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Archive for the Kristen Bell Category

2009

28

Oct

Kristen Bell’s Boyfriend Hangs With Pussy While She Fantasizes About Being a Mom of the Day

I guess when you spend your career “acting” in horrible relationship comedies, you eventually start bringing your work home with you, because here is a scene you’d expect to be pulled right out of a Kristen Bell movie, where the boyfriend hustles some bitch with a fat ass, but an ass that is appealing to fuck because his girlfriend’s ass is repetitive and annoying since it thinks it is famous, while Kristen Bell is off lookin at a baby, holding her womb, wishing that fucking thing came out of her, but she’s been too vain and career oriented to let it happen, but figures she might as well take the plunge because she’s not getting any younger and figures Dax Sheppard, despite how pathetic he is to the rest of the world, has put up with her bullshit all this time and might as well be the donor, since finding a new boyfriend may come easy for her, but building to the level of starting a family with a motherfucker will just take too long and she wants a baby now…..but I’m just speculating….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Boyfriend|Kristen Bell|Mom

2009

01

Oct

Kristen Bell Pullin Stunts on the Red Carpet of the Day

I didn’t understand the interest in Kristen Bell, or as I like to call her the voice of Gossip Girl because she wasn’t quite willing to fully dive into that show, but figured she might as well make money off it, which is really okay with me, because I don’t find her anything much to look at so not seeing her works for me, even though watching Gossip Girl doesn’t really happen in my life….

But, she’s got a vagina, so she makes the fuckin’ cut, but that doesn’t mean she’s not one of the most overrated vaginas in Hollywood…and here she is pulling stunts in Australia, because she’s awkward like that, but not the kind of stunts a normal person can masturbate to, which works out perfectly for you cuz you are weird.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Dress|Kristen Bell|Legs

2009

23

Jun

Kristen Bell and her Cellulite Ridden Legs

The media puts so much focus on being perfect, not having cellulite, being fit and it makes girls crazy, insecure and a lot easier to fuck, so it can’t be a bad thing.

The only thing bad about it is when you date/become friends (try to fuck) one of these girls and she becomes comforable enough to only talk about that, because it’s really all that’s on her fuckin’ mind until it drives you fuckin insane, because hearing her ask if she’s fat, or talk about how she threw up dinner and did speed to stay awake, is desperate and annoying to put up with, especially when all you’re lookin’ for is pussypretty much every chick has cellulite.

Just yesterday, a 15 year old 5 foot 11 model lookin’ chick walked by me and I noticed her legs had dimples on the shit, and I guess that goes to show us that it’s just something that women get, whether skinny or not, it’s normal to fuckin’ have, and to hate it, makes us faggot.

That said, Kristen Bell is a sloppy fuckin’ bitch and if her legs are this wrecked, I’d hate to see the condition of her pussy.

Now, we can all understand why she’s dating a cunt like Dax, and that’s because she’s a second rate, low grade, garbage quality pig.

Posted in:Kristen Bell|Legs

2009

19

Jun

Kirsten Bell in her Bikini of the Day

People find Kristen Bell hot. I think she’s boring. I think her decision in guys she dates proves the level of substance she really has. I’m not gonna be that guy who hates on the guy with the celebrity girl all these other dudes want to fuck, I’m just saying Dax seems like someone who’s ultimate prank or “punk’d” trick, the one that would make everyone happy, would be the one he drops on Kristen Bell, when she comes back from a jog and finds him hanging from a closet in her panties like he was David Carradine….

She’s in a bikini, so I can’t hate too hard on her…I just don’t have that in me….

Posted in:Bikini|Kristen Bell

2009

04

Feb

Kristen Bell and Jaime King at Some Fanboys Event of the Day

Here are your two favorite things, blonde chicks with vaginas and Star Wars shit you wish had a vagina, because you love it so much you’d fuck it all night long if it did. It would also make your unhealthy obsession and masturbation to it make more sense to your friends and family, because right now they are a little concerned at how weird it’s got, you know the whole walking around in costume and getting caught in bed with your Wookie glove on. At least with female genitals attached, there’d be some hope.

In the event you didn’t know, these celebrity sluts are not at the event because they like Star Wars as much as you and they are not these super cool dreamgirls and I’m not talking Jennifer Hudson Dreamgirls, I’m talking chicks you can share Star Wars fantasies with and who will never get bored no matter how many hundreds of times you try to throw a Star Wars marathon in your mom’s basement. These girls will judge you based on the fact that you reenact the trilogy in front of the mirror in full costume, since along with pretty much every girl in the world, don’t get the appeal, it actually creeps them out and makes them want to exit any conversation you try to have with them the second you bring up anything socially awkward, virginal and Sci-Fi, like Star Wars. These girls are only at the event because they are getting paid.

