I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Jessica Biel Category

2008

25

Jun

Jessica Biel and Her Lesbian Haircut of the Day

Nothing says coming to terms with your lesbianism like rockin’ a fucking lesbian haircut and nothing says lesbian haircut like a femme-mullet. I don’t know what more you dudes need to believe the inevitable, it’s like you will only stop jerking off to her ripped body when you see videos of her slammin the shit out of Justin Timberlake with her huge cock.

It’s like that time that everyone told me that this dude I was hanging out with was into dudes and he’d always make subtle passes at me and I’d just blow it off like it wasn’t a thing because I had never caught him in the fucking act, I’d tell those naysayers they were fucking crazy, until one morning after passing out drunk at his house, I woke up with my cock in his mouth. Between you and me, I let him finish, but that’s just because I was half asleep and only fags turn down blowjobs, but what it came down to was that my friend was actually gay and I was just blind to it because he seemed like such a normal and cool guy.

So sometimes things can’t be laid out for you like that and you have to take the facts and come to your own conclusions and my conclusion is that Jessica Biel eats pussy.

Posted in:Haircut|Jessica Biel|Lesbian

2008

18

Jun

Jessica Biel’s Got a Hot Lesbian Girlfriend of the Day

I don’t know why everyone is all up on the Lohan/ Ronson lesbian scandal while people like Jessica Biel are openly out and by out I mean totally showing off their lesbianism with some old fat chick. I feel like that kind of sexual dysfunction is almost worth talking about but then again, Biel is pretty useless so I’ll just leave it at that.

Posted in:Hot|Jessica Biel|Lesbian

2008

13

Jun

Jessica Biel Has Man Underwear on Because She’s a Man of the Day

I know that these are not underwear a man should be caught dead in unless he has no clean underwear and is forced to wear a pair of his wife’s since she’s the same size as him, like in my case, but once you put any underwear on Jessica Biel it automatically turns into man underwear because it’s covering her little penis.

I saw Boys Don’t Cry, I know how this shit works and I also know that she’s doing a good job convincing the world that Justin Timberlake isn’t a faggot because she dresses like a girl and has pretty much saved his career while helping you keep your man fantasies hidden as you jerk off to her pretending to not know what’s really goin on, so I guess in a lot of ways this bitch is a hero.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Underwear

2007

08

Nov

I am – Jessica Biel’s Got Some Lesbian Dogs of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

There’s this really mean bull dyke that lives around the corner from me who is always out playing fetch with her 200 pound german defense dog….when I say playing fetch, I mean bitch is in the park wrestling the motherfucker like she’s training it to kill any man that they cross paths with. I can tell every time I walk by them and smile at her lesbian haircut and her lesbian denim and her lesbian combat boots and her lesbian tattoos and her lesbian piercings and her fat lesbian ass, and both her and her dog snarl at me, that she would just love to watch that dog rip my penis off my body and probably the body of every other man in the world so that she can have the girls all to herself. Lesbians are so selfish.

Either way, I wasn’t surprised to see that Jessica Biel has lesbian dogs, mainly because she’s a dude. So she’s just training her dogs to rip her penis off, because she hates it for fuckin’ up her act and it’s time to get rid of it, instead of the penis of every man in the world like the bull dyke who lives in my ‘hood.

I like how she’s not making eye contact with the paparazzi, like pretending they aren’t there and it reminds me of every girl I’ve ever had sex with and that totally turns me on. Does that make me gay?

