I am no expert on pregnancy. There was a time when I was trying to keep an ex girlfriend around and figured the best way was to knock her up, so every chance I got to accidentally creampie her, I would. It never worked. There was another girl who wanted me to settle down and she thought that having a baby with me was the solution, without thinking about the fact that I was a deadbeat and couldn’t even take care of myself, but being the asshole that I am and excited about the fact that a chick actually wanted to carry my baby, because that’s pretty much the number one compliment you can get from a girl, I decided to spend a month trying to knock her up, before realizing how insane I was being. Lucky for me, years of hard living had killed my sperm harder than it killed my liver.
Now I don’t know if Laura Prepon is actually knocked up, but she is at Starbucks, and where I live all the maternity leave women spend hours a day in Starbucks because they have nothing else to do with themselves and need to get out, so I can only assume that she didn’t just gain weight, and her horizontal stripes aren’t working against her, because that shit’s supposed to make you look fat, I predict this is the early stages of her being knocked up because sometimes letting dudes come inside you feels like the right thing to do, until you realize you forgot to take your birth control pill and that you morally are pro-life and can’t get an abortion, even though everyone’s doing it because condoms are a thing of the past.
Let’s just hope her John Goodman Lookin’ motherfucker that she’s talking to, isn’t the baby daddy, cuz if the baby gets that metabolism, her vagina may break.