Here’s a little Heather Locklear doing “a picture says 1000 words”…in what is one of the more obscure pictures I’ve seen, that remind me of most of your sexual relationships, not because there is an old as fuck, washed up, ex rock star fucking babe looking sad enough to fuck you, but because she’s on a date with a picture of a black man fantasy….and sex with pictures is something you’ve been doing since before internet porn was available in video…
Heather Locklear…..seems to be doing alright…at least her tits are…bringing back memories of masturbating to Melrose Place…not that I even remember Melrose Place…I mean that shit was on TV two decades ago…but it’s nice to know her body has held up the storm that is being married to Tommy Lee then Richie Sambora….spending the better part of 20 years having unprotected sex with groupie fuckers….making her pussy having indirect contact with population of a small town worth of pussy….and like a public washroom toilet seat…that sounds real fucking wholesome and clean….making her, even at a month away from 50 years old, all well traveled , dusty, weathered and filled with worldly scents she picked up going around the block a couple of times and that’s just her vagina….just the way I like my used up, weathered women entering the golden years of life.. with hot tits who I stare at in pictures….
I am pretty sure most people over 30 have jerked off to Heather Locklear at least once. At one point, she was pretty prime Hollywood pussy, and it looks like she’s still good enough, which is surprising, because usually when women age, they look like melting pieces of shit on the hot pavement during a heatwave, but for some reason, Locklear, despite wearing her pajamas in public, has it together, and I guess that reason is plastic surgery….or the industrial, clinical grade make-up I’ve seen them use on burn victims so that they look normal again, either way, never judge a book by it’s cover, and her aging gracefully face and body, doesn’t prove her mom pussy is intact, but to celebrate the rare event I call “hot moms showing off hot tit enough for me to forget they are moms and just focus on thinking about cumming all over them” as well as to celebrate memories of getting down to Heather Locklear in the 90s, I figure these pictures are relevant enough to start the week officially, even though I posted all day yesterday like an idiot with nothing better to do, because I am an idiot with nothing better to do….
Ava Sambora is the daughter of Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora. She had her modeling debut for her father’s new clothing lined called “White Trash Beautiful”…something that I didn’t think was real white trash until finding out she isn’t 18 but is actually 13 and I guess whoring out your 13 year old daughter like this was the trailer park and poppa needs a case of beer and the only money he has is in the form of his daughter….at least until the welfare check comes in…only makes sense…or maybe she just wants to become a model and since his marriage to her mother fell apart he decied to give his baby what she wants….and who knows maybe she’ll be hot later in life and since Heather Locklear is hot….
I’m really just posting this because I accidentally was in the same restaurant as Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora this saturday as a crowd filled up outside and they were definitely a lot more low key and less bullshit than the other celebrity encounters (Jake Gyllenhaal) I had later that day….and now I’m not sure if I will get in trouble for posting this but assume I won’t since I am not the father who put his girl on stage for everyone to take pictures of…and I guess many future mother/daughter sexual fantasies will come from these two and hot mother/daughter combos I see walking in the gym, at Starbucks or shopping are always amazing….as long as the daughter isn’t still a kid….here are the pics…
Here’s Alexis Knapp and her Snake in a See Thru Shirt at the Event…But I Have No Idea Who She Is…or why she was allowed to bring her snake in….but I guess she was keeping in like with being White Trash Beautiful whatever that means….
I love that people are even talking about Heather Locklear’s drunken antics when all bitch is doing is throwing the shocker and showing us various ways she rock’s the clit, because she is substantially less messy than me or anyone I know who gets drunk, like when I get a little carried away, I don’t just throw out the shocker for laughs, I enforce the shocker and the unsuspecting victim would totally be against it if she wasn’t passed out on the club bathroom floor after puking herself to borderline death. If I had my way, I wished being over-served led to silliness and not illegal shit, because I’d have a much less guilty conscience and probably a few more friends than just my wife, and she’s only my friend because she’s got absolutely no choice.
Here’s some Old Lady Locklear getting all competitive with Denise Richards and going as far as to stage her own bikini photoshoot with the paparazzi because her ego hasn’t fully recovered from having her husband leave her or the younger tighter body. She’s trying to prove to herself and to us that she’s got it going on and the truth is that she looks better than most 50 year old, but then again her life consists of doing absolutely nothing, so I can only assume that staying in shape and trying to retain as much of the sex appeal that got her this career in the first place is top priority, so in that case she’s doing a pretty shitty job of it.
