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Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

2014

22

Jul

Jessica Simpson’s Cleavage and Tongue Does Honeymoons of the Day

Jessica Simpson is acting all horny on her Honeymoon, probably because now that her husband has married her and locked her into a commitment, he can finally stop fucking her. Sure they already made a few babies, he was already good to go, but until you officially trap the dumb girl after keeping her sexually satisfied, blinded by love and fully committed, so committed that she would never even consider a pre-nup…you can’t not fuck her…

I mean sure she’s all and fit now, she got paid millions to get this body from Weight Watchers…he probably still sees the fat pig he used to mount for his own millions – every time she moans… in some PSTD from fucking her at her worst because it was the best time to trap her…

Or maybe, just maybe, he’s fucking her brains out because he feels like he’s won the lottery and is now so overjoyed…he just can’t stop…and maybe all that sex is why she’s finally looking fit again…

I guess the real question in all this is why am I trying to dissect Jessica Simpson’s relationship…let’s just look at her instagram pics.

It’s weird…

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2014

15

Jul

Jessica Simpson’s Instagram Bikini Pics of the Day

There’s some story going around that Jessica Simpson is changing her name to Jessica Johnson…because she got married…and it is still a traditional thing for some women to do…because they want the same last name as their kids…and they like the idea of changing their name for their man…despite what all the feminists are pissed off about…you know up on some “It’s no a man’s world anymore, don’t let him dominate you girl”…bullshit..

I mean she’s a fucking Texan Christian with a homo dad who was once of the church…who raised her in the church…before hollywood put the devil in his pants…doesn’t mean this girl doesn’t want some level of white girl normalcy after years of being a sinner…

Or maybe her man really did gold dig her hard…with solid mind fucks…either way, she can go back to her maiden name when she gets a divorce and in the meantime let’s appreciate her being fit, busty and in a bathing suit…because ultimately…who cares what she fucking calls herself…it’s not she matters in any of our lives…except maybe when shopping for Christmas gifts for your wife you hate at K-Mart….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2014

04

Jul

Jessica Simpson Lookin’ Skinny for her Wedding Day


I guess Jessica Simpson is getting married for the second time this weekend, because the parazzi said she’s getting ready for her wedding, something I don’t give a fuck about, her middle american retard fan base may give a fuck about because they are the ones who buy her clothes, make her a billionaire, and know it is unchristian for all these out of wedlock babies…but jesus makes them forgiving…

I am more interested in the fact that thanks to taking charge of her life, she looks like a hot young hipster I’d like to groom the bush with my mouth on…and not a fat trailer park mom and I like it.

I guess it’s not too late for this one…or any of you fat 30 year olds…just put the fucking cake down and sort it out…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2014

26

Jun

Throwback Thursday – Jessica Simpson’s Cameltoe of the Day

It is Throwback Thursday on instagram, and someone posted these two pics of Jessica Simpson from what I assume was many lives and pounds ago…that I don’t even believe are actually Jessica Simpson, but rather a lookalike with similar features…making it the #TBT of the day…even if it’s not actually Jessica Simpson, but instead just some trick in a white bikini all wet and see through…I mean it can’t be Jessica Simpson, despite her vagina being hungry, there is no way pictures like this would exist of her…but I am not a foresenic analyst, it’s good enough for me to remember the pre-baby…pre-weightwatchers…pre-competitive eating…even if it’s fake a shit…because ignorance is bliss…

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|TBT

2014

23

Jun

Jessica Simpson in Car Erotica of the Day

Jessica Simpson was trying to avoid the paparazzi the other day, so she decided to take advantage of the erotic pose of her in dress with her tits busting out, and pose for her husband and baby daddy, we like to call “Lottery Winner”…

I guess a slimmed down Jessica Simpson is still hot enough to look at when busting out of her dress, if you can see past the fact that her dumb as shit brain you all laughed at is worth over a billion dollars thanks to middle of the road fashions at K-Mart…making her smarter than any of you…which is something that people have killed themselves for less depressing and disappointing facts….

In fascinating “Simpson” news…Ashlee Simpson has no ass

…which is convenient because it mateches her career. Life in the shadow of her half retard sister..To see the rest of the pics CLICK HERE

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Jessica Simpson

2014

13

Jun

The Best Picture You’ll Ever See of a Fit Jessica Simpson of the Day

When I think of all the things in the world I would like to see…an up short shot of mom of two or three Jessica Simpson, pushing 35, after gaining a losing a ton of weight, before having a baby shat out of her, and that was just from all the ribs she was eating, before saying “I’m a legit billionaire, I can afford a cook and trainer to follow me around all day, and I have a multi million dollar contract with weight watchers I would like to collect on, maybe I’ll stop being lazy for a fucking minute and get my shit together, it only takes 6 months to get fit if you try”….kinda thing…

You see, that stretch mark filled mess…is not the promised land, it’s not the 90s anymore, if anything, it is a terrible fucking place that has seen terrible fucking things…but I’ll post this picture anyway, because virgin losers who read these sites are committed to specific girls, they are also in their 30s, cuz kids don’t need sites like this to find tits or ass…they just have to text the girls they know…and shit’s younger and fresher…new generation…

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2014

27

May

Jessica Simpson in a Bathing Suit for Instagram of the Day

The key to not looking so fat – is making your shoulders look massive…

This reminds me of so many 50 year old waitresses I’ve met at various diners across america, really skinny, strong legs, with a barrel belly and big shoulders and arms…making for a weird boxy beer drinking body, that is built from all the running back and forth to and from the kitchen carrying heavy trays of food….

It’s not attractive, just middle aged and white trash, which I guess Jessica Simpson is despite being rich as fuck for being a fashion icon, and pop star ….

I mean if it wasn’t for her creepy, gay, stage dad who had dreams of being a showgirl as a little boy, dreams he channeled into his eldest prized hen, the only real reason he’d ever stick a dick in a vagina…that worked…she’d probably be working a diner too..

All this to say, weight watchers contract made this happen, otherwise she’d be 300 pounds, and now she looks like all the women I try to bang in Florida…which I am going to go find right now

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2014

31

Jan

Jessica Simpson Photoshopped for Jessica Simpson Brand of the DAy

Apparently Jessica Simpson in a bathing for her billion dollar Walmart brand is a big deal…everyone is talking about it…

I think isn’t big on so many levels…from the amount of hours that went into the photoshop retouching…to the actually weight of each of her tits…to her hip to waist ratio…that when out of shaping bathing suits and while standing next to young hot babes you realize just how big she is…

Not to mention, the fact that she heads a billion dollar brand…is as confusing to me…as the fact that I am trying to masturbate to these pics…I mean maybe because they don’t even look like Jessica Simpson anymore…

All I know is skinny is better.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2014

30

Jan

Jessica Simpson’s Mom Cleavage of the Day

Jessica Simpson has always been busty, so that’s not going to change just because she’s had a bunch of kids and gained a bunch of weight….if anything that bustiness is gonna just get more busty and not in a good way…because if you’ve ever fucked a depressed, sad, sloppy, fat single mom, because you could, you will know her tits look more like the frozen vomit you left on her front porch…than something you’d masturbate to pictures of…

So sure, she is contractually obligated to lose a ton of fucking weight, and with that coupled with baby making…comes deflated boobs…and I guess this is what those boobs look like in a push up bra…not all that good right.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Jessica Simpson