But that doesn’t mean this photo-op is any less pornographic to you and your weird ways, because you don’t have to believe they don’t give a shit about nerds and Star Wars and shit, since they’ll never tell you that to your face, because you will never meet them, so let these pictures do whatever it is they do to you, imagine you getting manhandled by a furry creature, or even imagine that you were that fuckin’ furry creature, since they are just fucking pictures.

Either way, I guess this movie is finally coming out so you can finally feel like your life work and passion is validated, but realize that the whole point of it is to make fun of people like you and for the people who are already laughing at you, to laugh harder….

I feel like this is my second public service to socially awkward, sexually frustrated, weirdos. I should be treated like a god by you people. Raise a fucking statue in my honor or something already.

Here’s Kristen Bell….

And Jaime King….

Posted in:Fan Boy|Jamie King|Kristen Bell

2008

07

Oct

Kristen Bell’s Uncensored Sex Scene from Forgetting Sarah Marshall of the Day

I hate Judd Apatow. I don’t know whether it’s because his movies suck and aren’t funny, but for some reason has convinced Hollywood that he’s fucking awesome and gets 10 movies a year, making him richer than most people for making garbage, when the rest of us don’t get paid shit for making garbage, unless you count the fact that if you leave it lingering long enough in your shit hole apartment, it starts to smell like dirty pussy, but as far as I am concerned that’s not payment. Or whether it’s because I think he’s a pedophile and after seeing his live show where a good 10 minutes was devoted to his daughter’s vagina, puberty, breasts and his movies are devoted to girls who look like they are 13 and who are put in sexual situations with Jewish guys like Seth Rogan who look 45. Or whether it’s because he casts ugly fucking chicks to be in all his fucking movies except for The Sarah Marshall one because it had Mila Kunis in it, and I don’t hold that against her, because we all need to get paid some day.

It also had Kristen Bell in it and these are the deleted sex scenes that weren’t censored properly, letting you see her pasty covered tits as she rides Russel Brand. Good times.

Posted in:Kristen Bell|Sarah Marshall

2008

18

Aug

Kristen Bell is Scared of the Sun and Being Assaulted by a Monster in a Bikini of the Day

So Kristen Bell and her pasty fucking body getting sunscreen sprayed on is obviously scared of the sun, when she should really be scared of letting Dax Sheppard inside her, because I hear once you go Dax you never go back because no self respecting man would sleep with his sloppy seconds because no one has low enough self esteem and no girl is hot enough to justify banging someone who has banged him, not even Kristen Bell.

The truth is that I’ve never really been overly affected by dudes who have fucked my wife or girlfriends being in the same room as me, if anything I feel like we have some kind of bond and even if we have nothing much to talk about awkwardly, we always have the chick to fall back on and compare war stories about. It’s like having a 2 man on chick threesome, without the awkwardness and homosexual overtones/undertones (I never know the difference between tones), and if anything should be a bonding experience between men, but Dax throws that beautiful thing down the toilet. Another beautiful thing he’s thrown down the toilet, Kristen Bell. Not that I like Kristen Bell or think she’s attractive at all, but I know you do, so I’m just trying to fit in, something that happens everytime I put on a pair of pants that doesn’t have an elastic waistband.

Posted in:Bikini|Kristen Bell|Pale

2008

01

Aug

Kristen Bell and a Mailbox of the Day

I am not posting these pictures of Kristen Bell because she’s hot, because I don’t think she’s hot. I am posting them because I have a post office story and I thought these were fitting.

I went to the post office yesterday to pick up some sex toy that was sent to me and that I will never use because my wife doesn’t meet the weight requirements and because the last thing I want to do is see my wife sitting on an inflatable hot seat (google it), but it was sent to me for free and I take everything I can get.

So I walk into the post office, no one else is in the place, and the guy working looks me up and down, smiles and lets out the biggest fart I had heard since earlier that day when my wife was taking a shit and I couldn’t get the volume on the computer loud enough to block it out.

So as dudes farting and serving me at the same time, like it’s not a big fucking deal, I realize that he’s only farting in front of me because I look homeless and don’t deserve the respect of someone that he wouldn’t fart in front of and the whole thing depressed me, but probably not as much as these pics of Kristen Bell will depress you because she’s not naked in them.

Posted in:Kristen Bell|Mailbox

2008

24

Jun

Kristen Bell Bending and Stretching of the Day

I know you want to fuck Kristen Bell and it must bother you to see her bending and stretching for one of two reasons. Either she’s sore from how hard Dax Shepard slammed the shit out of her, or she’s preparing to bang the shit out of him. It’s the excitement of young love where sex is the priority and you can’t get your hands off each other no matter where you are because the raw sexual energy takes over all levels of thought and logic and it must be pretty painful for you to watch because the only thing raw in your sex life is your dick for rubbin’ it down to the bone.

Either way you can be happy to know she’s rockin’ the birth control patch on her leg so that this cocksucker Dax doesn’t accidentally pollute her womb with his spawn that I can only assume will be a lot easier to hate than him.

Posted in:Kristen Bell|Yoga