is done did.

Either way, his speech is really heartfelt for an asshole with no soul. I like how his rich white, Jewish life hasn’t made him lose his hood swagger, you know talking like he’s all fucking hip hop because as a geeky kid no one spoke to, he had a lot of time to develop this talk especially considering all he would do is listen to Hip Hop all the time because it didn’t judge him, so when he wasn’t trying to DJ or Emotionally eating when he was 14, he was hanging with his imaginary friend who was black and gangster and from the hood and who owned a gun and would protect little AM when he had to take the garbage out at night, or when he was in the park playing on the swings and the big Jewish bullies from the neighborhood would start to bully him by issuing lawyers letters to him, which as you all know is the worst kind of Jewish bullying around…..

Maybe it just comes out when he’s nervous, you know talking to a big room of people can be intimidating, but not if you turn on Super Hip Hop AM, because I have a friend who starts speaking really loud with a British accent like he’s a General in World War II to get out of the situation and it usually works out alright for him….

The truth is that you’d feel nervous and guilty too if you were in his position, you know with everyone feeling sorry for you and throwing benefit concerts for you, when you know that you are heading back to work today as Jay Z’s DJ on the Jay Z tour, making more money than ever, being more high profile than ever, pretty much living out your fucking dream, because Jay Z is hip hop and now DJ AM is by association, he’s made it out of the birthday parties and the bar mitzvah’s sea of Top 40 songs from the last 20 years and and followed his dream like his Rabbi always told him, all while people around the world feel sorry for him cuz he has a burn, a couple skin grafts and had to take 3 weeks off to recover.

I guess it’s posts like these that are part of the reason DJ AM has told people I know that he hates this site with a passion, but I am doing my thing, just like he’s doing his thing, and despite my thing not being recognized by the public as something of value like playing in bars for drunk people and making lots of money doing it, then working for someone who is actually a talent in the music industry and making lots of money doing it, while my thing just annoys people and makes them look for an email address they can contact put a stop to me and turn off this noise that is polluting their computers and the only recognition it gets is making every Joe-Sixpack and Soccer Mom’s hate me and want me dead, all while making no money at it, it’s still my thing…my really depressing thing…Fo’ Real….

Update – Here’s a VIdeo of DJ AM Walking into his Benefit Concert

Update 2 – Here’s Hilary Duff Leaving to His Benefit Concert Because it Was That Bad

Posted in:Benefit Concert|DJ AM|Speech

2008

06

Oct

DJ AM’s Vintage Rolex After the Plane Crash of the Day

So I went to a concert this past weekend, it was one of those DJ things with people who are down with DJ AM. I made some joke to the girl next to me who was some hot little slut, with a tight, round ass that I could balance my drink on, while using my hands to do other more important and inappropriate things to her, because I wanted to make her laugh since making a girl laugh, makes her panties come off even faster than drugging them, and it is a lot less suspicious when leaving the club, since you’re not pulling her by the hair.

Anyway, I said something along the lines of “I hear that DJ AM is providing pyrotechnics for the show” then did my best impression of a man running around on fire, she didn’t laugh. Then about 20 minutes later, I pulled out my lighter, lit it and said, “Look DJ AM is in the building”, again, no laughs….except from me because I thought it was hysterical.

Here is a picture AM posted of his rolex that was on his arm during the crash, looks pretty fucked up, but not as fucked up as a wedding DJ who can afford a fucking rolex. This is a crazy world we live in and AM is an asshole.

Posted in:DJ AM|Plane Crash

2008

01

Oct

DJ AM After Crash Pictures of the Day

DJ AM made it out to his friend Chris Baker’s memorial service. Chris Baker was Travis Barker’s best friend and assistant who died in the plane crash that left AM burnt so badly that he could walk around 2 weeks later to attend memorial services, flirt with girls on Facebook and ignore my messages wishing him good luck because along with being a burn victim, he’s also an asshole.

It’s good to see him making a speedy recovery. I know his fans are all excited about his return and the truth is that no matter how much of an asshole you are to me, you don’t deserve to be in a plane crash or spend the rest of your life in therapy because of the nightmares of that firey night don’t let you sleep because of fear and because of survivor’s guilt. Shit’s enough to make a former drug addict go back to drugs or maybe even commit suicide, so I’m not going to drive that point home because enough people have died in this whole mess, the one thing I would like to see die from all this is DJ AM’s bar mitzvah DJing because I find the success he’s found in playing top 40, the pussy he’s pulled from playing top 40, the cars he drives for playing top 40, the money in the bank from playing top 40, despite being a technically good DJ who can scratch and who all other DJs love because he hooks them up, to be pretty fucking offensive and it would nice to find out that his macbook pro filled with songs that died in the plane wasn’t backed up. Keep your fingers crossed.

Posted in:DJ AM|Plane Crash