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Archive for the Lindsay Lohan Category

2009

07

May

Lindsay Lohan is a Dog Sitter of the Day

Lohan was at Samantha Ronson’s house until 6:30 in the morning, probably because they are in dyke love, and both enable their dyke lifestyles, while Samantha Ronson milks off Lohan’s fame for personal gain, and Lohan milks off Ronson’s tit, like she was her momma.

I just thought it was funny to see Lohan leaving with Ronson’s dog, like she’s some kind of dog sitter, like she’s responsible enough to take care of a fucking dog, when we all know she has a hard enough time taking care of herself, leading me to believe motherfucker is gonna be brought back jacked on prescription pills, 40 pounds lighter, chain smoking, while lickin’ a pussy.

But the biggest joke in all this is that Sam Ronson is walking out with a guitar, leading me to believe she’s going to be singing on stage badly again…Good times.

Posted in:Dog|Lindsay Lohan

2009

06

May

I Don’t Understand Lindsay Lohan of the Day

I got into a debate about Lohan the otherday with a girl who was at the Lohan event in Montreal about how relevant she still is. Now, I don’t really care to talk about celebrities in my everyday life and prefer talking and livin’ out dirty little fantasies and situations, and luckily for me, this Lohan debate was only an excuse for me to talk to this tight bodied 18 year old I wanted to lick from ass to pussy and back again.

The girl was going off about how Lohan is done. How no one is willing to work with her. How everyone has turned their back on her and how she’s caught up in the drugs and party and will not be able to bush off all the baggage she’s got off and is desited to just keep fading away into obscurity, or dying.

I was arguing that she’s fucking Lindsay Lohan and anyone who gets involved with her makes a ton of money, like Samantha Ronson, because the media is still obsessed with her and that it’s just a matter of time before she pulls it all together.

Then I grabbed the girl’s tits and pulled it out of her shirt and she slapped me across the face and fucked off, so in a lot of ways, I won the debate.

I saw this video of Lohan hummin’ happy birthday like she’s a fuckin’ Kazoo, something she should prbably do behind closed doors, because as normal as it may seem to her, shit is uncomfortably weird for all the people watching her every move and despite believing she’ll make a comeback, I had no choice but to post this because Lohan is my favorite and the humming happy birthday hummer is always a party favorite.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Weird

2009

04

May

Lindsay Lohan in Montreal of the Day

Lindsay Lohan was in Montreal this past weekend. I don’t think I ever announced that I was going to pull some kind of stunt to get some exclusive footage of her for the site. In fact I think I said I am too fucking lazy and the kinds of places she hangs are no the kinds of places I hang. So with I kept it classy getting fucking wasted in the gutter in hopes of pissing myself, but 6 or 9 drinks into my gutter party with myself, I decided to show up at the event and try to get in strictly based on my good looks, scent of urine and poverty. So I told the people I was a personal friend of Lindsay Lohans because I have learned that they can’t double check if that is true or not and they usually don’t want to fuck with the celebrities wishes because of their disorganization. It didn’t work. In fact it ended with me being dissed for being a fat pig who looks homeless and that even if I was Lohan’s husband, there would be no way they would fuckin let me into their club. They got pretty mean, cops and security were there and I figured they were right, I didn’t belong and my trusty Ed Hardy outfit hasn’t been delivered yet, mainly because I never ordered it, but if I had, I woulda been poppin bottles and throwin’ napkins with her.

Here are pictures of what I missed, which is convenient, because I live vicariously through the internet anyway and she looks amazing.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Montreal

2009

30

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Hawaii Surfing of the Day

This is my second Lohan post today. She’s surfing in a one-piece and I am impressed by her athleticism. I’ve always wanted to be a surfer, at least ever since I saw Point Break. It looks like a lifestyle I could really connect with, unfortunately, I live in Canada, I am 300 pounds and I don’t know how to swim and I hate waking up early, so I’d really just want to sit on the beach creepin’ on girls all day, not that I like to refer to my life mission as creepy, I am just letting the rules of society get the better of me, because there’s nothing wrong with snappin’ off pics of unsuspecting girls as they tan while masturbating. That’s not creepy. Creepy would be following them to the public bathroom and raping them as they shower off the sand….or something. Fuck leave me alone. I don’t have the answers. I just know I need lunch.

