I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Heidi Montag Category

2009

13

Apr

Heidi Montag’s Shameless Music Video of the Day

I posted these pictures of the devil shamelessly promoting her new shitty songs by getting her fake boyfriend to pretend to videotape her, while she mouthed the words to her song and asked people to go out and download it on itunes. If you were one of the people who listened, I hope you fucking die, because buying shit she’s peddling like the desperate out of work alcoholic kid’s birthday clown I saw on the street corner handing out free baloon animals to little kids, hoping to get a gig at a birthday party like the good old days, before he sold his soul to the fuckin bottle, and all motherfucker got was arrested for being a pervert who got too close to fuckin’ kids, like he deserved.

That said, give Heidi Montag what she deserves…failure.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Lip Sync|Shameless

2009

10

Apr

Heidi Montag Plays it Up For the Paparazzi of the Day

This souless cunt was out self-promoting and the paparazzi fed into her shit by taking pictures. She pulled up in a luxury car and danced around lip syncing her bullshit song while Spencer Pratt videotaped it, trying to promote her shit and get some buzz, despite it being kitchen fucking garbage, like her boobjob.

The lies are starting to get to me, I mean all I can think about is hate fucking her until she stops resisting under me. Maybe that sounds violent, but not as violent as how she rapes me everyfucking day with her bullshit.

There’s gotta be a video about this somewhere, google it.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Shameless|Slut

2009

09

Apr

Heidi and Spencer Bring Their Bullshit Love to the Streets of the Day

Here are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt livin’ up the lie that people believe because they have nothing better to do with themselves and the paparazzi are going nuts with the shit like these clowns are relevant. The other day, I hit them up on Twitter, because I use Twitter despite how gay it sounds and asked Spencer if he’s ever knocked Heidi up and he was pretty quick to say no. He went out of his way to tell me he hasn’t. He also said he has his own in the house they share, and that’s where he fucks Brody Jenner while Heidi is in the other room staring at her cunt self in the mirror. I want to hate these clowns, but I can’t, because everytime I dream about myself, I am played by Heidi Montag and have a feeling that means we’re soulmates, unfortunately, she has no soul….

Here they are trying to promote her new shit songs that Spencer pretends are the next big thing, while the rest of the world knows shit’s a fucking disaster….

Here’s the video of them working their bullshit for the paparazzi…

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Love|Publicity Stunt|Spencer Pratt

2008

23

Dec

Heidi Montag’s Titty Christmas Kiss of the Day

Here’s Heidi’s fake tits, to match her fake hair at her fake Finale party, with her fake husband that she has been fake dating for the last few years in her fake life. The only thing real in all this is that the dress is probably designer, and not a fake imitation, because it turns out the public like lies and lies make people very fucking rich.

That’s not to say it’s a nice dress, I don’t know this fashion shit, but this is Heidi Montag, so I can only assume it is some tacky trashy stripper shit you’d find at a sex shop, but it is to say that all this combined makes this bitch a lot smarter than you and me and that’s pretty fucking depressing.

Posted in:Fake Tits|Heidi Montag|Kissing

2008

11

Dec

Heidi and Spencer Have the Christmas Spirit of the Day

I have decided that I am a hypocrite.I am inconsistent in all aspects of my life and like some things some days and hate them the next day. For the longest time I hated The Hills and everything it represented, I am sure I’ve mentioned it here a few times. But as the rest of the world started to catch onto the bullshit and started calling the cast out on living scripted lives, setting up staged everything, and paying the paparazzi to be there, all to perpetuate lies to the fans, I decided to start liking them.

It’s kind of like how skateboarding went gay in 1997 with Tony Hawk Pro Skater video games, making me hate everything about skateboarding in a matter of months when I started seeing Cha Chi motherfucker wearin’ skate shoes and I realized the fun was over, and now that everyone hates on The Hills, I need to start a fight to keep it around because watching Heidi and Spencer and their bullshit poses at a Christmas Tree farm, kissing under the misseltoe like they were in a shitty made for TV movie on the Hallmark Channel, or a low budget Christmas catalog, or even a scripted reality show, pretty much telling us all we’re fucking assholes for watching them act like assholes, the only thing these pictures is missing is them giving us the finger while counting their money, hopefully money they use to buy Spencer some testosterone for Christmas so bitch can grow a full beard instead of this teenage pervert shit…

Either way, here’s their performance and it warms my heart and if you want to get me something for Christmas, the only thing on my list is “The Hills Box Set” or even a signed picture from this power couple since I am officially their number 1 fan. Thanks.

