I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Jessica Alba Category

2009

02

Mar

Jessica Alba Rockin’ Some Fruit of the Day

Here’s a picture of Jessica Alba showing off where Cash Warren came in her a few hours before she spat it out into a cup and hid it in the fridge until he passed out asleep and she artificially inseminated herself to get pregnant and trap the motherfucker for life. Good job.

Here’s the rest of her eating fruit for you people who get off on healthy eating like you were a couple fucking hippies backpacking Europe and just found the first vegan restaurant on the trip. I am not sure what that means, but it was stupid and I’m keeping it.

Posted in:Fruit|Jessica Alba

2009

24

Feb

Jessica Alba Pretends to Like her Kid of the Day

Here’s some Jessica Alba staged pictures of her and her kid playing and like she’s the love of her life, because of the negative press she’s recently got from me about how she wants nothing to do with her kid, not even breast feed it. Well I don’t buy this shit, you’re an actor and everything you do is a lie, a very bad actor and this is bullshit.

As soon as they got home she locked the kid in the soundproof room in the basement where she keeps him so he doesn’t bother her. She has some immigrant women care for him between days her and her publicist agree she should bring him out to light and pretend to be having the time of her fucking life being a “mom” photo opportunity.

Posted in:Fake|Jessica Alba|Kid

2009

23

Feb

Jessica Alba and Her Deflated Mom Tits of the Day

I have this theory that Jessica Alba couldn’t deal with the rejection of being ditched by Cash Warren back when he escaped her crazy, so she tricked him into knocking her up. Whether she poked holes in the condom, or ran to find the used condom and inserted it inside out are details we’ll never know, but despite his efforts to no get her pregnant, he failed and she won.

The only issue is that now that the baby has come, it means a lot of fucking responsibility that this cunt wasn’t ready for so she pawned it off on her staff and mother and a couple of wet nurses and the proof of this theory are her deflated titties, there’s no way a milkin mom would be this flat unless she sprung a leak.

I know some of you are fans, so here are her pics from God knows where, but I assume something that has to do with Oscar because like an annoying relative visiting from out of town, they takeover Hollywood and don’t know how to fuck off.

Bonus – Here She Is Acknowledging the Paparazzi Because Her Life is Like a Fairy Tale…

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Mom Tits

2009

16

Feb

Jessica Alba’s Hot Vacation Pics of the Day

Jessica Alba is on vacation and hiding her damaged mom body from the public. I assume she’s also hiding her mom vagina from Cash Warren not for fear of getting pregnant again at a time their family planning hadn’t planned for, but because she’s so exhausted from being kept up by the baby and all of its all hours of the night demands and by being exhausted from the baby, I mean from signing checks to her nanny staff who she’s pawned her baby off on cuz her lazy ass can’t be bothered. The fucking thing was a strategy or tool to lock her boyfriend who dumped her ass in because no one dumps Jessica Alba and this whole wanting to be fed, changed, loved, played with was not part of the fucking plan….

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Vacation

2009

30

Jan

Jessica Alba’s Not Getting My Kind of Asian Massage of the Day

This isn’t the kind of happy ending 10 dollar Asian Massage I’m used to, but then again I can’t make out what’s going on below the waste. It’s very possible, if not probable that three asian women are servicing her baby maker with their forearms. It’s really the only way she can get any form of satisfaction now that Cash Warren’s penis doesn’t touch her vagina walls no matter how hard he tries…and god knows he tries.

Posted in:Asian|Jessica Alba|Massage

2009

29

Jan

Jessica Alba Pretends to be a Mother of the Day

I like Jessica Alba’s tattoo. If I was fuckin’ her from behind, I’d really like feeling like I was about to cum all over a 7 year old school girl’s hair. Or maybe she’s trying to do some Christmas present shit, you know where she figures if you’re dick’s inside her box, she might as well wrap it up and put a bow on top, in which case it’s a lot less exciting, because cumming on the outside of the present really isn’t as fun as cumming inside, especially if the present is for your asshole boss and is edible.

Either way, here is Alba in some staged mom pictures, when most girls get in bikinis to get attention, she tries her best to act like she likes the kid and doesn’t think it’s the biggest pain in the ass that only comes in handy for staged photoshoots with the paparazzi, to distract the public from a couple stupid statements she’s made the last couple days. You know, like she is actually a good, involved mom who doesn’t just pawn the kid off on her nannies and mom to take the burden off her shoulders. You know, she since she’s a piece of shit cunt like that.

Good morning everyone. Hope you’re enjoying your day so far.