There used to be a show on called Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon where you’d try to figure out how a person was six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon….I am generally bad at games because I find them ridiculous and every time I end up at someone’s house and the board games are out, I drink the the free booze, eat the free food, then make my escape because playing that shit makes me feel like a total asshole and it’s embarrassing that at 38 I’d still find entertainment out of something so ridiculous, but today, I broke free from that because Heather Locklear’s six degrees from Kevin Bacon is easy. I forgot where I was going with this, but Locklear is still a slut, even as she enters the golden years of her life and that’s all I have to say about that.
Heather Locklear may be old, but she’s a good kind of old. She’s the type of old who has a lot of money and very little to do. I don’t think she’s been on TV or in Movies in the last 5 years, but for some reason is so vain that she spends her days with personal trainers and diet coaches to ensure that she’s still got some work in her. Maybe the reason she does that is because she built her career on being the hot blonde bitch guys wanted to fuck and got casted in whatever the fuck she’s done to try to lure in male audiences so we could tolerate her useless shows while our wives and girlfriends made us watch them. That pressure is a good thing, because she doesn’t want to retire and is maintaining that sex appeal. I guess it’s working because when I look at these pictures I get annoyed that she’s taking preventative measures to not expose too much….I guess what she doesn’t realize is that if a little panty saw the light of day, every fucking blog would be up on this shit and she’d be the topic of discussion at the water cooler in an office near you, possibly landing her the role of a lifetime.
I was at the stripclub this weekend because I accidentally joined a bachelor party that was walking by me while downtown. I was trying to get a few dollars to buy beer and they liked me enough to invite me along. They were drunk and when the bachelor got on stage to be humiliated, the strippers took all their contempt for me grabbing at them out on him. He ended up completely naked and I had never seen that kind of abuse during one of these shows. Dude was drunk and ended up pushing a stripper to the ground and running off stage, tripping, and landing on me naked. It was an interesting way to meet the guy I was partying for. Either way, there were 2 young chicks from New York there with their boyfriends, both were hot and part of the Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lohan generation where being a slut is cool. They were so into the stripping that when my new found friends asked if they would give him a lap dance, they said sure. I ended up tagging along to the booth with them because I don’t give up any opportunity to see non-strippers in a strip club strip. I watched them dance around for 2 songs and all bitch did was show us her fucking bra. I kept asking for some nipple or ass and they weren’t having it. They were a lot like Heather Locklear holding back on all of us, and I guess the only think I can say is that it is a pretty frustrating and disappointing feeling. Cocktease.
Bonus – A Girls Aloud Chick Preventing a Getting Out of the Car Upskirt….and A Girls Aloud Chick Having a Total Upskirt
I am pretty fucking sure I have seen these pictures of Heather Locklear learning how to surf in a bikini but I tried scrubbing the site to see if I am repeating myself and I realized that looking through the archives was too much work and that it would be easier for me to just post them. Aren’t you glad I let you in on my thought process instead of just posting the pics and writing some lame joke about her tits, her fat friend used to make her look skinny, her solid body for a 40 year old groupie slut who bangs rockers, but instead I wasted your time.
Speaking of wasting time, I didn’t leave my shitty apartment all weekend. I was convinced that staying in was the way to healthy living because everytime I do end up leaving, I end up getting drunk.
I did go on a walk through the park and it was some park festival and they had shitty Bar Mitzvah DJs playing shitty pop music while kids ate hamburgers and roasted Marshmallows with lesbian looking scout councilors because you know any adult in Scouts is either a lesbian, child molester, loser with no friends or purpose but an aptitude in survival, or overbearing parents that want to watch over their kids every fucking second of the day.
That said, I got sprayed by some kid’s watergun and it made me mad. This has been an amazing fucking story. Part of me wants to apologize for running off on such useless shit, but then my rational side reminds me that I hate you, that this is my website, and that I can write about picking my asshole to see if I can smell last night’s dinner after digestion on it and you can’t say much about it.
Heather Locklear may be hot, but she’s getting old making her like last night’s dinner rather than tonight’s dinner, if you know what I mean…if you don’t it means she’s already been digested, but I haven’t shit her out yet, because I still have a little more lovin’ to give in me, but she’s old news and not as exciting as tonight’s dinner that I am already hungry for because I only eat one meal a day but still manage to keep getting fatter.