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Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

2013

04

Dec

Jessica Simpson is Boxy Christmas Mom of the Day

I kinda like how with the birth of her two kids, an eating disorder that involves overeating Texas BBQ, Jessica Simpson has the ability to look like a white trash mom in her 40s at her office Christmas party in her best dress she picked up at Sears for the occasion…

It’s like a Christmas miracle or some shit, that a mom could look like a mom…showing off some cleavage to distract from the fact she has no neck, probably harnessed into straps and shit…and the whole thing just reminds me how old I am, because there was a time Jessica Simpson was a serious babe…that time..has come and gone…but with every negative there is a positive, and in this case, the positive is new pussy that has replaced her…thank god for that…cuz she’s done.

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Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2013

04

Nov

Jessica Simpson’s Huge Mom Tits of the Day

Today’s question is….If a Jessica Simpson wears a push up bra with her milk-filled mom tits that were huge prior to making babies…thanks to good old fashion texan eating…do they make a sound…or do they just sweat…like a pig on a hot summer day….and what it comes down to is that I’ll totally just stare at them…in all their fatness despite of her gut…because that’s just the kind of prevert I am…I’m all backwoods and don’t mind the well fed ones…as long as I am not marrying it or accidentally getting it pregnant…you know…but rather keeping things private…

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Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2013

25

Sep

Jessica Simpson’s Fat Titties Live of the Day

Jessica Simpson has not eaten herself to death like she was Mama Cass…based on her baby weight that just became over-eating weight you’d think she woulda ended up like this dude having a heart attack in Turkey…

But instead she’s been able to pull her shit together and really look like the rich southern mom with a horrible body but the ability to showcase her massive tits to distract from the rest of her…

The kind of mom you probably would have got a boner for as a kid at your friends house while she was serving you lemonade or some shit…

The kind of mom you probably still get a boner for…because you see tits…and tits is all you need…

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Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2013

21

May

Jessica Simpson Pregnant Pic of the Day

I don’t know why pregnant pics of Jessica Simpson bring me such joy….but they do…she’s a fucking tank…filled with fetus and Texan BBQ….and her ankles look like they are going to break from all the pressure and her pants look like they’ve taken on the biggest challenge of their pants life….because she really takes pregnancy and eating for two seriously…and the whole thing is fucking lovely….the beautiful glow of a pregnant woman….who is about to explode and splatter cake all over people in a 20 foot radius of her….

Normally pregnancy grosses me out…but today…it makes me laugh…


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Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2013

07

Mar

Jessica Simpson is Having a Boy of the Day

The biggest mistake in trying to determine the sex of Jessica Simpson’s baby…is trying to determine the sex of Jessica Simpson’s baby….because you shouldn’t care about anything to do with

The other mistake in trying to determine the sex of Jessica Simpson’s baby is trying to interpret Jessica Simpson….when some retards just can’t be cracked cuz they are retards…

Not that you really have to interpret anything….since she announces she’s having a boy on the Kimmel Show…but I like to think it was more of a cover-up to her comment of “who knows a wiener could make me this nauseous”…..because I guess it is not very Christian to talk about dicks making you sick in reference to being cummed inside….

All this to say, why the fuck am I posting Jessica Simposn pregnancy news…that’s not erotic…and either was she in the making of this pregnancy….it was all greasy BBQ fingers and one too many beers….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2012

31

Dec

Jessica Simpson’s Creepy Half Naked Twitpic of the Day


This disturbs me…while not entirely because it’s still a chick in a bikini…and I guess she’s also a chick putting herself on blast for people to praise her and tell her she is beautiful…because when you’re a fat chick…that only happens when pregnant…not to mention her tits are huge, hormonal and milk filled….cuz her tits are always relatively huge to begin with…something that also comes with being a fat chick…so maybe it doesn’t disturb me at all…even if the concept of women with things growing inside them…is totally unnatural sounding…even if it is the basis of or existence….and totally it just doesn’t make sense to me….and either do the people who find pregnancy erotic….I just assume they are lonely and dream one day they will have a women dumb enough to let this happen…

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2012

28

Dec

Jessica Simpson’s Big Fat Pregnant Tit of the Day

The last thing I want to masturbate to is pregnant Jessica Simpson avoiding her weight watchers partnership through her uterus….because that’s the best excuse for fatness…just ask every and any mom who never bothered bouncing back from her baby weight….but the rest of the world seems to care about her pregancy, her contract with weight watchers, you know analyzing the shit, laughing at the shit, without taking a minute to remind themselves that Jessica Simpson doesn’t matter…stop fucking talking about her…and her massive tit hanging out of whatever that fat chick outfit is…..not that me talking about her…her weight watchers…or her obesity is really me taking my own advice..but I am a hypocrite – deal with it.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2012

20

Dec

Jessica Simpson’s Weight Watchers Commercial of the Day

Jessica Simpson’s new commercial for Weight Watchers takes a new angle, you know instead of doing the Jennifer Hudson and actually losing weight, they’ve decided to promote her as losing 50 pounds, even though that was baby weight and 12 of those pounds were a kid and another 30 of those pounds was water retention…..because I guess they want to get their money’s worth as she’s trying her hardest to back peddle and get out of the contract…without having to pay them back…by getting knocked up….

This is what you call a rich person’s strategy to get motivated to lose weight, it’s like “If I buy that treadmill, I’ll use it”…only the endorsement worth millions of dollars version….but instead of leaving it in the corner of the basement to hang laundry off of…bitch has to get lawyers to find the loopholes to remain fat….

This strategy of “Hey Fat America, I’m Like You, But thanks to Weight Watchers, I’m in Control, but Still FAt”….making Weight Watchers come across as being a company that keeps you fat, but gives you a point system to gauge just how fat you are….I ate 400 points in cake yesterday…today I’ll eat 390….making fucking moves to a better life like I was Jessica Simpson…

Unless, this is all a joke, and Weight Watchers was like, let’s make Jessica Simpson into a viral video, since she mocked our agreement like a redneck hick mocking an interracial couple….all toothless and inbred…you know make a mockery of her for 2,000,000 dollars we can write off as an advertising expense….because revenge comes in all forms….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2012

28

Nov

Jessica Simpson Pregnancy Scam of the Day

Jessica Simpson is pregnant again…some would say it was because she’s a fertile cum loving pervert who needs cum inside her at all times…while the skeptics like me…would say that it is the best way out of her million dollar weight watchers contract….in a “you can’t call me fat I’m still pregnant – so I will not pay you those millions back” kinda way….but the real issue is why her Jesus loving Christian conservative, uneducated, walmart working fans haven’t written her off as a divorcee, hooker, heathen, harlot with babies out of wedlock slut….is it cuz those Christians are inconsistent and full of shit in their brain wash hustle….or is it that they are so forgiving….so many questions that all end in one very important place….her ridiculous bra size….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson