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Archive for the Hayden Panettiere Category

2008

07

Nov

Hayden Panettiere in a Low Cut Shirt for Madonna of the Day

I was sitting next to a late night pizza place after going out drinking last night and this girl walked by a group of older immigrant drunk men, alone. The guys ravaged her. They were pulling at her and asking her questions like if she liked to fuck. Then one of them asked her if she wanted to see their friend’s big purple cock, and the guy who was the owner of the big purple cock, said he didn’t want it getting back to his kids, but he assured her that his cock was big and purple and the girl ran off, choosing to not get pizza where old men with big purple cocks assault 18 year old college girls. I didn’t get a good look at he guy with the big purple cock, but I think it could have been Hayden Panettiere, despite being at the Madonna concert, because it’s a pre-requisite to keep her gay passport, like being in a Gay Pride Parade, dressing like a woman at least once, going to an Aids charity event, and knowing what at least 10 different cocks, look, feel and taste like….before and after they’ve been in your ass.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Madonna

2008

16

Oct

Hayden Panettiere Doesn’t Get Involved In Other People’s Relationships of the Day

So Hayden Panettiere makes pretty bad Political jokes on Funny or Die and with Jessica Alba for Declare Yourself , because she’s 18 now and is excited about this new found right that she’s been given and she’s taking it seriously, by trying to shove ideas down our throats, while forgetting to remind us, that she’s 18 fucking years old and has lived in a rich household her entire life and really has no life experience, education or reason to be doing that, other than by trying to stay trendy.

That said, here she is in a video saying that the Madonna divorce is none of her business, because I guess she’s taking the high road and feels like relationship matters or something sacred to the people involved, unlike political stance, which to her should be tattooed on your fucking forehead, like she’s a modern fucking hippie trying to make change and use her celebrity to do that.

The truth is that I don’t have an opinion on the Madonna divorce either, people get divorced every fucking day, who gives a fuck, but I just thought seeing Hayden Panettiere keep her mouth shut for once was a nice change of pace and worth celebrating….another thing worth celebrating, that I lived to see October 16, 2008 despite what my doctor’s been telling me the last 5 years if I don’t clean up my act, which i haven’t.

Here are some pictures of Hayden in a lacy shirt even though this kind of lace is more like the lace you’d see in a middle class retired woman who collects teddy bears house as a table cloth or window treatment and not the kind of lace you’d see on a stripper in cheap lingerie soliciting full service lap dances for 40 dollars.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Minds Her Business

2008

15

Oct

Hayden Panettiere Gets Political on Funny or Die of the Day

So now that Hayden Panettiere is 18, she feels like she’s got the right to talk politics and preach her bullshit opinion. Here she is for Funny Or Die, making Will Farrell richer while making videos that aren’t funny, doing some pretty weak sarcasm telling people to vote for McCain if they want to die and that they should also take up drinking and smoking and having unprotected sex with random people, which I have to agree with, but I am not saying it to be funny and I don’t want to get political here because it’s boring, especially coming from someone with no business talking politics, so I guess what it comes down to is that Hayden Panettiere should DIE because that video was a bust, as was this post, but at least you can look her dropping the f-word while jerking off to her pictures now…..

Posted in:Funny or Die|Hayden Panettiere|Political

2008

06

Oct

Hayden Panettiere is Doing Us All a Favor and Hiding of the Day

I’d just like the thank Hayden Panettiere for doing us all a favor and covering that midget head of hers while leaving some event, probably wasted, because little people can’t stomach booze the same way you can, and Hollywood people don’t like the negative press they get for being drunken whores who hang out with crotch grabbing Lil Wayne motherfuckers.

I remember hanging out at my friend’s cottage with his 10 year old son because everyone had gone to bed and decided that I wasn’t going to drink alone, that shit is for alcoholics and convinced the little bastard to do some whiskey shots with me. It was funny for the first half hour, with him dancing around like an idiot and saying all kinds of crazy shit, before the fucker got alochol poisoning and ended up puking all over the place, waking up his parents and leading to me being kicked out of the house in the middle of fucking no where and losing a relatively good friend, but I assume no responsibility for it, because I am not the one who left me, a bottle of booze and a punk kid bored in the woods with nothing but drinking to do together.

That experience made me decide that I am good with kids and that I don’t actually hate them and I tried signing up to Big Brother’s of America but got refused when I told them the reason for joining was because my friends are old and tired and I am lookin’ to recruit an new little drinking buddy. Fucking Facists.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Hiding

2008

30

Sep

Hayden Panettiere Can’t Figure Out How to Pay of the Day

Like most muscular jock-types, Hayden gets a little confused when it comes to grocery shopping. Sure she has no problem carrying all her groceries in one hand, including one of those huge jugs of water, like she was working the fuckin’ plantation, while doing one armed push ups to her car with the other hand, just because she can, but when it comes to the simple things like putting in your pin number or signing her name, she freezes. I guess that’s just the bi-product of never finishing highschool because you’re too busy getting rich in Hollywood.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Stupid

2008

15

Sep

Hayden Panettiere Kissing a Co-Star of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Hayden kissing some gimpy dude with a big nose who has to be Jewish on set of something she’s filming. Shit reminds me of a t gay experience that happened a couple of days ago. I was on the bus, exhausted and past the fuck out. I woke up leaning on the shoulder of some brown dude who was sitting next to me, I looked at him, he smiled, I apologized and he stroked my hair with his hand and said “anytime”. It was a little awkward and I got off at the next stop, even though it wasn’t my stop and I am hoping that’s the last time I see that dude, like I am hoping this is the gateway to seeing Hayden shoving her dick in a gay dude, not because I am into Gay porn, but because I want proof that this bitch doesn’t own a pussy.

