Nothing screams bulldyke like a manly lookin’ bitch who likes to lift weights and who is jacked like she’s got a dick taking her tough lookin’ dog out for a powerwalk because they both like to push their limits, I mean other than being caught with a strap-on and leather chaps slamming the shit out of some fat chick and by fat chick I mean Justin Timberlake, because based on his light on his feet dance moves and angelic voice dude’s gonna have a pussy, at least that’s what all the guys I’ve met over the years who have claimed to have a “man crush” on him would like to believe, because that way they won’t feel guilty about the sexual fantasies they claim “man crushes” don’t include, when we all know they do.
Justin TImberlake’s in trouble. Here are the power couple and I am only labeling that because Biel can pench press a small car, at some friend’s wedding and it seems like she is part of the wedding party and like all Bride’s Maids, is probably feeling the burn in her vagina to find a man and lasso him in so that she can be the star of her own magical day one day, when all eyes will be on her and when she won’t just be the back burner sidekick in her friend’s moment of fucking glory. The whole thing is insane to me. I don’t understand marriage especially now that I am married and I only did it for financial security, I don’t get why women get so bored in their life that they want to spend a year of their life making annoying plans to have some fantasy wedding they dreamed of as a kid, but I do know that bridesmaids are always horny as fuck by the end of the ceremony and shit works better than roofies so there is no doubt in my mind that Justin Timberlake was sucking massive cock shortly after these pictures were taken.
I know this position isn’t one Justin is unfamiliar with. I heard that every time he has sex with Jessica Biel, she takes him from behind like the little bitch he likes to pretend he is after a long stint on the road having girls treat him like a sex object. He’s just not used to carrying her around like he’s her fuckin’ bitch, she’s usually the one doing the carrying in this relationship.
Poor fucker is struggling and reminds me of the time I went horseback riding with my wife when I cared and was trying to be romantic, before giving up on the relationship after losing all hope that it will ever be good again, and the horse wasn’t fucking having it, after stopping every few steps, he looked at the other horse in front of us that was carrying a normal sized girl with serious envy and about 5 minutes later the thing passed the fuck out from the strain. I heard the horse didn’t make it and I have a feeling that after the wedding, either will Timberlake, because he will realize that the novelty of Jessica Biel’s dick and push-up ability will be replaced with whining and weight gain. It always happens that way.
Either way we get it Justin, you’re a beast, all those years of dancing like a homo on stage have paid off and you’re stronger and in better cardiovascular, but in defense of my shitty fitness, so is 98% of the rest of the world, the only person I know I am stronger than is terminally ill kids and ederly. The same people who can’t survive heat waves or SARS.
Jessica Biel reminds me of this dude i know who just never stops working out, he doesn’t fuck Justin Timberlake, but has told me that sometimes when fucking random girls he picks up, he plays the Sexy Back song over and over in his head, so if that’s not a six degrees of separation situation, I don’t really know what is, but I do know that Timberlake’s not the one doing the fuckin’ in this relationship and sometimes that’s okay because it can be hard being the man in a relationship, you know with all that pressure to provide and protect, passing the reins off to your bigger, stronger and more endowed lover only makes sense.
Here’s Jessica Biel on a power hike, burning off some calories in hopes to make her muscles look jacked for her man, the way he likes his lover’s muscles to be, because he’s on step away from coming out of the closet. Jessica Biel is just he gateway person to fully embracing a new and exciting lifestyle.
Nothing says coming to terms with your lesbianism like rockin’ a fucking lesbian haircut and nothing says lesbian haircut like a femme-mullet. I don’t know what more you dudes need to believe the inevitable, it’s like you will only stop jerking off to her ripped body when you see videos of her slammin the shit out of Justin Timberlake with her huge cock.
It’s like that time that everyone told me that this dude I was hanging out with was into dudes and he’d always make subtle passes at me and I’d just blow it off like it wasn’t a thing because I had never caught him in the fucking act, I’d tell those naysayers they were fucking crazy, until one morning after passing out drunk at his house, I woke up with my cock in his mouth. Between you and me, I let him finish, but that’s just because I was half asleep and only fags turn down blowjobs, but what it came down to was that my friend was actually gay and I was just blind to it because he seemed like such a normal and cool guy.
So sometimes things can’t be laid out for you like that and you have to take the facts and come to your own conclusions and my conclusion is that Jessica Biel eats pussy.
