I love Lindsay Lohan…and I know Lindsay Lohan is trying her best with the insanity she’s been given…to have a normal and successful life…and I know there is no real plan or intent to be a weird failure…cliche child star…who was prostituted by her parents and now confused as to which way to turn….I know she actually thinks Liz and Dick will be her big break….her welcome back to the world of acting…and I know her fake lips, botox face, that makes her look like a weird, used, washed up, stripper, or low level pornstar face…is actually her thinking she looks good…but it’s all too fucking clowny…

Now, I’m a fan of Lohan, her tits, her ass, her skillset…even her personality…she’s funny and a good time…just a victim of her elements…but shit…whatever she’s done to her face…looks like it belongs in a fucking circus….gettting out of a small car with 12 of her friends…a car we can all hope she’s not driving….

Here she is at some Premiere for Liz and Dick last night..some shit she is staging legal issues to get more coverage for….when all she really needs to do is juggle and make animals out of balloons…with my liz and dick….

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I wish this Lindsay Lohan lawsuit shit was a hell of a lot more erotic…but instead shit is just weird….even depressing…and I figure if I want a convict to masturbate to…I might as well just hire one off the street who is way less maintenance than this white collar crime bullshit…I like my unstable women a little less hollywood and a lot more down on their fucking luck to find their next hit…not to order their next meal at their 5 star hotel’s room service.

Lohan coulda been saved…but I am pretty sure – she’s fallen off so hard she can’t get back up…ever….all while wasting the tax payers money with spoiled brat bullshit.

But I’ll still believe there’s hope cuz I am a Lohan believer….and I know like a phoenix she will rise from the ashes and win an academy award…that or die of an overdose alone in her hotel room…either way…I mourn her or at least what she was…..

This is just a cry for media attention…and I’m buying into it – cuz I have a crush on her.

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I can’t stand Jimmy Fallon and I think he needs to be shot…and that happened long before he used Lindsay Lohan in what is the worst possible way you could use Lindsay Lohan….and I am not talking like how her mom, friends and Sam Ronson and everyone around her used her….or how she used drugs….but by having her smear cake in some dudes hair semi-erotically…is just humiliating for her….doing any gig she can…god fucking knows why…cuz she should just retire instead of helping fuel idiots like Jimmy Fallon who are using her to give himself more street cred than using The Roots as his band…..I encouraged people to hunt him down….for all the wrong he has done in the world….and I encourage Lindsay Lohan to give me a call if she really wants to save her career…I got all the ideas that involve more tit and less of this garbage….

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There’s a pretty silly “indy” internet film coming out called The Canyons that is starring Lohan and a pornstar named James Deen that I guess is her attempt at honing her art…or her craft…to break free from all the negative press and to be taken seriously as an actress instead of a Disney puppet that has fallen off…

I get that the “style” of the movie is meant to be porno quality….low level…shit acting…but I think that’s just their way of addressing their shit actors and porn stars…..

Serious bad fucking strategy….nail in the coffin level move on her part if getting back in the scene was on her fucking todo list…

What a waste of great implants.

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So the biggest story in celebrity gossip no one cares about…or that no one should care about…but that people care about…cuz their own lives suck…is that Lindsay Lohan referred to a CRAZY 1 and Dina Lohan referred to as Crazy 2 got into a blowout fight, Crazy 1 called Michael Lohan or Crazy 3 was called to call the cops cuz Crazy 2 was jacked on Coke and losing her shit on Crazy 1, Crazy 2 made her limo driver lock Crazy 1 in the car so Crazy 1 did the sane thing and seeked help from Crazy 3 who she’s not supposed tto be talking to cuz she hates him….but now they are hugging because life is so hard on their spoiled brat lives and they love each other and their fight was stupid….overreacting in crisis then everything goes back to their normal which isn’t normal cuz that is what rich spoiled bra life is all about…and it’s making me so fucking horny right now.

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Lindsay Lohan showed off some nipple for a split second in the trailer for The Canyons, some movie she got cast to play the whore in….and here’s the trailer….

The movie is about some sex crazed kids in their 20s, starring Lohan and pornster James Deen, which pretty much tells us how shit this movie is going to be, low budget, badly shot, and all the work Lohan can get….

The really interesting thing in all this is that I heard Lohan and James Deen shot a sex tape while filming this movie…and that there will lots of sex in his movie…so I’m just waiting for the highlight reel and more importantly for the sex tape to drop…cuz I think it is time we see Lohan fuck. She’s been around too long to keep that from us….

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So Lohan invited a dude back to her hotel for an after party last night, that ended with the dude getting arrested for assaulting her….

His name was Christian Labella, he’s obviously connected, and they deleted his facebook, but before they did we grabbed this pic of him and Paul Ryan….cuz he is connected with the Republicn party…

The story is that she freaked on him for taking a pic of her and he ended up choking her and mounting her…cuz she’s clearly a cunt and he clearly has a tempers and thinkshe is above the law….

Luckily she wasn’t alone with him, or this publicity stunt coulda ended in murder, but instead her friends pulled him off her, and she ran for the fire alarm in some over dramatic rich kid drama…..

But then again…this could all be Lohan overreacting…..because she’s fucking insane….

As someone who has been invited back to Lohan’s hotel room after partying a few years ago….I know she’s insane…But I didn’t have the urge to take pics of her or beat her up…I was too busy trying to figure out why she was locked in her bedroom for an hour…only to come out in pajama pants and heels to do a stripper dance to her album she never released…before breaking down and crying about Sam Ronson…reading the texts to me as they came in in one of the weirder nights of my life….I was too thrown off but if I was on my A-Game…I would have been tryig to save her….but Lohan didn’t want me to be her superman….she was too busy crying, laughing, dancing, screaming and eating french fries….