Posted in:Hawaii|Lindsay Lohan|Surfing

2009

30

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Hawaii Bikini of the Day

A-loha(n). Lindsay Lohan’s still looking good in her bikini in Hawaii. She’s rockin’ out with her sister and her monkey lookin’ friend. I’d post the pictures of her sister, but she is 15 and I have a reputation I’m trying to kill. Just the other day I was walking through the park innocently and some season-pushing teenage girls were tanning in the smallest bikinis ever, it wasn’t even that hot out, but I guess they realize that they are in their prime, guys their own age are jerking off to them, guys their dad’s age are too, and they might as well play it up before puberty makes them fat. When I went up to them to ask if they wanted me to make them famous and if they had any fake IDs in the event we got caught, they told me to fuck off and called me a creep, so I’ve vowed to stick to real 18 year old sluts, not cockteasing teenage sluts….I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I guess it was to say that no Ali Lohan pics, and who’d really want them when Lohan’s body so tight it might as well be 14 and jacked on hormones in the food she eats.

Posted in:Bikini|Hawaii|Lindsay Lohan

2009

29

Apr

Lindsay Lohan in her One-Piece Bathing Suit of the Day

Lindsay Lohan is still in Hawaii and she’s keeping me on my toes. It’s like I don’t know what bathing suit she’s going to hit the beach with, it’s like will she wear the bikini, will she wear the one-piece, will she wear the microbikini, will she go topless, will she get caught skinny dipping, I just know she’s gonna be caught on camera as long as she’s there. I figure she likes it, because if she didn’t, she’d be vacationing in Southeast Asia, or somewhere removed where the people have no idea who she is, because despite this whole internet thing, I’m convinced there are places where there are no paparazzi, like in my shithole apartment, I mean if she’s lookin’ for a safe haven when she gets into Montreal this weekend, no one will think to look here.

On a side note, I’ve been getting email after email about how Lohan is going to be in Montreal. I am being asked if I am going to try to sneak into the event and get some exclusive content, because Lohan in Montreal is seemingly a huge deal. I’m not really planning on it, but she is in the same venue as my Paris Hilton hustle….

So you never know what will happen, but assume nothing, because I hate crowds and I am lazy, have no hook-ups and don’t really care. But the event is going to be fucking nuts. Perez Hilton wrote about it and all the little girlies around town are out buying their Lohan dresses hoping to be her new pussy. It is all too weird to me. I think I’m going to go bowling instead.

Posted in:Bathing Suit|Hawaii|Lindsay Lohan|One Piece

2009

28

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Spends Another Day in a Bikini of the Day


Lindsay Lohan is going to be in Montreal on Saturday. I just saw the facebook event. Let’s hope she walks around my shit hole of an apartment Sunday morning wearing the same thing. You know, making me and my wife breakfast. I figure the mold, the soiled mattress, my wife’s obesity, the fact we haven’t cleaned in years, the dog piss and shit smell, the rotting food, the no TV, the milkcrate furniture and everything ghetto and poor about my life, like my neighbor’s who ask me the weirdest shit like where to find Tranny’s for gangbangs, or overdosing in the hallways, or knocking on my door bitching me out asking for condoms to fuck some hooker who came empty handed will do her some good, keep her motivated and inspired to never become a real life drug addict/alcoholic and keep shit hollywood.

The truth is I have other plans on Saturday that don’t involve going to sketchy clubs, so our paths won’t be crossing, but just knowing she’s in the same city as me brings hope of a better tomorrow.

Yeah, I don’t know what I am saying, but check out these pics of her in a bikini, they are fuckin’ bangin’.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan

2009

27

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Bikini Pictures of the Day

Lindsay Lohan is in Hawaii a week after Samantha Ronson was in Hawaii. This is some Forgetting Sarah Silverman shit only without the whole exes staying at the same resort, so I guess it is nothing at all like that movie, because if this was Forgetting Sarah Silverman, the movie wouldn’t have really been much of a movie, but you get what I am saying…at least I hope you do, because I have no idea what I am saying…and it’s all because I am distracted by how good Lohan looks in her bikini.

