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Archive for the Heidi Klum Category

2010

26

Jan

Heidi Klum Sex Doll I Wanna Fuck of the Day

Now Seal is officially not the only one allowed to use Heidi Klum as a sex doll he can knock up whenever the fuck he wants….but so can the janitor at the wax museum that just introduced this hot body wax figure of the model. See as long as the security cameras aren’t on, motherfucker can easily hike up that skirt, and drill a fuck hole in her backside and have his way with her, dropping his load inside her and no one will ever fuckin’ no, and that’s sure as hell a lot more fun than dealing with ego while dusting the Diddy Wax Figure …..

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Wax Figure

2009

04

Dec

Heidi Klum’s Mom Ass in a Skirt Modeling of the Day

This is the booty the Seal fucks the shit out of before not pulling the fuck out and knocking her the fuck up for the 10th fucking time all bounced back into shape after giving birth to their latest mixed-race creature. She is already getting world modeling for some German bullshit and she remains a good freak of nature because even teenage girls with eatin disorders don’t bounce back from their baby-weight this fat….another thing in her life that is a freak of nature….Seal’s face…but that doesn’t really matter, what does matter is when are they going to release a sex tape…because I can only assume as a German woman and a very large black man with a mangled face….the shit is fucking demonic to watch…I’m talking scat, bondage, latex and piss…possible inclusion of midgets and barn animals…I don’t fucking know…I just know it’ll be good and not even because of how hot this bitch is, just because I know there is a reason for all their breeding and I want a glimpse into it….

Either way, Heidi Klum has a substantially better body than every single mother I have met over the last few decades and that’s all I have to saw about that…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Mom Ass|Skirt

2009

30

Oct

Heidi Klum in Some Almost Naked Photos of the Day

Heidi Klum is hot, even after all the damage she’s done to herself, like the whole 4 babies thing and the whole marrying and fucking a big black monster looking guy who probably ravages her on every level because German’s are supposed to hate Black People, unless they are Mili Vanilli at their prime, until they are Milli Vanilli a public embarrassment to the country, you know that whole Aryan race thing, but I guess that all goes out the concntration camp window when your german sexual issues take over your decision making, because I’ve seen German porn and Heidi Klum being German means she does some very insane things in bed by default….

Either way, here are some pics from some book a photographer is putting out about his pics of her.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Naked|Nipples|Pictures

2009

29

Oct

Heidi Klum Chocolate Covered Nipple of the Day

I guess after having Seal’s chocolate milk all over her face, all over her womb, all over her ass, all over her stomach, in her mouth, on her tits and pretty much everywhere else his massive black garden hose could reach her hot German body, it was only natural for her to do this photoshoot.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Nipple

2009

25

Sep

Very Pregnant Heidi Klum Nipple of the Day

Heidi Klum and Seal are serious fucking breeders. I’ve heard about couples wanting to have a kid or two, but she seems to be constantly pregnant and lookin at the size of her now really scares me, not only because I can’t stand the idea of a baby growing inside another person like some kind of virus or STD, like the girl who makes me sandwiches who told me she had to take the day off to get pre-cancerous cells burned off her cervix because she had sex with dirty people in her youth and had HPV making me want to fuck my sandwich instead of eating it cuz it was just that fucking hot, only in Heidi Klum’s case shit does a lot more damage to her pussy…not that Seal hasn’t already done an amazing job massacring that thing, I mean she’s definitely not married to him because of his boyish good looks, since he looks like something out of a horror movie, which may be something German’s like since they are a sick breed of jew killing monsters, she’s married to him because of his massive dick.

Here are pics of her hard nipples and her massive belly that I am pretty sure she will bounce back from….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Pregnant

2009

25

May

Heidi Klum for McDonald’s of the Day

I was walking by a McDonald’s earlier today and saw the skinniest girl I have probably ever seen walking towards the door. I was thinking to myself that to have a body like that, there is no way a motherfucker eats that shit, but I was wrong, she walked right in. Maybe she was a heroin addict or bulemic and I was dealing with her on a binge, but I think she was just a skinny girl who got down with disgusting food every now and then, so I asked her to let me take a picture of her, so that I’d post it on the site and maybe get her a job as their new spokesperson, because McDonald’s needs someone who isn’t fat and dying of liver failure from eating the shitty processed food, you know a poster girl who doesn’t need poster sized paper to print up pictures of themselves because normal cameras can’t take it all fuckin’ in, especially since bitch was worth a fuckin’ round, but then she just told me to fuck myself and I guess you can’t really help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, or maybe I just shouldn’t have bothered a binging girl, eating away her sadness despite her eating disorder at her darkest time.

So when I saw these pics of Klum promoting some McDonald’s shit, I got excited because I knew my vision was on the right fuckin’ track and that it must have been a sign from fuckin’ God telling me I’m a fuckin’ genius, but I doubt it.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|McDonalds

2009

01

May

Star Trek Premiere Pussy of the Day

Star Trek is coming and I’m sure that means that you are too, because Star Trek was the only friend you had growing up. It was the one thing you really connected with and when the internet hit it allowed you to find like minded loser virgins who you could interact with and meet at conventions to hang out with and is really the only reason you ever got married, so in a lot of ways Star Trek, the reason you were such a loser growing up, is the same reason you got pussy in the first place….

