Lesbian Lohan is in the February issue of Interview Magazine. I am sure I could come up with something clever to say about these pictures, but I’ve decided to try to masturbate to them instead. I figure she needs a little dick, and if I can manage to work this limp dick into something functional is probably a great compliment to any girl. It’s actually on the same level of those miracles you see at evangelical churches, you know where the bitch on crutches walks after a preacher speaks in tongues and convulses for them like he’s channeling some kind of holy energy….I blame drinking.
I didn’t manage to finish the job, in fact, I hardly started. I sat with my pants around my ankles, my limp flesh in hand and nothing. I had to stop, I felt my neighbors’ eyes judging me because I don’t have blinds…but I figured why not share the pics with you….since that’s pretty much what I do every fucking day.
BONUS – Here’s a video of her shopping at Burberry alone and I think one of the Paparazzi calls her a bitch before asking her how the single life is treating her, even though her and Ronson are still rubbin’ cunts…..
I guess things are rocky in the world of fake celebrity lesbian relationships that were set up as a publicity stunt and that are now getting hard to keep up because the dying need for penis, because here’s a video of Lohan bitching out Ronson at Mansion on New Year’s. I am sure Ronson deals with this shit everyday, because Lindsay is one of those high maintenance, unstable, needy bitches you’d only date if it mean you’d make 3,000,000 dollars a year while with them. The funniest thing in this video is that they aren’t fighting about coke, or jealousy, they are fighting over me and by me I mean over who used up all the coke. I just have that affect on fake celebrity relationships.
What better way to ring in the New Year than to show off to the world what the last 12 months of serious drug use has done to your shit stained body. I guess that was the motivation behind Lohan’s setting up these staged bikini pictures. I guess it’s hard trying to stay in the Limelight when the only job you can get is being your girlfriend’s sidekick at Night Clubs in Miami. It probably gives you a lot of opportunity to have alone time to think about where your life went wrong, how shitty it is as she’s choppin’ up the next fuckin’ line. It probably gives you enough time to get psycho jealous of Ronson and try to leash her in and tell her who she can and can’t talk to, because your broken little soul fears abandonment and likes to be the boss. Lohan is a crazy bitch, but at least she’s not a fat crazy bitch and by the looks of it, the drug abuse is doin’ okay for her especially when the shit finally kills her. I mean I don’t wish death upon anyone, but I the slow demise of an insecure, broken down, sad person is like porn to me. Fall from the fucking top you fucking cunt and just because you’re skinny, doesn’t mean you’re not a fucking pig.
Here’s a video of Lohan getting into a car after getting her haircut. Yep. My life is this pathetic. Actually, it gets even worse than this…I mean why the fuck would anyone give a shit about seeing Lohan getting in a fucking car if her tits aren’t out, her pussy isn’t demonstrating stunts, or she’s not ripping fucking lines while drinking a bottle of vodka and dancing on the fucking bar.
I was with a friend of mine the other night getting drunk on the side of a busy street watching people go by while freezing our fucking asses off. I’d say that most of the girls who walked by us were in leggings or tights and my friend went nuts and not for the same reason I went nuts for them a few years ago, but because he is tired of them. Sure, he likes hot ass and pussy definition as much as the next guy, but shit just became too popular for him and it’s lost its appeal. A few years ago, you’d freak out when a girl would walk by in the shit and now, it’s expected and I guess he’s jaded, desensitized and needs more, kinda like how I feel about porn, and Lohan and her Lesbian ass are bringing it. I figure she’s a trendsetter and it’s just the natural progression of shit, you know slowly going see through, until eventually girls are walking around naked, and then my friend will get bored of that and have no choice but to accept the fact that he’s gay, because as far as I’m concerned the more girls in leggings the better and I can’t see myself ever getting bored of a socially accepted second layer of skin that allows me to perv out while girls think they’re just being casual…..
