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Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

2010

Mar

Jessica Simpson is Letting All This Attention Get to her Head of the Day

The biggest mistake John Mayer could have made was telling the public that Jessica Simpson was sexual napalm in bed. Shit was Oprah and all over the media and brought over-night attention to Jessica Simpson. The dude from Hurt Locker wante to get into her Hurting “ovaries that wants to get their egg fertilized so that she will have a family and be as happy as her little sister who shouldn’t have had babies before her and the fact that she hasn’t been able to keep a man makes her feel like a bigger loser than she is, while giving her something new to love and care or even though she’s not very good at taking care of things proven in her dogs abduction and killed by coyotes because she is a bad mother and not good a lookin’ after things…Locker…and Ryan Philippe who will probably like these pictures since he has a history of fat bitches…

Either way, she’s boxy, she’s thick, I’d still love to suck her used tampons, but I have no standards and you’re in hollywood bitch, step up your fucking game and drop the texan BBQ.

I spoke too soon…it looks lik Jessica Simpson’s replaced her dog, because when you’re a bad dog mother you don’t get arrested like when you’re a bad real mother, and they let you get as many dogs as you want, no forced sterilization here…and for those of you who don’t care about her neediness, you can look at her tits

Pics via PacificCoastNews
Pics via Fame

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson

2010

Mar

Jessica Simpson Gets a Facial of the Day

5 Comments »

Well this picture is a huge fucking disappointment….not that I thought Jessica Simpson would actually post pictures of her getting cumshots to her face, but you never fucking know with these crazy bitches who crave male attention cuz they can’t keep a man and their baby sister has already started a family, while she is just stuck nurturing a fear of dying along….she needs to step it up…spa days doesn’t equal husbands…she might as well be posting pictures of her fucking cats playing with yarn in some accepted her fate as a single desperate woman kinda depressing shit…

Posted in:Facial|Jessica Simpson

2010

Feb

Jessica Simpson Gets Her Tit Grabbed by a Gay of the Day

6 Comments »

Jessica Simspon’s big ol’ sloppy tit is getting accidentally grabbed by her gay hairdresser and I’m sure she appreciates the attention because getting your tit grabbed is one step closer to getting pregnant so that you don’t feel like an Old Maid you are at family functions since your baby sister is a proud parent in a happy marriage, while you can’t even get a motherfucker to fuck you for more than a fucking week…and all you get is a few seconds of accidental male attention that isn’t even into this kind of thing, and who probably threw up after this happened and soaked his hand in purrell to get the titty germs off of him….to forget the whole incident ever happened.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Tits

2010

Jan

Jessica Simpson Shows Off Her Big Bra of the Day

7 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Jessica Simpson and her date…her bra…because it turns out her bra is the only support she has in her life. She has no fans cuz she has no career. Her family have all eyes on Ashlee who has this new bustling career, this seemingly happy marriage and this new baby who has proud much excitement and pride to the Simpson family, while Jessica has brough nothing to the family……She has no boyfriend cuz they all leave her, her husband is no her ex-husband and he is off with some immigrant leaving her with she has no one to pat her on the back, offer her a hand and help her back on her feet, no one to settle down and start a family with, no one to hug her when she feels sad and along, but she’s got her bra and that fucking thing looks like strong and like it will support her through everything….even a Haitian Earthquake….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Bra|Jessica Simpson|See Thru

2010

Jan

Jessica Simpson Showing Off her Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

Jessica Simpson is lookin’ pretty fucking amazing….If you think busted up and broken down is amazing, which I do, because I like shit from the gutter, especailly when that shit in the gutter was once at the top, it means she’s fallen off her high horse, leaving her second rate to her sister who was already second rate to begin with, so I’m not sure where that leaves Jessica, I just know that the only thing she has going for her is that she’s gained a lot of weight, looks like shit and is rumored to be dating some freakshow from Smashing Pumpkins which is totally fuckin’ weird, but

