You would think that Paris Hilton would offend a country just by entering it, but it turns out that she has the capacity to go even further by taking their traditions and giving them herpes by posing in her stupid way that someone mistakenly told her was cute and she hasn’t stopped doing since. It’s a lot like that time I went to some native american rights protest and danced around slappin my mouth like I didn’t pay taxes.
I guess the biggest shock was that she was asked to be a guest judge for their country’s beauty pageant which doesn’t really say much for Turkish women, but knowing me, I’d probably still ask them to let me watch them bath, you just can’t stop a pervert.
Paris made another appearance with the Good Charlotte sister, only this time it was in Vegas at a club because hosting events is pretty much the extent of Paris Hilton’s contribution to the world.
She is wearing some kind of miracle bra that would piss you off if you ever met a girl in a club with tits like this and brought her home to find out she’s staked like a 12 year old fat kid, but I guess that’s not really anything you’d know first hand, since the girls you get don’t actually exist and are just things you fantasize about in your depressing basement apartment.
I guess you could understand the frustration if you switched your fantasy up a little. So next time you jerk off, imagine the girl who you picked up at some exclusive event, with tits bigger than your head gets into your exotic sports car and starts suckin’ your 10 inch dick. Once you get her back to your luxury hotel suite that costs you 2500 dollars a night, but that doesn’t phase you because you’re so rich, she starts to undress. First the dress comes off, and her body is banging in some expensive sexy lingerie set and you pounce on her like a rabid dog. You go for her tits and all you find are silicone inserts and a really strong push-up wire bra that you awkwardly try to take off but can’t so she does it for you and next thing you know you’re trying to stick your dick into you best friend from elementary school who you spent everyday of summer vacation with.
I guess that’s the beauty of fantasy, they always go into weird dark places but no one needs to know how fucked the shit that makes you cum is. It’s your little secret to yourself. Kinda like when the Good Charlotte sister used to dyke out on each other back when they were 14 and experimenting their sexuality together. It’s their little secret that is only remembered by the matching soul-mate tattoos they got, but they never re-visit except when fuckin’ their 14 year old boy lookin’ girlfriends.
I guess the only thing faker than Paris’ Cleavage and Good Charlotte’s rockstar persona, because that shit is posing harder than the bra is squeezing her tits, is this staged relationship. Enjoy.
We all know that Paris Hilton contributes nothing to the world, not in the music or film world and not even in the porn world. The only reason her DVD did so well was because she was not the average porn star and it was a bitch we saw in the media being seen the way we wanted to see her and it wasn’t because we thought she was hot or important, it’s because we are just perverts and like seeing how bitches we see around fuck. It’s the same reason I have multiple restraining orders against me. I am not embarrassed to admit that I’ve climbed my fair share of fire escapes and trees in backyards and set up my fair share of hidden cameras in the bedrooms of girls I know who would never fuck me, just to see them in action out of curiosity, not out of some sick sexual perversion because it’s not like I was masturbating when I was doing it….but it turns out judges don’t really think that’s a valid defense.
Either way, here she is suckin’ at flaunting her cleavage, but I am posting it anyway, because tits are tits even when they are attached to a bitch we all can’t stand.
The big news of the day that no one cares about is that Paris Hilton is fucking Benji Madden. He is one of the Good Charlotte Twin Sisters, the only twin sisters you don’t want to see fuckin’ each other because they actually have penises but are still gayer than fucking gay. I can assume that it all started in the womb when one of them used the other’s developing penis as a pacifier or maybe it was when they were curious teenage boys with a dream of pop stardom and a libido that couldn’t be satisfied unless each other’s dick were in their mouths….some people have blanket for comfort, like Fergie sang about, other people suck their thumbs and the maddens suck each other’s dick….maybe it’s normal, I’m not a twin.
Either way, Paris has moved in on her best friend’s baby daddy’s twin and that’s some incestuous shit. I guess when you throw your vagina at someone with a broken heart, it’s pretty hard to get rejected. Sure he is on the rebound from recently broke up with a much hotter Sophie Monk, but the real broken heart happened when his brother left him for little boy Richie and knocked her up, forcing them to only get in each other’s mouths at family functions….it’s a sad story, but not as sad as the day Paris calls him with the pregnancy test results and he finds out that he was just part of a scheme trying to outdo her friend and steal some of her glory by becoming sisters in law, instead of sisters in spirit. Maybe he can get another gay tattoo to remember this day by….because he’s that kind of loser….