UPDATE – I HAD TO REMOVE THE PICTURES BECAUSE THE PAPARAZZI ARE FUCKING LEACHING MOTHERFUCKERS WHO WANT TO EXPLOIT PEOPLE AND MAKE TRUCKLOADS OF MONEY……AND ME POSTING THEM TO THE 6 OF YOU IS APPARENTLY ILLEGAL, BUT TAKING THE PICTURES AND SELLING THEM ISN’T. COCKSUCKERS


Related Posts:

Jessica Biel Fighting Back in a Non-Lesbian Way
Jessica Biel’s Dog is a Man’s Best Friend, and by Man, I Mean Her
essica Biel Wearing What She Wore to Prom
Jessica Biel in Her Underwear from That Shitty Adam Sandler Movie

Posted in:Dogs|Jessica Biel|Man|Unsorted

2007

07

Nov

I am – Jessica Biel is an Idiot of the Day

jessica_biel_paparazzi_top.jpg

I can only assume that Jessica Biel is taking pictures of the one paparazzi that Splash or x17 or TMZ sent to cover the exciting Jessica Biel getting out of her car story to prove to her friends and family back home that people actually do follow her around and care about her existence, she’s not just making the whole thing up like she is with her “vagina”. I think it’s time for her to just give up her act and make a video of Justin doing his choreographed dance while singing in his high pitched voice while her huge cock plays the microphone.

What we don’t see in these pictures, is that the paparazzi that was sent to the exciting Jessica Biel getting out of her car story wasn’t actually the paparazzi at all, but the immigrant Janitor who was forced to take the CEO’s kid out to the dentist because he forgot to empty the trash the day before and this was his punishment. The boss is too busy raping all of the celebrity blogs up the ass to be an involved parent and figured why not give them a camera, just in case they run into someone who may be famous and by famous I mean fucking Justin Timberlake, because other than her shitty Adam Sandler movie she hasn’t been too busy since Seventh Heaven fired her for being a whore in Details magazine. I wonder what her preacher father thinks of her and her homosexual relationship now, but I bet he’s not very tolerant.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I hate when celebs or people who think they are celebs because they were on a TV show a long time ago because they had big tits and decided to stay in LA hoping someone throws some table scraps of a job their way, take pictures of the paparazzi. I would rather they do something a little more crafty, like make Christmas Ornaments, or pullin’ out her dick and pissing on them, kinda like Hayden Panettiere does every time no one’s watchin’ and doesn’t have to pee sitting down pretending she’s a lady. I told you I’d mention her in every post today and I am a man of my word.


Related Posts:

Jessica Biel GQ Bikini Pictures
Jessica Biel in a Gay Porn Moment
Jessica Biel Taking Out the Trash in Her Robe
Jessica Biel Making Sex Faces

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Man|Paparazzi|Unsorted

2007

20

Jun

I am – Jessica Biel in a Bikini for GQ of the Day

jessica_biel_gq.jpg

I don’t usually bother with magazine pictures because they are doctored, boring and taken by professionals. I also don’t get as excited as I do when I rip off pictures taken by immigrant’s with cameras trying to live the dream by taking pictures of famous people doing everyday things, like walking their dogs, working out, walking the red carpet, eating, nipple slipping, see through dressing, but these Jessica Biel in a bikini pictures were worth doing because she looks worth a fuck for a change.

I rip into her for being built like a dude, with her broad shoulders and sturdy frame that could probably hurt me if she decided to come after me when she finds me hiding under her bed when I become more ambitious at getting the hottest content on the site, which won’t happen because I am lazy, but I was just saying.

She’s addicted to working out, she probably doesn’t have a cock, but that doesn’t mean bitch isn’t a top and if she does, the thing was photoshopped out, so I guess that’s the benefit of these professional pictures, it allows you to get off to a man, without thinking you’re getting off to a man, and means you’re not as gay as your friends think you are for always trying to get them to show you their dicks.

I once knew a football player who told me that you’re not a real man until you’ve had a dick in your mouth. He said that if you suck a guy off and don’t get turned on in the process that it is the best test of your comfort in your sexuality. I don’t really agree, to me the second you’ve got your buddy’s load dripping down the back of your throat, whether you got off or not, you’re a fucking ‘mo.