I don’t know why everyone is all up on the Lohan/ Ronson lesbian scandal while people like Jessica Biel are openly out and by out I mean totally showing off their lesbianism with some old fat chick. I feel like that kind of sexual dysfunction is almost worth talking about but then again, Biel is pretty useless so I’ll just leave it at that.
I know that these are not underwear a man should be caught dead in unless he has no clean underwear and is forced to wear a pair of his wife’s since she’s the same size as him, like in my case, but once you put any underwear on Jessica Biel it automatically turns into man underwear because it’s covering her little penis.
I saw Boys Don’t Cry, I know how this shit works and I also know that she’s doing a good job convincing the world that Justin Timberlake isn’t a faggot because she dresses like a girl and has pretty much saved his career while helping you keep your man fantasies hidden as you jerk off to her pretending to not know what’s really goin on, so I guess in a lot of ways this bitch is a hero.
There’s this really mean bull dyke that lives around the corner from me who is always out playing fetch with her 200 pound german defense dog….when I say playing fetch, I mean bitch is in the park wrestling the motherfucker like she’s training it to kill any man that they cross paths with. I can tell every time I walk by them and smile at her lesbian haircut and her lesbian denim and her lesbian combat boots and her lesbian tattoos and her lesbian piercings and her fat lesbian ass, and both her and her dog snarl at me, that she would just love to watch that dog rip my penis off my body and probably the body of every other man in the world so that she can have the girls all to herself. Lesbians are so selfish.
Either way, I wasn’t surprised to see that Jessica Biel has lesbian dogs, mainly because she’s a dude. So she’s just training her dogs to rip her penis off, because she hates it for fuckin’ up her act and it’s time to get rid of it, instead of the penis of every man in the world like the bull dyke who lives in my ‘hood.
I like how she’s not making eye contact with the paparazzi, like pretending they aren’t there and it reminds me of every girl I’ve ever had sex with and that totally turns me on. Does that make me gay?
UPDATE – I HAD TO REMOVE THE PICTURES BECAUSE THE PAPARAZZI ARE FUCKING LEACHING MOTHERFUCKERS WHO WANT TO EXPLOIT PEOPLE AND MAKE TRUCKLOADS OF MONEY……AND ME POSTING THEM TO THE 6 OF YOU IS APPARENTLY ILLEGAL, BUT TAKING THE PICTURES AND SELLING THEM ISN’T. COCKSUCKERS
I can only assume that Jessica Biel is taking pictures of the one paparazzi that Splash or x17 or TMZ sent to cover the exciting Jessica Biel getting out of her car story to prove to her friends and family back home that people actually do follow her around and care about her existence, she’s not just making the whole thing up like she is with her “vagina”. I think it’s time for her to just give up her act and make a video of Justin doing his choreographed dance while singing in his high pitched voice while her huge cock plays the microphone.
What we don’t see in these pictures, is that the paparazzi that was sent to the exciting Jessica Biel getting out of her car story wasn’t actually the paparazzi at all, but the immigrant Janitor who was forced to take the CEO’s kid out to the dentist because he forgot to empty the trash the day before and this was his punishment. The boss is too busy raping all of the celebrity blogs up the ass to be an involved parent and figured why not give them a camera, just in case they run into someone who may be famous and by famous I mean fucking Justin Timberlake, because other than her shitty Adam Sandler movie she hasn’t been too busy since Seventh Heaven fired her for being a whore in Details magazine. I wonder what her preacher father thinks of her and her homosexual relationship now, but I bet he’s not very tolerant.
I don’t know where I am going with this, but I hate when celebs or people who think they are celebs because they were on a TV show a long time ago because they had big tits and decided to stay in LA hoping someone throws some table scraps of a job their way, take pictures of the paparazzi. I would rather they do something a little more crafty, like make Christmas Ornaments, or pullin’ out her dick and pissing on them, kinda like Hayden Panettiere does every time no one’s watchin’ and doesn’t have to pee sitting down pretending she’s a lady. I told you I’d mention her in every post today and I am a man of my word.
I don’t usually bother with magazine pictures because they are doctored, boring and taken by professionals. I also don’t get as excited as I do when I rip off pictures taken by immigrant’s with cameras trying to live the dream by taking pictures of famous people doing everyday things, like walking their dogs, working out, walking the red carpet, eating, nipple slipping, see through dressing, but these Jessica Biel in a bikini pictures were worth doing because she looks worth a fuck for a change.