Posted in:Ass|Jessica Alba|Mother

2009

08

Jan

Jessica Alba And Her New Haircut Ignore Everyone Around Her of the Day

Jessica Alba has always pissed me off for various reasons. Whether it was not getting naked in movies when I bought into the hype that she was one of the hottest bitch in Hollywood, or out getting knocked up to trap her boyfriend because she’s a broken little girl who has no friends, or acting like an annoying bitch acts when you’re having a fight with her, where she gives you the silent treatment and pretends your not there like you were 6 and on the fucking playground and no matter what you say, or how hard you try to get her to crack because you still want to fight, she stares blankly past you making you more pissed off so you punch the bitch in the jaw like you were Hayden Panettiere’s dad, and bitch still stares blankly past you, only a single tear runs down her cheek, making you more frustrated so you choke her out and as she gasps for air, she finally cracks, kicks you in the balls and calls the police, where you spend the next 24 hours getting fucked up by cocks for being a wife beater, when really you were just trying to get noticed. Only Alba does that shit to the paparazzi, walking around like they aren’t there and seeing that shit pisses me off, why can’t she just be fucking personable, you know considering her career and fans have done pretty good for her, instead of pulling this cunt behavior. Sure, she probably doesn’t have much of a personality or much to say, but just giving a smile or acknowledging the scum that is around her even if they are just trying to milk what she says for personal gain, would be the nice thing to do.

If I wanted to get her attention and I was a paparazzi, I would have just slandered her, you know say screaming obscenities about her vagina and what I would do to it, something like “Hey Alba, your pussy smells like shit, I think they left the placenta in, and I want to suck it our with a fucking straw, you like that you fucking whore, don’t you” or something that hits close to home like “Don’t ignore me bitch,this the kind of cold shoulder behavior is the reason I have some pictures and video of Cash Warren getting it on with a chick who isn’t you when you were at home with the baby, wanna see?”….not that I’d ever be a paparazzi or trying to get Alba’s attention, I’m just saying…..

Posted in:Jessica Alba|New Hair

2009

07

Jan

Jessica Alba’s Mom is Easy of the Day

I don’t really know if Alba’s mom is a slut, but I can assume she is, I mean she did breed Alba and by lookin like this, she can’t have much self esteem and definitely takes all she can get and now that she’s menopausal it means no condoms, I mean provided you can live with yourself after mounting this. Sure, it’s the womb that made the girl you are convinced you are married to, you know the one you photoshopped into pictures of yourself in some elaborate fantasy that has gone too far, it’s one of those get as close as you can get to your dreams situations, but by lookin’ at this, even the biggest Alba fan on his horniest virgin day would have to really focus to finish off the job…even if boxy, overweight, elderly bitches without their lady hormones is their thing. Either way, I think Menopause is the least of Alba’s mom’s concerns, I mean look at her, she’s a fucking monster and a probable glimpse into Alba’s future, and really every woman’s future…it’s some circle of life shit. Get ready for it.

BONUS – Here’s Alba’s Mom Slutting Out in a See Through Shirt…I Guess She’s Taken on the Roll (with extra butter and gravy) of Caring for Her Useless Spoiled Daughter’s Baby….All While Trying to Seduce Us….Slut….

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Mom|Slut

2008

31

Dec

The Paparazzi Broke Alba’s Mirror of the Day

Let’s hope next time around they cut the brake line…..but only if that works in causing serious enough car accidents that bitch disappears. I like when the guy I assume is Cash “Vagina Destroyer” Warren tries to muscle the paparazzi and gets shoved when he grabs at a camer and runs away with his tail between his legs like a little girl. I mean they break your car and when you try to tough guy them because you’re so fucking angry and can’t stomach the idea of sending your assistant to use 200 dollars of your millions of dollars to fix the shit, they shove you and make you run to your car and back to you cushy fuckin’ life, kinda like pouring salt on a wound and by pouring salt on a wound I mean prove you have a vagina. Good times.

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Paparazzi

2008

02

Dec

Jessica Alba for Campari of the Day

As an alcoholic, I’ve made it a point to try as many types of booze as possible. You know, if I was working landscaping or doing construction on houses I’d always manage to find the liquor cabinet to sneak a swig or two to get me through the day while pretending I was lost lookin’ for the bathroom. Drinking on the job never got me fired, but being caught stealing booze has, and I think it’s been worth it.

From what I remember, Campari is some rich person grapefruit drink, that you’d need to either have a vag or treat you ass like it was a vag to really appreciate and in my time drinking, I have never heard anyone order the shit, but then again, I only go out in places that only sell vodka, rum, whiskey and beer, but I like to assume that with the economic crisis, people have cut back on these fruity drinks, and are spending their hard earned borrowed money on drinks that actually kill the pain. At least that would explain why they got Alba to be the spokesperson for the shit, because we all know she’s desperate for work and exposure since her baby making fiasco, and I am sure they got her on a fucking discount.