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Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Kissing

2008

10

Sep

Hayden Panettiere’s Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Comments Off

I am guessing these pictures came out yesterday and they are of Hayden Panettiere adjusting her tits since no one she knows wants to do it for her for fear that their friends will call them gay and you know how hard it is to live down that rumor. The truth is that I don’t really understand why she has to turn to masturbation when there are a lot of perverts with no standards out there and the truth is that we all grew up with Tonka Trucks and she’s just the real life female version only instead of filling her up with sand in the sandbox, you can fill her up with cum in her manly box, that is rumored to still be a box despite the fact that it’s got a six pack, knows how to do chin ups and can crush a can of beer with it’s clit hood, at least that’s the rumor.

Truth is this post is stupid and so am I so I’ll keep it up anyway because I like the direction I tried to go with this, I just didn’t really deliver as well as Hayden did with her titties, ya homo.

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Posted in:Breasts|Hayden Panettiere|Uncategorized

2008

26

Aug

Hayden Panettiere’s Got a Bikini on for her Birthday of the Day

People have contacted me concerned that I haven’t updated the site and it is already 2 pm, well the reason for that is simple, I was out celebrating Hayden Panettiere’s birthday, not because I find her hot or interesting, or because I was invited to her seemingly boring as fuck get together with her dog, her most loyal of friends, but because I like any excuse to get wasted. Tonight’s excuse is College Frosh Week.

She looks like a fuckin’ clown with her party hat perched on her big midget head and her rippling muscles are something only a really horny guy or gay dude would find sexy, but she’s rumored to be having a nipple slip that I can’t make out, which shouldn’t be anything to get excited over considering she’s the kind of girl who can pass off going topless at a non-topless beach because people wouldn’t know whether those muscles were a man or a woman, but they are good enough for me because I have low standards and that makes them good enough for you.

Posted in:Bikini|Hayden Panettiere|Nipple Slip|Uncategorized

2008

25

Aug

Christina Aguilera Sluts It Up in Dubai of the Day

Donald Trump opened a building in Dubai because it’s a booming city and dude knows that he might as will cash in on the Arabs and their money, while America is falling to shit. He kept the event classy by bringing Aguilera in to perform because I guess he’s really trying to gently enter the arab market by discreetly polluting it with American trash.

I know all you patriotic fucks are convinced to hate Arabs because you believe they are trying to take down your country and shit, but the way I see it, they are a progressive nation who put a lot of energy in letting women know their place in the world all while the men go out and make mountains of oil money to bring home to their 4 wives who are dressed like ninjas.

They are a force to seriously be reckoned with and if things go their way, your wives and daughters will be coverin’ up which isn’t so bad considering the kind of perverts our culture breeds. I know that if I had my way, I’d be the only one allowed to see my stepdaughter naked.

Either way, here’s Aguilera slutting out in dessert luxury…..

Ivanka Trump Also Showed Up to the Event Because It is Her Inheritance and Retirement Plan…

Hayden Panettiere was also there, wearing an animal print stripper outfit because she’s wild and dangerous and pretty inappropriate considering it is an Arab city that doesn’t really care to see her midget freakshow body and have reason when they throw a sheet at her to cover that boxy body up…..

Posted in:Christina Aguilera|Dubai|Hayden Panettiere|Ivanka Trump|Performs

2008

11

Aug

Hayden Panettiere is a Tank With Weird Cleavage of the Day

There’s really nothing more that I can say about Hayden Panettiere because I’ve already said it all. I’ve compared her to a moving van and the men who move, to construction equipment, to football players, to midget wrestlers, to a bus, to a fridge and I the entire time, I never found her hot, or understood why people do.

She’s stumpy, she’s muscular, she doesn’t have a hot ass, or even a pretty face or tits and she’s more of a freakshow than something I want to get up inside. But after watching the Olympics in hopes of seeing some hot Athlete ass, I realized that I was wrong in saying she was training to be a weightlifter, or one of the Mascots for some obscure country where juggling midget gypsies are part of their heritage, but she is more like a Gymnast who’s been on growth hormones all her life making her look like a triangular, wide shouldered tank the size of a 10 year old that knows how to flip and do the splits, and I know realize that sport was Hayden’s calling before getting all caught up in this Hollywood shit….

On a side note, Hayden’s Dad was arrested for punching her mom and since Spousal abuse is encouraged here, especially if your wife produces shitty offspring for you, I decided to link the story….
GO

Either way, here she is performing at some Net Flix event lookin’ like a dominatrix…..

