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Archive for the Kim Kardashian Category

2007

Nov

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Apple Bottom Like Apples of the Day

I think she did this shit on purpose. What are the chances of a bitch with an apple bottom posing with fuckin’ apples? It’s like she went out with her on staff paparazzi and was like, people always freak out over my ass, how about we get a shot of me bending over with an apple in hand, it’ll be so funny and ironic and creative and reality is that it’s none of those things, it’s just lame and her ass isn’t comparable to an apple, but more to apple pie and way too much of it. Bitch needs to hit the stair master in a big way, and by big I mean, she’s fat.

I am pretty sick today, been in bed all day, so writing about Kim Kardashians fat ass is about as exciting as waking up with a snot covered face and pillow making me feel like I was just in a gay orgy or some shit.

I don’t know why she’s wearing two different outfits in these pics, I can only assume it’s because she shit herself. I guess that would also explain her shit smeared skin color….it comes with the territory when your ass is that massive. It’s like wondering why your hummer burns so much fuel, not that you have a hummer, you’re too busy being unemployed to ever really afford much more than a skateboard, even though you aren’t even cool enough to skateboard…you’re more of a rollerblader like DJ AM, only he does that shit in bicycle shorts and is so gay that he makes them shorts look straight.

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Kim Kardashian’s Pussy Preview
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Posted in:Apple Bottom|Ass|Booty|Kim Kardashian|Unsorted

2007

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Tits at an Event of the Day

8 Comments »

So I ran into this 19 year old girl I used to finger bang and hang out with in the park because she liked my sense of humor. She’d do dances for me in a leotard and touch her toes on command every time we hung out. I hadn’t seen her in a while but she was with some dude I could tell she was banging. When I asked if she was doing him, she denied it because I guess she didn’t want me knowing how much of a dirty little girl she is because she is convinced that one day I will leave my wife and we will get married even though my dick doesn’t work. Since I am pretty good at knowing what’s up and people are all pretty much all the same I could tell that she was lying about it and that they were actually having sex just by the way they were acting together. For some reason, girls like to think they can pull a fast one and get away with being “naughty” or keeping secrets but it’s always been so fucking obvious to me. I have always been able to tell when a girl cheats on me or when a girl’s been doing dirty things she doesn’t want me to know about. It’s like a sixth sense, without Bruce Willis or that Joel Osmond freak, so I decided to write her an IM saying “i know you’re banging that dude”, not that I care, I just like knowing the truth, like I am the X-Files and her vagina is the paranormal. Either way, she finally admitted it to me and wrote this:

hes like how i am with you, only theres sexual attraction

I just wanted to post it because it really boosted my non-existant self esteem. Speaking of self esteem here are some pictures of Kim Kardashian putting the fat ASS in KardASShian at some premiere, thinking she’s got it goin’ on, because too many people tell her how hot she is, when they should really be telling her she’s just a waste of fucking tits, only she doesn’t realize it yet. The truth may hurt but at least people know where they stand or in my case sit.

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Posted in:Dress|Fat|Kim Kardashian|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian's Tits at an Event of the Day

No Comments »

hes like how i am with you, only theres sexual attraction

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Kim Kardashian Blowin Dicks Not Candles Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Big Ol’ Tits
Kim Kardashian Mom Jeans
Kim Kardashian’s Pussy Preview

Posted in:Dress|Fat|Kim Kardashian|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian’s TIts Blow Candles and Not Dick of the Day

5 Comments »

I hate the word Douche and Douchebag with a fucking passion. I don’t know why this shit got picked up so aggressively the last couple of years because people have been saying it a long time. The only really experience I have with douche bags is when I worked at a Pharmacy and some old fucking lady came up to me and asked where she could find the 3 Gallon douche bags. I didn’t really know how to react so I took her big vagina to the douche section and could only find her the 1/2 gallon douche bag. She was furious and I said she could just use the half gallon one 12 times and she wasn’t impressed.

Either way, I accidentally dropped the word douche this weekend for the first time, because I guess I am like you and easily influenced by the media and people around me, and when I realized that shit came out of my mouth, I wanted to kill myself.