For any of you who say this is too skinny, you are fucking insane. She’s got a hot little ass, nice tits, flat stomach, thin legs, and is good to fucking go. More girls need to get on this program because it’s what a girl is supposed to look like.

Not to mention spending the last year being a lesbian, something that I don’t really exists, has given her vagina time to bounce back to the way it was before Wilmer made her the naughty girl she has the reputation of being, not that I really know anything about her or her sex life, or about gynecology, but I do know that when girls I know stop having sex for a few months, their shit tightens up proper. True story.

On a sidenote – I dig that Lohan is reading a book on “Trust” because I guess she’s working on being more trusting. There was a time she had people I sent to see Samantha Ronson DJ out of the club because they dropped the website name and within 4 minutes they were escorted out by 4 bodyguards all while Lohan wasn’t even in Canada.

I guess when your father is a fucking cocksucker, milking you as hard as he can, cheating on the family, because he’s a fucking sociopath self-destructive piece of shit who I hate, it is not easy to really to trust anyone.

Let’s drink to self-improvement…..

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan

2009

24

Apr

Lindsay Lohan cuz It’s Friday of the Day

You know since Lohan and I are connected at the soul, I have a feeling she chose this outfit for me, only she fucked it up, because in my telepathic conversation I had with her while sitting in the park scaring kids, I clearly said no fucking bra. I am really surprised by it too, because she came to me in a dream last night, where we were having a line-dancing battle, and where I was the mean girl, and she clearly told me that she wouldn’t be wearing a bra. I figure if you go to the trouble to come to me in a dream, you’d at least fucking do what you said you’d do. God Lohan. get it together. Fuck.

Bonus _ Lindsay is the Model for some Fornarina campaign in Europe and shit is so hot it makes me wanna by women jeans, not that it took Lindsay Lohan to get me into women jeans..I’ve always loved the shit…they just fit better and make my ass look amazing..yeah, I don’t know where I am going with this but I do like the nun protesting in front of the store….I didn’t realize nun’s still existed…but they still turn me on…knowing they fuck the real Jesus and shit….

Posted in:Friday|Lindsay Lohan

2009

23

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Clears Up Some Rumors on Ellen of the Day

Looks like there was a lesbian party on Ellen, at least more of a lesbian party than usual, I mean Ellen is so much of a lesbian that I feel like I turn more and more into a lesbian every time I watch the shit. I mean I’ve never sat through a full show, but if I did, I’d probably run into the kitchen and chop off my dick and put on a bra and go out to get my newly cut pussy licked, before bleeding to death and dying.

Either way, Lohan is clearing up the rumors about her break-up, I think it’d be nice for you to listen to her represent herself instead of listening to the rumors, while I imagine getting my pussy fucked by Ellen with a strap-on.

Posted in:Ellen|Lesbian Party|Lindsay Lohan

2009

22

Apr

Lindsay Lohan is Still the Star in my Eyes of the Day

I love this security guard in this video, maybe it’s because I hate the paparazzi, but it’s probably because the dude is cool. He’s telling the scummy paparazzi to fuck off and when they tell him he’s taking his job too seriously, he keeps telling them to fuck off.

There’s no way you or anyone can really respect the asshole paparazzi with their cameras, sure I use their pictures all the time, but that doesn’t mean I think they are good at taking pictures or that I think shit is an honorable career, they are fucking theifs who try to rip everyone off with their shitty pictures and insane prices and they even killed Princess Diana.

Either way, I was walking my dog and he made friends with this emo kid. I’m talking skinny jeans, funny mohawk, artist t-shirt, who was probably in his early 20s. I was thinking to myself that shit is way too androngynous nowadays, like that dude really looks like a girl and when I asked his name and he told me it was Melanie, I still didn’t catch on to the fact that I was talking to a fuckin’ girl. I only realized while walking away what I just experienced and I am still confused about the whole thing.

Here are some pictures of a sexy Lohan sunglass shopping. People say she’s too skinny, but let me remind you, there is no such thing as too skinny, there is however such thing as too fat and unfortunately, I’m sitting next to her right now….

