Allure magazine has really jumped on a grenade with these year’s nude issue…jumping on the grenade is what we used to call fucking the fat chick at the bar because you wanted to fuck…not that Allure is fat, but the cast and crew of a celebrated issue that has had relevant girls like ZOE SALDANA and NAYA RIVERA …two very high end people…in issues of the past, have gone the Jenna Dewan Tatum, Minnie Driver, Nia Long and Kristen Bell this year…and I guess I am all for any girl getting naked, even if it strategic and not that hot at all…even if it has some milk filled new mom Dax Sheppard sucking tit in it.
I don’t know if Dax Shepard is being a tough guy at LAX, when walking by the paparazzi, when he takes something and throws it to the ground like a 5 year old girl having a tantrum, but it looks like that and makes me laugh, since men in Hollywood, despite their egos, their money, and the praise they get are still self involved pussies, who when they aren’t looking in the mirror practicing lines, they are fucking some of the hottest pussies, but are also bigger girls than the girls they stick their dicks in…and it makes me laugh…but not that much, because it’s really not all that interesting…I mean who gives a fuck about Dax Shepard and he may not even be throwing a tantrum, but it looks like it, and that’s enough…
Here is Kristen Bell giving a public service announcement about the risks of pregnancy at least in terms of what it does to you body…and this is her at a stage where she’s willing to show off her body…because the real damage done is under them bikini bottoms…I guess she thanks Dax Shepphard for that every time she fists herself with ease…
Looks like someone’s recovered from making a Dax baby, something I would normally assume you can’t recover from…you know like a stain on your life worse than AIDS…because he’s that fucking annoying and the fact that his genetics live on in another person all thanks to this cunt (literally), is the worst.
She can’t be celebrated, she must be shunned, even if she’s in a mom friendly bikini to hide her stretch marks and ravaged body, even if her vagina is taped the fuck up from all the abuse pushing a baby through it has done to her, even if this was shot before she was pregnant….because we all know what has become of her since….
She’s uneventful, and I am pretty sure this movie will be too, but she’s dressed like Pam Anderson, and lifeguards are all sluts with their half naked all summer, mouth to mouth, camel toe giving suits that ride their clots all day making them horny….makin’ it a little more tolerable…
I hate unstable bitches more than pretty much anything….I generally like people with no emotion…cuz just the idea of hysterical laughing or extreme joy or anger or sadness with the flip of a switch scares me…it is actual madness that makes a motherfucker worry whether he is gonna get stabbed or some shit…..so seeing Kristen Bell, a barely there actress admit that she is a nutcase who cries when happy or sad like a mad person…makes reminds me that actor’s are fucking pussies but more importantly that sometimes the middle aged girl I want to fuck is better to jerk off to…
So this clip of Kristen Bell admitting she is a nutcase and bringing footage of her freaking out when her boyfriend Dax Shepard brought her a Sloth for her birthday….isn’t funny to me…it is scary…and even more scary is that Dax Shepard has a girlfriend and actually gets laid by anyone who isn’t the drunk girl at the bar in her mid 30s who remembers him on Punk’d and whatever shit movie he was in….but a girl who is successful enough of an actor to land a real boyfriend…Weird….but further evidence of her instability…
But I’ve never found her interesting, hot, sexy, she’s just real fucking basic at best…and I think these recent pictures of her, a little older, still in a bikini, prove what I’ve always said about her, and that is that she fucking sucks…
I am too lazy to figure out what’s going on in these pictures. I just know that Vampire Den Mother Cher gay icon tucked her weathered Native American cock into her sequined girdle or the “Spanx” as the trendy refer to them today, only to taint Kristen Bell’s fat ass that her new brown hair can’t distract me from, while Christina Aguilera’s skinny ass and busted face waited outside a Burlesque show, where I guess she’s going to learn a few dance moves because pregnancy took her out of her “Dirrrty” mindset and just made her pussy dirty to look at or fuck thanks to opting out of the “C-Section” she was offered….good times…
I don’t care for Kristen Bell. She’s got no sex appeal. She’s alright looking but definitely not worth getting excited for. I figure she’s average at best but for some reason you idiots think she’s amazing…
I think when a girl washes out a stain like Dax Sheppard out of her panties, it’s worth mentionning and celebrating…
Here are some pics of her walking around with a popsicle, that for some reason the paparazzi didn’t get pics of her sucking it, which could also be a big part of the reason why Dax dumped her boring ass anti-dick suckin’ ass….
I guess when you spend your career “acting” in horrible relationship comedies, you eventually start bringing your work home with you, because here is a scene you’d expect to be pulled right out of a Kristen Bell movie, where the boyfriend hustles some bitch with a fat ass, but an ass that is appealing to fuck because his girlfriend’s ass is repetitive and annoying since it thinks it is famous, while Kristen Bell is off lookin at a baby, holding her womb, wishing that fucking thing came out of her, but she’s been too vain and career oriented to let it happen, but figures she might as well take the plunge because she’s not getting any younger and figures Dax Sheppard, despite how pathetic he is to the rest of the world, has put up with her bullshit all this time and might as well be the donor, since finding a new boyfriend may come easy for her, but building to the level of starting a family with a motherfucker will just take too long and she wants a baby now…..but I’m just speculating….
