Here’s Kelly Ripa doing her best impression of her vagina after her third kid fell out of it.
Yeah, that’s all I got in me today, not sure why, but by the quality of that joke, I think it’s safe to say that I should be Regis’ replacement when he dies, because despite popular belief, he is not a robot and will die eventually and there gonna need someone to fill his little leprechaun shoes, and that someone won’t be me, even thought I was born for that shit.
I won the lottery today. FUCK ALL OF YOU, I QUIT …..it’s a pretty fucking amazing day, considering I never win shit in my life and today I took my 1 dollar scratch and win to the store to get checked out and the bells rang on the machine. I dropped to the ground praising the real Jesus for putting me through this struggle, only as a test to live until this day, where I can take my money, throw my computer out the window and fly far away, change my name so my wife can’t find me and spend the rest of my short life sitting on a beach with local women massaging my feet while drunk, that’s when I came to and found out that I only won a dollar, so in reality, I only broke even and didn’t actually win shit, but it was a good start….because for the first time in my life I didn’t actually lose….
I guess that’s kinda how the people who watched Live with Regis and Kathy Lee the Kelly Ripa Edition this morning feel, they got to see her trying to live up to her 12 year old girl body and hip hop dance with the Knicks dancers, to some pop music, with some skimpy outfit on, showing off her really skinny body, making the Knicks dancers look fat, but since her tenth kid, has gone through some hormonal change leaving her pretty much titless, making the whole thing a beak even situation….not too good and not too bad…just nice and balanced….enjoy….if you can see past the shitty quality of the weird Ripa fan’s video….
Here’s a video of Gisele showing off her bass singing skills like she was Lance Bass after he his puberty but I was too lazy to find the actual video of and was stuck with more Kelly Ripa stealing the spotlight because girls are jealous and catty and she’s trying to wants the spotlight on her and not on the leather pants wearing model legs. I think the highlight of the clip is the way she introduces “Bon Jovi”, it sounds a hell of a lot like “Blow Job”, maybe it’s a freudian slip because she’s sitting there feeling like getting her dick sucked, but it’s probably just the language barrier, either way, it’s worth watching, otherwise I wouldn’t be posting it. Asshole.
Here are some pictures of Kelly Ripa sucking some white substance off her fingers from an episode of her Regis and Kelly show. I am posting them because I like turning non sexual things into porno, because I have been labeled a porn site and being a smut peddler I realize that almost everything can be considered explicit whether it’s a girl making a weird face that if taken out of context looks like she’s taking it up the ass, or whether it’s girls eating ice cream that’s dripping down her chin or whether it’s a girl breast feeding her kid, or whether it’s a girl grocery shopping, or kissing her husband in public, everything can be considered porno to the right person.
I know that there are people out there who jerk off to some weird shit that they consider amazing that I think is disgusting. An example of that is scat. I hate the site and smell of my own liver-diseased horrible diet shit and to think of getting a girl to shit on me kinda makes me feel sick
Speaking of making me sick. I was talking to this amputee the other day who told me that he always wanted to be an amputee. He said something about how his neighbor was born with one leg and he always got a lot of attention from people that from that day on he knew he needed to be one so he spent his life trying to deal with the shit. Whenever he’d get a girl to fuck him he would try to hide his right leg like he didn’t have one, and eventually, he intentionally had an accident that he didn’t go into forcing them to remove his leg. I guess that’s not really turning something innocent into smut, but it’s a pretty good fucking story of how weird some of you fuckers are.
Point of this post is that Kelly Ripa is the best thing to happen to daytime tv. Bitch just does something right to me and I am not sure what it is. Just to clarify things, I am saying that as an impotent married man and not a virgin collecting every picture I can find of her on the internet.