I saw a fat girl talking about how hard of a time she’s having with her night classes, day job and raising two kids. She was pretty much whining, as most fat people do, especially when it involves getting off their fat asses and she said something along the lines of how she’s spreading herself too thin, that’s when I chimed in and said that thin is something she definitely isn’t spreading herself and shouldn’t been too worried about anything involving thin, except maybe for being thin, because obesity is the number 1 cause of heart disease, diabetes and most recently cancer…..She didn’t find me funny.
Here are some pictures of ugly Katherine Heigl lookin’ her best because she reminds me of a fat lazy slob who doesn’t do anything other than smoke her cigarettes and make her bitch husband do all the housework while she lives off residuals from that lesbian show she was on.
BONUS – Here are some pics of Katherine Heigl actually working in her panties for some movie she’s being fat and lazy in…..
I told a girl over the internet that I loved her and wanted her to get me pregnant so that I could get her abortion. She never answered me back and it broke my heart that such genius statements get overlooked by people. It makes it hard to get to the top when people just discount that shit, without actually considering the poetic beauty of the shit I say, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that Katherine Heigl is picking her wedgie or scratching her badly wiped ass because it’s starting to burn, itch and make her feel uncomfortable.
When I was growing up, I knew a girl who constantly scratched her snatch. I never really understood, because we were in High School, but every change bitch got she’d be going at her crotch like shit was on fire and she had to put it out. She wasn’t very popular with the other boys, but I was committed to finding the source of the problem, I am a humanitarian like that. One night after drinking a bit too much, I started giving her attention she never got before and getting her pants off was about as challenging as taking off my own pants, I almost regretted it when I saw her greenish/yellow stained panties and smelled death, but then I came and forgot about it and decided to keep her around for the next couple of years.
I told a girl over the internet that I loved her and wanted her to get me pregnant so that I could get her abortion. She never answered me back and it broke my heart that such genius statements get overlooked by people. It makes it hard to get to the top when people just discount that shit, without actually considering the poetic beauty of the shit I say, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that Katherine Heigl is picking her wedgie or scratching her badly wiped ass because it’s starting to burn, itch and make her feel uncomfortable.
When I was growing up, I knew a girl who constantly scratched her snatch. I never really understood, because we were in High School, but every change bitch got she’d be going at her crotch like shit was on fire and she had to put it out. She wasn’t very popular with the other boys, but I was committed to finding the source of the problem, I am a humanitarian like that. One night after drinking a bit too much, I started giving her attention she never got before and getting her pants off was about as challenging as taking off my own pants, I almost regretted it when I saw her greenish/yellow stained panties and smelled death, but then I came and forgot about it and decided to keep her around for the next couple of years.
I wasn’t going to cover any Emmy Awards shit because the Emmy Awards are fucking lame and it was my attempt in protesting them. Reality is that I tried to watch them yesterday because I figured it would inspire me to hate the world more than I do or maybe even take the 4 hours of my life away from me. I promised a reader that I would live-blog but that didn’t happen. Life lesson, never trust a drunken Mexican.
I first tuned in on my neighbors TV during the pre-show red carpet shit and saw the fag from Queer Eye doing fashion play-by-play like it was a fucking sports show. I thought the concept was stupid and was forced to change channels, but that was after I saw lesbian Ellen and her wife who is not so lesbian but realizes that eating Ellen’s pussy is good for business, being interviewed. Ellen was a manic weirdo who must have been jacked on something and it made me question why we let Lesbians on TV.
I tuned in again for the opening performance that was some Family Guy shit, Stewie and the dog were singing about how shitty TV is, I think I laughed a few times but I was drunk and don’t really remember. I do know that I like Family Guy and think it’s the best written show, so I hope they won something.
Ryan Seacrest came on and didn’t make me or anyone in the audience even crack a smile. His jokes weren’t jokes and it was nice to see his Seacrest ship sink, I can only hope this continues in the next events he is involved in, because his demise is well deserved. He’s a 5 minutes of fame gone wrong situation, you know the kind of dude you hate that gets on some Dating Show but somehow turns it into years of success when his talent only should have got him to the elimination round….
The second Ray Romano came on was the second I turned the shit off. I hate his voice and seeing him on TV reminded me why I don’t watch TV. I used to go crazy everytime his show came on, I am talking throwing shit at the TV to make the pain stop.
I also kept catching my neighbor staring at me while rubbing his leg, and despite being all for dirty old men, I can’t accept dirty old men giving me the eye mainly because I am not into gay but also because I am disgusting looking and anyone giving me the eye whether man or woman is clearly fucked in the head and someone I don’t want to be around…I felt like I accidentally walked into some kind of secret gay man hook up zone like a public bathroom that fags use as a meeting place to fuck while their wives are out shopping or some shit…and despite it being more exciting than the Emmies, I still had to get the fuck out.
Here are some pictures of the event:
Christina Aguilera and Her Pregnancy Tits
Eva Longoria and Her Mexican Ass
Hayden Panettiere and Her Floppy Tits Hiding Under a Tent of a Dress I can only assume she wanted to wear adult sizes for once and this is the result
Heidi Klum is Living Beauty and the Beast
Jaime Lynn Sigler Brings Her Eating Disorder as Her Date
Jaime Pressly 4 Months After Letting The World Knows She Has Unprotected Sex By Having a Baby
Jennifer Love Hewitt Hiding Her Fat Ass We All Know She Has…
Kaley Cuoco Because She’ll Never Be On TV Again
Katherine Heigl is the Big Winner…Literally…
Kristen Bell Because I Don’t Know Who She Is…
Lisa Rinna Because She Hasn’t Been on TV for a Decade…But Her Fake Tits Get Her Past Security…
Maria Menounos Because She’s Greek and Takes it in the Ass
Michelle Pfeiffer is Old But Still Hotter Than Anyone You Know…
Phoebe Price Because Her Dress Has Windows
Portia DiRossi Because She’s a Fake Lesbian and We Like Fake Lesbians Because It Means They Will Let Us Fuck Them While They Eat Out Their Friends…
Teri Hatcher Because She Banged Ryan Seacrest
I am sure there are more, but this took me long enough to do and I am over the Emmy Awards….