I didn’t understand the interest in Kristen Bell, or as I like to call her the voice of Gossip Girl because she wasn’t quite willing to fully dive into that show, but figured she might as well make money off it, which is really okay with me, because I don’t find her anything much to look at so not seeing her works for me, even though watching Gossip Girl doesn’t really happen in my life….
But, she’s got a vagina, so she makes the fuckin’ cut, but that doesn’t mean she’s not one of the most overrated vaginas in Hollywood…and here she is pulling stunts in Australia, because she’s awkward like that, but not the kind of stunts a normal person can masturbate to, which works out perfectly for you cuz you are weird.
The media puts so much focus on being perfect, not having cellulite, being fit and it makes girls crazy, insecure and a lot easier to fuck, so it can’t be a bad thing.
The only thing bad about it is when you date/become friends (try to fuck) one of these girls and she becomes comforable enough to only talk about that, because it’s really all that’s on her fuckin’ mind until it drives you fuckin insane, because hearing her ask if she’s fat, or talk about how she threw up dinner and did speed to stay awake, is desperate and annoying to put up with, especially when all you’re lookin’ for is pussypretty much every chick has cellulite.
Just yesterday, a 15 year old 5 foot 11 model lookin’ chick walked by me and I noticed her legs had dimples on the shit, and I guess that goes to show us that it’s just something that women get, whether skinny or not, it’s normal to fuckin’ have, and to hate it, makes us faggot.
That said, Kristen Bell is a sloppy fuckin’ bitch and if her legs are this wrecked, I’d hate to see the condition of her pussy.
Now, we can all understand why she’s dating a cunt like Dax, and that’s because she’s a second rate, low grade, garbage quality pig.
People find Kristen Bell hot. I think she’s boring. I think her decision in guys she dates proves the level of substance she really has. I’m not gonna be that guy who hates on the guy with the celebrity girl all these other dudes want to fuck, I’m just saying Dax seems like someone who’s ultimate prank or “punk’d” trick, the one that would make everyone happy, would be the one he drops on Kristen Bell, when she comes back from a jog and finds him hanging from a closet in her panties like he was David Carradine….
She’s in a bikini, so I can’t hate too hard on her…I just don’t have that in me….
Here are your two favorite things, blonde chicks with vaginas and Star Wars shit you wish had a vagina, because you love it so much you’d fuck it all night long if it did. It would also make your unhealthy obsession and masturbation to it make more sense to your friends and family, because right now they are a little concerned at how weird it’s got, you know the whole walking around in costume and getting caught in bed with your Wookie glove on. At least with female genitals attached, there’d be some hope.
In the event you didn’t know, these celebrity sluts are not at the event because they like Star Wars as much as you and they are not these super cool dreamgirls and I’m not talking Jennifer Hudson Dreamgirls, I’m talking chicks you can share Star Wars fantasies with and who will never get bored no matter how many hundreds of times you try to throw a Star Wars marathon in your mom’s basement. These girls will judge you based on the fact that you reenact the trilogy in front of the mirror in full costume, since along with pretty much every girl in the world, don’t get the appeal, it actually creeps them out and makes them want to exit any conversation you try to have with them the second you bring up anything socially awkward, virginal and Sci-Fi, like Star Wars. These girls are only at the event because they are getting paid.
But that doesn’t mean this photo-op is any less pornographic to you and your weird ways, because you don’t have to believe they don’t give a shit about nerds and Star Wars and shit, since they’ll never tell you that to your face, because you will never meet them, so let these pictures do whatever it is they do to you, imagine you getting manhandled by a furry creature, or even imagine that you were that fuckin’ furry creature, since they are just fucking pictures.
Either way, I guess this movie is finally coming out so you can finally feel like your life work and passion is validated, but realize that the whole point of it is to make fun of people like you and for the people who are already laughing at you, to laugh harder….
I feel like this is my second public service to socially awkward, sexually frustrated, weirdos. I should be treated like a god by you people. Raise a fucking statue in my honor or something already.
I hate Judd Apatow. I don’t know whether it’s because his movies suck and aren’t funny, but for some reason has convinced Hollywood that he’s fucking awesome and gets 10 movies a year, making him richer than most people for making garbage, when the rest of us don’t get paid shit for making garbage, unless you count the fact that if you leave it lingering long enough in your shit hole apartment, it starts to smell like dirty pussy, but as far as I am concerned that’s not payment. Or whether it’s because I think he’s a pedophile and after seeing his live show where a good 10 minutes was devoted to his daughter’s vagina, puberty, breasts and his movies are devoted to girls who look like they are 13 and who are put in sexual situations with Jewish guys like Seth Rogan who look 45. Or whether it’s because he casts ugly fucking chicks to be in all his fucking movies except for The Sarah Marshall one because it had Mila Kunis in it, and I don’t hold that against her, because we all need to get paid some day.
It also had Kristen Bell in it and these are the deleted sex scenes that weren’t censored properly, letting you see her pasty covered tits as she rides Russel Brand. Good times.