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Archive for the Natalie Portman Category




Natalie Portman’s Back for Miss Dior of the Day

This is just a test to see if Natalie Portman still matters…You know after the pregnancy, the destruction of her vagina…damaged her career…Do her loyal Star Wars fans still care? I am going to go with yes, because Natalie Portman is the kind of girl who has the most loyal fan base for no real reason other than being a hot Jewish girl who was in Star Wars…a rarity…for two very loyal fan bases…Jewish men everywhere…as a beacon of hope that they will not have to end up with an inbred troll they are expected to…Star Wars fans everywhere…as a babe in Star Wars…neither really going anywhere..

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Natalie Portman Sexes it Up for Miss Dior of the Day

Not all things that get you off need to be throat fucking porn…sometimes they can be romantic, elegant, lovely campaigns that are far less smutty and disgusting than what you are used to…but that star Natalie Portman, the Jewish dream girl…cuz it gives hope to Jewish guys everywhere that they will find a girl that looks like this….the Star Wars love interest all the fanboys pretend to marry….even though she’s married to some ballerina….who I am not all that much of a fan of, but figure she’s ok…better than most of these hollywood trollops and you know what…..it’s a nice change of pace…this campaign works for me and my perversions….

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Natalie Portman Mom Body in a Bikini of the Day

Natalie Portman Mom Body in a Bikini

Natalie Portman brought her mom body out in a bikini and I know what you are thinking, women are disgusting as fuck after giving birth, especially in their panties, from all the pushing and prodding and passing of a creepy living thing out of their glorious vaginas, while ravaging not only gentials, but stomach….making a girl never quite the same….even if she tries to bounce back….because she comes with annoying as fuck baggage and no matter how many kegels she does…that shit just doesn’t disappear…..but what does disappear is the boner of their husbands as they move onto younger more fertile versions of the woman they married who has become a shell of her former self….a shell that in Natalie Portman’s case has a lot of money to finance a lot of fun….that makes her shitty mom body almost respectable….especially to her fan base that are geeks and star wars nerds who love her even when she was an action figure they’ve shoved up their ass….while jerking off….true story….

But I think she looks lovely….because I see beauty in everything….especially procreation. It is god’s plan for us.


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Natalie Portman Looks Better in Lesbian Scenes Than Mom Scenes of the Day

You know what ruins a bitch…pregnancy…

There is just nothing hot, except maybe the breast feeding in public, the open-mindedness to wearing tight pants to the gym to kill the pregnancy weight, the fact that their miserable decision will lead to straying from the dream they thought they were living before realizing it was hell…..about motherhood.

Here is Natalie Portman a favorite to jewish guys and nerds alike cuz she once brought hope but now brings disappointment….

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Natalie Portman Ass in Jeans for her Virgins Fans of the Day

I have met Natalie Portman fans and they are really fucking weird, collectors who prefer to be called loyal, often times they are Jewish, because she is Jewish, from Israel, her real name is “HERSHLAG” which sounds like code for a slumpy vagina….. Good looking, so held in high esteem in the community of guys who constantly date non jewish girls, until they decide to marry and start a family having no choice but to marry a Jewish girl….leaving her the beacon of hope that one day they’ll get a Herschlag of their own…..

Often times….they are also virgin, sci-fi, star wars types who haven’t left their basement computer rooms since black swan was released and she tainted herself with not that AIDS CULKIN FUCKER MILA KUNIS…also a jewish girl who is a beacon of hope to Jewish guys everywhere, when they forget about the whole AIDS sex with Culkin…..but also with a kid that raped her uterus….

So these are some pics of her post-baby body walking in jeans….for those who still care about her….which I assume is every single one of her fans cuz they have a hard time letting go of things…it’s part of their ASPERGERS…..

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Natalie Portman Jogging Mom of the Day

Here are some pictures of Natalie Portman and her gay Ballerina husband / baby daddy who got her pregnant, because like all the gay dudes I know, knows that being a Ballerina doesn’t pay the bills, unless working the stripclub, and that if it means sticking it to gay friendly celebrity pussy in a way that makes it stick, the good life is ahead of him…all luxury apartment, designer clothes and the good life, where he can sneak gay sex behind her back while she saves face to the media….I mean her pussy is likely better than that anal wart filled anus he encountered one night at a gay sauna on too many poppers….I mean assuming all Ballerina’s are gay obviously….

They are jogging off the baby fat, cuz no one likes fat chicks, especiallly in Hollywood, except the director of Precious, or maybe Roseanne, Rosie and Oprah…. but you get what I’m saying and that is that these pics would be hotter if it was more naked and more of a sex scene…that’s the element of relationships I like best.