Posted in:Bikini|GQ|Jessica Biel|Photoshoot|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

04

Jun

I am – Gay Porn Moment of the Day

jessica_biel_mtv4.jpg

I hate this Sarah Silverman bitch. She looks like shit and is about as funny as the rash on my balls that won’t go away. I know to other people a rash on my balls that won’t go away could cause a good fucking laugh, but the bleeding, burning and infection I have to deal with daily makes it not very funny at all. Watching her make lame shit and piss jokes that she thinks are fucking hysterical and that were kinda pushing the limit and were better than anything that fat gay dude from Hollywood Squares with the red plastic glasses could do it still makes me question my sexuality, because if there are women like that in the world I don’t know if I can look at vagina the same way ever again. Since I am impotent, I guess the fact that I don’t get it up kinda makes me asexual and reality is that there are so many amazing girls in the world that I wouldn’t give up on a whole race because of one bad apple, so in my mind I’ll just pretend this slut has a dick, which isn’t too much of a stretch.

On the same note, Jessica Biel is more ripped than Paris Hilton’s vagina after the night she spent with Rick Solomon in the hotel room that she’ll never live down. That shit will follow her for life like her herpes but this post is about Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman, two dudes in women’s clothing, trying to make you laugh but almost making out on MTV and how there is nothing hot about that unless you’re a motherfucker who likes tranny porn. Obviously there are a lot of tranny porn lovers out there because porn companies make this shit and I can only assume that the 15 of you fuckers who read this site are probably in that market because I attract the fucking winners.

Either way, this is your Gay Porn Moment of the day because if these bitches don’t have dicks, I will be fucking surprised. Don’t let their tits deceive you. Remember that they have ruined a hot fantasy of girl on girl that may never have the same appeal it once had….

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Kissing|Lesbian|Sarah Silverman|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

31

May

I am – Jessica Biel Takes Out the Trash of the Day

jessica_biel_pink_robe8.jpg

I am not sure if these are taken outside her house or if they are some set of a movie, but since this bitch barely works and is barely famous and has barely had any career other than paparazzi taking pictures of her jogging, I can assume that they were taken outside her house or if anything they were taken on set of a “Borax” commercial. I don’t know what “Borax” is but it’s gotta be something paying Biel to promote it. Everybody’s got to make a living somehow and I am trying to make a living talking about where pictures of Jessica Biel were fucking taken. That is a lot lamer than it sounds and it sounds pretty fucking lame to me.

Either way, I learned that the key to being a success is by telling people how amazing everything you produce is. I was invited to the Gwen Stefani show the other night, because my stepduaghter’s rich friend had a ticket for a chaperone, because as a rich kid, her parents wanted nothing to do with anything that involved her. I didn’t get free tickets because people want me at their event like I was Perez Hilton, but I am fatter than him.

Either way, before Gwen Stefani dropped a song she’d say that that song was her favorite and everyone would fucking scream. If I was ever on stage, I’d be like “I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote this smut, but since you bought tickets to see me do this, here it goes” like I was your dancing monkey…

So the life lesson is that if you tell someone that something is amazing, most people will believe you, because most people are idiots who need to be told what’s up, so even if what you do is shit, pretend it’s amazing and your conviction will convince….

Either way, here are those Biel in a Bathrobe pics for your Bathrobe and Slipper Fetishists….and remember, this is one of my favorite posts of all time, now believe it. Asshole and remember there’s a Gwen Stefani performing video that’s going to hit one day soon. Watch out for it. Asshole.

Posted in:Bathrobe|Candids|Garbage|Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

16

May

I am – Justin Timberlake Slams Jessica Biel of the Day

jessica_biel_timberlaketop.jpg

I am not really a news story type of person because I don’t really ever know what the fuck is going on. I have been doing this site for a long fucking time and still need the message board I rip the pictures off of to tell me what I am looking at. I have done a lot of Jessica Biel posts and I didn’t even know who the fuck I was looking at in these so I guess I am not like your everyday virgin blogger who sits at his computer in his spiderman suit thinking that running a celeb site will get him all the pussy he never got before he found out he could make money from all the pics he saved on his hard drive but was too scared of jerking off to because maybe it would make a mess or some shit….

Either way, Justin Timberlake is slamming this girl. I assume she’s hot in person because every vagina around was being thrown at this motherfucker when he broke up with Cameron Diaz and if this broad shouldered D-Lister is what he ends up with for another 4 years, dude’s a fucking idiot…..or maybe just into bitches who can beat him up.