I rip into her for being built like a dude, with her broad shoulders and sturdy frame that could probably hurt me if she decided to come after me when she finds me hiding under her bed when I become more ambitious at getting the hottest content on the site, which won’t happen because I am lazy, but I was just saying.
She’s addicted to working out, she probably doesn’t have a cock, but that doesn’t mean bitch isn’t a top and if she does, the thing was photoshopped out, so I guess that’s the benefit of these professional pictures, it allows you to get off to a man, without thinking you’re getting off to a man, and means you’re not as gay as your friends think you are for always trying to get them to show you their dicks.
I once knew a football player who told me that you’re not a real man until you’ve had a dick in your mouth. He said that if you suck a guy off and don’t get turned on in the process that it is the best test of your comfort in your sexuality. I don’t really agree, to me the second you’ve got your buddy’s load dripping down the back of your throat, whether you got off or not, you’re a fucking ‘mo.
I hate this Sarah Silverman bitch. She looks like shit and is about as funny as the rash on my balls that won’t go away. I know to other people a rash on my balls that won’t go away could cause a good fucking laugh, but the bleeding, burning and infection I have to deal with daily makes it not very funny at all. Watching her make lame shit and piss jokes that she thinks are fucking hysterical and that were kinda pushing the limit and were better than anything that fat gay dude from Hollywood Squares with the red plastic glasses could do it still makes me question my sexuality, because if there are women like that in the world I don’t know if I can look at vagina the same way ever again. Since I am impotent, I guess the fact that I don’t get it up kinda makes me asexual and reality is that there are so many amazing girls in the world that I wouldn’t give up on a whole race because of one bad apple, so in my mind I’ll just pretend this slut has a dick, which isn’t too much of a stretch.
On the same note, Jessica Biel is more ripped than Paris Hilton’s vagina after the night she spent with Rick Solomon in the hotel room that she’ll never live down. That shit will follow her for life like her herpes but this post is about Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman, two dudes in women’s clothing, trying to make you laugh but almost making out on MTV and how there is nothing hot about that unless you’re a motherfucker who likes tranny porn. Obviously there are a lot of tranny porn lovers out there because porn companies make this shit and I can only assume that the 15 of you fuckers who read this site are probably in that market because I attract the fucking winners.
Either way, this is your Gay Porn Moment of the day because if these bitches don’t have dicks, I will be fucking surprised. Don’t let their tits deceive you. Remember that they have ruined a hot fantasy of girl on girl that may never have the same appeal it once had….
I am not sure if these are taken outside her house or if they are some set of a movie, but since this bitch barely works and is barely famous and has barely had any career other than paparazzi taking pictures of her jogging, I can assume that they were taken outside her house or if anything they were taken on set of a “Borax” commercial. I don’t know what “Borax” is but it’s gotta be something paying Biel to promote it. Everybody’s got to make a living somehow and I am trying to make a living talking about where pictures of Jessica Biel were fucking taken. That is a lot lamer than it sounds and it sounds pretty fucking lame to me.
Either way, I learned that the key to being a success is by telling people how amazing everything you produce is. I was invited to the Gwen Stefani show the other night, because my stepduaghter’s rich friend had a ticket for a chaperone, because as a rich kid, her parents wanted nothing to do with anything that involved her. I didn’t get free tickets because people want me at their event like I was Perez Hilton, but I am fatter than him.
Either way, before Gwen Stefani dropped a song she’d say that that song was her favorite and everyone would fucking scream. If I was ever on stage, I’d be like “I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote this smut, but since you bought tickets to see me do this, here it goes” like I was your dancing monkey…
So the life lesson is that if you tell someone that something is amazing, most people will believe you, because most people are idiots who need to be told what’s up, so even if what you do is shit, pretend it’s amazing and your conviction will convince….
Either way, here are those Biel in a Bathrobe pics for your Bathrobe and Slipper Fetishists….and remember, this is one of my favorite posts of all time, now believe it. Asshole and remember there’s a Gwen Stefani performing video that’s going to hit one day soon. Watch out for it. Asshole.