Speaking of suicide, here are some pictures of Kim Kardashian celebrating her birthday with her tits at Les Deux in Los Angeles. I don’t know how old she is, but another year older means another year closer to death, and let’s face it she might as well just speed up the process because she’s a waste of fucking space and that would only prove she’s not too stupid to realize it. But I do like watching her blow out her candles on her cakes that are even more obnoxious that she is even though it’s not as exiting as her blowing black men, but it’s good enough for monday morning entertainment.

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Posted in:Birthday|Kim Kardashian|Slut|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian's TIts Blow Candles and Not Dick of the Day

No Comments »

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Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass
Kim Kardashians Big Breast Weekend
Kim Kadashian Wears a Bra

Posted in:Birthday|Kim Kardashian|Slut|Tits|Unsorted

2007

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

So it turns out that Kim Kardashian’s got some reality TV show with her sister called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I am sure it’s going to be some next level shit that will change all our fucking lives. I am not really sure what Kim Kardashian does but I can only assume keeping up with her is pretty fucking easy. Other than the fact that we don’t have high powered lawyers as a father, who died and left us a huge inheritance to travel the world and attend events, or the fact that we don’t fuck black men on video for the world to see, or the fact that our asses, despite being 300 lbs aren’t as big as hers, I think the only real challenges this bitch faces is putting on a pair of jeans in the morning.

Reality is that I like to think I am going to the top, and will have my own show called Keeping up with Jesus Martinez, that would involve me sitting on a computer all day and drinking myself into the gutter all night, but not at those trendy clubs, I am talking a bottle of whiskey and a park. I am not going to the top because I am talent or because I have any readers or any prospects but I like to think I am because I have a slutty reader who wants to fuck me and that shit makes me feel like a star. She’s got daddy issues and I am all about daddy issues. She probably has a boyfriend or husband and she is probably 200 pounds and likes videogames and jogging pants, but I don’t care. I like the attention. I am the flavor of the month for her and she’ll be done with this site in the next couple of weeks, but right now I guess she gets off to what I write. It’s too bad that the real me is a lot less interesting and attractive as I make myself out to be. If I ever made my way to California where she lives, which is always possible cuz I hate my wife, and set up a little meeting with her to get her to let me watch her shower, she’d only look at me in disgust and call the police. See you and me really do have a lot in common. Only difference is that bitches aren’t leaving you these kinds of messages.

Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….

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Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
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2007

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian's Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….

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Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
Kim Kadashian’s Bikini Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass

2007

Sep

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans of the Day

3 Comments »

I was at a bar the other day and I saw 2 chicks making out with each other. They were like half-breed lesbians who didn’t think it was funny when I moved in and asked for a 3-way kiss. They were too busy being into each other and it was pretty much a waste of a hot chick. She looked really hot in her tight skirt and cleavage exposing shirt and the way she moved made her look like a dirty little fuck. She on this sexually liberated experimental kick that girls go through, but she wasn’t in the mood for any cock. Not that I had any cock to offer but they were blowing off dudes from every angle. I don’t think they were pulling the whole frat boy chick making out thing to get guys to look at them but I do think they were legitimately into each other and not doing it for attention, but because they were drunk and horny and were going to go home to fuck the shit out of each other in the scissor stance. I didn’t find it hot to watch and refused to watch the spectacle because I can’t deal with hot lesbians who turn down cock. I can deal with lesbians who look like dudes and wear leather because they are just man hating rape victims and shit, but hot lesbians who I want to fuck but who don’t want anything to do with me or any other penis for that matter but hot chicks who who are into other hot chicks and refuse dick just piss me the fuck off.

Either way, Kardashian may not be into girls and she may be into black dude cock, because black guys are good at working the huge fucking asses but she’s rockin’ a pair of mom jeans, that make her ass look even bigger than usual and that remind me more of the man hating lesbians who work construction and drink been than the hot little sluts who don’t like dudes who I saw the other day. Both are equally annoying.