And here she is showin’ off her pecs the next day….

And here are some pictures to honor Hayden’s build and failed dreams of being an Olympic Gymnast, while giving you and your midget/ pedophile dreams something to jerk off to, with some pics of some Team USA Gymnastics Shit….

Alicia Sacramone

Natasia Liukin

Shawn Johnson

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Tank

2008

05

Aug

Hayden Panettiere and Her Yoga Pants of the Day

I am posting these picturs of Hayden “built like a fridge” Panettiere because she is in yoga pants and seeing her in yoga pants makes me laugh because she’s looks about as flexible as a Christopher Reeves.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Pants|Yoga

2008

29

Jul

The Hayden Panettiere Hates Nerd Germs of the Day

You’ve probably already seen these pictures of Hayden Panettiere making a disgusted face at Comic Con because she was forced to sit at a booth and meet/sign autographs for fans. What you probably don’t know is that I paid some dude to jerk off in his hand and smear it on her while telling her how much she has changed his masturbation life for the better. I wish that was true, but I am sure it’s not that far from the truth because you know the kind of loser who goes to Comic Con is the kind of loser who is socially awkward, low on friends and has experimented with masturbation in ways that would put your standard jerking off to shame. I am talking homemade sex machines, costumes and complex scenarios only a nerd would understand. I am sure that if Hayden wasn’t using that hand sanitizer, catching a cold would be the least of her worries and pregnancy would be, because I hear nerd sperm is so hungry for real life uterus that shit knows how to makes it’s way up a thigh on its own because of it’s super desperation powers…..

For the record, I think anyone who would wait in line to meet Hayden Panettiere is digusting too.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Nerd Germs

2008

17

Jul

Hayden and Her Candies Ad of the Day

Hayden Panettiere is a revolutionary. She just keeps pushing the limits despite her physcial deformities. She won’t let her l height hold her back from anything. She’s strong (really strong), she’s somehow convinced the world she’s hot, and now she’s modeling. The last person her size to be a paid model was my friend Frankie who was born with some disorder that didn’t let him break 5 foot, and dude’s modeling job was working at a loal art class as a nude subject.

Either way ripping on the little model for not being able to be a basketball player is dull, everyone does it and it’s really not even an issue. The truth is that she’s still got a pussy under all that muscle and can is hot enought to be a the subject of your carnival porn fantasies, you know get bitch jugging while spinning around on your dick like she’s on a Merry-Go-Round, and she easier on the eyes than a real midget with their big scary weird normal sized hands and thick stumpy bodies, so we should celebrate these pictures for her Candies ad campaign and not shit on them like I shat on this midget I got with sexually, because I knew it was just be happy getting love and German Scat was just hitting the scene and was something I wanted to try, and convincing other girls was almost impossible, so capitalized on the opportunity knowing that even if it tried to run away, it’d be easy to catch because of its little legs.

Posted in:Ad|Candies|Hayden Panettiere

2008

16

Jul

Hayden Panettiere’s Got Herself a Record Deal of the Day

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Hayden Panettiere figures it’s time to tap into her other talents, I am not talking about opening up a moving company or joining a carnival, I am talking about talents she thinks she has because her mom’s positive reinforcement while drunk has given her an ego and you get to experience this shit thanks to some kind of record deal.

It seems like the record industry is so fucking desperate that they are throwing deals at anyone with an already established fan base, even though they aren’t actually singers but are just hoping their creepy fans will stock up every CD and merchandise they have in hopes that shit leads to a concert tour and more music videos, because it gives them something to hope for and more content to masturbate to, because masturbation for a lonely man with an obsession for Hayden Panettiere is a sad experience that involves tears for lubrication and now bad songs to drive the point home, all over their fanboy bellies.

Either way, if I could get it up, this would be my masturbation song for the week. Not because I like Hayden Panettiere, but because I hate myself. It’s garbage and if I cared, I’d be annoyed that all these sluts of the moment think they can get their hands in everything entertainment. They are taking us all for a fuckin’ ride and making a lot of money doing it, but that doesn’t change the fact that Hayden’s song fucking sucks and so does her oversized head, broad shoulders and mutant body that could only come from fetal alcohol syndrome and loved by an alcoholic mother, which I guess kinda worked out for her.

Listen to the preview here becaue It Fucking Sucks…

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Music|Video

2008

06

Jun

Hayden Panettiere Almost Has an Upskirt of the Day

Comments Off

So the tank Panettiere decided to get out of her regular fridge costume and pretend to be a lady for a night and the exciting thing about being a lady is that they wear dresses that paparazzi usually get their cameras up inside because they are perverts, the less exciting thing about being a lady when you are Hayden Panettiere is that your legs are too damn short to give them a decent angle to make this post worth your time.

I guess none of that matters, what does matter is the effort this bitch is putting into showing off some cleavage, I see a serious attempt to have tits and that deserves a high five, like the time Hayden took on 15 dudes in the ring and walked away undefeated.

Posted in:cleavage|Hayden Panettiere