Pics via Fame

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simpson|Tits

2009

Dec

Jessica Simpson Without Make-Up of the Day

16 Comments »

Whoever told Jessica Simpson this was a good idea, needs to be fired….but at least she’s dressed like a Christmas present, which is only fitting because I hear when you unwrap her ass, it looks like sugarplums dancing in your head, smells and tastes like Christmas Dinner if it was blended and left in the sun for a week and has the constant discharge that has the color and consistency of eggnog….and I’d totally feast on this shit if given the opportunity cuz all I want for Christmas is to K-Fed her….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Make-Up

2009

Dec

Jessica Simpson and her Furry Coat of the Day

3 Comments »

I wonder if Jessica Simpson maintains her pussy hair as well as she maintains her jacket. I figure as a recently fat chick, that means she’s going through some kind of depression, pretty much giving up on herself, partially because her sister is doing so well after living in her shadow for so long, partially because her career has gone to shit, partially because she can’t land a stable boyfriend to marry her and knock her up and partially because her dad’s insisted on using condoms now when he fucks her for fear that she hasn’t been taking her pill and knowing that she won’t buy the abortion line again cuz she is dying to be a mom and he can’t have that flipper baby be proof of where he dips his dick into what is his because he made it, but what society won’t allow him to use the way he wants to, even though he made it.

And…here’s a video of her fucking a candle with her ear, because she is an idiot and thinks it cleans our ear wax, which is disgusting, but also BULLSHIT and she’s doing it for a gay. It was posted on Twitter 2 days / 400,000 views ago…..in case you haven’t seen it….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Coat|Fur|Jessica Simpson|Pussy Hair

2009

Dec

Jessica Simpson’s Wet Spot as her Fat Ass Struggles to Get Out of a Car of the Day

11 Comments »

After the last 4 hours staring at this picture of Jessica Simpson, I am pretty sure I see a wet spot in her crotch. I’m lying. I don’t think anyone has spent more than a few minutes staring at her crotch in the last 5 years, which is a huge part of why her jeans are so huge, another huge part of why she is so huge is that no one wants to marry her and knock her up, so she figures she’ll do it herself with cake, all while her younger sister is living a substantially better and more successful life than her, as she accompanies her dad, the only man who will love her unconditionally and the only man who can make her cum in under 7 minutes, because they’ve worked out a system after all these years of working together. He made this pussy and he knows it like the back of his fucking hand….mainly because he uses it as a glove at least twice a day.

I don’t know what I am talking about…I just like watching the fall of Jessica Simpson, only because I always like seeing fat chicks fall, as their struggle to get back up is always funny.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson

2009

Dec

Jessica Simpson is Fat and Dressed Like a Disco ball of the Day

18 Comments »

Jessica Simpson is my favorite emotional eater who was once relevant. The reason she is my favorite is because how broken she is and how we know it because it shines through in her dress size. Whether it’s gotta do with the fact that her cunt, useless sister everyone hated who was in her fucking shadow all these years has made a huge fucking comeback in her career from being on 90210 to getting a gig in the play version of Chicago, making her more successful than Jessica Simpson, but more importantly she is also happily married to a bisexual guy who doesn’t fuck her except to make babies that she is the proud parent of, while Jessica Simpson just eats and eats and eats cuz no one loves her and all her men leave her and even her dog committed suicide by getting eaten by a coyote to not deal with her heavy petting and her stupidity, cuz we all saw the reality show back when she was famous, and we all know she’s annoying as shit…

I figure in 20 more pounds, she’d be so low she’d be willing to bang one of us, so let’s start sending her baked goods, cuz we all know she’ll eat them as she cries….