Posted in:Christmas|Heidi Montag|Spencer Pratt

2008

05

Dec

Heidi Montag’s Got More Mexico Bikini Pictures of the Day

As hard as it is to not hate Heidi and Spencer and everyone from The Hills, it’s hard not to respect and get what they are doing. Sure they are total assholes in the way they act and in how they badly play up the cameras and play the pawns in some MTV scripted life, but they are still living the fucking life. I know that at the end of all this, they won’t know where to seperate the real Heidi and the on camera Heidi, but she’ll have so much fucking money to really fucking care and that’s all assuming she had any fucking substance before signing up to this shit. My theory is that she didn’t. She was just one of those plastic cunts, not the kind you hide under your bed so your mom doesn’t find it and realize that this “girlfriend” you’ve been talking about is just a rubber thing you fuck, but the kind of plastic cunts who really didn’t have any other opportunities, so if anything she won the lottery, she’s the one in Mexico, she’s the one fucking this cocksucker Pratt, and she’s not the one sitting at home watching re-runs of the show, following their every move and fantasizing about banging Pratt while gossiping about their fabricated lives. That’s not to say that all of humanity even knows what this shit, but the vapid little cunts who do, are no better than the vapid little cunt their obsessing over. So the show’s a joke, the concept is alright, the players are fucking clowns, but the real asshole in all this is the people who watch.

Not that you care, since you don’t watch this shit, and you aren’t a teenage girl, even though you wish you were so that you could feel your 15 year old vagina and not get arrested, you just like lookin at Montag’s body in a bikini and I am not judgin’ cuz she looks as good as most strippers I’ve paid 10 dollars to touch their tits and that’s gotta count for somethin’

Posted in:Bikini|Heidi Montag|Mexico

2008

04

Dec

Heidi Montag’s Staged Bikini Pictures on Her Staged Honeymoon for a Staged Marriage of the Day

Heidi Montag and her boyfriend got fake married for their show, they then went on a fake honeymoon to celebrate their fake marriage for the show and here are the staged pictures of them on the beach because the paparazzi just happened to be there and weren’t hired by the show. Now I am all for fucking with the public if they are stupid enough to buy into it, I mean it’s the foundation of government and religion and most of healthcare, pharmaceuticals and corporations, so I haven’t got a problem with these two clowns stuntin’ like this. I mean sure she sold her soul to MTV for a payout much higher than working some Colorado Ski Restort’s ticket booth for minimum wage and I’m sure you all would do the same fucking thing, because it’s a winning lottery ticket that only costs your dignity and privacy for a couple of years, because proven by how bad and obvious these bikini pics turned out, there’s no fucking chance she’ll be going onto more acting work. So despite The Hills and everything about it being contrived, scripted horse shit, that plays out worse than a Soap Opera, there is no way this Montag is going to use it as a stepping stone to get to the Academy Awards like she was Hilary Swank and this was The Next Karate Kid or some shit, yeah, I know Hilary Swank’s career, Fuck you.

Posted in:Bikini|Heidi Montag|Staged

2008

31

Oct

Halloween is Today Not Yesterday of the Day

Today is the only happiest day of the year for sex offenders and the kids they want to commit sex offenses on. They can dress up like something they always dreamed they could be like a superhero, a sports star, or whatever else people dress as all to run up to strange people’s houses asking for candy, or to be the strange person at the house who get parental consent to have some alone time with endless amounts of kids….without the police getting involved, unless of course they get carried away and masturbate during the process and not to the memories of it…..

I didn’t end up going out last night, I am just posting late cuz I am lazy and not because I drank til 10 am, because I realized it wasn’t actually Halloween and figured that since I hate people that overkill holidays, like I overkill jokes, you know getting dressed up days before the actual day, it just didn’t make sense for me to be not be one of them, unless of course, I wanted to get confusing and make my costume of a guy who dresses up for Halloween on days that aren’t Halloween, but that seems pretty fuckin’ confusing. I think I’m going with my DJ AM idea, where I douse myself in gasoline and when the clock strikes midnight, I light up and run through the dance floor, or maybe I’ll go as nothing because dressing up is lame….especially a day early….

Unfortunately, these people didn’t realize that Halloween is today and not yesterday. Probably because they have nothing better to do, since they are pretty irrelevant….

Here’s Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as Horse Faced Whore with Fake Tits and Her Fake Latch on Fame Hungry Boyfriend…..unfortunately they didn’t go with the murder suicide I’ve been hoping to read about in the news….

Traci Bingham Dressed Like a Slutty Cop

Mariah Carey as a Slutty Fire Fighter

Looks like civil servants were the theme of the night, and I find that pretty offensive and a sign of famous people trying to use the media to get their politics across, you know because police and firefighters are a sign of the communism or socialism since they are paid out of people’s taxes money to keep the public safe and from breaking the law they created to control the public or from burning down like DJ AM….