Now who is Christian LeBella – Lohan Beater…..

Well Governor Sarah Palin endorsed this Christian La Bella for role as president of a fraternity at University of San Diego…because she likes woman beater…not that I can confirm or deny this is actually her or a prank…but for the sake of this post…let’s say it is legit.

He also worked for the Republican party this past summer….

And based on our research….hard hitting journalist…he’s from Beverly Hills….but the slums of Beverly Hills….with a 6 bedroom and 3 bath 900k house…..but I guess it got him in the right circles…no wonder he’s angry…he’s the non rich kid amongst rich kids…

Here’s a pic of his house….

Which would explain his bitterness, or excitement getting invited to her hotel room, what is that in the driveway, a 1990 CRV, I hope it belongs to the Mexicans working the yard…or it could be humiliating pulling into the country club for him…so humiliating and probably why he fucking rages out on his quest to being society…

All this to say…what a fucking asshole….never beat up women….

UPDATE – THE CHARGES HAVE BEEN DROPPED CUZ LOHAN REMAINS TO BE FUCKING CRAZY BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE DIDN’T FIGHT HER IT JUST MEANS SHE OVERREACTED LIKE A NUTCASE AND IS TRYING TO COVER IT UP OR IT MEANS IT WAS AN ATTENTION GRAP PUBLICITY STUNT

UPDATE 2 – Lohan is a brat who wastes tax payers money and police time in her crazy coked out freak outs. I’ve met her and she’s the kind of girl who will call the police on you for no reason cuz she’s crazy…..what a waste of tits.

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I don’t know if Lindsay Lohan is trying to be hip hop….all gangster…being brought down for crimes against society…stealing everything she comes in contact with….like she was the fucking G-Unit….but if she is she’s coming across as embarrassing as the whitest black guy ever who was next to me in line….when he asked a gully black girl if she is “Keeping it Real”….up on some Steve Urkel shit….

You see cuz Lohan is a fucking poptart….rich kid who is worth a couple of million and who is fucking famous and has all the opportunity in the world to make her life memorable…whether by leaving the entertainment industry…or working in it…but fluttering around it like some spoiled cunt…is just annoying…

I look at her with hate…cuz she has what so many people want…hot tits, opportunity, access, celebrity, money and she’s shitting all over it cuz she’s some broken girl…but at the same time…seeing her publicity stunts about stealing jewelery or racking up hotel bills is kinda hysterical…it can’t be real…the fact it was leaked kinda proves that….when all she has to do is release a fucking sex tape….something I am sure is cumming…and so will I….

Either way…she’s a fucking retard I want to fuck….but then again…so is every retard…

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Lindsay Lohan is wearing some see through outfit craziness and I like it…sure it is not quite enough battered, ravaged, damaged, destroyed, scared and scarred, atrophied, thick skinned, cold, dead, dry, freckled, labia for me….especially based on her certain low level, used to be famous, going broke stature…..but I like how she’s playing all coy with the camera, like she didn’t call them up to tip them off to pay attention to her cuz that’s the only way she can get attention…..you know trying to bottom feed the media…when all she really needs to do is act in a good fucking movie and not be a nutcase about everything in her life…even if being a nutcase gives me boners….baggage is erotic.

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I don’t know when these Lindsay Lohan beach pictures were taken, but I do know that the girl standing next to Lohan is far hotter than Lohan, which is a bad strategy when trying to reposition your sex appeal as awesome tits everyone once wanted to titty fuck…..the red herpes ridden vagina we didn’t care was having an outbreak…

I also know that my life was better back when Lohan was blowing up my phone with text messages back in 2008….4 years is a long time without hot, crazy celebrity messages in my iPhone….

But I survived and you will too, just not too sure if Lohan will.

RIP Motherfucker, in advance.

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Despite having made 2,000,000 dollars last year, 80 percent of which went to staff, expenses, lawyers and cocaine, Lindsay Lohan is some serious White Trash…with some straight from the trailer park family, despite living in big houses and wearing designer clothes….you know a criminal bred from criminals, who will breed more criminals, if she doesn’t die a premature annd horrible death you’d expect from her, cuz she’s all broke…and the tender age of 25….built like a fucking bus, with a face of a fucking trainwreck, but fuck, do I love her implants…they are so well done….it makes everything about her ok…

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Even if Lindsay Lohan’s career is pretty uninteresting and her public image is raped harder than her childhood was, you know leading to the mess he’s in now….her tits alone will never make her insignificant….even if she falls off more than she already has…and even if she dies…those tits will matter…..unless she gets creamated…cuz that will make them hard to dig up…unless fake titties don’t burn….who cares….

Every move she makes is in efforts to advance her career. Recently, it was confirmed she’s banging pornstar James Deen, cuz he wants to go mainstream famous and doesn’t mind herpes…he’s a pornstar and deals with that every day…but more importantly, she likes big dick and knows sex tape producing days for biggest impact or return on investment are numbered….and people won’t be giving her a million dollars to fuck on camera much longer…hence why she’s been partnered up with him….

She was on the beach in a bikini and I loved it…cuz Lohan in a bikini…even if it is damaged and painful…as she falls apart….it will always be fantastic to me.

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Lindsay Lohan despite her falling off harder than Sam Ronson’s dick after watching Female Olympic Gymnastics….still has some of the best tits in the business…sure they are probably fake, but they hang so good and never shrink, even when the rest of her is a drug fueled, bruised up, corpse….you know a shell of what she was before she realized Disney and her own parents sold her the fuck out…you know before being forced to medicate hard just to live with the cruel world….

She’s in a bathing suit and I’m into it.

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