Marisa Miller was on Letterman to promote the SI Swimsuit Edition talking about when she found out she was on the cover, body painting and other really life changing stuff like being fully shaved. It’s not very exciting but since she’s a bigger deal now than she was a week ago. Someone told me that she had breast implants but she claims she’s never had surgery. Maybe that’s some kind of covering her ass situation but from lookin’ at her tits I am going to go with real. None of this really matters, what does matter is that they cut to her billboard. So watch it them legs in action….
Archive for the Marisa Miller Category
Here’s a video of Marisa Miller at her boxing club because I am guessing that is how she keeps fit. There’s something magical about seeing a girl exercise because my wife is a pig and just getting her off the couch is a work out for her fat ass and that’s more disgusting than it is hot.
There’s also something magical of seeing a girl who could kick my ass that looks like Marisa Miller because most girls who can kick my ass are scary fucking lesbians on a mission to rip off my penis and hold it up like some kind of very small and embarrassing victory for men with their very tiny trophy representing bringing evil men down.
What I really like is how Marisa Miller rocks that speed bag but that’s just because I haven’t had a good hand job since I was 14 and it looks like she could really bring it, when most girls who aren’t virgins are lazy and more inclined to just let you stick it in them because it’s less work on their arm and less self-less because if they’re letting in their junk their better be something in it for them, when a handjob is just about giving. The sports bra, despite hating what sports bras do to tits makes reliving that experience from years ago with budding breasts in a training bra more believable….Thanks supermodel for reminding me that my life sucks.
I’ve been getting a lot of slack for not being a site that is accessible to girls. They get turned off because of my sleazy commentary offends them and they never come back, even though every post I write is for hot chicks, because if I wasn’t trying to get hot girls to love me over the internet, I’d just be a fag trying to impress a bunch of dudes and that’s not really my thing, but I know it’s your thing, but that’s because you gotta fine love somewhere and gay dudes are pretty horny.
So I got an email asking for Nell and my stepdaughter to come back because they added a much needed feminine voice to the site. I don’t know where either of those girls are, they kinda fucked off on me and haven’t answered my emails in the last couple months, so I figured I’d just write a post as a girl in hopes of getting hot girls back in because I want them to want my dick over the internet and come back for more everyday because I write about celebrities….and girls love celebrities and I love girls, so we’re pretty much destined to have you take a shower for me on webcam, internet soulmate.
Here is my post written as a girl:
blah blah blah blah “adjusts hair”, blah blah blah “applies make up”, blah blah blah “shows off new nails” , blah blah blah “makes a gesture representing how big the boyfriend’s cock is”, blah blah blah “giggles”, blah blah blah “giggles some more”, blah blah blah “adjusts bra”, blah blah blah “hugs girl i’m sitting with”, blah blah blah “stands up”, blah blah blah “pulls underwear out of ass and adjusts pants”, blah blah blah “walks out of coffee shop”
I am sure this post would have been a little more believable if I actually listened to girls when they talk, but I’m too masturbating my limp penis in front of them while staring at their tits and drooling through the restaurant window. I hear hot girls are into that because they like to be noticed….
Either way, here are Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller in the Fitting Room for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show that’s been hustled the last month like it was the coming of Christ, which to some virgins and married middle aged men out there, it probably is, because these bitches are some of the hottest models around and them in lingerie is better than them in clothes but not quite as good as them taking showers for me on webcam. I’m talking to you internet soulmate.
There’s pretty much nothing better than a bikini model in a bikini because these girls are pro. They get paid huge money to rock a bikini while every other woman in the world just works hard as fuck on her body so that wearing a bikini doesn’t embarrass them. So they sit in the gym every night after work, some of them save up their money to get breast implants, and when all is said and done, they look good enough for me, which isn’t saying much because I have no standards, but not quite good enough to make a living from it. So someone like Marisa Miller, who may not even work half as hard as some of you do to look good enough for the best body contest on your next springbreak trip, is pretty much there to tell us all that we aren’t even almost as close to as hot as she is.
There are people like this in everything, whether it’s the kid who always aces the exams at school, the coworker who the boss loves and always gives him raises to keep him around because he is substantially better than you, then sibling who your parents are proud of and not ashamed of like you, the good looking person everyone you know wants while ignoring you, the guy with more money than you who is always showing you up whether in houses he owns, cars he buys, vacations he goes on or even nights at the club. There will always be girls with bigger tits than you, guys with bigger dicks than you, people who are cooler than you, people who are funnier than you, people who sing better than you, people who everything just works out for while you’re on your struggle….
The point is that you have to embrace the fact that you aren’t good at anything, that there will always be people who look, act, smell and perform better than you, and love you mediocrity, even if it means you’ll have a sad and lonely existence, or one spent with other mediocre people, because envy is a bitch and while you wish bad things upon the people that make you feel like shit about yourself, you can turn to the internet a rub one out to a bikini model, like she was on all fours on your dining room table, because fantasy is a hell of a lot better than your reality.