Here’s a little Heidi Klum throwin’ up her Virgin Gang Signs….I think that is like the hybrid shocker for girls with fatty assholes…but I am usually wrong about that shit…

Here’s some bad space jokes and others who were at the event….Which is funny because when you used to throw you Star Trek parties the only person who showed up was your stuffed animals and kid sister. I guess they got paid the fuck off, you know trying to take the acne faced, asthmatic, red headed pre-conceived notions of the shit…..


Amanda Bynes was there cuz her legs are out of this world…..


Kristin Cavallari was there because her career is as believable as science fiction….


Tori Spelling was there because her tits are fucking alien….


Hayden Panettiere because she all of her fans are fucking virgin Star Trek People. This is her fuckin’ scene

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Heidi Klum|Kristin Cavallari|Nicolette Sheridan|Star Trek

2009

02

Apr

Heidi Klum Does German Vogue Photoshoot of the Day

I think Heidi Klum is amazing. She’s an older mom and she still does what she did to me many years ago when I first heard about her. I know alot of you racists can’t handle the fact that she is married to a black man, you know because you are intimidated by black dick, but whenever I get down and out, I turn on some Seal and shit is so good it makes me want to fuck him, you know German scat styles, flinging shit at each other like we’re a couple of chimps, only to end up pinned up against the wall and ripped apart by his very large penis, like I was Heidi fucking Klum.

Here she is doing some photoshoot for some German Vogue shit, she’s lookin’ a little beat up, which isn’t that much of a shock, because German’s are insane and into that kind of thing. If there is blood, death and shit, it’s good to go….

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Model|Vogue

2009

04

Mar

Heidi Klum Posing With a Bra of the Day

I was at some 18 year old girl’s house “babysitting” the other night and we started watching the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because like Russia and the Middle East, Canada is 6 months behind on shit, and I was thinking to myself how much hotter Heidi Klum, a 40 year old with a weathered, mother vagina and a big penised black husband, was fresher than the slob of a girl I was next to. Sure, the kind of 18 year olds I meet and spend time with are what you’d expect to find overdosing in the bathroom of a bus station, or shitting herself in a bus shelter on the side of a busy intersection or pretty much someone who has anything to do with buses, and decided that I suck at life, because I’m not with someone my own age who looks like this, but on a side note, I told her to shove a role of dirty pennies in her asshole and I’d let her keep it, I guess she needed the 50 cents, because she did it and it was fucking vile. I’m not sure the last time she showered, but her anus was lookin’ a little too much like Seal.

Here is Heidi Klum posing with bras, because bras are what made her.

Here she is without the bra…

Posted in:Bra|Heidi Klum|Victoria's Secret

2008

04

Nov

Heidi Klum is Insane for Guitar Hero of the Day

Heidi Klum is a bit of a nutcase and i am not making reference to who she decides to make babies with, but more to how she acts every time she’s on camera.

I assume it’s a cultural thing and maybe has to do with some kind of identity crisis from not working in a german brothel licking asshole like everyone else she knows and instead breakin’ all of Hitler’s plans for his people by marrying a black man, but she’s got good tits and is entertaining to watch when you can turn her the fuck off.

It seems like Victoria’s Secret let her off their leash and allowed her to do some Guitar Hero, Risky business shit, as long as she was wearing their product, and it is more interesting than the Tom Cruise scene from a time when he was a closet fag taking trips to Montreal to fuck dudes, and Scientology hadn’t taken over his life, but not as interesting as seeing Michael J. Fox doing it today, but that’s just because he’d really put the shake into his dance, because he has Parkinson’s.

Here’s another, more boring one….

Posted in:Guitar Hero|Heidi Klum|Lingerie

2008

29

Oct

Heidi Klum Does Some Got Milk? Ad of the Day

Heidi Klum played on her German or Swiss roots by posing with a cow for some Milk campaign. I am sure it’s not the first time in her career where she had to pose with an animal and I’m not just talking about her family portraits, but the truth is that I’d like to see her in a more traditional German outfit, maybe a Nazi uniform or maybe even lying in a cold dark basement covered in feces after shooting a hot scene for their nation passtime, Scat.

I never found this Milk shit hot, I mean who gives a fuck if she’s got a white substance on her lip, that shit doesn’t make me think of giving her a facial, but instead makes me think of all those night’s I’ve busted my wife in the kitchen with a box of oreos mid binge. But since I can’t always get what I want, I guess I’ll have to settle for this.