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Natalie Portman Topless for Miss Dior of the Day

Natalie Portman went topless for Miss Dior because they paid her and apparently went bottomless for whoever the fuck the guy who strategically knocked her up when he was up inside her was…a man you probably know well because you are likely one of those virgin losers who is obsessed with Natalie Portman, possibly cuz you are jewish and have pressure to marry jewish to have jewish babies, or just because she was in Star Wars, a movie you like to channel in your everyday masturbation sessions and really – this is not all that hot – unless you get off to back, which you probably do, just because it is attached to this Portman pre-marital sex before a shotgun wedding like a redneck slut….

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Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman Dyke Out in Black Swan of the Day

It’s Christmas Eve, should I really bother posting today? I don’t know…

If you read this site then you know that I am a pretty big fan of Mila Kunis on all levels, mainly her appearance, despite the whole rockin’ the Culkin Aids…It’s Home Alone and Home Alone 2 season, I can understand his appeal, No Pedo….

I think this movie Black Swan is amazing…I unfortunately don’t have the money it takes to go see it….but I did find some really hot preview clips on the Internet that I am pretty sure Hollywood won’t be happy about, even though this is pretty good marketing for a movie I would have never bothered with cuz it is about ballet….mainly cuz you generally never get to see Jewish girls behaving like this, except when you are Jewish and at summer camp…you know since they are brought up to only behave naughty for guys in the community, keeping people like me out of the fuckin’ loop…

I think it is safe to say that today’s Christmas Miracle is these 2 Jewish girls who don’t celebrate Christmas, celebrating each other while getting paid to think they are broadening their careers, while really they are just broadening the pool of cum they have collectively filled around the globe by the chronic masturbaters….

I may be going out on a limb here, but Jesus was a Jew, and I have a feeling these two ladies may be the next messiah….so the movie is pretty time relevant…


Here is a clip of them going at it….Hollywood Lesbian Style….Suggestive scissor grindin’ without actually scissor grinding and that’s okay by me….


Posted in:Mila Kunis|Natalie Portman




Natalie Portman Boring Stripping in Video of the Day

The only thing I really like about Natalie Portman is that her name is actually Natalie Herschlag.

I never found her all that hot. If anything I thought she was overrated and boring. I mean what celeb quits for four years to get a college education like some kind of normal person when they should be flashing cunt to the paparazzi…..

I just assumed all the boring nerdy Star Wars kids made up her fanbase and got her work. Then I realized Jewish guys were also in on it, cuz they were happy to see a hot Jewish girl they could imagine themselves getting married to without causing issues about converting with their mothers. But it turns out that non-Jews and non-nerds want to fuck her too….it’s got something to do with her having a vagina….

And here is a video of her stripping of New York Times Magazine…since I love strippers….it kinda works for me..and when I say kinda, I mean not at all….if there’s no spread pussy then it’s not fucking stripping…but who cares what I think….


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Natalie Portman’s Ass in a Thong in Your Highness Trailer of the Day

I know all the virgin loser sci fi club people love Natalie Portman, mainly because I used to hang out with a dude I worked with who collected pretty much everything including Star Wars toys obsessively, and he would always talk about the bitch….and her perfection…he was Jewish and maybe he was just happy that she was too…and that she didn’t look like his Aunt Herschel or some shit….but I never really saw her appeal….while this guy was sitting their awkwardly coverin his Aspergers boner during one of her movies he made me watch…I could see a love I never felt for a girl he never met come over him…it was fucking weird….and all these years later…virgin losers everywhere are still hung up on this bitch…so her ass in a thong is probably a huge deal to them….

I’m pretty much down for any pussy equally and I never get excited about anything, I just think the funniest thing about Natalie Portman is her last name isn’t actually Portman but is Hershlag which is approproate cuz it is the sound all the asthmatics who love her make when they cum to her picture the have framed next to their bed, just a disgusting fucking sound….

Scroll to the 1:28 Mark to see her ass in the Your Highness Red Band Bullshit….

Here is a video of a dude – who probably really likes this Natalie Portman clip alot – but unfortunately for him It’s not Harry Potter

Here are the screencaps…

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Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis Have Sex of the Day

Here’s the kissy-kissy trailer for some Darren Aronofsky movie where Natalie Portman is fighting to take the lead role in some NYC production of Swan Lake, only to be upstaged by Mila Kunis who the company director falls for, and some how they end up fucking or at least kissing, in some lesbian fatal attraction cuz girls are crazy and catty and hate each other despite pretending to be best friends in insanity that would make me quit ballet all together, but I just can’t cuz it is so pornographic, you know these ballet bitches in all their flat chested, flexible, little body in a leotard riding their cunt glory, with their communism and mail order bride status are just too hard to resist…but if they really wanted this movie to succeed, it should have be set on a resort during spring break, no one cares about ballet, not even people who do ballet, they are just looking for a ticket to America.