Here’s some pictures of Lohan doing the lesbian thing in flannel and a shiny shirt that could be see through, but I doubt it. I am just surprised that she hasn’t gained a bunch of weight, got a job working the farm, broken out the leather vest, construction boots, or shaved her head into some kind of dyke haircut, but I think it’s because she’s the woman of the lesbian relationship. which means she’s the one who is going to be sticking the cum filled straw into her after finding the perfect canditate out of the catalog at the sperm bank, because thats how lesbians make babies, and I am sure she’s been dying for that day to come, because it’s been months before she’s felt a man drip out of her and I hear she misses it, you know after putting all that practice getting good at it and just giving it up, it’s a real tragedy, like the high school football quarterback who had it down and was going to be pro, but decided he liked drinking beer and getting blowjobs better than going to practice….Either way, here are her hot braless tits, because I’ll always have love for Loahan’s tits….
Here’s a little video of Lesbian Lohan getting into the wrong car, which is an honest mistake when you are addicted to cock and haven’t had dick in months, it kinda consumes you, and it’s all that you can think of and you end up forgetting to do the simple things in life, like showering, or leaving the house, because of that burning in your groin, at least that’s what I’ve been told by guys who can’t get laid about their obsession with pussy, and I figure since she straps a dick on in the bedroom, she’s almost an honorary member of the chronic masturbating group of guys who make up the readership of this site, only she gets to masturbate with a friend who looks like a boy and the last time you tried to masturbate with your friend who looks like a girl, he told everyone and it was pretty embarassing. I just re-read this post and haven’t figured out if it makes sense or not, but I think it does, watch the video of Lohan being an idiot because she is one.
Here’s another video of Lohan and Ronson shopping. I don’t really know why I am bothering posting it, but it kinda made me laugh, not because they follow Ronson around where she tells them they are following the wrong person, or because they confuse her for not being a Jew and ask how her Christmas shopping is going, and not because some New York accent screams out of no where at Lohan asking “How’s your fawtha?”, completely out of fucking context, but I guess trying to either rub in the fact that she has no relationship with her dad, or that she’s got major daddy issues, or maybe he has no idea they are estranged and have issues, or maybe he just likes being an asshole, but because they ask Ronson if she’s had the Ronson shake and Ronson’s got know idea hat they are talking about, but probably assumed they were asking about one of Lohan’s bedroom tricks, but she laughs it off when she realizes that it’s the Milkshake Paparazzi guy trying to push his shit on the people he exploits…Either way, I guess the whole thing really wasn’t all that funny, so I’ll leave you some Asian dude singing Touch My Body because it’s amazing.
Someone needs to get this bitch some serious dick. She’s acting like a little spoiled brat, probably because she is one, as she ignores the paparazzi when walking to her car and then bitches at them for being on her driveway when her and Ronson get home and the whole thing is fucking ridiculous. Sure the paparazzi invade privacy, they get in your face, they annoy you and all that shit, but they only do it when you are famous and accessible. If this bitch really wanted to get away from it all, she’d step down from the limelight, move to some small town or pretty much any city that isn’t New York or LA, but she likes the fucking attention. You know, maybe she could do what so many lesbians before her have done and cut her hair short, sign-up to University, major in Woman’s Studies or the Environment and have potluck parties where they all sit around drinking cheap wine and talking about sustainable building and eating fucking pussy when they aren’t eating organic cookies.
It’s one of those “you lay your bed situations” and her attitude and lesbianism is equally full of shit, if the paparazzi lost interest and weren’t on her doorstep one morning, she’d wonder why they all forgot about her and would probably end up killing herself, so despite her cunt behavior, she loves this shit. Other things she loves, cocaine.
Lesbian Lohan is skinnier than ever and it’s all thanks to cocaine at least I assume that it is, I mean I know she’s been eating lots of pussy, but that meat pie’s got really nothing to do with weightloss, even if it has no calories despite the lovely sour fishy taste. I also know that she goes on these benders where she stocks up on shitty food and candy, which I assume is to tide her over from periods when she can’t do blow, like for plane rides, but it could jus tbe her falling off her anorexic wagon.
Who knows, maybe she’s not on drugs, or anorexic and is just addicted to exercise and being healthy while her life is finally finding stability, love and is getting on track….