Posted in:Got Milk?|Heidi Klum

2008

24

Oct

Heidi Klum Does Victoria’s Secret Make Up of the Day

I guess that despite Heidi Klum’s fame and fortune she still belongs to Victoria’s Secret because here she is in pixie wings and posing with a slutty mannequin at their make-up launch. I guess it’s just a small price to pay since they saved her from a life of German Scat porn, an existence nobody really wants, because despite your love for it, getting shit on is never fun or sexy. It’s like that time I saved a girl from getting hit by a car when she was talking on her cellphone and demanded that she lets me see her naked as payment for my good deed, only in this case, Heidi Klum actually listens, where the girl I saved just called her boyfriend and told him some creep tried to get her naked because he pulled her from traffic when she was crossing the street on a green. Hey no one said my idea of saving lives is the same as your idea of saving lives, and in retrospect it was a pretty weak attempt to see pussy, but that’s not the point, the point is that I wonder what that mannequin she’s standing next to is named, she looks like she wouldn’t say no…..no matter how many fingers you’ve shoved in the hole you drilled into her after stealing her from the mall and bringing her back to your mom’s basement with you.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Make-Up|Victoria's Secret

2008

17

Oct

Heidi Klum Almost Has an Upskirt While Miley Watches of the Day

Here’s a pretty bananas picture that could have ended a lot better of Heidi Klum almost having an upskirt at some fashion show where Miley Cyrus anxiously awaits her boyfriend to come out on stage so that she can really feel like her decision to give him her cherry was the right one because he’s so desirable that he’s on the fucking runway and she’s his personal groupie who not only fucks him on command and buys him the shit he wants, but also shoots his name onto the Marquee that is relevant celebrity boyfriends, making him a household name and a heart throb to teenage Miley fans everywhere in hopes of it opening new doors and new opportunities for him.

So this could have been a lot better if she was showing some pussy lip or panty and if Miley was fingerbanging her while Seal peed on them like he was R. Kelly at a Junior High….but maybe that’s too much to ask, I mean I remember the time I pissed on my wife thinking it would add some excitement to our lives and instead it just made her cry, because he was watching TV and I surpriseed her from behind, leaving me unaroused and feeling like I had failed, never exploring golden showers again, meaning it’s really only for a select few and finding those people isn’t always easy, it’s not just something people do on the first date, unless you’re paying them, so thinking these starlets would get in on something like that is totally far fetched….


To See The Rest of the Pictures Go To TheCobraSnake

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Miley Cyrus|Upskirt

2008

11

Sep

Heidi Klum Has a Line of Jeans of the Day

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Heidi Klum has a line of jeans out and she looks like a clown while promoting it, but that won’t stop her black husband from knocking her up because no girl is too ugly for a black man.

I was on the bus the other day and these two lesbian lookin’ fat chicks were there with the cutest half-black babies I ever saw. They looked like twins and one had big blue eyes and the other had brown eyes, so I asked the lesbians if they were twins, assuming they bought them at some discount adoption center, figuring if they were rich they wouldn’t be on the fucking bus. They told me that they weren’t twins but best friends and were born 5 days apart. Now I spent about 30 minutes staring at these fucking things and they looked identical, I mean sure I joke around that all black people look the same and call all black famous people Denzel Washington like the next racist, but reality is I have the ability to spot differences and these kids had none.

So I started talking to the woman next to me, who happened to be a Jamaican and we’re goin’ off about how those kids are identical and those mothers are not so how the fuck did this go down and we realized that they have to have the same dad. Now I am no expert on these things, but the Jamaican asked where the father was from and since she was Jamaican I assume the fat lesbian moms felt comfortable with her as she could be the baby daddy’s relative and they said that Jamaica. So the story goes like thise, 2 fat lesbians no one want go down to Jamaica on an all inclusive resort, have one too many drinks and end up fucking the bartender who knocks them both up, sending both of them back to Canada pregnant, making the herpes my friend got last time he went to the Dominican seem like not such a big deal.

I feel like I told this story already, I am confused.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Jeans

2008

06

Aug

Heidi Klum Topless Vacation of the Day

Girls are so catty. I was at the strip club the other night and I saw two of the strippers pretty much beating each other up because they were wearing the same stripper costume. They were pulling at each other’s shirts and spitting at each other while calling each other names. The bouncer let it go on for a few minutes because he knew shit was good for business, because it’s not everyday at the stripclub where some wrestling implanted whores get down and he sent both girls home. I was just surprised that they’d get so mad about somethng so stupid, I figured they didn’t have that much selection at the local stripper costume shop to begin with and seeing another girl working in the same costume happens all the time, not to mention as a patron, we just want to see you naked and don’t really even notice what you’re wearing, but girls will be girls.

Here are some pics of Heidi Klum raining on Cindy Crawford’s topless moment in the sun, because I guess she wants to prove that she’s still got it goin’ on too and that even after ravagin her body with black man cock and black man semen and black man babies, people still like seeing her ex-model mom tits.

If this is infact a competition of tits, where Heidi Klum is trying to show up Cindy Crawford, she lost. It’s safe to say that bad things have happened to Heidi Klum and bitch looks like she’s been dancing around a fire chanting tribal songs with her family and that this shit was shot by National Geographic and that she’s definitely lost whatever she once had.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Topless|Vacation