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Archive for the Eva Longoria Category

2010

16

Aug

Eva Longoria Lovin Big Black Cock of the Day

Eva Longoria likes black cock because she’s got a big vagina…it is big because she had to use it so that her little immigrant Mexican ass didn’t end up cleaning hotel rooms, but instead ended up staying in hotel rooms, and all the abuse she put it through left her numb enough that the only thing she can feel is something the size of a baby’s arm….or maybe I am wrong, and she is just like every other bitch I know who is looking to get off and not for a support system, who isn’t racist but who views black dudes sexual animals who’s sole purpose is to fuck the shit out of them properly….that feels so wrong and so right all at the same time…you know, it is the resason Black on Blonde born was invented….that shit isn’t for white dudes, it’s for dirty pig women with fantasies…that Eva Longoria is living out cuz she married the motherfucker to have his dick on call…

Here are her legs…watching a basketball game…something I am sure she finds to be a very erotic experience….and that’s probably why she keeps crossing and un-crossing her legs…you now cuz she doesn’t want the wetness to cause a rash….

Either way, here is some tainted meat for you idiots who used to think she was the hottest fucking thing.

Posted in:Eva Longoria

2010

28

Apr

Eva Longoria Should be Deported of the Day

Dirty Mexican trash Eva Longoria should be fucking deported even though she was born in America strictly based on the fact that she tried her hardest to be white and live the American dream, you know getting on TV and shit, but genetics couldn’t trick her dress size as she now looks like a dumpy piece of Mexican trash you’d expect to find cookin’ in a Hollywood home for a rich family, which brings up the real proof as to how white she tries is, because no real Mexican would hire a Mexican to do their dirty work, but I have a feeling Eva Longoria would in her quest to be white….

She can pose with our troops like she was George Bush trying to trick people forget that he is killing thousands of people in a war by saying shit like “support our troops”…but that doesn’t make her any less busted, interesting, or white American….and here are the pics…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Fat

2010

16

Mar

Eva Longoria and her Gang of Rejects of the Day

Eva Longoria turned 35, which explains why she has zero fucking sex appeal, as shit died then she turned 30. It’s not really her fault, it takes a specific strong gene to carry a girl I want to fuck into her 40s, for the most part, especially when they are Mexican even if they pretend they aren’t Mexican and actually offend all Mexicans but are destined for short, fat, breeding, the boners fade at 30. So this picture might as well be the fucking Golden Girls on their way to a lawn bowling competition, or at the beach smothering sun tan lotion on their loose fitting skin, cuz nothing says washed the fuck up like Kim Kardashian, Robin Antin and other old, boring pussy the bitch from Desperate Housewives has managed to get to latch onto her useless celebrity status….celebrating her 35th birthday.

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Birthday|Eva Longoria|Kim Kardashian|Robin Antin

2010

02

Mar

Eva Longoria is Bent Over in a Little Skirt of the Day

I don’t know how long this Desperate Housewives shit is going to go on for, but I do know that the ladies are starting to age in a pretty major way and that they should consider changing the name to Desperate Retirees.

Lookin at these pictures of Eva Longoria, I can tell they had to strap this Mexican trying so hard to be white ditch pig up so tight that her ravaged married and sloppy ass still had the youthful perk. I’m talking the industrial sized SPANX to shape her in a way that wouldn’t make the average man forced to watch this shit because he is poor and only has one TV or is totally fucking owned by his wife and who does what she tells him because he traded in his balls for the married life years earlier, think to himself “she she really is a desperate housewife and now the one thing that was decent about this show and that allowed me to put up with watching the show has turned to shit like their tired fucking storyline”….. and here are the pics.

Pics via Fame
Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Skirt

2009

23

Nov

Eva Longoria Showin’ Off Her Gut of the Day

I am guessing that Eva Longoria is either pregnant, or that she’s been eating a few too much Mexican food in her marriage, since she’s found what she’s lookin for and doesn’t have to starve herself anymore, you know, now she can finally like her Mexican genetics step the fuck in and turn her into a round-ball of a woman that all other Mexicans tend to grow into when they hit a certain age, usually after they’ve reproduced a few dozen times. I guess she figures since her husband is black, the fatter she is the better, but she’s forgetting one key thing and that that logic only works for white girls and not Mexican girls pretending to be white. Either way, she’s not wearing pants and a pants off party is a party for me…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Chubby|Eva Longoria|Pantsless|Sloppy

2009

01

Oct

Eva Longoria Shows Some Nipple in Some Magazine of the Day

Here is gutter slut Eva Longoria in some possibly sexy photoshoot depending on who you ask in a magazine called Citizen K, which looks like it could be Russian, but I’m not really that solid on identifying foreign languages so it really could be English for all I fucking know, since I never learned how to read.