But no matter what it is, I think it’s safe to assume that she’s tired of being the fat one in her lesbian relationship, since Ronson looks like she was some premature twin with fetal alcohol syndrome who was second in line at the trough while in the womb, you know with her grey skin, bags under her eyes and that look of death only a confused child star could find attractive that she’s always got…
Either way, she’s in leggings, showing off her legs and since I like skinny chicks, I’m posting it.
Lindsay Lohan was walking to her car after shopping and she tries to pawn the paparazzi onto Steven Tyler because I guess he’s buying panties at the same store Lohan was at, but instead the paparazzi ask her if Steven Tyler is giving her advice on not drinking, to which she responds “what the fuck are you talking about”. I thought it was funny, but I also haven’t slept in two days.
I’ve been on a bit of a bender that led me into a crack den of a bar last night, shit smelled like piss and was lined with small closed off “VIP” rooms with a couches in them, pretty much set up for people to do drugs in peace, and I snuck into one that was empty to have some alone time, because I was over-served and needed a little cat nap before drinking some more. So I shut the door from the psycho electronic music and the weird crowd the place attracted, but before I passed out, 8 arab dudes in suits filed into this booth I was in. They light up 3 joints, start speaking arab at each other, and I thought I was in some Taliban conference and I was going to be held hostage like I was in Mumbai. They didn’t acknowledge the fact that I was in there with them, they just kept running off with their crazy language, started laughing, started dancing around, hugging each other and celebrating something, I wasn’t really “in” on, so I just sat their awkwardly sandwiched in this small space with all these people and eventually the bouncer came and kicked them out.
I ended up getting fuckin’ stoned because they hot boxed the shit I was in, and it turns out that there was a reason I quit smoking weed 10 years ago, because shit makes me do crazy things, and next thing I knew, I’m on the dance floor, dancing, something I don’t do, with my shirt off trying to make out with this chick lookin for coke screaming that I loved life and I’m sure it didn’t end there, but thankfully my memory does.
So as I sit here recovering, we should watch a video proving that Lohan never recovered and is still the piece of shit crackwhore she always was.
Bonus – Here are some pics of Lindsay Lohan Get Carried By A Gay of the Day, his name is Jeremy Scott, he’s some childish clubkid, hipster fashion designer… but these pics were emailed to me, I never saw them, so why not fucking post them. Right…
It’s pretty obvious that Lohan has never been sober. She was probably drinking in rehab, but paid off the facility to leave her and that loser she met there alone so that they could get fucked up and fuck, and if anyone was to ask, they were to tell them that she’s responding to treatment really positively, because there is no way this broken down, haggard 21 year old has enough of a mental capacity to stay sober, she’s too broken up inside and it’s all a fuckin front and anyone who bought into her PR spin is a fucking idiot, so when this club in Washington’s surveillance video hit, and Lohan was seen pouring a drink, I wasn’t too surprised, because drinking is what she does, it’s all she knows, and it’s really her only friend.
If you look at Lohan and Ronson, they look like 2 sluts on skid row, trying to find the next fix. Skinny, bags under their eyes, and a sexuality that only comes after being molested/raped/broken on the inside. I know someone who brought Ronson in to play an event a while ago, he claimed that in her contract, it says “no pictures of Ronson drinking are permitted”. It’s some controlled information to try to help revitalize Lohan’s career, but we all know that is over, and nothing can unsink this ship. We also know that you’d have to be drunk or high to have sex with Ronson when not using her for her trust fund and that the best thing to save her career would to straighten her shit out because no one likes lesbians and Hollywood already has Ellen and that’s really all they can handle right now, and the only reason it worked for her is because she’s got a good personality that people can relate to and find fun, and she isn’t some bratty cunt crying for attention that everyone hates, but Lohan hasn’t really caught wind of that yet, because she’s been too wasted.
Either way, here is the video and some screenshots, some Girl on Gender Bender kissing included…Enjoy.