Posted in:Halloween|Heidi Montag|Mariah Carey|Traci Bingham

2008

15

Oct

Heidi Montag Goes to the Pumpkin Patch of the Day

Heidi Montag managed to step away from the hustle and bustle that is her lie of a life on The Hills and re-connect with her roots. You know heading out to the pumpkin patch where she was made by the farmer’s handicapped son and where she worked as a scarecrow for the first 17 years of her life, before somehow managing to take her straw-filled useless body and her face only a farmer’s retard son could love, that made for the best damn face in the scarecrow business, where no crows ever came within 10 feet of the crop with her around, to Hollywood, where she became what she is today. The only remnants of what once was is her soulless body and that face that could stop traffic for being something out of a really low budget horror movie and of course the wonderful memories that she’s decided to share with her fake boyfriend of her time as a device, traditionally a human figure dressed in old clothes, or mannequin, that is used to discourage birds such as crows from disturbing crops, because this time of year is always really nostalgic for her, like the group of seniors I saw celebrating their 60th high school reunion, because besides waiting for death, it’s all they really have to do today…

Either way, here’s Heidi and her plastic tits, plastic life and plastic boyfriend, playing with the crops she once helped protect.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Pumpkins

2008

27

Aug

Heidi Montag Plays With Melons of the

Heidi Montag went fake grocery shopping with her fake nose and her fake tits and her fake boyfriend to help perpetuate their fake life together as real people, in real situations, living a real life and doing real life things and I don’t fuckin’ buy it. What I do buy is that Heidi posing with watermelons is meant to be funny because in all the time I have gone to the grocery store, which is a lot since I have a fat fucking wife who only likes eating or doing eating related activities like buying food to eat later, I have never seen anyone posing like this cry for attention of a girl. I’d wonder what went wrong in her life, like did she get enough attention from her parents growing up or was she the black sheep, did she get a lot of attention from boys or was she the Ugly Betty but less Mexican, but I don’t really care enough to. I find her ugly, useless and this is my weak attempt to make you hate her, the show they are on and the lies they are feeding our kids, because I want them off the air and back in whatever suburban town they crawled out of….

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Melons

2008

26

Aug

Heidi Montag Overdosin’ of the Day

The only problem with this 10 minute music video of a shitty Heidi Montag video for a song called Overdosin’ is that it doesn’t end with her having a fuckin’ overdose, and I am talking a real overdose, one you see in the alley and crack dens around your city and not the Hollywood kind where they come out alive. I don’t really understand any of the lyrics but that could be because shit is on mute, what I do know is that it’s obviously a fuckin’ joke playing on that “Call On Me” video that was actually hot, because no one in their right mind could find this good. I am convinced it is some kind of viral video for FunnyorDie.

The truth is that If I wanted to see subpar girls awkwardly doin fitness in American Apparel, I’d hit up my local Y for the maternity class, which isn’t saying much because I do that shit anyway. Either way, I’m sure you’ll love this so here it is.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Overdosin'

2008

25

Aug

Heidi Montag and Her Tranny Work Out Music Video of the Day

I was planning on banning MTV from the site, but forgot about that ban when uploading these pictures of Heidi Montag in some workout gear leotards from American Apparel for her new video that reminds me of some kind of themed Frat Party where all the brothers of the fraternity get dressed up like they were Olivia Newton John in some kind of lame attempt to get laid that ends up working because girls are idiots.

By the looks of these pictures, this sluts biggest lie isn’t her entire life or the fact that she’s into Jesus and a virgin, or that she’s actually famous, it’s that she’s actually got a fuckin’ dick and her birth name is really Charlie.

I was the biggest fan of the American Apparel leotard and it’s ability to touch pussy, ass and tits at the same time, but over the course of time, shit’s become too fuckin’ popular and played out and when bitches like Heidi Montag start rockin’ the shit, you know that it’s pretty much over. RIP Motherfucker.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Leotard|Tranny

2008

13

Aug

Heidi Montag Has Retarded Fans at This Make a Wish Foundation Day at Kitson of the Day

I don’t like Heidi Montag because I don’t think she’s hot and I am superficial and have standards when I am hiding behind my computer screen, but none when it comes to getting girls in bars to show me their tits. I find her annoying as fuck as she is always in her bullshit character, living a bullshit lie of a life that MTV puppetmasters have designed for her to maintain ratings and she’s just milking it for all she can, and I get that, because otherwise her future would involve a whole lot of workin’ the stripper pole back in Colorado, or living her rich kid life working for her dad’s company and driving his Porsche, not that I know that they are rich or not, but I am assuming she had a serious contact to make this miracle happen.