What I do know is that Eva Longoria’s got a massive vagina, not because she is Mexican and every Mexican I know is designed to birth babies without realizing it, with pussies you can wear as a Nacho Libre mask, but because she’s married to a abnormally tall black man who probably makes the sex tape with her 5 foot frame comical, like a fucking circus performance.

Either way, the Russians or English behind this photoshoot released a pic of her nipple peakin out, I’m pretty sure her reps would put an end to this if they could, but when you fuck with Russia or England, they play by their own rules…

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Nipple

2009

21

Sep

Eva Longoria and her Perky Mexican Tits of the Day

I said some pretty cruel things about how Eva Longoria was just some Mexican immigrant who worked at the right hotel as a chambermaid, and as a Mexican I should have had more pride about her success. I should celebrate it and let the world know that we Mexicans are not just lazy motherfuckers and we can slowly take over the world with people like America Ferrara, George Lopez and Jessica Alba and Longoria, but I don’t really connect with being Mexican and I figure either does Longoria, so I’ll just spew the same stereotypes everyone else is, because I’m just trying to fit in with the white man and because Eva Longoria hasn’t done shit for me.

Here are her perky tits…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Perky TIts

2009

17

Sep

Eva Longoria Sill Boring as Shit of the Day

Wow, I can’t believe people were going crazy over this bitch. She’s nothing more but a Mexican chamber maid who slept with the right hotel guest, a Mexican cleaning lady who had the right client that she would fuck when the wife was out, a Mexican nanny who babysat for the right family who she would fuck when everyone was in bed, you know trash who used her pussy to get ahead and I hope people are starting to realize it….especially when seeing her in these boring fucking pictures…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Boring|Eva Longoria

2009

23

Jul

Eva Longoria’s is American of the Day

We get it Eva, you’re insecure about being a Mexican because other Americans look down on your border jumpin’ strategy to get into the country, where you are forced to work illegally, hoping to never get caught and deported, but that doesn’t mean you have to overcompensate and dress like the fuckin’ flag. It’s like that time I overcompensated for being a mexican immigrant by trying to get a job and showing the world we’re not lazy, before realizing that was a stupid idea, so I got fired and was forced to live off my wife.

Posted in:American|Eva Longoria

2009

05

Jun

Eva Longoria in some Bikini Bullshit Part 2 of the Day

I feel like I’ve already done this post, mainly because I have. I just figured you’d want to see the rest of the pictures of Eva Longoria in her bikini, because you haven’t missed an episode of desperate housewives since shit started, either because you’re a pussy and your wife makes you do it, or because you have a pussy or wish you had a pussy and you’re just trying to relate to what pussy finds relevant and entertaining, or cuz you like lookin at this dirty Mexican’s hot little body.

Posted in:Bikini|Eva Longoria

2009

04

Jun

Eva Longoria on Vacation With Her Husband of the Day

I am like my black friend who I used to go to the stripclub with who would look at the black strippers with anger and disgrace. He’d be so ashamed that they would lower themselves to dance on stage for the likes of me that as they’d walk onto stage he’d shake his head is disapproval and turn his back to them. If they came to lure him into a lap dance, he’d throw their arms off him and ask them why the fuck they had to lower themselves to this shit, to being a common fucking whore, and he’d fuckin’ lecture them, and they’d take it until they started crying and would run backstage, only to get us kicked out.

A Mexican American woman is supposed to be making fucking babies, working as a cleaning lady on the side to help her husband barely make fucking rent in the Mexican ghetto they live in. They are not supposed to be parading around yachts, in bikinis, like a common fucking whore for their basketball playing black husbands. She’s a rebeling against her calling and I guess that’s why her ass looks like she’s already had 8 kids.

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Vacation

2008

19

Nov

Eva Longoria Has an Spanx Upskirt of the Day

Here is a picture of Eva Longoria telling the world that she’s a fuckin’ sloppy bitch, who needs smoke and mirrors to look the way she does, and those smoke and mirrors are a pair of fucking spanx she borrowed from Oprah. I guess since marriage she’s had one too many enchiladas, fajitas, tacos and burritos and her shitty Mexican genetic code is catching up with her, and you know that the second those things come off her ass drops, her stomach pops out and she looks like a little troll who rolls cigars in her armpit for a living in her poncho and sombrero. Spanx are just that magical, until you get the bitch home and half naked and have to deal with all that she’s been hiding in them….because we all know that there’s nothing sexier than sliding your hand down the front of some girls really tight undershorts before having her awkwardly take them off in front of you after a party, only for you to be left with the sad truth of what you just got yourself into…..