You know Paris Hilton is a huge star when I find pictures of her dancing at a club and hugging up on some chick like they are best fucking friends for life on Facebook. She’s like one of those accessible celebrities who hangs out with anyone who isn’t famous around her because they are the only people who are impressed by her and it’s good for her ego. They are the kind of people who feel like they are important just because they are in her slut presence and Paris needs that positive affirmation because everyone else in the world thinks she’s a fuckin’ joke. If it wasn’t for these select few ass lickers out there, there wouldn’t even be a Paris Hilton, the harsh reality of her sucking at life would have hit a long time ago and bitch would have jumped off twentieth floor balcony back then.
So as long as there are socialite wannabes and horny dudes willing to fuck some skinny coked up bitch with herpes, there will be a Paris Hilton because she’ll think she has a purpose and we’ll have the facebook uploads as memories of each and everyone one of these club night encounters and I hate all you fuckers for that.
You are the same guy who made this fat bitch I know think she’s all fuckin that, like god’s fucking gift to sucking cock who thinks she gives the best fucking blowjob the world and deserves presents and to be worshipped all because and asshole told her she was awesome. What she doesn’t know is that when getting a blowjob from a willing girl, it’s always the best fucking blowjob and we tell you that it’s the best fucking blowjob because we are trying to fuckin’ cum and if we were to focus on your fucking flaws at giving a blowjob we’d go fuckin’ limp and forced to jerk off like we always fucking do, making the whole blowjob a waste of our time. So don’t let this get to your head bitch, it’s just part of the fuckin’ process and we tell every girl who sucks are dick that she gives the best fucking blowjob and you don’t deserve presents or to be worshipped, because your blowjob was average at best, it was just the best blowjob we were getting at the time. Cuddles.
I have always found Paris Hilton offensive, I think it started when I saw how bad of a fuck she was in her shitty video and continued in pretty much everything she did, including this stunt at her birthday party this past weekend where she performed with the Pussycat Doll like she’s someone we want to see in lingerie, without realizing that she is someone we want to see disappear.
I figure that at 27, bitch should lay off the club slutting and settle down with some unwanted pregnancy and deadbeat boyfriend, at least that would get her out of her lingerie and into a housecoat which in Paris’ case, fully clothed is a lot hotter than half naked, but instead she insists on hitting the clubs everynight like some kind of 19 year college girl looking for a rich guy to give her free drinks off his bottle to get her drunk enough to take her back to his luxury condo to teach her ass a life lesson about taking free drinks from a dude.
In these pictures Paris looks like a tranny rockin’ out at a drag show which makes sense since she’s at LAX in Vegas and that’s DJ AM’s on the “down low” gay club that he pretends isn’t a gay club because of he throws bikini contests to distract us from the fact that it’s a gay club, like that time I walked into the bus station at 2 am to take a shit after drinking too much on a bench outside and every bathroom stall was being used by married dudes who would meet there to get busy with other men they didn’t know while their wives were at home. It made for a pretty awkward shit.
Either way, we know the truth about DJ AM and that he is responsible for turning Nicole Richie into a little 90 pound 14 year old boy a few years back because it was the only way he could get it up for her. From what I’ve been told his erectile dysfunction had nothing to do with all the drugs he did in the past, but had to do with wanting dick and even going so far to get gastric bypass to be more desirable in the gay club circuit and I can only assume he’s involved in the hardening of Paris’ face that’s making her look like this skinny dude I know who has a little addiction to size 10 high heels and cheap lingerie, he’s not gay just a little confused from all the drugs he’s on to forget the time his childhood piano teacher taught him what jerking off is with his mouth.