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2007

Sep

I am – Kim Kardashian's Mom Jeans of the Day

3 Comments »

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2007

Sep

I am – Kim Kardashian and Jenna Jameson Do the Heatherette Show of the Day

1 Comment »

I never understood Heatherette, they are some kind of drugged up club kid tranny shit that all these celebrity bitches fell in love with and bought into and now they are making more money than anyone you know being all drugged up tranny club kid outrageousness. Either way, Kim Kardashian and Jenna Jameson were some of the “stars” and I used that term loosely, more loose than both of their porned up twats, who modeled for their fashion show.

I fucking hate porn bitches but I guess there’s something nice about seeing a successful mainstream pornstar and an unsuccessful amateur pornstar hanging out. It’s like seeing the Big Brothers of America teaching some homeless poor kid how to play baseball. I know they are both sluts and that they both put out for money like the street trash drug addicts I used to pay to fuck and they let the people doing them film them like it’s not a big deal which is amazing because trying to convince girls over the years to let me bust out my polaroid never really worked out for me. The best I got was a picture of one of them sleeping with part of her tit hanging out, but I even got busted for that and she destroyed it. So as I suck at life, these girls who seemingly suck at life too, also suck dick on camera and hang out at fashion shows together.

I can only assume that Jenna got casted in the part because bitch looks like a fucking tranny, and apparently Heatherette is into trannies. I love how fucking serious she’s taking this gig like it’s a fucking academy award performance or her first big break onto the fashion model scene because no matter what she does or how she does it, I will always know that she’s nothing but a broken down girl with daddy issues, who used her cunt to get ahead…a cunt that looks like she may soon be turning into a cock. Porn Bitches are trash. I’d rather see everyday girls get fucked any day. That’s the end of that.

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2007

Jul

I am – Kristin Davis and Kim Kardashian together of the Day

4 Comments »

Kim Kardishian

Back in Community College upstate, I roomed with a girl with 1.5 legs, we’ll call her Melanie. I am pretty sure she was a closet lesbian because she would stroke me a lot or have a friend spend the night but want to share my bed instead of sharing hers with her friend. She was dating guys off the internet. They were all closet freaks with a prosthesis fetish or something. Since she was a community theater regular, she hooked up with this ‘playwright.’ She paid for dinner (he forgot his wallet) and he asked to ‘borrow’ some sheets of computer paper so he could print his play for her. While she was gimping around collecting it, he starts ranting about his play where the actors fuck onstage. I said ‘oh, like live porn,’ and he said ‘no, it’s raw art.’ Then he gets all hopped up talking about how he will have to play the guy because he is bold and edgey like that, and he is looking for an intense girl, a girl indie and serious enough to have sex onstage. Rehearsals will start soon… He kept repeating the last part, and staring at my tits. Either he was retarded or bipolar. I asked him if it was a paying role. He said no.

I would like to tell you I wouldn’t have nailed this twat in front of his 4 friends for cash, but that would be a lie, and I’m no liar. And Melanie never heard from him again after he ran off with all her paper.

Kim Kardashian has had sex for money in front of people (via video), so I bet she would have nailed this playwright anyway for kicks, or for money if she wasn’t so rich. And Kristin Davis’ career, despite the upcoming ‘Sex and the City’ movie, has been in the tank. I am guessing Davis being seen with Kardashian means she is 5 minutes from a 40 year old sex tape, or she is just inquiring about advice. Pure speculation. Maybe they are planning one together? That’s something I don’t want to see (mostly because Kardashian’s ass-implants scare me).

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Kristen Davis|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Kim Kardashian Bikini Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

Kim Kardishian Bikini

What’s up motherfuckers. I am not sure if you remember me. I am that asshole who abandoned you on the internet last week only to get some friends and family to post more content than I ever could, with more skill and style than I ever had. I guess what I did was throw some shit down to make you realize you don’t need me in an attempt to self-destruct the website so that I can spend my life on cruises that my wife wins at the grocery store because bitch is fat.