BONUS – Don’t pay any attention to Ali Lohan’s tight little shorts cameltoe, girl’s only 15 dude….I’m in Canada…14 is Legal…Not that I’d ever do a 14 year old…I’m just saying, we may not get Hulu, but we do get prime teen pussy….right….

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Cameltoe|Lindsay Lohan|Shopping|Skinny

2009

21

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Hiding Her Face of the Day

If you’re wondering why sexy Lindsay Lohan is covering her face, it’s because she got a face tattoo like Mike Tyson did after he got out of prison, as a symbol to never forget, because in a lot of ways, she just escaped a prison of her own and that is a lesbian relationships, because they are hell, you know since girls are needy/emotional/crazy/get their periods/want to cuddle/love male attention that isn’t yours/always creating drama and issues because they are psychos who need dudes to control them to keep them in check like nature had originally planned for them, before they got all independent and weird and I blame the media for that.

Posted in:Face|Hiding|Lindsay Lohan

2009

14

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Does Funny or Die of the Day

Lindsay Lohan is making a comeback. I mean if you consider FunnyorDie a comeback. I used to hate on FunnyorDie, but in the end, I think getting celebrities to do viral videos is a fucking goldmine and they are a hell of a lot smarter than me.

This video is of Lohan’s fake E-Harmony profile video and she makes fun of herself, she looks good, and it may not do anything for her, but it should remind all of you that Lindsay is a superstar, she’s not going anywhere, and as much as you all think she’s done and in the fuckin’ gutter, she’s not. I have a feeling she knows exactly what’s going on despite being known to be a little emotional, shit’s got too many people involved to go awry.

So watch it and start showing Lindsay some love, because I know I want to…all over her tits.

Posted in:Funny or Die|Lindsay Lohan

2009

10

Apr

Lindsay Lohan Calls For My Help of the Day

Rumor is that Lindsay and Samantha broke up. Lindsay seems to be taking these times of trouble pretty well, you know since she hasn’t killed herself. That’s always a good sign and Samantha has been off hanging with the Good Charlotte sisters because they make anyone feel better about themselves. Whenever I feel bad, I just google image search their suburban tattoos and it usually helps me pull the knife away from my wrist.

But that’s not the point, the point is the paparazzi are on Lohan’s dick, because she’s a superstar, and they want exclusives, and as she asks them to get off her property, she calls my name, in some kind of desperation. “jesus”….the words just roll off her tongue in some kind of beautiful angelic tone, like the sky has opened up and I have become the chosen one, and by beautiful angelic tone, I mean throaty and tobacco damaged…

When was the last time Lohan said your name in a paparazzi video, I’m thinking never. So don’t be jealous.

Sure Lohan has no idea I exist, but what’s that got to do with anything. Subconscious man…it’s some deeper shit than you’ll ever understand.

Fine she wasn’t saying my fucking name, she was using Jesus, our lord a savior’s name, you know the motherfucker who died for your sins and had a whore mother who lied to her husband about cheating on him, claiming this whole divine conception, or whatever other bullshit she spewed to save her marriage, and that’s okay, it’s Easter, she’s been all jewed out all these months, it’s time to remind her about her Christian roots.

But you gotta admit, if she did say my name in a paparazzi video, it’d be pretty cool.

Posted in:Jesus|Lindsay Lohan

2009

09

Apr

Some Lindsay Lohan Leg of the Day

I love Lindsay Lohan. She is hot and I don’t think she’s too skinny, there is no such thing as too skinny, that’s just something fat chicks say to make them feel good about themselves, the same fat chicks who aren’t fucking you.

Sure, I thought she was going to die this year. I thought that it would be suicide or cardiac arrest, but I’m over all that. I am convinced she’s ready for the takeover she’s been laying the groundwork for the last few years and that this relationship with Ronson and this breakup with Ronson is all part of some master plan we’ll all understand one day.

If anyone is gonna die, it’s gonna be me, I’ve had a cough for fucking days and I think the end is near. At least I’ve lived long enough.

Here is the video..

Posted in:Legs|Lindsay Lohan