Here are some pictures of Paris, Nicole and Paris’ sister no one cares about out for lunch together like this was 4 years ago. There was a time when these girls felt like they were on top of the world. They had their TV show and everyone was making a big deal about them. Now one of them is pregnant and the other is serial slut who no one will ever love because they just turn to her for bad sex and money and no one really gives a fuck about them, they’re washed up has beens, but the problem is that they haven’t been replaced and I’m excited for when they are because I need some new blood because it’s come to a point where thinking about either of them sexually is like thinking of your grandmother taking it up the ass, which is a good time, but still smells like shit….and not just any shit…old person shit.
It’s funny what a couple of years does to a person, it’s like riding high one day and in the gutter the next, that’s why I like to stay in the gutter because I don’t think I could handle that kind of disappointment. I guess what it comes down to is that everything always comes around full-circle and nothing in life is permanent, except maybe for AIDS.
I know whenever I see girls from my past I try to get them to show me their vaginas because it’s unnatural for a girl I’ve seen naked to be in my presence and not willing to get naked. If they don’t feel comfortable doing it, then I just keep on walkin’ like they are dead to me. The last time it happened, I ran into a girl i banged years ago on the street with her husband and kids and I said hi, moved in and said, so you gonna show me your pussy or what, I wanna see how it’s aged and she grabbed her kid and stormed off.
Either way, there was a time when these girls loved each other, then hated each other and now they are having lunch together while Stavros is out fuckin Mary Kate Olsen. I guess the rich kid drama will always go on and I feel like I’m watching a Cheers reunion special and Nicole Richie’s playing Norm. I wonder if Cheers jokes work, but I haven’t watched TV since their last episode, so it’s the only reunion special joke I’m packin’ and you’ve probably never seen an episode. I guess I really fucked this one up. It happens pretty much every post.
I can’t figure out what’s worse, partying with Paris Hilton or partying with Paris Hilton and taking a backseat to her when the paparazzi hits, because they have more interest in her than you, when you’re the one who is supposed to be a movie star and she’s just a tranny lookin’ rich kid with a sex tape. It’s gotta be one of those desperate times callin’ for desperate measures in Elisha Cuthbert’s career but at least she’s wearing a Jewish Outfit of the Day because Jews always succeed and this projection shit may work…..I’ll admit, I didn’t really spend all that much time thinking about this important issue and Ididn’t spend all that much time writing this post. I’m sick, it happens, Fuck You.
This story hit at some point last week. Paris was at some sex shop in Toronto and she demanded they take down her posters because they are disgusting and threatened to call the cops and her lawyer. You know what’s disgusting? The fact that you let that loser videotape your bad sex, only to sell the shit and make a lot of money off it. I am guessing she thought that shit would have died down, since the sex tape is almost 10 years old, so when she did it, it all made sense and helped launch her career and isn’t happy that her dirty little past is still following her around. I am only posting this because it just landed in my inbox and I thought it was pretty fucking ridiculous.
I was going to say that these are some pictures of Paris Hilton dressed like herself, looking like she always does, but in her stupid mind, she probably thinks she’s supporting the troops or some shit, but then this video landed in my inbox and in it she says “I’m wearing this for the troops because I know they’re having a hard time right now and don’t really get to celebrate Halloween.” I think the war would be a lot more fun if the troops actually dressed like this, it’d be like watching a bad drag show where they kill each other, but I guess we’ll just have to leave it up to Paris to be the bad drag show, while living her life of luxury and real people are dying. If she really wanted to support the troops in Iraq, maybe she’d head out there and let them fuck her so that they can get sick leave, or maybe she could send each one of them 10,000 dollars to help pay for the therapy they’re all going to have to go through when it’s all over. Point of this post is that Paris is a cunt….and I know someone who booked her to host their party and she charged 30,000 dollars and an 8-Ball of coke. True Story.
Bonus Pictures of Her in Dancing With Sluts and Midgets in Another Costume Inside the Club Dressed as “Jail Bait” Because Irony is What Paris Does…Since She Was in Jail and Is Far From Jail Bait….Maybe 10 Years Ago…Now She’s Just Washed Up, Haggard and Has Had a Couple Hundred Too Many Dicks…
I was at some Halloween jam last night. I don’t really remember much about it because that’s what happens when I drink. I think it has something to do with the older I get the stupider I get or some shit, but that’s probably a good thing. I was actually pretty disappointed in the costumes, there weren’t as many vagina slips on my face as I expected, but I did get stuck talking to some dude about junk food for half the night and couldn’t escape. He was going on and on about how he distributes junk food and he was a nice guy. I had to tell him that I had to go look for pussy and as much as I look like a fat guy who loves junk food, I am really a fat guy who likes creeping hot sluts in costumes out.