So far what I have realized on my trip is that I don’t have enough money to travel the way I want to travel. I don’t have any patience for flying and the whole fucking time I am in the air I think the fucking thing is going to drop out of the sky. I am not into places where people don’t speak english because it makes ordering a fucking drink pretty fucking impossible. I do like bikinis and all the hookers that are being thrown my way, not because I can even afford to bang one, or get hard for them and that is like putting a fat bitch in a buffet line where all the food is glued down to the table, but sex trade always makes me happy.

I feel pretty uninspired. Vacations make me stupid, I haven’t written a thing and feel rusty, just not as rusty as Kardashian’s ass after some black hip hop dude stuffs her like a Jamaican Patty without a condom on but I am never too uninspired to look at Kardashian tits in a bikini. This Armenian fashion accessory even haunts me when I am trying to get away from all this bullshit because her big tits distract me from the rest of her uselessness and as I have learned this week, good tits are good enough for me to overlook an ugly bitch….

Point of this post is to say that Internet on a cruise costs money and no matter how good this post coulda been, it’s never going to get there because I am on a budget… Now back to my stepdaughter Marie Eve, who is doing a great job. Cuddles.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
On Vacation…

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Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Kim Kardashian|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Kim Kardishian is Kinda Famous of the Day

2 Comments »

Kim Kardishian @ Mercedes Fashion Week.

So it looks like fatass is gone, and it’s just me and the four of you losers until he gets back, lucky me. Thanks for the emails you guys have been sending, its good to know you’re reading. Of course I know it’s just cause you’re all still virgins, and think maybe scoring with an 18 year old will be easy.

Here’s Kim Kardishian, doing what shes does best, which is nothing. Every highschool has a girl like Kim. Drop dead gorgeous but living in the shadow of her manipulitive, popular-for-no-reason best friend (yes, thats you Paris!), who she is also prettier then. She’s forced to follow her friend around, maybe carry her books to class, get the seconds of guys that her friend didn’t want andother stuff like that. But hey at least she’s popular kinda right? She gets to sit at the cool table in the cafeteria!!!

My art teacher is pretty cool and when I told him I was helping Jesus run the blog while he was gone, he told me this quote by Andy Warhol, something about how in the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. I started thinking about that when I walked home that day and it kind of stuck with me. What kind of a crazy world are we living where merely being friends with somebody famous can make you a star too? Then I realized it’s just like highschool. You run around to be seen with the right crowd, you have wear the right clothes or everyone hates you, and the girls that are sluts get the most attention. So Hollywood is just like Highschool, though I think Hollywood may have better food.

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Sluts|Socialites|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Kim Kardashian's Armenian Ass of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know when these pictures were taken but they are new to me. What isn’t new to me is how obscene this bitch Kim Kardashian’s ass is. I saw the sex tape, I have seen other pictures out there showing off this massive thing and I know that I don’t like it at all. I know that every hip hop motherfucker out there loves this kind of shit. I have seen many youtube videos of fat asses being shook. I have seen strippers with booty do things I never thought asses could do and I never really fell for it. All I could think about was how many buckets of friend chicken bitch had to eat to make this shit happen. It always represented some nature channel shit to me, like the baboon with the biggest reddest cunt gets noticed by the alpha males, and I guess that never really got me off. What I do know is that Paris Hilton probably could have stuck out her friendship with this Armenian Fashion Accessory because she could hid from the cops between her freakishly big ass cheeks. See I can make bad blog jokes too.

I think the reason I never liked fat ass, even though I married a fat chick, was because I could never get my little penis around the goods and into the right places, it created some kind of barrier that kept people like me out, the reason it worked with my wife was because her ass had no personality, it kind just hung there like a wet towel hanging to dry and was easily moved to the side. It’s a skill I am glad I don’t need to use again.

Either way, today’s not working so well for me, but you can still look at bitches ass and say she should be spending some of Daddy’s inheritance on a personal trainer because one day soon that fucker is going to drop and even though I think she’s fucking dumpy right now, everyone else will too soon and no black dude or white guy trying to be black is going to want to film sex tapes with her anymore and that is pretty much considered failure where this bitch is from…