Bonus – Christina Aguilera Performance with Tony Bennett
Here are some pictures that I think I have seen of Katherine Heigl, the bitch from Grey’s Anatomy with big fuckin’ tits. I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, but it is on the one channel than I get, I just can’t bring myself to do it because it takes my attention away from trying to get girls to send me nude pics, a skill I can’t seem to master no matter how many hours I spend on it.
There’s usually something funny about girls with big tits and that is that they usually have big dumpy asses, finding a big breasted skinny chick is almost a myth, at least where I hang out and I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little cellulite ridden ass to get nice dirty in when they come with a rockin’ set of tits. I guess the real issue is when girls have the big asses and no tits, like my wife used to be a few hundred boxes of donuts ago, she had flabs of fat I could hide my smokes in but still was rockin an A cup. I felt like I was fucking Dan from Roseanne.
Anyway, my wife ate her way to a D-Cup, but some of these bigger chicks, with big asses and small tits that I’ve known in the past just invest in the D-Cup they always wanted. There’s always something amazing about a 30 year old with new tits who parades around showing the world her new tits, mainly because I like girls who show off their tits. It’s like new tits are like a new car that you want everyone to sit in a smell the new car scent, only this new car scent is about feeling how soft they are, how good they look in newly purchased low cut shirts and a whole lot of “look how hidden the scar is” and where the nipple is located now kind of thing…
I don’t know where I am going with this, but I have been in a creative pit the last 2 weeks. Thanks for putting up with me and by thanks I mean go fuck yourself, your opinion really means nothing to me.
Here are some pictures that I think I have seen of Katherine Heigl, the bitch from Grey’s Anatomy with big fuckin’ tits. I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, but it is on the one channel than I get, I just can’t bring myself to do it because it takes my attention away from trying to get girls to send me nude pics, a skill I can’t seem to master no matter how many hours I spend on it.
There’s usually something funny about girls with big tits and that is that they usually have big dumpy asses, finding a big breasted skinny chick is almost a myth, at least where I hang out and I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little cellulite ridden ass to get nice dirty in when they come with a rockin’ set of tits. I guess the real issue is when girls have the big asses and no tits, like my wife used to be a few hundred boxes of donuts ago, she had flabs of fat I could hide my smokes in but still was rockin an A cup. I felt like I was fucking Dan from Roseanne.
Anyway, my wife ate her way to a D-Cup, but some of these bigger chicks, with big asses and small tits that I’ve known in the past just invest in the D-Cup they always wanted. There’s always something amazing about a 30 year old with new tits who parades around showing the world her new tits, mainly because I like girls who show off their tits. It’s like new tits are like a new car that you want everyone to sit in a smell the new car scent, only this new car scent is about feeling how soft they are, how good they look in newly purchased low cut shirts and a whole lot of “look how hidden the scar is” and where the nipple is located now kind of thing…
I don’t know where I am going with this, but I have been in a creative pit the last 2 weeks. Thanks for putting up with me and by thanks I mean go fuck yourself, your opinion really means nothing to me.
I have a new found love for seeing pictures of people taking pictures of other people. I went to a party a while ago and was watching some fag get girls in compromising pictures and thought to myself that it was fucking hot and that it brought my internet voyeur ways to my real life with a lot less consequences than when I used to climb up women’s fire escapes to watch them shower.
I only did it a few times and I barely got caught. In my mind being a peeping tom was a good way to meet women, you know, they start showering all naked and wet and notice some dude watching them in the window, get turned on at the thought of turning on some dude and invite him in for a bang to make her fantasy come full circle.
I thought of myself as a modern day santa claus, you know making sexual christmas miracles come true for bitches by fulfilling their dirty fantasies the don’t want to admit they have. Unfortunately, not all aspects of life are like a porno movie and most girls don’t automatically start masturbating when they know they are being watched by me, most of them scream and call the police…at which point I run away as fast as I can, which isn’t very fast at all. I have asthma.
But I was at a bar this weekend and a girl started showing me pictures of her box covered in cum, of her box with a vial of GHB in it and of her ass getting an tab of MDMA getting shoved in it. I feel like she’s the kind of girl who would have let me climb up her fire escape and watch her shower, masturbate, and fuck, provided she didn’t know me. Point of all this is to say, they do exist and I wasn’t wrong in testing out my theory. That’s the story I am sticking to…..
I guess I should write something about Katherine Heigl, considering this post is set to pictures of her at some photo shoot on a boat. How can I post pics of her and not drop anything about her. I am fucking up the blogging formula….but this bitch is fucking up the whole concept of posing on a boat for a photo shoot. the kind of on boat pictures I like are of bitches in string bikinis with captions like “REAR ADMIRAL” or “TOP HEAVY” or “TIGHT KNOT”. You know the kind of posters they sold in music stores in the 80s when posters still existed. Heigl’s got big tits but she looks sloppy in thee pics. Dumpy ass, thick thighs and not enough tit action. Let’s cut the class and make this something worth shoving objects in my ass for in hopes of a prostate induced orgasm. Cuddles…