Here she is dressed like a disco ball because I guess when you’re shaped like a ball, you might as well dress up like the most glamorous ball around…but what the fuck do I know…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Discoball|Fat|Jessica Simpson

2009

Oct

Jessica Simpson’s Hand Looks Like She’s Been Fistin’ Ass of the Day

5 Comments »

Looks like Jessica Simpson was up to no good on her recent trip to India…like she shoved her hand up some Slumdog Millionaire ass because she came back all stained the fuck up. In her defense, she can’t land a man to marry her again, or have a family with her here, and her time is running out. All the cock around her has shriveled up just as fast as her career, so she went on some spiritual jouney to find out why and how she could change her destiny. Unfortunately for her, instead of meeting some high priest or expert at the top of a mountain, she asked some pervert she met on the street and motherfucker took advantage of the situation by makin her dig deep within him for answers….these pics are of the aftermath….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Henna|Jessica Simpson

2009

Sep

Help Jessica Simpson Find Daisy of the Day

5 Comments »

My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!

So while Kanye and Patrick were stealing the news headlines, this story went under the fuckin’ radar and it’s a real tragedy. Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy has gone missing, it was eaten by a Coyote right in front of her and that is a kind of pain I just can’t fathom. I have a dog and it is all I love in this world and I’m actually married and not a total failure at relationships destined to be alone with my dog for life like she is, or I mean was, I mean until he was taken before his time.

If you have any information on this nature crime, email the right people, let’s solve this crime, let’s get on our knees and pray, our combined thoughts may make miracles happen….

Posted in:Dog|Jessica Simpson

2009

Jul

Jessica Simpson Sex Tape with Her Lover of the Day

8 Comments »

These are some pictures of Jessica Simpson’s intimate relationship with food. You know when all she needed to feel sensual was an all you can eat buffet. Her animalistic cravings for BBQ meats, fried foods and the dessert cart lead to steamy, sometimes raunchy, often obscene and always hot nights together, until a few months went by and she realized not only could she not fit in her pants but that the world had turned on her after finding out about this lucid affair, forcing her to quit the shit cold turkey and hit the gym, turning a new leaf…one without the lover that still hangs over her head, but is now just a memory of a salacious affair she holds dear to her vagina.

We’ve got some screencaps of a filthy and raw and carnal night she spent with a chocolate bar. I’m excited to see what went down after the blowjob…I’m thinking anal….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Sex Tape

2009

Jun

Jessica Simpson’s Thick Neck of the Day

9 Comments »

The only thing hot about a bitch with a thick neck, is that if you accidentally knock her up when dating her and you push her down the stairs in efforts to get rid of the baby, cuz you aren’t ready for that shit, the chances of her breaking her neck and ending up wheel-chair bound, forcing you to spend the rest of your life changing her fuckin’ diapers and pushing her the fuck around, because you’re a good guy and feel that it is the right thing to do, are a lot more slim to fuckin’ none. Now the only problem with that being the only thing hot about her is the rest of the time when you aren’t trying to push her down stairs and you’re forced to look at the shit all the fuckin time and have flashbacks of your childhood football coach who used to play find the fuckin’ 10 yard line in his anus.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Neck|Thick

2009

Jun

Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Ridiculous Fat Tits of the Day

12 Comments »

The good thing about your wife gaining a little bit of weight is the bigger, fuller, nicer tits. The bad thing about your wife gaining weight is that there is usuall yno signs of it stopping and soon, the ass, the legs, the stomach, the face, the neck, the arms, the calves, the feet start to follow, and next thing you know, family vacation is spent at an all you can eat buffet down the fuckin’ street four days in a fucking row because bitch sees the shit as a challenge and not as a fuckin’ selection of low quality food average people don’t eat because it makes them fuckin’ sick.

So Jessica Simpson’s tits look crazy, but when the rest of her follows, these big titties will look like A-Cups in coparison to her gut. So take it in when you can.

Posted in:cleavage|Jessica Simpson|Tits

2009

May

Jessica Simpson Short Shorts Perform

7 Comments »

Jessica Simpson looked pretty fucking dumpy in a pair of short shorts while performing. I know she’s an idiot, but you’d think she be able to wrap her little head around the concept of pants. This isn’t Dukes of Hazards anymore, you’re old and just because you aren’t a mom doesnt mean you don’t look like you’ve had a few kids. Embrace your post-pregnancy lookin’ body, settle down, and put on some fucking pants. You pig.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Short