Seriously, boring. But Mila Kunis is a dream – so it all works out in the end.

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Natalie Portman Flashes Some Ass of the Day

I never understood the appeal about this Natalie Portman slut. It seems like every geeky Jewish kid I ever meet find her to be the fuckin’ poster woman for their people or some shit. I always found her boring and these pictures claim that they are of her “dressed” like a geek for some movie she’s in, flashing her weird panty ass, but this is really how I always see this bitch when she pollutes my computer screen. Sure an awkward bitch is usually an easy lay, you know all crazy in bed from being so reserved in everyday life, until the asthma attack hits, but there’s really nothing hot in these pictures, but I have to post the pictures so I’m going to.

This one’s for Sean Penn…

Posted in:Ass|Natalie Portman|Panty




Natalie Portman and her Tight Ass Pants of the Day

I don’t know what’s going on with Natalie Portman’s Jew Ass, but those pants seem tight, but not as tight as the fullback underwear she’s has on underneath, that are squeezing her in ways that make her ass look like some kind of bread product you’d get at the Jewish deli down the street on sale during passover because jews are apparently bread haters and apparently are tight panty wearers, and I am ready to end it all by producing garbage like this, because I don’t know what to say about Natalie Portman, I was never a fan and never understood her appeal, but I do understand why she was the “it” girl for Jewish guys and that is because she doesn’t look like a rat like all the other Jewish girls in their lives….true story…

Posted in:Ass|Natalie Portman|Tights




Funny or Die Still Isn’t Funny – The Natalie Portman Edition of the Day

So Funny or Die came out with another political viral video with a celebrity friend trying to be ironic, or funny, or whatever the fuck this is and it is garbage. If you haven’t seen it, it’s Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones (who?) playing in a bed with puppies as their response to the economic crisis. I am not the smartest guy around so I don’t really get what they are getting at, maybe that the public is ignoring the real issues and focusing on the fluffy materialistic shit, or that we are distracted by shitting and pissing creatures we think are our friends but are really just using us for food, when the real issue is that people like WIll Farrel, Natalie Portman, Jessica Alba, Hayden Panettiere, companies like Funny or Die, NBC, Viacom, MTV, Saturday Live, Lorne Michaels, Tina Fey and every other celebrity voicing their stupid celebrity ideals are worth millions of dollars. So maybe if they were to shut the fuck up and give up half of their multimillion dollar fortunes and put it back into the economy, instead of being greedy cocksuckers with nice houses and cars and a lazy fucking lifestyle that allows them to have the free time to make this smut, the economy would be in a better fuckin’ place. Stop trying to relate to me rich girl and instead of playing with puppies maybe you should fuck yourself….seriously…like stick random things inside you…ideally while gagged with an apple like a pig at a roast, not that you’d know anything about pork, Jew…but at least the video would have some kind of substance, rather than this piss.

Posted in:Funny or Die|Natalie Portman|Not Funny|Political




Natalie Portman Gets Pissed on By a Dog of the Day

Everyone loves Natalie Portman and here she is getting pissed on. It’s like some virgin loser trying to mark her as his territory because he’s obsessed with her and doesn’t want other virgin losers getting too close, only in this case, it’s just a dog who doesn’t give a fuck about her and figures that her ratty ass coat smells like something that deserves to be pissed on. I guess this is funnier than seeing a bitch get shit on by a bird, but it’s not as funny as seeing me piss on Natalie Portman. The truth is that despite being willing to piss on this bitch, I don’t really give a fuck about this bitch, she bores me and when everyone talks about how hot she is it makes me question my sexuality a little, even though I’d be willing to piss on any bitch.

Like this past weekend, I was hanging with some really sleazy guy, who has orgies with his buddies and fucks any pussy that comes his way and dude would freak out even over the most average bitch. I am talking girls who look like moms with big mom asses or teenage girls who hadn’t hit puberty yet. He was on the prowl and every single girl who walked by was a fuckin’ b-girl or worse. Every time a hot girl would walk by and I’d tell him that that’s the kind of pussy he should be staking out, her would say something about how they only want money and designer clothes and are snobby bitches. So I spent the day watching him cat call chicks who looked like dogs and it made me go home thinking there was something wrong with me, because when I get my creep on, I try to make sure it’s for someone worth creeping on where he was just into anything with a pussy, that’s when my fat wife waddled into the room and I realized that I guess I shouldn’t judge him, considering I really have no fuckin’ standards, even though I pretend I do when I am out in public…..

Here’s Natalie Portman getting pissed on…..

Posted in:Dog Piss|Natalie Portman