I heard that people with power are into being bottoms and dominated by chicks. I knew a whore who used to go to lawyer’s houses and either step on them in high heels or fuck them up the ass with cured meat…I would just do acid with her and watch the news….but I wasn’t paying her, she just liked my company….I like to think she ended up in a Pretty Woman story, but reality is she’s probably still getting high with homeless motherfuckers…

Posted in:Ass|Jessica Biel|Justin Timberlake|Relationship|Unsorted

2007

02

May

I am – Jessica Biel Plays With Her Dogs of the Day

jessica_biel_dog.jpg

Life is repetitive. Most people have shitty jobs you have to go to and on the way to your shitty jobs you stop at the same shitty coffee shop for a shitty coffee where the same coffee shop chick gives you your coffee and smiles while asking how they are by name, because you go their too fucking often. Then you get to the job and do the same shitty tasks you’ve done for the last 3 shitty years you’ve been working at the fucking company that doesn’t even remember your name and if they do it’s because you’re the bitch at the office who does the photocopies for them, and management never wants to piss off the company bitch…Lunch is at the same 4 places that are around the office for the same meals you have each fucking week, sometimes you feel experimental and order the fish of the day, but that’s just because part of you is hoping it’s rancid and will kill you so that you don’t have to ever step foot in their ever again….Then you go back to the office to go through the same tasks you’ve done over and over and sometimes you stay late to finish them off and make yourself look good so that the next raise day your boss will really notice how important you are to the inner workings of the organization…then you head home exhausted to watch tv alone and eat a frozen dinner, or maybe you are married and have a girlfriend you go home to hang out with or fight with or bitch at about how shitty your day was, you watch the same shows, or maybe a movie you rented then pass out for it all to happen again tomorrow. Nothing to look forward to, except maybe a vacation you’ll never be able to afford because you have to plan a wedding with your chick or else she’s going to leave you and the thought of going through this hell life alone scares you more than ditching a trip….

Thank god the repetitive hell that is my life isn’t as bad as yours, being poor and unemployed gives me the luxury of wondering the street aimlessly, but I guess maintaining this site is repeptitive sometimes because these are pictures of Jessica Biel and her dogs, again and it feels like I see this shit ever fucking day and I talk about how those dogs have eaten her used tampons out of the garbage, her dirty panties out of the hamper, licked her used vibrator she forgot to put away, seen her shit, piss and throw up. These dogs have see her fuck and get fucked and get experimental while she fucks…they have seen her run around her house naked…..but for some reason I kinda like this kind of repetitiveness, if I could I’d totally get a boner now. How’s that make you feel pervert?

Related Posts

I am – Jessica Biel’s Ass Walks Her Dog of the Day

I am – Jessica Alba Loves Her Dog

I am – Mischa Barton’s Ass in Legging’s Walking Her Dog

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Tits|Unsorted

2007

01

May

I am – Jessica Biel Makes Sex Faces of the Day

jessica_biel_sex_face_top.jpg

I guess this is a total fucking stretch, but since I am a fucking pervert, I have no problem taking pictures of girls leaving events and turning them into porn, I’d say it was a talent, but I think it may actually be a bit of a disorder.

After actually cropping the pictures like a migrant worker, which is pretty much what I am, I realized that she isn’t even really making sex faces, she just looks better than usually because she isn’t flexing. I really have no problem with a toned body, I actually find that shit hot because a girl who takes care of her abs and hits the gym on the regular, usually maintains her stinky parts so that they don’t stink.

I have a friend at the park who is completely obsessed with girls who have stinky poons. He thinks that shit is sexy, like it’s how a girl is supposed to smell. He’s dated girls and made them not shower for weeks at a time to get the stink that really drives him crazy. I was pretty disgusted by it because despite not showering myself, I got issues with other people stinking especially when that other person is who I am banging, but reality is that I guess we are animals and we probably didn’t shower when we lived in caves and maybe the stinkiest cunt was actually the most desirable one because we could sniff that shit out from a mile away and knock the bitch up, knowing she was the whore monkey who wanted babies.