It’s nice to see that the creative process that Paris and Nicky went through in coming up with these costumes was a matter of walking into a sex shop and choosing whichever costume spoke to them. I am a lot more into whores who can at least come up with something inspired with the whore clothes they have lying around and it’s safe to say that Paris would have been a lot more ironic if she went out as a herpes scab, but I guess she realizes that I am the only person who finds herps scabs hot.
Here’s a joke that writes itself, here are pictures of Paris Hilton at a Benefit event for The Foundation of AIDS Research. She’s either the keynote speaker who is going to talk about how all the unprotected sex she’s had has only lead to herpes, so AIDS doesn’t exist, because she’s had lots of unprotected sex with lots of people or maybe she’s there to invest in finding a cure because it does exist and it’s living in her underwear…if she’s even wearing any….that whore.
I found out that Paris was going to be hitting up some ChaChi bar in Montreal about a week ago. I thought it would be funny to get myself into the event even though it’s not that funny. So I tried contacting the club involved. They wanted nothing to do with me or the website so I had to think of alternative options….
I was given Paris’ number a long time ago and we used to have a little dialog going. Unfortunately her number was released on the internet and she changed the shit. So I was stuck with Stavros’ number. Now if you don’t know who Stavros is, he is the fuckin’ man. He has banged anyone famous you can think of, from Petra Nemcova, to Lohan to one of the Olsen twins – so I decided to reach out to him…
Now, Stavros has been in my phone for a while, and I constantly send him text messages and he responds. I never understood why, becauseI have told him that I am from drunkenstepfather, and he always seems to ignore what I say. I had no idea how to get into this shit, so I asked him an he put me on the list. He was under the impression that I was his boy MIchael Perez and I just rode that shit home. So as he told me that I was on the list, and I’d ask him under what name and he told me Michael Perez, I just went along with it…
When I got to the club I told them that I was this Michael Perez motherfucker and they didn’t have me on the list, so I wrote Stavros a CURT text message saying that I was gettin dicked around. The dude was wearing overalls and no shirt and made me feel uncomfortable…Within about 15 minutes the owners of the club found me in the group of 100s of people, apologized and brought me inside like I was important, even though I hadn’t showered and was wearing ratty clothes. I was on Paris’ list and they thought I was some Michael Perez motherfucker who was important for whatever reason. I got to the bar, thought it was hysterical cuz everyone in there was showered and good looking, drank as much as I could afford and waited for the night to end. I fell down the stairs to the bathroom and I was rejected when trying to get into Paris’ VIP area, by Paris Hilton. The security dude brought her my cell phone where all the Stavros messages went down, and she looked at it and said that I could join her stupid dance circle.
The whole epxerience was fucking jokes and I kept laughing. I met some black chick who liked roses and some blond chick who thought I was bored and I just drove that shit home
I think the highlight of the night was watching a whole club zone in on Paris and watch her every move. Bitch would dance and everyone in the place would clap like she was Barney. The whole place was focused 100 percent on her. I guess they didn’t notice how handsome I looked.
When I was leaving, I was told Paris hadn’t left, so I waited around to let her know who I was. Not that it got me invited to her hotel room, but it was still funny, and that is the video you see. I will deny that being my voice because the asshole in it sounds jewish and 13, but reality is that we love Paris and Stavros and this is the proof. I am now Michael Perez and you are still an asshole.
So after all is said and done, they still don’t know what this website is or that it exists, but Paris Hilton is 100 percent worth a round, and I would be willing to get herpes for one night in her. I will be tickling my balls with the hand I shook of hers, just after I disinfect it. Paris changed my life, and I am a groupie now…I am pretty easy to win over…all I need is a little booze and some attention…CUDDLES….