Either way, I don’t hate her sister though, her name is Holly and I think she’s the one in these pictures with her. She’s my Facebook friend and she started out ignoring me until I posted all her personal pictures and she reached out the threaten me with a lawsuit if I didn’t take them down. From there we established a solid Facebook friendshi and we send each other random messages a couple of times a month and I try to get her to talk dirty to me and send me nudes and she just tells me real basic shit and cockteases me with promises of going on drinking benders at MTV Video Music Awards and shit like that together and since I missed out on the whole drunken, messy, college girl gangbang Spring Break experience because college is for lesbians and peole too scared to grow up and gt a job and I went straight into addicts and street whores and girls missing teeth, I feel like she’s going to open my life up to great things. The only problem is that I don’t meet people off the internet because I am scared they are going to kidnap and rape me, and despite me being seen as the internet predator, I am actually a fuckin’ paranoid motherfucker who doesn’t trust anyone, even if getting raped and killed would be the most action I’ve had in years, it’s not really something I am going to entertain.

The truth is, the Holly I am talking to could be a 12 year old Filipino faking the shit, but I still like to believe that we are connected at the soul via facebook. If you want more Holly, you’ll have to watch the show because she’s going to be on it and I don’t really think any girl is worth that kind of abuse to yourself because The Hills are the Devils work, and the proof is all these Make a Wish foundation kids treating Heidi like some kind of celebrity, something we all know she isn’t, but it doesn’t matter what we think, it’s what the rest of the world thinks that matters and that scares me.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Retards

2008

04

Aug

Audrina and Heidi Montag are Fake Friends of the Day

I hate The Hills. I have never watched it and will never watch it, but doing this site forces me to know what the cunts on the show are up to. I figure if I wanted to watch a group of ugly rich kids complaining about their scripted, obvious and boring lives, I’d just go to the Starbucks down the street, at least that way I can follow the whores home and rape some sense into them, when I am pretty much at a lost when it comes to teaching these MTV bitches a lesson, since they are too big of a deal to be accessible for some fat dude in Canada.

The real issue with their fame is that it’s really got nothing to do with them, and a lot to do with you and the people you know. You cocksuckers are watching their shit, talking about the shit, buying the DVDs of the shit, inflating their whore egos and giving MTV no choice but to continue writing the garbage that rapes the minds of everyone who watches it.

The only thing remotely interesting about the show is that it’s on some Truman Show level, where they have pretty much sold out their lives to play their part all the fucking time, so that they don’t slip up on the continuity of the story, and the lies they are living are going to become their reality so when the show is cancelled and they realize that they can’t survive in real life because they don’t know who they really are and have no identity and will never be able to live down the cunts they play like they are Gary Coleman or some shit and can’t quite figure out why the rest of the world acts so differently than they did when they were on the show only and the only escape is suicide.

Either way, here’s two girls from The Hills showing the world how full of shit they are in this fake interraction that pisses me off….

BONUS – Some Audrina Bikini Pictures from Last Week Because It Makes Her Body Makes Her Face Less Offensive….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Fake|Heidi Montag

2008

27

Jun

Heidi Montag Denies Til She Dies of the Day

Heidi Montag was asked about her fake tits and nose job and basically said she got it done because of insecurities that have always followed her from being teased as a kid. This gives teaches a strong lesson to kids everywhere, and by everywhere I mean the small percentage of her fans that aren’t autistic or retarded, and that lesson is that if you are being teased by other kids, the other kids are right, so go out and fix whatever they’ve told you to so you can fit in. You hear that black kid in the corner, it’s going to be hard but you’re just going to have to turn yourself white…and gay dude, we know how much you love home economics class where you get to make your favorite dresses, but motherfucker you are going to have to join the fucking football team and stand a little straighter because that’s what Heidi Montag told us.

It’s really unfortunate that she doesn’t take her own advice about other aspects of her life, sure you call her Kate Hudson and she goes and gets implants, or a Dirty Jew with that big ‘ol Dirty Jew nose and she get her nose done, but for some reason no matter how useless I call her, how many times I laugh at her song, her career, her relationship, her show, you’d expect her to just put an end to it all by putting a gun to her head. I guess I am just not as relevant as the pretty girls in her middle school.

Either way, the highlight of this clip is how she says she doesn’t drink or do drugs twice in a matter of minutes, it’s one of those if you tell me enough times I’ll start to believe her bullshit, but that didn’t work when my wife told me she lost weight so I’d give her the potato chips and it’s not going to work now. There is no way you can live as Heidi Montag andd not be on drugs without hurting yourself.. It would seriously take me about 15 minutes of being Heidi Montag before jumping off the 7th story window of the Chateau Marmont and those 15 minutes don’t count because I’d be masturbating and playing with my fake tits and I’d bring that Spencer cunt down with me.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|The View