I guess that isn’t really the point of this post, the post is the Jessica Biel is probably drunk and since every girl I ever got with was fucked up one way or another, maybe those glazed eyes and greasy face are what I equate to a good fucking time….



Related Forum Post:

Do You Like Stinky Stink Box
GO

Related Posts

I am – Jessica Biel In Her Underwear

I am – Jessica Biel’s See Through Shirt

I am – Jessica Biel Likes to Eat

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Sex|Unsorted

2007

16

Apr

I am – Jessica Biel is a Total Dyke of the Day

jessica_biel_top.jpg

Here are pictures of Jessica Biel going to church to try and figure shit out, I am pretty sure she’s making sure god loves her before actually announcing to the world that she eats pussy, even though her broad shoulders and pantsuit are pretty much doing the job for her. I know fags and all the fags I know did some serious soul searching before declaring they were faggot. Some joined the church, some went to therapy, while others sucked dick in the bathroom at a gay bar. Whether they chose to come out, decided it was a phase, or bottled that shit up, they still did it wearing women’s panties. So we know that Biel is halfway there.

I was at a party this weekend where 2 girls were dyking out in the dark corner. I was convinced that it would lead to some public finger banging, so I started watching. I was next to a hot chick who was doing the same, but for some reason, when they noticed they had an audience of two, they singled me out as the pervert, got up and invited the girl who was staring at them with me to an after party, before spitting in my face. Life’s not fair, except if you’re a lesbian. That’s the story I learned.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

29

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel in her Underwear for some Shitty Movie of the Day

There’s some stripper at my local strip club who is on steroids. She has been working there as long as I have been going there and I never really understood it because I generally like my strippers to look like they have Vagina’s, but I guess they need to have something for everyone. I remember playing drinking games with friends and the loser had to get a lap dance in the back for her.

There was a time when I worked at a porno company and they were aggressively pushing the tranny shit. I never really understood it because I generally like my porno’s to have girls with pussies and not dicks. But I guess a lot of faggots don’t like admitting they are faggots because of their family background, wives, families, jobs and shit.

That said, Jessica Biel is a little too masculine for me and I think I can see her balls hanging out o the side of her panties, but maybe it’s just a clit the size of a grown man’s thumb, I’m really no expert.

Download the trailer to this movie – where the screencaps are from – HERE

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel's a Lesbian of the Day

jessica_biel_lesbian_top.jpg

I love bowling. It is official. I ended up going and it was a dream come true. I saw all kinds of weird fucking people, like the professional asians with wrist guards and shit to the 300 pound bitch behind the counter that was too fucking fat to get me change but not fat enough to be my wife. I bowled a solid 60 and drank enough beer to make me forget how I can’t do anything right, all while watching the piece of trash chick in spandex in the lane next to me out bowl me not that I would really know because I was too busy staring at her ass. I don’t think that bowling slut was a dyke, even though you would think anyone who bowls has to be a fucking lesbian, but I do think Jessica Biel is because it makes for a solid fantasy. All i see is her with some chick that looks like a dude buying toilet paper to wipe their cum shots off each other’s chests, but I am not always right.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

27

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel’s a Lesbian of the Day

jessica_biel_lesbian_top.jpg

I love bowling. It is official. I ended up going and it was a dream come true. I saw all kinds of weird fucking people, like the professional asians with wrist guards and shit to the 300 pound bitch behind the counter that was too fucking fat to get me change but not fat enough to be my wife. I bowled a solid 60 and drank enough beer to make me forget how I can’t do anything right, all while watching the piece of trash chick in spandex in the lane next to me out bowl me not that I would really know because I was too busy staring at her ass. I don’t think that bowling slut was a dyke, even though you would think anyone who bowls has to be a fucking lesbian, but I do think Jessica Biel is because it makes for a solid fantasy. All i see is her with some chick that looks like a dude buying toilet paper to wipe their cum shots off each other’s chests, but I am not always right.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted