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Archive for the Mischa Barton Category

2011

03

May

Mischa Barton’s Sloppy Bikini Body of the Day

Mischa Barton is not dead. That amazes me….

If feels like just last year, she was drunk, drugged and ready to throw in the towel, but for some reason she’s ended up on the beaches of Hawaii in a bikini, a place few peopel go to die, I mean other than retirees….I really thought the demise of her career, her missing the chance to be a pussy flasher, sex tape producer, when people still cared, and addiction due to demons we’ll never understand, was enough to put her under…

And really what it comes down to is dead or not, Mischa Barton still looks horrible to me….

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2011

09

Feb

Mischa Barton Bending Over for Old TImes of the DAy

I like to look at Mischa Barton pictures as a morning inspiration. It’s like after seeing her thick, messy, useless self bend over, I don’t feel so bad about myself. If she hasn’t killed herself after going from the hot dead puking kid under the bed people used to jerk off to in The Sixth Sense, and by people I mean me, to going to a hit show as the main fucking character, to this out of work, sloppy, drug addicted drunk with a fat ass, all in front of the people, then why should I…..

Mischa Barton is a suicide help line – and here she is bending her pig self over….cuz if you’re like me, you don’t like fat women, but they never say no, especially if you put donuts around your cock….that’s when shit gets nutty.

All this to say, at least I’m not Mischa Barton…

Posted in:Mischa Barton

2010

29

Sep

Mischa Barton in Leather Shorts in Paris of the Day

Here are a couple of drugged out lookin’ pussy at some event thinkin’ they are fashionable and awesome, when really they look haggard and disgusting….because Mischa Barton is a disaster, but she managed to squeeze her fat, sloppy legs into a pair of leather shorts….

She’s currently in Paris, in the event you were wondering “where in the world in Mischa Barton going to die?”…

She is keeping good company with Montrealer and likely heroin user Irina Lazareanu, who I’ve never had the chance to finger bang in the backseat of her parent’s car, cuz she moved to London when she was 13 and for fear my finger would fall off due to disease…cuz she met Pete Doherty at 15, and was engaged to him a couple of times in some kind of love triangle with Kate Moss, I am sure all you idiots really care about….

On a more interesting tip, I was just walking down the street to an abandoned building near a high school I like to hang out in and cry myself to sleep in cuz my life is shit, and I walked in on two 14 or 15 year old bull dykes making out, with their school uniform pants, cuz they are bull dykes and don’t do the whole “skirt” thing, and it was not very hot…and luckily, either is Mischa, otherwise my story would totally be irrelevant, and I need her nastyness in lesbian state to make it all make sense….

I guess that means she’s no longer irrelevant and that I just found her purpose she’s been looking for, and that’s as the spokesperson for ugly lesbian stories….oh and her shirt is see through too…in the event you are blind…

Posted in:Mischa Barton

2010

16

Aug

Mischa Barton Working on her Own Reality Show of the Day

When you hit rock bottom and you were once a celebrity, you really have limited options of what you can do. Either you kill yourself from a drug overdose, or you get a reality show. Both are equally depressing, but one is a little less fatal…leaving you hope that maybe one day it will all turn around…even if it takes making a total mockery of yourself…while pretending to be working…when really you’re just doing the same nothing you do everyday…only idiots feel compelled to watch it…cuz your shitty life is substantially better than their shitty life cuz you were on a TV show for a minute…

So apparently Mischa Barton thinks her life is interesting enough to follow and she is in the process of filming a pilot of her own reality show called “Smells like Garbage, Tastes like Sewage, Looks Unwashed and Bloated” cuz that’s really what her life has become….

Seriously, what the fuck is going to happen in her show…are we gonna watch her eat donuts, not shower, sit on her couch, get high and cry about the good OC Days….

There is nothing interesting about her, and maybe that’s the hook….and I guess who really cares…I just gotta say the obvious, a sex tape woulda been a better strategy…

The whole thing is stupid.

Posted in:Mischa Barton

2010

12

Aug

Mischa Barton Smoking Weed in a Bikini Top of the Day

I never thought I’d see disgusting fucking pigs smoke…but then again I don’t spend much time in the backwoods learning how to fuck with farm animals…

I also never thought Mischa Barton would still be alive…she looks like fucking death.

I just know she’s crying for attention…cuz despite what she looks like, she is a fucking attention whore who wishes her career took a different root, just like this fat chick who couldn’t land a husband so she booked an all inclusive vacation to jamaica to get knocked up, who after her pregnancy would get on all fours in the park and milk herself like a cow…but instead of paparazzi taking pics of her, the police took her away and then child protection took her kid, then i took her anal virginity and we lived happily ever after, the end.


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2010

15

Jul

Dumpy Mischa Barton Kisses Some Gay Dude Badly of the Day

Mischa Barton is looking pretty fucking disgusting. She’s fat and ratty and is either on drugs to medicate all her broken dreams and justifiable feelings of inadequacies, or she’s just being a hipster who does shower or get her hair done, but who takes her flashy jazz shoes seriously, and really who cares about Mischa Barton, she’s a think of the past, I mean other than the clearly gay dude who is pretending to be her boyfriend cuz gay dudes love fat, broken chicks with any level of celebrity, especially if they pay their way….I mean if you notice, motherfucker is scared to kiss the bitch, but in defense to his sexuality, so would most straight dudes….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Mischa Barton

2010

09

Jul

Mischa Barton is Drunk or High of the Day

Mischa Barton is looking like a fucking mess. She’s either drunk, medicated or both and she looks like fucking shit, unless of course you find Boy George hot, cuz that’s what she fucking looks like….

Either way she’s with some Euro lookin’ dude who must be gay cuz he looks way too fucking excited to be dancing with Mischa Barton…he’s the kind of guy who goes nuts over anyone he has seen on TV on any level…from seeing the local news anchor in Starbucks to meeting the host of an appliance warehouse sale commercial when buying a dryer to the getting off on a dude he original saw in a mug shot for some gay brothel bust…because glitz and glam is something he likes to attach himself to….even if the glitz and glam smells and looks like death…especially when paparazzi are there to make him feel important…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Mischa Barton

2010

30

Jun

Mischa Barton’s Hot Enough for Me of the Day

I think the fall of Mischa Barton happened years ago when she stupidly wore shorts out and everyone saw her sloppy, cellulite ridden legs, despite being a relatively skinny girl. Everyone laughed and pointed and didn’t really let the fact that it was a hereditary deformity that comes with hormonal imbalances, diet and a variety of other things she couldn’t really control, leading to getting no work, hard drinking and drug use and now this….which isn’t all that bad, or as bad as people are making it out to be, because when girls look like this, it usually means they’ll fuck you, whether it’s for money, for food, or just because they are crazy and have no idea what the fuck is going on, and that’s always a good thing, except maybe if it comes with HIV, which it usually does…

That said, it is safe to say that Mischa Barton is going to die…so jerk off to her while you can, because if you’ve learned anything from Michael Jackson’s death, it gets weird after a while knowing he’s dead…who am I kidding…no it doesn’t….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Mischa Barton

2010

21

May

Mischa Barton is Scary as Fuck of the Day

Mischa Barton is a fucking wreck. Maybe this is the aftermath of being the second line pussy on some teen TV show that made getting more work impossible after the series fell apart. But I like to think it has to do with being eaten up by the media, leading to her drinking and popping pills to feel good about herself, eventually giving up on showering and caring about herself, leaving her a fat sloppy mess I’m just wating to see overdose, cuz it’s time for another Hollywood suicide…..and looking at her freaky fucking face in a wedding dress is scarier than her breakout role as the dead girl under the bed in the Sixth Sense you all wanted to fuck cuz she was at her hottest, perverts….I feel like we don’t need to do the Deathwatch anymore, she’s already dead on the inside, sure her heart is pumping but there’s no fucking soul behind these glassed over eyes, like a brain dead vegetable in the hospital and I say it is time to pull the fucking plug…..but on the positive side, she’s got pretty rockin’ tits in this wedding dress she’s modeling, reminding me that now is a good time to move in on her because she’s desperate, cuz she’s probably better to fuck than the old ladies I tried to recruit at the old folks home into putting me into her will, and I can only hope there’s at least one opportunist working his way into securing this Mischa Barton as his prime zombie bride, cuz girls who drug up themselves to make bad decisions are better than girls you have to drug to make bad decsions, because you can’t get arrested for the shit…..

Pics via PacificCoastNews

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