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Archive for the Lauren Conrad Category

2008

14

Mar

Lauren Conrad in her Pajamas of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Lauren Conrad is the lazy kind of rich girl who sits around in a pair of pajama pants laying in front of the couch all day, ordering her servants to serve on her, until realizing that she really needs a coffee or to run an errand like getting a pussy wax or something her servant can’t do for her and she doesn’t bother putting on a normal pair of pants because everyday is fucking summer camp for her and the world is her fuckin’ bedroom, we’re just all visitors in it.

Nothing turns me off more than a girl in a pair of pajama pants like this, other than men in a pair of pajama pants like this. The reason I hate them is because I know the bitch is not going to fuck me or is on her period or some shit every time she crawls into bed rockin’ a pair of these. It means no pussy for me because even if i want to feel romantic and try to put her in the mood by shoving my boner between her ass cheeks and start try humpin’ her as she sleeps, I feel like I’m trying to get it on with an 8 year old, because they are the only fuckers who have any business wearing this kind of thing to bed, and even they have the decency to get fuckin’ dressed before leaving their house….

I guess in an ideal world any girl who sleeps in the same bed as me will be nude or in something that leaves her vagina exposed because that way I have easy access to finger bang or squeeze my dick in them while they sleep, it’s pretty much the only sex I could ever get without drugs or money….unfortunately, it’s not an ideal world and my wife is a fucking beast who fortunately smells too bad to sleep with naked, so I try to wrap her clothed body up in one of those plastic sheets you have to prevent pissing through the mattress because she’s the last bitch I’d want to midnight molest.

Posted in:Lauren Conrad|Pajamas

2007

16

Nov

I am – People Who Attended the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

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Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:

You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.

Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra

Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own

Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart

Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless

Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….

Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…


Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture

Posted in:Arrivals|Audrina Patridge|Eva Longoria|Hayden Panettiere|Kat Von D|Lauren Conrad|Rachel Leigh Cook|Stacy Keibler|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

29

Oct

I am – Lauren Conrad's Got Booze of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Finally, some pictures of Lauren Conrad that I can jerk off to because I find booze the hottest thing out there and it’s safe to say that I am in love with alcohol, it’s been the most reliable friend in my life and has never real done me wrong, other than all the stupid shit I’ve done while drunk, like driving, or having unprotected sex with sluts, but for the most part we’ve had a lot of good times. So seeing Lauren Conrad buying all this booze for her party makes me want to be on a shitty reality TV show so that I can afford my very own trip to the alcohol store like this. This is the shit that makes me want to win the lottery or rob some old bitch, because I never really cared about the nice cars or houses money buys, I just care about trips to the liquor store.

I can only assume that Lauren Conrad’s putting all this effort into stocking up her bar in hopes that this booze will make some poor fucker drunk enough to fuck her or at least think she’s worth a fuck.


Related Posts:

Lauren Conrad in a Bikini Pictures
Kristin Cavallari Dressed Like a Slut
Heidi Montag in a Pink Bikini

Posted in:Alcohol|Booze|Drunk|Lauren Conrad|Unsorted

2007

29

Oct

I am – Lauren Conrad’s Got Booze of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Finally, some pictures of Lauren Conrad that I can jerk off to because I find booze the hottest thing out there and it’s safe to say that I am in love with alcohol, it’s been the most reliable friend in my life and has never real done me wrong, other than all the stupid shit I’ve done while drunk, like driving, or having unprotected sex with sluts, but for the most part we’ve had a lot of good times. So seeing Lauren Conrad buying all this booze for her party makes me want to be on a shitty reality TV show so that I can afford my very own trip to the alcohol store like this. This is the shit that makes me want to win the lottery or rob some old bitch, because I never really cared about the nice cars or houses money buys, I just care about trips to the liquor store.

I can only assume that Lauren Conrad’s putting all this effort into stocking up her bar in hopes that this booze will make some poor fucker drunk enough to fuck her or at least think she’s worth a fuck.


Related Posts:

Lauren Conrad in a Bikini Pictures
Kristin Cavallari Dressed Like a Slut
Heidi Montag in a Pink Bikini

Posted in:Alcohol|Booze|Drunk|Lauren Conrad|Unsorted

2007

30

Aug

I am – Lauren Conrad Bikini Pics of the Day

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It turns out that girls from The Hills were all out on the beach the other day, running around in their bikinis, and giving us all something to look at, I can only assume something scandalous is about to happen on the show, otherwise they wouldn’t be out together. I may have never seen the show and I have no idea what their dynamic is, but I can guarantee that they all hate each other’s guts and call each other cunts and have cat fights behind closed doors but that’s only because that’s how girls are, especially stupid girls who crave attention and want to be the big stars, but in reality what the fuck do I know about girls….other than that I love tits, ass and vagina…

I was hanging out at the local cosmetic counter this past weekend, because on weekends in the early afternoon, girls borrow their parent’s cars and show up to get their essentials for the week or for the night out that lies ahead so they they show up in casual clothes, like tights or yoga pants or whatever makes their asses look amazing….Either way, the only products they have for dudes in the place is cologne so I’m standing there in the cologne section, trying not to get busted looking at this hot 18 year old’s ass that is squatting and I can swear I can see her full box defintion from behind, when this homeless looking tattooed up 60 year old bitch walks in and starts giving herself a whore shower. So she’s spraying herself down with all different types of cologne and is shaking like a meth addict and sees me looking at the hot chick through the shelving….She doesn’t realize that I am being a pervert and thinks I am actually shopping and that I just busted her, so she comes over to me and starts giving me advice on what cologne to buy, like she’s an expert and a serious cologne shopper when in reality she’s just tired of smelling her own ass when she sits down and this is her best solution to the problem because it’s free unlike doing laundry…Either way, she fucks off and I look back to the hot ass and it’s gone..

Here are those Lauren Conrad pics, because she’s still young and tight bodied and I’d totally watch her squatting in front of me at the cosmetics counter of the local department store…

Related Posts:

Audrina Partridge Bikini Pictures
Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures
More Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures
Kristen Cavallari Bikini Pictures


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Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Laguna Beach|Lauren Conrad|The Hills|Tits|Unsorted