I have been ripping into Peta for being a bunch of hippie fucks who don’t see the value in sacrificing the life of a useless animal to make luxurious and expensive clothing for the rich, but they have won me over. Last night, when Lohan was making her way into the VIP room of some club in Paris, some crazed big bushed treehugger threw flour all over her. It may not be the eggs I had reached out to my UK reader to throw at her, but it is still a cake ingredient and it put Lohan in her useless place. On a side note, it was the first time a white substance got close her her face that she didn’t lap up in excitement. That concludes my obvious joke of the day. Next time let’s just hope they throw something that hurts a little more, like a brick, because I think Lohan deserves a little pain for polluting our lives…
Since Lohan is out of work and got rejected from Dancing With the Stars, a show that helped revive the careers of her idol Tatum O’Neal, she’s decided to optimize her free time and piggyback on her lover’s career and by getting booked to host parties in the same cities Ronson is DJing at. According to Ronson’s myspace, she’s hitting up London the next 2 days, then moving onto Dubai and India over the next week. I am sure the Arabs and Hindus will approve of this union. I hear they already have a crotchless burka made for Lohan and a traditional male costume for Ronson, because like California, those Arabs aren’t down with queers.
I am just shocked at the uprising they cause when leaving their house, heading to the store to by treats for Lohan to suck on during the flight to keep her from screaming, and hitting up the airport. The chaos that is their life is so unbalanced with how boring these girls actually are, but I am posting the video because I like the way their handler yells at the paparazzi to move….
Here is the event invite:
The Directors of Dolce london cordially invite you to the party of the week.
Lindsay Lohan Exclusive London Party
American actress, Model and Pop Singer, Lindsay Dee Lohan hosts party at Celebrity Haunt Dolce London for her British friends. The â€œMean Girlsâ€ actress and the sister of super producer Mark Ronson , Samantha Ronson fly into London for a brief visit. The alleged couple hit the headlines this summer when it was rumored that Lindsay Lohan requested her pal Samantha Ronson to play Katy Perryâ€™s hit song I Kissed A Girl during a DJ slot in Los Angeles. The choice of song, which features the lyrics â€œI kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstickâ€, drove the onlookers wild.
Music from DJ Sam Young and Tommy Crane
If anyone is in London tonight, I want you to get into this event and egg this bitch for me and by egg I mean murder, but I’m not allowed to say that, otherwise the police will come knockin’ and we don’t want that, not to mention, she’s done enough murdering her own career, that if anything, me and Lohan are fighting this Lohan fight together….
Lohan is really taking this pretending to be a lesbian shit seriously, because women who like women, unlike men who like woman, are accepting of fat chicks. It’s like girls are all emotional and understanding not to mention like all things that make them look skinnier than they actually are via comparisson, and can see the person for who they are and not be phased by the horrible way someone looks. It’s like they share a special bond with each other, and that bond is that their period making them see past the impending heart attack, diabetes and varicose veins and overall no possible sex appeal, I mean even if she was the last pussy on earth, we’d rather jerk off, and have no problem climbing up a very thick thigh and crawling to a very big vagina, because the hefty person it’s attached to is a nice person beneath all the layers of fat and because crawling back into mommy’s woman is the basis of lesbianism…at least when coupled with not being able to land a man or being abused by a man….
As a man who is married to an obese woman, I can say that there is a reason why normal guys alienate them and put pressure on woman to try to keep fit, and that reason is the smells that come out of those hard to reach areas…..
So my theory that fat lesbians are lesbians because other girls are the only ones willing to give them they love they always wanted and fake lesbians are fake lesbians because of all the male attention they get from it remains truth.
Now I don’t know if this beast of a girl is actually one of Lohan’s vaginas she fucks, or if it’s a fan who won the make a wish foundation, or if it’s Lohan’s fashion accessory to make her look skinner than the cocaine does, or if it’s a relative or old friend who emotionally ate her way to this mess because her friend Lohan always got all the attention from boys leading her to realize life just isn’t fair and the fatter she got, the more people wanted to stay the fuck away from her, because people are superficial and judgmental, but a box of oreo cookies aren’t, but I do know that she’s got a body only a lesbian can like because she’s probably a nice girl, since her bikini body’s not really working on her side and she has to find something of value…..