I guess it’s nice to see her getting work, you know since she’s pretty much ruined herself and I was convinced this pregnancy was going to be the end of her, not that doing a photoshoot for some alcohol company is really getting work as an actor, not that she’s an actor, because she is more of a whore milking out a name she created for herself by having tits than a true artist who values her craft and protects the name she’s created for herself. As long as you’ve got you checkbook out, she’ll be there, probably because she’s only got a small window of opportunity, and you might as well take what you get, at least that’s what I told myself when I married my disgusting wife, I figure, who needs dignity, when you can have free rent.

Posted in:Campari|Jessica Alba|Tits

2008

24

Nov

Jessica Alba’s Doin’ Us All a Favor of the Day

In keeping up with the theme of the day, which is slaughtering this site post by fucking post with shit no one cares about, I decided to post these pictures of Jessica Alba on set in some kind of over-sized winter coat, because everyone knows, that a picture of a covered up Jessica Alba is a totally fucking useless picture because her body is the only thing she has going for her, but then I remembered she had a kid this year, pretty much making Jessica Alba useless even when half naked, because shit’s gaping and tainted, so here are those pics….one nail at a time motherfuckers…

Posted in:Covered|Jessica Alba

2008

03

Oct

Jessica Alba’s Declare Yourself Commercial of the Day

I went out drinking hard last night. I woke up 20 minutes ago still drunk. This was the first thing I saw in my email and the worst thing to listen to when waking up feeling like death. I have a hard enough dealing with my wife yelling at me, that the last thing I want to do on a leisurely Saturday morning is hear Alba screaming at me. It’s reasons like this that man invented spousal abuse. I get what she’s trying to do, she’s just pretty much failed at doing it. Next time she should show more cooter, even if it is now built to smuggle her Mexican family into the US now that she’s had a baby, it’s still more appealing than this crap.

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Politics

2008

02

Oct

Jessica Alba and Her Muzzle for Obama of the D

So it’s the Vice President debate tonight and I hope Palin is asked what she will do when she wins Miss America and gets that scholarship she’s after. Someone emailed me today saying that Palin is even against abortion when the pregnancy comes from rape or incest. With her in office, I can only imagine the shitty flipper babies that will be the next generation America when all you sick fuck’s can’t get rid of the evidence of those magical nights with your younger sister who doesn’t know any better because she’s asleep.

Either way, Alba, someone you’d all fuck if she was your sister, came out with this new S&M picture to support Obama, if only she had the panty version back when she deliberately skipped the pill to lock Cash Warren down for life, while ruining her vagina and hopefully her career in the process by getting pregnant, then maybe I’d still be able to find her worth fucking and thus worth listening too when it comes to making a politcal decision, but instead, she’s just an uneducated, mexican mom to me and their only good for beating up.

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Muzzle

2008

24

Sep

Jessica Alba Takes Her Post Pregnancy Vagina to the Beach of the Day

Jessica Alba brought her post-pregnancy body out to the beach recently. I have no idea who these pictures belong to or if they are new or not but I am going to post them anyway, because they are Alba in a bikini and people seem to like that shit. I thinks she’s seriously overhyped, but she bounced back from the pregnancy pretty fuckin’ decently and it is safe to say that her career probably won’t suffer as much as her vagina did. I’ll probably have to remove this pics pretty soon, so take them in while you can.

Posted in:Bikini|Jessica Alba|Post Pregnancy

2008

12

Sep

Alba Bondage Ad for America of the Day

Alba is so wild in this bondage style ad trying to get peole to register to vote or vote or whatever the fuck she’s doing, but I was pretty disappointed at how tame shit was and was hoping for more of a snuff film than some playful suburban wife trying to add spice to her boring sex life with her fat husband’s idea of bondage, but that’s just because I hate Alba and like snuff films, except for the whole killin’ part, just hard to stay hard for those parts, but I didn’t have too hard of a time staying hard for the woman I saw grinding her husband on the park bench today. They were lying in the grass and she was doing some kind of stripper ass shake on his dick, it was one of those rent a room you sick fucks moment, only I didn’t really want them to rent a room, since I was pretty much down with the show. What I am also down with is how irrelevant Alba is now that she’s a mom, because I was getting sick of her and that ego when she’s not even that hot, like I’m getting sick of celebrities endorsing American Political races especially when they are some uneducated Mexican who is only known for her tits.

Just vote for Obama. Stop being an idiot. It’s easy. Dude wins me over every time I hear him talk, like Alba wins me over everytime I think she’s going to completely cover her face up…but doesn’t since she always disappoints.

Posted in:Ad|Bondage|Jessica Alba