I am not really a news story type of person because I don’t really ever know what the fuck is going on. I have been doing this site for a long fucking time and still need the message board I rip the pictures off of to tell me what I am looking at. I have done a lot of Jessica Biel posts and I didn’t even know who the fuck I was looking at in these so I guess I am not like your everyday virgin blogger who sits at his computer in his spiderman suit thinking that running a celeb site will get him all the pussy he never got before he found out he could make money from all the pics he saved on his hard drive but was too scared of jerking off to because maybe it would make a mess or some shit….
Either way, Justin Timberlake is slamming this girl. I assume she’s hot in person because every vagina around was being thrown at this motherfucker when he broke up with Cameron Diaz and if this broad shouldered D-Lister is what he ends up with for another 4 years, dude’s a fucking idiot…..or maybe just into bitches who can beat him up.
I heard that people with power are into being bottoms and dominated by chicks. I knew a whore who used to go to lawyer’s houses and either step on them in high heels or fuck them up the ass with cured meat…I would just do acid with her and watch the news….but I wasn’t paying her, she just liked my company….I like to think she ended up in a Pretty Woman story, but reality is she’s probably still getting high with homeless motherfuckers…
Life is repetitive. Most people have shitty jobs you have to go to and on the way to your shitty jobs you stop at the same shitty coffee shop for a shitty coffee where the same coffee shop chick gives you your coffee and smiles while asking how they are by name, because you go their too fucking often. Then you get to the job and do the same shitty tasks you’ve done for the last 3 shitty years you’ve been working at the fucking company that doesn’t even remember your name and if they do it’s because you’re the bitch at the office who does the photocopies for them, and management never wants to piss off the company bitch…Lunch is at the same 4 places that are around the office for the same meals you have each fucking week, sometimes you feel experimental and order the fish of the day, but that’s just because part of you is hoping it’s rancid and will kill you so that you don’t have to ever step foot in their ever again….Then you go back to the office to go through the same tasks you’ve done over and over and sometimes you stay late to finish them off and make yourself look good so that the next raise day your boss will really notice how important you are to the inner workings of the organization…then you head home exhausted to watch tv alone and eat a frozen dinner, or maybe you are married and have a girlfriend you go home to hang out with or fight with or bitch at about how shitty your day was, you watch the same shows, or maybe a movie you rented then pass out for it all to happen again tomorrow. Nothing to look forward to, except maybe a vacation you’ll never be able to afford because you have to plan a wedding with your chick or else she’s going to leave you and the thought of going through this hell life alone scares you more than ditching a trip….
Thank god the repetitive hell that is my life isn’t as bad as yours, being poor and unemployed gives me the luxury of wondering the street aimlessly, but I guess maintaining this site is repeptitive sometimes because these are pictures of Jessica Biel and her dogs, again and it feels like I see this shit ever fucking day and I talk about how those dogs have eaten her used tampons out of the garbage, her dirty panties out of the hamper, licked her used vibrator she forgot to put away, seen her shit, piss and throw up. These dogs have see her fuck and get fucked and get experimental while she fucks…they have seen her run around her house naked…..but for some reason I kinda like this kind of repetitiveness, if I could I’d totally get a boner now. How’s that make you feel pervert?
I guess this is a total fucking stretch, but since I am a fucking pervert, I have no problem taking pictures of girls leaving events and turning them into porn, I’d say it was a talent, but I think it may actually be a bit of a disorder.
After actually cropping the pictures like a migrant worker, which is pretty much what I am, I realized that she isn’t even really making sex faces, she just looks better than usually because she isn’t flexing. I really have no problem with a toned body, I actually find that shit hot because a girl who takes care of her abs and hits the gym on the regular, usually maintains her stinky parts so that they don’t stink.
I have a friend at the park who is completely obsessed with girls who have stinky poons. He thinks that shit is sexy, like it’s how a girl is supposed to smell. He’s dated girls and made them not shower for weeks at a time to get the stink that really drives him crazy. I was pretty disgusted by it because despite not showering myself, I got issues with other people stinking especially when that other person is who I am banging, but reality is that I guess we are animals and we probably didn’t shower when we lived in caves and maybe the stinkiest cunt was actually the most desirable one because we could sniff that shit out from a mile away and knock the bitch up, knowing she was the whore monkey who wanted babies.
I guess that isn’t really the point of this post, the post is the Jessica Biel is probably drunk and since every girl I ever got with was fucked up one way or another, maybe those glazed eyes and greasy face are what I equate to a good fucking time….