No spanx….Eva Longoria….No Spanx….

Get it, I just played on the word Spanx and Thanks, and that was pretty lame of me to even think up, if I had shame, I’d be embarrassed right now…

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Spanx

2008

14

Aug

Eva Longoria Has a Nipple of the Day

Sure Eva Longoria looks like a fuckin’ rat, but she’s Mexican and seeing Mexican girls slut themselves out really makes me feel like they are taking away all the work I have done to give Mexicans a good name in the world. It’s like when Feminists talk about girls like Lohan and Paris Hilton taking away from all the hard work women have done in the world to get equal pay, respect and the right to vote, while these sluts go around discounting their work by being counter-productive as they show the world their pussies and fuck random men to get ahead and have a good time, while teaching young girls that it’s right to let me eat you out, but making feminsts mad that they’re doing it, except I think Lohan and Hilton are doing good and I think Eva Longoria in her see through shirt is just embarrassing and reminds me of my cousins, mothers and neighbors who worked hard to get her the right to be an American and who probably even helped her parents jump the border, giving her the opportunity to be who she is and she just takes away everything they have done by not wearing a bra for a little attention like a little common fuckin’ whore.

Speaking Lohan, at least I was at the beginning of this post, I got word of the hotel Sam Ronson was staying at and decided it would be funny to leave a sex toy for her to use at the front desk. I don’t know if she was actually staying there, but I wrapped up this free toy a company sent me that was shaped like a hand, something I thought wouldn’t offend her since it wasn’t penis shaped and I wrote a note that read

Samantha,

I heard you were in town and figured that you are probably lonely this and let’s hope this will come in “handy”, get it, since it’s shaped like a hand about to diddle…anyway, I’m more of a one-finger kind of guy, this two finger number will do you wonders. Don’t worry it has never been used, unless my wife snuck in and used it when I wasn’t lookin, in that case you may notice some green shit that should wash off easy and a smell of horse piss and death that will probably take a few hours soaking in bleach to get rid of, but in any case I’ll be broken up if you don’t use this on Lohan.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstefather.com

Here’s Eva Longoria, her rat face and her little nipple cheapening the Mexican race a little more everyday.

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Nipple

2008

11

Jul

Eva Longoria is a Rat in a Bikini of the Day

Eva Longoria’s really got nothing going on. She’s not hot, her features are weak, the only really thing she’s got going for her is that she’s not fat, something I am convinced Americans hold in high regard, because every bitch there is fat so that when a skinny girl walks by everyone goes fuckin’ crazy like it’s cinco de mayo. The truth is that she’s a fucking mexican and the last thing the world needs is to see anothr Mexican on TV, I figure people are already tired of us from seeing us work as gardeners, restaurant dishwashers, car washers, hotel staff, construction world and don’t need to be reminded that we are slowly and quietly taking over the world.

I guess what it comes down to is that Eva Longoria marries black french dudes, and like a black french dude I used to hang with because he was always down for a good time spending money he stole from his work on taking me to the strippers and everytime a black chick would get on stage, he wouldn’t look because he felt she was taking their race down a couple notches and not helping the advancement of blabk people, not to mention he liked fucking blondies with fat asses and was repulsed by his own kind since they reminded him of his mother. Maybe I’m just a self-hating mexican.

Who really gives a fuck about what I have to say, look at her fucking bikini pictures, she’s probably pregnant, because you give a fuck about this rat of a woman… Asshole.

Posted in:Bikini|Eva Longoria

2008

03

Jul

Eva Longoria Rides the FIre Hydrant of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Eva Longoria is like a cat in heat or a retarded kid who rubs it’s genitals up against things because shit feels good and because he doesn’t know any better, like that time I volunteered to teach retards how to swim and it ended up being a fucking circle jerk as 8 retarded kids pulled out their dicks and started beating their shit harder than their dad’s beat their moms while they were pregnant to make them end up the way they did. I tried to stop them, and figured if you can’t beat them, you might as well join them. The group that organized the retard swim wasn’t too impressed with my attempt to make those fuckers feel normal.

UPDATE: I HAD TO TAKE DOWN THE PICTURES BECAUSE I CAN’T AFFORD TO BUY THEM FOR OUTRAGEOUS PAPARAZZI CON ARTIST PSYCHOPATH CRIMINAL STALKER KICK EM WHILE THEIR DOWN BECAUSE THEY KNOW I CAN’T AFFORD THEIR SHIT

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Fire Hydrant|Sex Toy