UPDATE: I was fucking drunk when editing and writing this post at 5 am. I was out alone and stealing booze off some dudes with gel in their hair’s bottle….I shoulda asked her to bring me back to her hotel to let me lick her asshole. But I forgot. I did feel like a 14 year old girl waiting around to see Paris, but I needed to get something for the site and I wasn’t about to get arrested over the shit, so this is what you get.
If you were looking for a video of me throwing my feces at her, this isn’t it. I am too nice for that. I forgot to tell her I was from Drunkenstepfather.com, I was just trying to get over my big breasted Barmaids big breasts and the fact that people actually care about Paris. Like care so much that there was a crowd outside the place. I was also trying to get over this really rich bald old guy and his entourage of 10 really hot 20 year olds who I can only assume were on Payroll, making me realize that when you have money you can have any pussy you want.
It may look like I was all lined up to meet and greet her, I was just standing outside with some dude from Afghanistan when this went down…harassing random people coming out of the club…but I barely got any of it on video because I was drunk. I did try to hustle a black girl and that was a first for me. It wasn’t a success because some male model type was handing out roses to all the girls and that made all their panties wet, if they were even wearing panties…which made the floor wet…either way, I was upstaged by him and I was only doing it because I figured she wouldn’t mind my stink.
Here’s the rest of my videos from that night I can’t embed the shit…So Click the Link… GO
So these pictures magically landed in my inbox today. I feel like Perez Hilton only fatter. They are of Paris Hilton rocking out Drunk Sunday Night at the club LAX for some DJ AM weekly event called Banana Split. They are trying to be cool by booking all the latest hipster acts, but reality is that DJ AM can’t be cool no matter how hard he plays his shitty played out top 40 of the last 30 years bar mitzvah party mix in exclusive limited edition sneakers. Even while Paris Hilton gets drunk and rocks out in the corner of the club making all the people who worked greased the bouncer to get in feel like they are really part of something exclusive….can’t distract them from his shitty DJ set.
Either way, I thought that Paris isn’t supposed to be out drunk partying, she’s supposed to be changing the world or some shit, at least that was the plan after jail. I love seeing people make outrageous life-changing statements and within a few months throw them out the window. Like me everytime I say I am going to quit drinking when I wake up with a wicked hangover, or my wife saying how she’s going to lose weight this year because it’s the year, or my stepdaughter saying she is going to go dyke or give up sex because she doesn’t want to get knocked up again or get AIDS…
Speaking of Lesbians, Paris reminds me of this time I had to shit really badly so I ran into this strip club in the seedy part of town because I figured why not get a lap dance while I am at it, so I bust into the place run to the bathroom when I am done, walk out to find that all the girls are a little burly. I chose the hottest one I could find but she was still fucking tranny looking, but It turned out it was because it was tranny night and I only realized when in the lap dance booth about 30 seconds in and bitches beard rubbed up against my face. I cut shit down to only one song, because its tits were pretty decent implants and it woulda been awkward running out mid-song. Either way, Paris has this tranny thing about her, she’s got these big hands and feet, she craves constant attention, she got a tranny face and she dances like a tranny. It is possible that she was born with both parts, who knows what kind of prescription drugs her ex-prostitute lookin’ wallet-fucking mom was on while knocked up making for all kinds of birth defects.
I guess what it all comes down to is that she’s having a good time, the people love her and she looks like she’s put on 20 lbs and is hiding it under a colorful potato sack. I want to fuck her blond model friend who isn’t really her friend but making strategic career choices to get herself famous…..here are those exclusive pics.
There’s this homeless dude by my house who was once emaciated and drug addicted who parked himself outside some kind boutique where rich ladies by imported chocolates or creams or some shit that I am not sure of because I am not allowed in. Either way, in the last 6 months his been here he’s gained about 50 pounds. He’d be outside that store day and night, rain or shine and I am guess the rich old ladies felt sorry for him and hooked him up with food and money. I walked by his spot today and there was an new kid working the corner. At first I thought it was a bum fight and this younger, leaner, hungrier bum beat out the older, washed up, lazy bum, but realized that the original fat dude who’s business was bustling, just outsourced the corner on weekends so he could go on vacation. He’s made a business out of begging for change like Paris Hilton’s made a business out of showing her aids panties and her junk…